Saving Grace

Chapter 11

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Addison woke up slowly; it was still the middle of the night. At first she couldn't quite remember what had happened earlier, but then she felt the bed shift next to her. Rolling onto her other side, her gaze met gorgeous blue. Derek's eyes were open and they were looking straight at her.

"Hey." He whispered softly.

Addison responded with a small smile, showing him that she was happy to see him. Derek was propped up on his elbow looking down at her. He leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead.

Running his hands through her hair slowly, he saw her stifling a yawn.

"Go back to sleep Addi. I'll be here when you wake up."

Her eyes shut slowly and her breathing deepened as Derek stayed in that position, watching her. Once he was certain she was in fast asleep, he allowed himself to close his eyes and relax. They had a few more hours before they both had to be at work.

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She was gone when Derek woke up. He rolled over; reaching an arm out to pull her towards him and all he found was a piece of paper. Grumbling to himself, he quickly read it.

Derek,

I had a few errands to run before I had to leave for work and I didn't want to wake you. You're so cute when you sleep, like a little baby.(She had drawn a cute little smiley face next to that statement).Anyways, I'm sorry I had to leave but I'm looking forward to seeing you in just a little while. Come find me when you get to the hospital.

I'll be waiting…

Addi

On his way out the door, Derek found another note taped to the front door.

By the way, considering we never ended up going out last night, I was thinking that maybe we could reschedule for tonight.

I already made the reservations for 8:30, so you don't have to worry about that. After dinner….well, that's another story.

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The rain tapped lightly against the roof. The sound wasn't very loud, but it was the only other noise that Addison heard besides for Derek's steady breathing. He was lying next to her in the bed, sleeping soundly.

The pit-pat reverberated off the tin roof of the trailer, keeping her from falling asleep. She told herself it was because of the rain, but really her head was just too full.

Dinner had been great. Derek always found the best places to go, and he had never taken her to the same restaurant twice. That had been a plus in their marriage.

This time it was a nice quiet Thai place where the atmosphere had been calm and the food had been great. Derek had started talking about the day's events and Addison had half-heartedly paid attention. The conversation shifted onto other topics as the evening progressed, all irrelevant and unimportant to anything.

Addison had tried to talk about more serious topics, mainly their infamous past. It seemed wrong to her that they should start something new without taking care of the old first, but Derek said he didn't want to talk yet. He wasn't ready so she dropped the discussion and returned to the trivial exchange they had been having. Afterwards, Derek had brought her back to the trailer and talking had been the last thing on their minds.

But now, as she sat and listened to Derek's breathing and the rain falling outside, Addison couldn't stop thinking about it. And whether or not Derek was planning on ignoring the whole thing, as it seemed to her at the time, she would never be able to just forget it.

Sleep evaded her as thoughts about New York and the prom and the divorce raced through her head. Addison had long since given up trying to sleep, and moved to the small kitchen to sit at the table.

Glancing around the side of the wall, she saw Derek still sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took.

At that moment, Addison envied him. She wanted to sleep and not care, to let her dreams take her away from the world even if only for a couple of hours. She was jealous and unpredictably mad.

It wasn't fair that Derek shouldn't want to talk to her about what had happened between them. It wasn't something you should be able to just forget like that and get a good nights sleep. It made Addison mad to think that Derek wasn't going to talk with her. If he wanted to just push it aside, that was his choice, but he wasn't the only one hurt back then. Addison wasn't going to let him ignore it and sleep with her as if nothing had happened.

She knew that's what they had done when they were trying to work things out with their marriage, but things were different now. If things were going to work between Derek and her this time around, the past had to be addressed.

Addison couldn't stay here anymore. The trailer was too confining for her and in the mood she was in, being in an enclosed space this small seemed like a really bad idea. She had to get out.

Derek shifted in the bed as Addison started to pull on her clothes. She winced slightly as the zipper on her skirt caught her skin as she closed it too fast. She needed to get out before he woke up. Of course, she couldn't get dressed quick enough.

Derek woke up as she was pulling on her shirt. She cursed inwardly as his eyes caught sight of her.

