Chapter 10
"That's her?" Lily heard as she entered the room.
"Yeah, Potter's mum," Said a man.
"Aw, poor thing," A woman whispered lowly, as if Lily wouldn't be able to hear, regardless that she was only a mere two rows in front of them.
"Yeah, really," much colder, voice said. "Oh hush," Came the woman's voice again, as Lily took her seat, doing her best to ignore the comments. Lily was used to this, presumptions, opinions about her life, it wasn't uncommon.
Her stomach turning, Lily looked around the room. Overwhelmed by everything, everyone around her appeared comfortable with each other, all gathered in groups, the fellows on the project talked amicably as they waited patiently for the meeting to begin. Lily watched nervously as the Prime Minister and Head of the Auror Department conversed with fellow colleagues. Tuning out the group behind her to the best of her ability, Lily focussed on the others in the room. The room was fuller than she'd expected, which she supposed made sense as the entirety of the auror program as well as Ministry Officials were present, as the program was for the aurors' benefit. Suddenly Lily was filled with a feeling of complete nauseousness
Part of her wondered how on earth someone could agree to take on as much responsibility as this position came with before realizing that soon enough, she too would be up in front of them all, debriefing cases, explaining techniques of healing, advancing each individuals knowledge in some way.
People around Lily loudly laughed as they talked, exchanging stories of their most recent encounters whilst on the job. Lily listened, in means to hear something other than the group behind her. A man nearby spoke of his encounter with a troll outside some small village Lily had never heard of, while an older witch repeatedly told of a man who had tried to smuggle a variety of dark artifacts out of the country in his expandable trunk. "You wouldn't believe what I had to deal with, Robert," She said over and over, in both amusement and superiority, to the man beside her. "Oh, I'm sure I wouldn't be too surprised," the man, Robert, responded with a chuckle. "Some of these folk, Adrianne, well, they think they can get away with anything!" He exclaimed as Adrianne laughed in agreement.
The noise beginning to die down as the woman laughed, Lily only realized once she looked around that the others were beginning to take their seats. Looking to the front row, straining her neck over the three rows in front of her, Lily waited anxiously. The door at the back of the room opening abruptly, all heads turned towards the sound as Severus walked in. Not so much as even acknowledging the entirety of the room, Severus shuffled through the stack of papers in his hands, reading as he entered the room. Down the center isle Severus moved while everyone watched in silence. Looking up once he reached the front of the room, Severus was off. Suddenly he was talking about a million things at once. Lily listened uncertainty, looking to her left and right, several others seemed to have brought note pads and were scribbling down his every word with haste. Healer Sinclair a little ways down Lily's row, she too appeared to be taking notes. Lily had been under the impression this was only an introduction and felt unexpectedly unprepared. Hand outs beginning to be dispersed into the crowd, Lily barely had any time to read the article titles as Severus began to pace the front of the room. The worse part, Lily realized, was that everyone around her seemed prepared. Very few looked quit as lost as Lily. Though Lily did take ease in knowing she wasn't the most lost, as a girl with a squirmish nature appeared more so confused than Lily. Dropping her pencil, her papers fell to the floor as she reached for the pencil. Scattered, Severus stopped momentarily, to watch the girl scrambled to collect the papers, before he continued on without comment as the girl whispered "Sorry, sorry."
"This program is in no way a crutch. I will not let someone else suffer because your own neglect in doing your due diligence…." Severus stated blankly, his eyes passing over the group as he came to a stop in the center of the space before them all.
By the end of the meeting, Lily had not a single doubt in her mind that she had woefully overestimated her abilities. Never had she been made to feel so lost within such a minimal amount of time. Lily watched cautiously as everyone began to rise, collecting their possessions and making to leave. As everyone did this, Lily noticed how everyone seemed to know everyone else. Several people approaching Severus, he looked relaxed as he spoke with the people around. It was impressive, Lily acknowledged, the way in which Severus managed to switch so naturally between his professional mannerism and a man who was seemingly approachable to all but her. She kept forgetting, this new Severus before her was much different than the one she'd known. Gathering her bag and papers, Lily chanced a few glances Severus' way, curiously. Although Lily knew it was silly, part of her wondered, just as she had the last time she'd seen him, why she felt as if Severus was ignoring her singularly. Never once looking in her direction as he'd been speaking, now he seemed to be doing just the same. An older man with white tufts of hair and a rounded face speaking to Severus about something, Lily was even more surprised to see Severus smirking amusedly at whatever the older man had said. Yes, this was indeed a very different, more compartmentalized man than she'd known.
