11

Severus feels bad about this, but he knows it's the right thing to do.

Still, it would be easier to do it if she wasn't so immensely trusting. She didn't even falter as he held out the glass to her, didn't stop to ask him what was in it – and then, when he'd felt he had to confess to the Veritaserum's presence, at least, it hadn't bothered her. She had just taken the glass from him, assuming that he was telling the truth.

That's not to say he's forgetting the... incident with the burning - but even that little show of the anger that Hannah seems to have been keeping inside can't take away from how trusting she's being again now. She's still not right, exactly, to be fair, and he can tell that the nasty fever someone's left her with is messing with her head – but it's almost as if the fever's making her more honest.

He can't help but notice that she still isn't calling him sir, and he can't help but still feel that it's right that she isn't. This new Hannah, who isn't covering her ways with politeness confuses him a little bit – surprises him a little bit – but it's working better like that, in any case.

And he feels that he's doing the best he can with this gentle, trusting Hufflepuff – but how can he seriously being giving her truth serum and lying to her about it? The potion will make her better, and he knows that everything in that potion is for her own good… But she really believes that the Veritaserum is going to make her better…

He watches carefully as she takes a drink from the potion, grimacing at the taste, and then takes a deep breath and drinks it all in one go. He tries to take a bit of solace in the fact that she immediately looks better with it down her, and he can tell that he's taken away that pain from her. Maybe it's only the easy pain that he's taken away, but at least it's something.

He calmly approaches Hannah as she's still recovering, grimacing as her leg heals itself. Even as he knows that he has to do this, it still doesn't feel right – but he has to do it, and he knows that. So, taking a deep breath, he steels his nerves, stands over Hannah and asks, "Who did this to you?"

The question is barely out of his mouth when she blurts out the answer, and he winces at the look of fear on her face at her talking without her consent. "Pansy Parkinson," she tells him, quickly, suddenly, jerkily.

He nods once, shortly, turning his face away from her anguished one. It's not that he's trying to forgive himself about that little act of trickery – it's just that he doesn't want to see what he's done, when he meant it with good intentions. Pansy will be duly punished, now - and Hannah will be safe around school.

But it quickly becomes difficult to remember that, as it's just as he is about to turn around again that the potion starts to take full effect and Hannah starts to mumble to herself. "I didn't remember what Veritaserum did and now I do," he hears her say, her voice low and panicking, clearly not wanting to say those words. "I don't know what I'm going to say next, oh-"

Grimacing, Severus turns around and cuts through Hannah's babble. "Would you like me to go into the next room until it wears off?" he asks curtly, coldly, but making sure that she knows he means it. The Veritaserum has done what he needed it to – he doesn't need to hear any of this.

But then, to his surprise, she immediately shakes her head tearfully. "No, I'm scared alone," she says back instantly.

He blinks, his heart dropping at that immense fear she seems to have, as she begins to blush furiously red, becoming more and more tearful by the second. It's not difficult to tell that she didn't want to say that, and that there's a lot of things that she's about to say that she'd rather he didn't hear – but he's not leaving now that she's asked him not to. He owes her at least that much.

He silently hands Hannah a tissue, trying to ignore her mumbling to herself as she starts to blurt out something about having a crush on Neville Longbottom. He knows that she doesn't want him to know, even if she doesn't want to be alone – and so he rustles papers on his desk, and pretends that he doesn't care.

Even as she moves onto rambling on about her sexuality, Severus remains with his head bent over his desk, trying not to listen, despite how curious he is about what she really feels, having been talking to her about it for over an hour, now, and still not really having any information from her. Since it's his fault she's telling him all this, he makes a change from his normal self, and tries to respect her privacy – that is, until she says something that makes him snap his head up in surprise.

"Phoebe said I was a freak when I told her."

That… that was not by any means what Severus had expected, and he looks carefully into Hannah's tearstained face as she continues to talk about it, trying his hardest to push away memories of another judgemental sister, another sister who had looked at someone different and told them that it wasn't right.

He remembers – he doesn't want to, but he remembers those looks that Petunia had given him and Lily, those looks that so clearly said what she was thinking. He remembers how he had instinctively gone to use his magic, the first time – but then how Lily, lovely, gentle Lily has grabbed his arm and told him to leave it. She was his sister.

And Severus had never really understood any of those family emotions, how you were supposed to stand by people, but how they apparently didn't have to stand by you. It didn't seem fair – but coming from the background that he did, Severus had just left it, and let Lily lead the way.

But he's here now, and he has no Lily to lead the way, not really… and he's here, in his cold, dark office, with Hannah Abbott crying about her sister, and he doesn't know what to do. It comes to him all in a flash, and it's so true – he has no idea what he's doing. Normally, a solution will just come to him, normally he can be rational and precise, but with this…

He finds himself looking intently at Hannah as she continues to talk, and he continues to panic. This isn't right – it can't be right that she's here, with him – but he has to listen. Even though it's causing him to feel things that he doesn't want to feel, he still has to listen.

"She told me that it wasn't normal to be thinking about girls like that," she mumbles hollowly, and Severus can't quite tell if she knows he's listening or not. "She said she'd tell Mum if I talked about it again."

Severus flinches, but doesn't say anything, only watches Hannah from the behind the comfortable security of his big teacher's desk. He watches as she starts to sob – starts to think about her Mum's reaction – starts to think about how her sister is going to react…

"I don't want her to stop loving me," she sobs out, and Severus has to talk.

"You are not a freak, Hannah," he says quietly, and he sees her looks up at him with surprise at him having used her first name. It seems to calm her somehow - and, though Severus isn't quite sure why, he knows that it has to be a good thing.

He finds himself standing up and going to sit next to her on that cold stone bench where she's now sobbing for the millionth time this evening. This time, though, he can't quite leave her alone, or silently pass her a tissue. He has to do something.

It's a tiny gesture, just sitting there next to her, his own hands in his lap as Hannah continues to cry. Still, it seems to help – and if it's as simple as this, Severus can't quite help but wonder where he's been going wrong teaching all these years.

A/N – Sorry it took me ages to update - it takes a long time to type when you're crying over fictional characters…