WARNING: This is a parody of My Immortal. The following work of fiction is not meant to be taken seriously. But then again, it's not like My Immortal was ever taken seriously to begin with.

Harry Potter and characters (C) J.K. Rowling. My Immortal and characters (C) Tara Gilesbie.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! dont u remembr da saying "stop drop and roll"? Douse yorself wif water if your hot! c if dis chaptr is sris!1111 it delz wit rly srupid issus! sp c 4 urself if itz zerious brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me, and ima reward her by doing a worse job on dis chapter dan wif da other 10!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied that Tara is still misspelling words! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off, though I could've said it to just about anyone, and I ran to my room crying and crying and crying and crying and crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting, and maybe swearing in case he had a headache again, but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. Though he'd look like an angel compared to when I go into HIS room without permission!

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists, thus causing everyone around me to think, "this girl really needs to get some medical help PRONTO". They got all over my clothes, and now when I describe them, I'm probably going to flesh out their descriptions even more to include the blood thing, so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume for no reason. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. But after I found out that I had confused the steak (S-T-E-A-K) for the ACTUAL item that is used to kill a vampire, which is a stake (S-T-A-K-E), I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. Which meant that I had even more sand in my vagina than I normally do, thank you, Eric Cartman! I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and since I somehow didn't learn from how damaging to my ears four pairs of earrings would be, I put on SIX pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! Now the whole world would know how horrible a person I really am! And Loopin was masticating to it! Though WHY he was eating, as well as WHAT he was eating, I have no idea! They were sitting on their broomsticks, which of course no one in the Harry Potter universe would ever need.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU OOC OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason, the famous organist from the University of Michigan, on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb, which guys of course do not have. And since those are not the right words, nothing happened. I took my gun when I'M A FRICKING WITCH AND I COULD'VE USED A WAND and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times (a number I made up because I don't know how many times I actually shot them) and they both started screaming and the camera broke, though I don't know whether or not those two things are connected. Suddenly, Dumblydore (my pet name for him) ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at the horrible perverts that Tara turned Snape and Lupin into and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Hargrid ran outside nonsensically on his broom and said everyone we need to talk without quotation marks or commas.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student... for this story, at least!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT FOR NOW..." Hargirid paused angrily and with an extra I to go with the extra R. "BUT I AM ALSO NOW A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him, but then again, that passes for normal in this story. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly, and I may as well be telling the truth given the lack of development these characters have.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly, although somehow that poor elephant should not have been involved. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there! Yeah, I'm as confused as you are."

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood... in other words, a lot less stupid.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook, a misspelling which might as well be a euphemism for something really dirty.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him... or ANYONE for that matter because I'm usually in my own little world and don't usually hear much of anything from anyone else. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I still won't get over my vampire complex.

"BECAUSE... BECAUSE..." Hargid said without the extra R and I and he paused in the air dramitaclly, and after he fell down when there was nothing beneath him, he waved his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent ("I'll take you to the Hot Topic shop... I'll let you bite a black lollipop...")

"Because you believe you're goffic too?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan... in other words, Tara.

"BECAUSE I'M BEING FORCED TO LOVE HER!"