Holding tightly to the stack of paper handouts, Lily jumped in surprise as someone said, "Lily?" It was Healer Sinclair, of course. "Hi," Lily said, trying to compose herself. Laughing, Sinclair said, "What did you think?"
"Oh, um, you know…It's a lot..." Lily began weakly, forcing a smile. Laughing further, Sinclair said kindly, "It's normal for you to feel overwhelmed." Lily's smile shifting, a little more genuine now, she said, "I'm not sure I should feel this overwhelmed, though…Not on day one at least." Shaking her head, Sinclair said, "It'll take you sometime to get into the flow of things, that's all, I'm sure."
"How does he expect us to know all of this?" Lily asked, smiling nervously as she motioned towards the pile of papers in her hand. Smiling, Sinclair replied, "It's all important stuff." Nodding, Lily looked away uncomfortably. How childish it was, Lily realized, to have assumed she could jump into a program like this without preparing beforehand. And how unlike herself, Lily realized, for her to be unprepared. Lily, rather naively she knew, had figured the position wouldn't have been that much more advanced than the work she was already doing at St. Mungo's. Apparently, she was very wrong about this. "I'm sure you'll be fine, Lily," Sinclair smiled supportively. Nodding again, Lily said, "Yeah, thanks, I'll figure it out."
"If you want, I'd be willing to go over some of the material with you?" Sinclair offered, politely. "Oh, no, I'll–um–I'll be fine, thanks, though…." Lily replied. "Are you sure?" Sinclair said, giving Lily a curious look. "Yeah, thanks. I–I have to be going, but thanks. I'll, you know, look over the material. I'll make it work," Lily said, in what she hoped was an optimistic tone. Smiling enthusiastically, Sinclair nodded, "Great, and like I said, don't hesitate to ask for help. From me, or Severus. Randell on the other hand, I'd try to avoid, but maybe that's just me." Laughing weakly at the last part, Lily said, "Okay, I'll make sure to note that."
"Do," Sinclair smiled. The woman giving Lily a supportive squeeze of the arm before walking off, Lily groaned aloud once Sincair was out of earshot. The only thing Lily disliked more than being lost was being pitied, though she knew Sincair meant well. The idea of going to Severus, after he'd made it so plainly clear he didn't want her in this program, well, it was more than humiliating.
As Lily left, she was displeased to hear that the group from earlier had resumed to talking about her. Blocking the isle out, Lily heard one of them say quietly as she approached, "How does she know Esmé Sincair?"
"She probably doesn't, everyone just knows her," The woman said to the group. Laughing, the man with the cold tone said, "That's probably how she got here: Connections."
"Don't say that," the woman laughed softly, shaking her head. Adding, "I'm sure she's perfectly qualified."
