Hermann woke up in a cold sweat. The sheets were twisted around him and he felt terribly disoriented. His brow was crinkled even before he opened his eyes. One word was on his lips.
Newton.
He felt a lot of things as he came to: sadness, anger, confusion, fear. A hideous dream filled his brain and for half a second he believed it to be true. He gripped the sheets. Emotion welled up inside him. He was very alone. If only Newton was there to comfort him...
"Newton, don't leave me," Hermann said, slurred, still half unconscious. I don't want to fight this war alone. I need him by my side. Newton woke up, startled by Hermann's trembling, distressed, voice. He shook him gently as he began to open his eyes.
"Hermann," he said while the man was still talking incoherently. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here ok. What's wrong?"
"Terrible dream," Hermann said, just realizing where he was, licking his dry lips, "Nightmare."
"What was it about?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Hermann said, shaking his head like a grumpy child as he pressed his face to Newton's chest. He cried softly, the noise muffled by Newton's rock t-shirt. Newton gripped Hermann's arms.
"Come on. Tell me. Get it out of your head."
"You…" Hermann struggled, "You were on your…dissection table. All…cut up and…entrails…"
"OK OK, it's OK. I'm here and I'm whole and all in once piece. Look. See? I'm totally fine. You've been watching me cut things up for too long."
"Please don't say cut."
"OK, I'm sorry. It's OK now. It was just a nightmare." Newton wrapped his arms tightly around Hermann's back. He kissed his hair. Hermann settled into his embrace...
But Newton was not in bed with him. Hermann wiped his groggy face. There were real tears there. This is a biological reaction. It must be. This attraction. These feelings. These thoughts. For once in my life I don't understand something. It is not a mathematical conundrum I can solve with logic. Newton himself could explain why I have these feelings. There is no logical reason, no mathematical formula to explain this...wanting, needing to be near him. And I can't even ask him why.