Okay, I got this one up quick. WOW. Everyone was a bit harsh on Beckett last chapter lol...geez she isn't that cold give a girl a break lol anyway...either you like it and want more or you don't so lmk. Also, I'm blown away people like this story this much...I had no idea anyone would be interested in it.

Regaining Circulation

"Did you know? Did the doctor tell you I had a miscarriage?" asked Kate her voice strained, weak with nervous apprehension.

"Yes. I knew. I'm your medical proxy Kate. Dr. Reynolds updated me on your status as soon as I got here. You were in post op and couldn't speak. Your doctors decided it would be best to tell you when the ventilator was taken out so that you could carry on an actual conversation. That conversation did not need to take place on a dry erase board." Jim rationally explained and Kate slowly nodded in understanding. It was logical but it still made her feel a bit left out.

She looked up to her dad, "What about Castle?" Kate asked curiously.

"I didn't tell him," Jim said and Kate exhaled a breath, "He found out on his own."

Kate looked at Jim sharply, "How? You're saying he already knew?"

Jim nodded, "He came and found me in the hospital break room and told me he discovered it on your medical chart," Jim looked to the medical chart on the wall and then back to his daughter, "he asked if I had told you and if so why I hadn't. He wanted to know why I hadn't told anyone and well, he was distraught Kate. The man loves you and he was looking out for you. " Jim spoke the truth, "and anyone who thinks you don't love him back isn't the brightest crayon in the box." Jim said and Kate was silent as she stared at her father a while. Silence was so loud.

Her voice was a whisper when she spoke, "I know," she exhaled, "I know."

Jim could see the unshed tears in his daughter's eyes and knew that she needed space. "Katie, I'm sorry we didn't tell you, but it was for the best."

Kate nodded, "I understand, it's okay dad. I'm fine."

Jim nodded and walked over to give his daughter's hand a quick squeeze, "I'm going to go sit in the waiting room and book a hotel room. Plus, I need to call my work in the morning and let them know I will be taking some time off."

Kate nodded, but something inside her stopped her father.

"Dad?" her voice sounded like that of the little girl he remembered from a time long ago. Jim turned around knowing that voice all too well.

"Hhmm?"

"Is Castle okay? I mean-"

Jim interrupted his daughter, "Katie, would you like me to just go and get him?"

She took her bottom lip in her mouth and nodded quickly. Jim smiled, shook his head and walked out of the automatic doors to find Castle.

Kate drew in a deep breath as she watched her father walk out and let out a long shaky one. When she found out about the miscarriage she had been angry and confused. She wasn't angry at anyone in particular, mostly herself, but now she was somewhat upset at how she treated Castle. She needed to talk to him.

She needed him, but wonders crept in the longer she lay alone in the hospital bed. Did he need her? Especially after she declined his proposal? He said he loved her, but he also said he didn't know what they were anymore. Would he think that she would have wanted an abortion? He didn't know her stance on kids, hell she didn't know where she stood with having children. So much tragedy had happened in her young life she sometimes wondered if happy endings were even possible.

She knew one thing. She knew what she had and what she lost and she didn't want to ever lose it again. She didn't want to wake up in the stillness of the night only to remember what she once had. She wanted him right now. She needed his comforting familiar touch. Just him.

Castle was sitting on the floor outside of Kate's room. He looked silly, a grown man sitting on the floor his legs out before him. Though, once Jim became closer to his form he understood why no one had asked Castle to move. His head was down and his eyes looked a bit red. He wasn't crying and his face held no trace of any previous tears. Though, the disheveled man before him didn't need to say anything to know that he was in pain.

Jim stood over him, "Get up Castle, she needs you. Take care of her for me, okay?"

"Are those your words or hers?" asked Castle.

"Listen Rick, I know you two were fighting before all of this happened. I know she left to DC and that hurt you, but if you're smarter than you look, you already know whose words those are," Jim held his hand out to Castle, "I hope you're smarter than you look."

Castle inhaled took Jim's hand as he helped him up and then made his way to Beckett's room.

Kate looked up quickly when she heard the automatic doors open. She couldn't help but bite her bottom lip nervously as he approached. She didn't know why she was nervous, yet her stomach was flipping.

Castle walked over and took her hand in his. As if on cue, the moment her hand was in his, her eyes shut tightly and all of her unshed pent up tears started to quietly roll down her cheeks. Castle let her hold his hand tightly as she lay back in the bed and stare at the ceiling her eyes closed the whole time. He reached behind him and pulled up 'his' chair and sat down slowly next to her. He adjusted her bed so that she was now in the sitting position and she opened her eyes and stared at him. He stood and took her head in his hands and with both thumbs brushed the silent tears away that were rolling down her cheeks. She inhaled a shaky breath and let out an equally shaky one as Castle sat back down.