"I'm just saying, it doesn't hurt that you-know-who targeted her and her son and killed her husband." Lily, who had been standing back just in earshot of the group, waiting for the group to disperse so she could pass, felt a rush of heat rise in her. Her cheeks coloring, Lily said, just loud enough to be heard, "Do you? I'd be happy to trade spots with you than? Really." Her voice cold and harsh, the group looked over in shock. Their faces pale, Lily's eyes were narrowed like slits as she said, "You should really find other things other than my life to discuss, because I promise it's no picnic in the park. And," Lily looked directly at the man who'd been speaking, with his thick dark hair and abrupt hazel eyes, "For your information, I've worked just as hard as you to get here. And my 'connections' played no role in my being here!" This last part wasn't entirely true, but Lily figured it would get her point across to them. Her voice having risen, only in the slightest, the commotion seemed to have drawn the attention of the room regardless. Many in the room watched the scene anxiously, as Lily gave the room a once over. Severus watched her from across the room, the rest of those by his side doing the same. Her line of vision finding Severus' for a second, Lily looked to the floor as more color moved to her face uncomfortably. This wasn't because the entire room stared at her or because Severus watched her just as the rest but rather because as head of the program, Severus saw the outburst. And in a flash, Lily's burst of anger turned to embarrassment. Facing the group, Lily said, her voice significantly quieter but still firm, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get home to see my son." The group moving wordlessly out of Lily's way, Lily pushed through the room, not daring to look anywhere besides straight ahead. Not stopping until she reached the building entrance, Lily did her utmost to gather herself as she came to a stop, catching her breath. The water which had begun to flood her vision from the minute she had left the room falling unwillingly, Lily roughly wiped the water away, not allowing herself to become so upset over something so juvenile. Standing, watching the rain which fell outside the building, Lily waited impatiently as she tried to collect herself. Lily knew nothing they had said was true but it still bothered her. The hardest part was, she knew they meant no harm. She remembered, after the Longbottoms had been tortured, everyone, including herself, had talked about "Oh, poor Augustus." They'd all talked about it, it was only natural. None of them knew what it had been like for her. But now–now Lily knew Augustus' pain. Lily figured the pain she felt knowing Harry would never be allowed to know his father must've been similar to how Augustus had felt for the poor Longbottom boy….What was his name...Neville?. Hearing the sound of someone approaching, Lily looked up, over her shoulder. Severus walked down the corridor. Shifting her eyes back out the window awkwardly, Lily knew she'd have to wait until he passed to leave, as to avoid further peculiarity. Trying to look busy, Lily looked up agitatedly as he reached where she stood. Severus taking notice to this, they both knew they couldn't get away with not acknowledging one another. Nodding in the same way he seemed to acknowledge most people, Lily nodded back awkwardly. "Uh, Severus?" Lily added. Looking back at her as he stopped some paces in front of her, Lily stepped forward and she said, folding her arms tensely, "I–I was really hoping we can start over…. For the sake of the program, at least, I'd really like if things between us could be…normal." His eyes unchanging as she spoke, Lily trailed off, her smile faded. Setting his jaw evenly, Severus replied in his usual drawl "Is this not normal?" Stopping mid laugh, Lily realized Severus' expression remained set and unamused. That's right, Severus Snape didn't joke, Lily reminded herself. This was evidently something that had never changed about him. "Oh, um, I don't know. It just seems like since we haven't really spoken since...Well, since I don't know when...I just figured, things might be a little...tense?..." Lily said, not meeting his eyes. Severus watched her, as if she was a problem, waiting to be solved. "My apologies that you feel that way, Mrs. Potter, but–"
"Lily," Lily said, just as she had the last time they'd spoken. His expression changing only in the slightest, Lily wondered what he was thinking. Did he think she was being childish? Did he think this was unneeded? Had he really not given their previous friendship a single thought since they'd come across one another in the last weeks?
Lily watched as, for the first time since they were children, she saw as Severus looked away uneasily. "Lily," Severus begun, cautiously, "I have no issues with you, truely." Even as he said this, Lily got the feeling it wasn't true. "Oh...it just seemed…." Lily said, uncertainty. "I assure you, I treat you just as I treat everyone else," Severus said, beginning to show impatience. "Right….So, you don't hate me?" Lily laughed timidly. Looking passed Lily as he spoke, Severus replied, "I'd have to know you in order to be able to hate you, wouldn't I?" Feeling her face warm up, not unlike it had previously that day, Lily felt annoyance and hurt in the man's words. "I suppose so," Lily agreed, her own voice sounding distant and unlike hers. "Good evening, Mrs–Good evening." Severus said, correcting himself mid sentence. Whether this was a good or bad sign, Lily wasn't sure. Waiting a few minutes after Severus had left the building, Lily too, exited through the entrance doors, into the pouring rain.
A/N: Thanks for reading!