On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me... Eleven mince pies

'Ladies and gents, I give you the last offering of the Christmas season...' Janet waved one hand dramatically as she walked into the office. The other was engaged in balancing a large tin.

'Courtesy of my mother.' She set it down with exaggerated reverence beside the kettle and removed the lid. Rachel peered in.

'Mince pies?' Her voice expressed her scepticism. Her face suggested that perhaps her friend had lost the plot.

'Home made mince pies,' Janet stressed. 'Last lot.'

'Mmm.' Kevin made a long arm and pinched one.

'Oi!' Janet slapped at his hand as he skipped sideways.

'Share.'

...

Ten seconds to keep your temper

1... Rachel balled her fist, digging her nails into her palm, trying to quell her first instinct to violence.

2... 3... She turned on her heel, walked away. That was it. She had had it with that woman. She wasn't her Mum, she had never been her Mum, she was just some bitch that Rachel had the misfortune to be tied to. But not any more.

4... 5... 6... Rachel got three paces before she turned back again. Why should the nasty cow get away with it? What kind of a mother said that to her child, especially at Christmas?

...

Nine unwanted presents

'One Direction CD.'

'No way.'

'Oh go on, I've already got that one.'

'Do I look like a twelve year old girl?'

'Rude.'

'Gift vouchers.'

'Where for?'

'Hang on a minute, you've got that CD?'

'Yeah. Where are the vouchers for?'

'As in you actually listen to it and want to keep it and haven't swapped it before?'

'Can we just...'

'I think we're going to have to talk about this.'

'Yeah?'

Gill walked in to find her sitting room in uproar as Sammy and Orla battled it out with sofa cushions.

'What the hell?'

'Gift swap.'

'Err... sorry Mum.'

...

Eight missed calls

at 4.58pm

'Hi Gill, it's Janet. I s'pose you're still in that meeting but when you get this could you give us a ring down here. We've got a solid lead on Edwards and Rachel's champing at the bit here. If you could get back to us before she goes completely off her head, that would be handy. Thank you! Byee.'

at 5.02pm

There was a muffled silence...then a distant voice, equally muffled.

'…. Oh for goodness sake Rachel, she will ring us when she gets out. Leave it...'

Gill couldn't help laughing aloud. There was no-one quite like Rachel.

...

Seven resolutions

Helen woke with a dull sensation that there was something she had meant to do when she fell asleep. Taking stock, she realised that she was half in, half out of bed, her body ached, and Louise was sitting up on her own side, sipping tea. She worked her mouth and swallowed until she thought she could speak.

'Morning... love.' Louise looked at her. She looked away.

That was it, she remembered her resolution, she was going to stop all this, be fair to Louise from now on. Helen could feel failure already beating in the back of her skull.

...

Six New Year's kisses

It was midnight, Gill noticed, by her watch, and her house was surprisingly quiet. The TV chuntered away to itself in the background but she had expected the youngsters to come bouncing in at the big moment, shrieking with their usual excitement. Reckoning to fix herself another drink, she headed into the kitchen. And backed straight out again.

Sammy and Orla had moved on from celebrating by traditional screaming to equally traditional kissing. It was all she could expect, she supposed, but not what she wanted to see. Clearing her throat, DCI Murray style, she made a much louder re-entrance.

...

Five (g)old rings

Rachel tried moving it. She put it in her jacket pocket one day and went to work, meaning to go to a jewellers, but they got a lead and she didn't get a chance. The ring came to live in that pocket instead. Out of sight now, but rubbing away, a niggle in her side.

It took Gill a day to decide what to do with the thing. It was sad that it didn't hold much sentimental value but you couldn't pass on a token of a failed marriage to the next generation. But it could still have its uses.

...

Four used Advent calendars

Janet was returning clean washing to its owners when she surprised Taisie by walking in with a double armful that totally prevented her knocking, although that was something that still hadn't become habit, no matter how many times both girls shouted in outrage.

'Mum!' There was a mad scramble on Taisie's bed and Janet peeked out from behind the washing just in time to see something disappear beneath the duvet.

'Taisie, do not hide chocolate in your bed, for the hundredth time.'

'I'm not!' But Taisie had always been a terrible liar.

'How many of those things have you got?'

...

Three bald coppers

'Hang on, hang on,' Andy held up his hands. 'Are you telling me that this was a dare?'

'Well...' The guilty three looked at each other.

'Yeah.' Said Mitch.

'No.' A confused head shake from Pete.

'Basically.' Kevin grinned and supped his pint. Pete shot him a filthy look.

'You are such children.' Janet kept alternating between mock-scolding and giggling.

'Awww.' Rachel reached out to "shine" Kevin's head. 'I think he's kinda cute like this.' Kevin batted at her but she only laughed.

'Baby!'

In a momentary hush, the table gradually became aware of an unsettling undercurrent of foot-tapping.

...

Two Christmas dinners

At one o'clock, Julie flung open her front door after the third ring. Strange smells and the distinct, piercing bleep of the smoke alarm accompanied her.

'Can you do something to stop that bloody thing?' she greeted her parents and disappeared back to the kitchen. Her turkey was misbehaving. Her roasties were more crisp than potato and her sprouts had turned to mush. The carrots looked ok, she thought, although they didn't yield much to poking. Julie ran a hand distractedly through her hair and took a swig of wine as the only thing she could think of to do.

...

And a whole Scott & Bailey family

They met back at the end of day. The photo on the board now had Rebecca Hartley written beside it. Gill took a survey of her officers as they settled. Tired. The strains of a full day on niggling hangovers and overstuffed stomachs were showing in grey faces and set shoulders. Determined. There was a lift in them, an energy in spite of how they might feel. Rachel was running on inner fire, prepping for an interview with the husband. Janet looked troubled. Gill had specially asked her to do the soft interviews with the children. They were making progress.