"Thank you." Kate whispered.

"Always." Castle said giving her a small smile which she returned. He then laid his head down next to her arm and drifted off while she ran her fingers through his hair.

They had a lot to talk about, a lot. Though, sometimes not talking is what is needed and tonight they just needed to know that the other was still emotionally available.

Night came and Jim had booked a hotel room. He couldn't find Castle so he assumed he was with Katie. When he walked into his daughter's room he happened upon Patricia who turned to him and quickly held her finger to her lips silencing him and then nodding to the bed.

She whispered, "I was making my rounds and I thought it best to let them sleep. They are out like dogs. I'm finished with Ms. Beckett."

"I wanted to tell her that I booked a hotel and will not be here tonight." Jim said as he looked from Castle and his daughter to Patricia.

"If you would like I can give her a message. I will leave it with the front desk. I think it's best not to wake them." Patricia said sweetly.

Jim looked to his daughter and Castle and back to Patricia, "I agree. I will go and give the front desk staff the hotels number just in case she needs me tonight."

"Mr. Beckett I don't think she will be spending the night alone." Patricia said as Jim was heading out, "Shall I tell Mr. Castle of your whereabouts as well?" asked Patricia.

"I'm leaving him the number to the hotel with the front desk staff." Jim said as he shared a smile with Patricia as he walked out of Kate's room.

Kate woke with a numb arm. She looked at the man who caused her lack of circulation and smiled. Castle. He looked like a little boy his hair disheveled both of his hands holding tight to her arm, which he used as a pillow. She inhaled and enjoyed just listening to him breathing, the sounds and smells of Castle comforted her in ways she herself would never understand. Though, it was an easy comfort to accept and not question. You didn't question exceptions, especially exceptional exceptions. Only accepted them and they you. Kate smiled and ran her fingers lightly through his hair. She tried to keep herself from waking him, but she couldn't help herself, the urge to run her hands through his disheveled hair was to strong.

Castle slowly woke with a grunt as he slowly realized where he was. He looked up to Kate his head still lay on her arm, hands still loosely holding it, "Hi."

"Good morning, um, Castle my arm. It's numb." Kate pointed out.

Castle looked down, "Oh, right." He released her arm and slowly rose into a sitting position.

Castle noticed Kate looked more rested than he had ever seen her in the hospital. He was pleased with that fact. She needed rest to get better.

"You look rested." Castle stated the obvious.

"Having the ventilator out helps." Kate informed him. Having you here helps.

There was an awkward silence that lasted longer than Castle could stand, "Is your arm awake?"

"It's only been a few minutes Castle it's still asleep." Kate stated flatly, yet amused by him.

"Oh, yeah, right." Castle nodded.

Now it was Beckett that couldn't stand the silence, "Castle why are we doing this?"

"Doing what?" asked Castle as he rubbed his eyes awakening himself to the inevitable morning.

"This. I miss you Castle. I was on my way home for a reason. You were the reason. Now I'm…Castle is there still a reason to come home? You say there is but I'm still unsure." That is what she wanted to say.

Instead she glanced to her medical chart on the wall and back to Castle, "Pretending we are going somewhere when neither one of us even knows where we stand."

"So, that's how you feel Kate?" asked a confused hurt Castle.

No. How do you feel? Do you even want me anymore? After the way I hurt you? I don't want to waste anymore of your time. Do you need me like I need you?

Her eyes hung on his lost and lonely. She didn't mean a word she said and he knew it. "Yes." She answered and he smiled and shook his head at her.

"Okay, fine. If that is where you want to make your stand Kate, lost and confused, then be my guest," Castle said and Kate chewed nervously on her bottom lip as Castle stood inhaling a deep breath, "but I know where I stand." Castle said as he let go of her hand and turned to walk toward the door, "I'll give you you're space."

"Castle," Kate sighed and closed her eyes, "Castle wait." He turned and looked at her, "Please?"

He sighed and walked back to sit down next to her. He couldn't leave her. Not when she pulled him down hard drowning him in love with the sound of her voice. It was the loudest thing in his head. He missed that. The way she could make him do things no other woman ever could and she didn't even realize it. He would do anything for her.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." Kate said as she looked down at her arm that was starting to regain circulation.

Castle disregarded her apology, "Where do you stand Kate?"

Her eyes met his sharply and she drew in a deep breath, "I need you to know everything. Every reason I was on that plane before I tell you where I stand." Kate said in a quiet yet strong whisper, because she was still unsure where Castle stood.

"I'm all ears." Castle said as Beckett drew in a deep breath.