"Addi, what's going on? Where are you going?" She couldn't think of an explanation for her midnight mussing, so Addison kept quiet while she buttoned up her shirt.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Derek." Her tone was curt. She was more upset than she had initially thought. While she slipped on her shoes, Derek became fully awake.

"Seriously, Addison, what's going on?"

"Nothing Derek. I just have to go."

"Why?"

Addison paused as she stood up from the bed and looked at Derek. Why was she so upset with him? She couldn't find an answer. She watched him for another minute, him gazing back at her in concern, before it clicked.

She felt herself choking up as she realized why she was so angry.

"I just have to." She was out the door, Derek's cry of "Addison!" lost to her as she ran.

Addison was halfway to her car when she felt Derek grab her from behind. She was swung around, Derek gripping her arms tightly. She tried pulling away but Derek just pulled her back to him.

"Addison, what's going on? Did something happen?"

Addison's eyes welled up at the anxiety in his voice. She had to get away.

"Derek, just let me go! I have to go." She pounded weakly against his chest. Tears were threatening to overcome her and she didn't want him to see. Why couldn't he understand that she just needed him to let her go!

"Addison, please! Tell me what happened!" he saw she was on the verge of crying and his grip on her arm tightened a bit.

The dam burst.

"You! You happened Derek!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, quickly mingling with the rain falling around them. Derek let go of Addison as if her outburst had burned him. She sunk to the ground at his feet as she cried her anger away. Derek crouched next to her. Through the tears she gazed up at him, eyes glistening and full of emotions that Derek couldn't pinpoint.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be!" Derek didn't know or understand what she was talking about, but he let her continue. "Things were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be with Meredith! I was supposed to move on." A fresh batch of tears replaced the old ones and sobs racked her body. Derek tried to hold her but Addison pulled away.

"I let you go Derek. I let you go so that you could be with the new love of your life. I gave you a chance and you took it. You took it! And I was supposed to move on, but I couldn't! I can't move on. I was supposed to, and you were supposed to be with her."

Addison paused to take a much needed breath. "I was supposed to let you go, not fall in love again."

Derek took her hand, and didn't let her pull away this time. He looked into her tear-filled eyes and used his hand to gently wipe away the wetness on her cheeks which was replaced hastily by the still falling rain.

"Addison. Maybe you're not supposed to. I made a mistake, I let myself love someone else, and that was wrong. But the one I really wanted….the one I still want…is right in front of me, has always been right in front of me." He tilted her chin up. "I'm sorry I made a mistake. I realized that, but I belong to you Addison, no one else."

"You don't anymore Derek."

"But I could, I want to." A lone tear escaped from the corner of his eye as he spoke. "You gave me a chance before Addison, give me another one. I made a mistake but it won't happen again. Give me the chance and I'll show you. I love you."

Another sob escaped her. "Sometimes love isn't enough Derek. It wasn't before." Derek stood.

"This time it will be Addi." He pulled her up and hugged her as hard as he could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. He held her tightly as they cried together for a few minutes. The rain still fell around them, but neither of them cared.

Derek whispered into her hair. "What do you say we go back inside?"

Addison was too worn out to do anything but nod her consent. With her arms still wrapped around his neck, Derek used one hand to support her back and placed the other under her knees, gently lifting Addison. She didn't protest and let herself relax in his arms.

Once inside the trailer, Derek placed her softly on the bed and crawled in on the other side next to her.

"Come here, Addi." He gently turned her on her side, facing away from him. He wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on the top of her head, eyes closed. Tonight she needed the comfort. She needed to be held and kissed and loved. He kissed her neck and her hair and just held her against him. He felt her shift in his arms. He opened his eyes and sat up.

Addison turned to face him. Derek smiled at her as he leaned towards her. She raised her head a bit off the pillow, meeting his lips halfway.

He kissed her again. All the pent up love and emotion and desire for her burst out and he only let her go when he knew she needed more air.

Addison looked at him, running her fingers down the side of his face and through his hair. He smiled down at her, wrapped his arms around her back and holding her head with one hand. She kissed his forehead, his cheek, his neck and then his lips once more before laying her head on his shoulder.

"I love you Derek."

He kissed her forehead and held her tighter.

"I love you too."

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