She nodded and released a shaky breath, "I went to the Arlington Cemetery the night I spoke with Fairfax," she said randomly as she stared at her arm, "I remembered when I was shot at Montgomery's funeral. I let myself remember it all, everything," she glanced up to meet Castle's eyes, "I was leaning against a tree and I realized no matter what I did you would always be with me. That annoying voice in the back of my head," she smiled, "I couldn't bring myself to live a life of solitude when I had grown use to a much different kind of life with you. A life I love." Kate admitted.

Castle nodded still wondering where she stood. Were they together or what exactly were they? She had left and worst of all without an explanation.

"I left too." Castle admitted and Kate turned her head slightly in question, "I went to the Hamptons. I couldn't stay at the loft. Anyway, your dad called me when you got in the crash."

"You drove straight here from the Hamptons?" asked Kate a bit surprised. He always kept her guessing.

Castle nodded and Kate smiled a small smile of gratitude back.

"So, my voice is annoying?" asked Castle directed the conversation back to why she had got on the plane.

Kate smiled and gave him a look, answering his question.

"But it must be annoyingly irresistible if you came back to hear it in person." Castle added with a smug smile.

Kate rolled her eyes, "Castle?"

"Hhmm?" he smiled. They weren't better, not by a long shot. Though, their relationship was starting to heal, even if it was with soft nonsensical talk. He had been unsure how to mend a broken heart when his was already broken, but he was trying his best. It was a ridiculous idea to think he ever could have moved on when his heart was still in love with Kate.

Kate looked down at her arm, suddenly her face turned serious and she flicked her eyes to his, "I would've kept it you know," she looked away from him exhaling a breath she didn't know she was holding, "I…I had an abortion when I was nineteen. It affects you even if…anyway. Just so you know." Kate looked at him the mood in the room had changed and the air hung heavy as Castle took her hand in his.

"Kate, I know you would've." Castle held her hand tightly ducked his head to catch her eye. She stared at him in silence as a single silent tear rolled down her face. Though, he had wondered if she would have got an abortion if she would have known she was pregnant and now he felt awful for even thinking such a thing, but he knew Beckett. She had done it before, though that was the Beckett of years ago, not the Kate that lay before him.

"Castle?" Kate's voice was soft, softer than Castle had anticipated.

"Hhmm?" Castle wondered.

"I remember the crash. I remember what happened. Why the right side of my body took most of the trauma." Kate inhaled and exhaled a long breath as she shut her eyes, "I knew it was better this way."

Castle turned his head in question at that comment. How dare she say that again, he knew it was her way of rationalizing to herself that everything was fine, but she wasn't.

"Kate, it's okay to not be okay." Castle said.

She flicked her eyes to him, "I'm fine."

"No, no Kate you aren't." Castle stated adamantly.

"Castle don't tell me what I am and what I'm not. It's my life and my body I know how I feel." Kate all but spat defensively as to protect herself from feeling too much emotion right now, emotion she knew he could easily emit from her.

Silence hung heavy in the air as Kate thought of her mother and what it would have been like to be one, both when she was 19 and today. What would her mother have thought of her choices? Would she have got the abortion if her mother was still alive? She had died the year she got it. What did Castle think of her now? Did he see her differently? She missed him. They were talking, but they were bantering the whole time. Though, didn't they always do that?

"What happened Kate?" asked Castle drawing Kate out of her racing thoughts.

"A life for a life," Kate looked down, "I saved a little boy around six. He was in the seat behind me. He somehow ended up to my left and I shielded him from an object with the right side of my body," she suddenly looked distant, "I wonder what happened to his mother." she exhaled in deep thought thinking of her own mother and what ifs.

"Kate it wasn't your fault." Castle reminded her again.

"Castle please. Just…" she looked away ashamed of the gloss that had started to form in her eyes. She didn't realize this would affect her like this and it pissed her off. She wasn't supposed to have old feelings resurface only to taunt and haunt her memories.

Castle touched her face as she stared off into nowhere he pulled her from her racing thoughts. She slowly turned her head to meet his eyes and before he knew what was happening she was kissing him back as her tears mixed with his. She wasn't okay and he wasn't okay, but she had learned that it was okay to need and right now she only needed one person and by the way their worlds were colliding he had needed her for quite a while now as well.

Kate hadn't noticed yet, but the blood was fully circulating in her arm again, but she would notice with time. Everything happens eventually, all in time, it just takes a little patience and maybe some tear stained kisses too.

...

They still aren't getting along peachy keen and I know you either thought this was way too fluffy or just right ...I personally think it's a bit fluffy, but sometimes one just needs the other. Let me know what you think. More Kate and Castle talk to come. Everything in time...review me please?