CHAPTER ELEVEN

one week later

"Why don't you just tell her?"

Hiei banged his head lightly against the wall. "I cannot believe," he muttered, "that I am having this same argument over again with a second person."

"Well, it must be a good argument, then," Shuichi said, unconcerned with Hiei's display of frustration--he was more focused on unwrapping the candy he had brought up to his room. "Seriously. If Yusuke hadn't stopped me that would have been the first thing I blurted out after Genkai used her spirit wave."

"That was the first thing you remembered?"

"Yes." Shuichi threw Hiei a mildly challenging look. "So--why not tell her?"

"I am under no obligation to explain myself to you."

"You are if you want me to keep your secrets for you. I won't do it just because Kurama did. I rely on my own judgment."

Hiei banged his head against the wall again. Shuichi turned his head to hide a slight smile. "I know I've mentioned this a time or two," Hiei said dryly, "but you sound exactly like him."

Shuichi nodded. "Yeah, I get the drift--according to you, I picked up all of Kurama's least likeable traits and none of the good ones. Have you ever considered that maybe you're just easy to manipulate?"

Hiei gave him a murderous look. Shuichi made a bit of a show out of eating his candy, radiating unconcern. One thing he had become certain of over the past week was that he had nothing to fear from Hiei--an iron willpower and laudable sense of honor prevented him from attacking anyone weaker than himself, and the barrage of cross words was something Shuichi could handle. "No, I have not," Hiei finally replied, his tone a growl.

Shuichi thought about heckling him further, but something held him back--the suspicion that Hiei was really not easy to provoke, that it was a skill of Kurama's that clung to Shuichi. He threw the empty candy wrapper at Hiei. "Tell me."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"You're human."

"And that automatically means I'm incompetent? Isn't that how you lost when you fought Yusuke?"

"... I hate you."

"Tell meeeee......"

Hiei's murderous look was starting to look a little more genuine. Nevertheless, he launched into an explanation after Shuichi took an oath--one of many he'd sworn to over the past several days--not to repeat a word of what he heard.

Hiei--to Shuichi's surprise--was turning into a friend. An actual friend, not a friend of someone Shuichi used to be. The brusqueness of Hiei's mannerisms was bothering Shuichi less and less as he got used to it, and his blunt honesty was something Shuichi was coming to appreciate more and more. Particularly as Hiei's prediction that the others weren't going to be of much help seemed to be proving true. Yusuke had come by like he'd promised, and Kuwabara also, but they were both deeply sunk into grief and depression and it was obvious they had only come out of a sense of duty. They gave Shuichi bland and evasive answers to his questions and seemed more interested in talking about their regular lives, learning what he'd been doing since Kurama left his body.

Shuichi forgave them. But he also sent them away as soon as was polite, and waited for Hiei to come back.

Hiei's visits were timed haphazardly, and still often in the middle of the night--Shuichi couldn't seem to break him of the habit, or get him to agree on a time to meet. He just showed up and left as he pleased. Sometimes Shuichi caught a calculating look in Hiei's eyes, directed at him, which he tried to ignore because he didn't understand it. He wasn't sure yet what Hiei was getting out of their relationship--he knew, without having to ask, how much it hurt Hiei to imagine Kurama in Shuichi's body, his movements, his mannerisms--how many times he would see Shuichi out of the corner of his eye and startle, stiffen slightly, think for half a moment that it was Kurama.

But he kept coming back. And if Shuichi wasn't quite sure yet why he put himself through that--well, it wasn't his business. Hiei was honest, he was willing to talk, and he didn't treat Shuichi like Kurama. That should be enough for Shuichi.

However--Hiei was not above using Kurama's actions in an argument against Shuichi. As he was doing now, finishing up his explanation of Yukina with a pointed comment that if Kurama could hide his identity from his mother, he shouldn't be on Hiei's back about Yukina.

"That's different," Shuichi objected immediately.

"How?"

"Well--she's human. She could never--I would never in a million years involve her in any of this. She couldn't understand."

He was surprised when Hiei (rather dramatically, in Shuichi's opinion) banged his head against the wall again. "Another argument I can't believe I'm having twice."

"What? You want her exposed to all this?"

"I've always thought Kurama didn't give her enough credit. But it's not my concern what you decide to do. Just one piece of advice: don't try to hide. Disguise."

"What do you mean?"

"It's impossible to completely hide secrets this complex from someone you share a roof with. For example, Kurama couldn't hide from his mother that he was gone for long periods of time. He could lie to her about where he was, however. He couldn't hide that he kept a lot of plants in his room; he could say they were projects for school. If you pick and choose your lies well enough she'll never worry. Which was, I believe, Kurama's goal--yours as well?"

Disapproval was thick in Hiei's tone, but Shuichi replied stubbornly. "I don't want her exposed to this. Or at least, as little as possible. I'll hide as much as I can."

"Better have a backup plan."

"No. I just won't let her see it. Everything I've learned about Kurama's past is brutal. There's no way to disguise things like that."

Shuichi realized he was in deep trouble the moment Hiei smiled. "No?"

"Hiei--"

It was too late. Hiei was already out the door and halfway down the stairs before Shuichi had finished saying his name. Shuichi leapt after him, heart pounding--but by the time he made it to the top of the stairs, he heard his mother's voice, astonished, from the kitchen. "Hiei!"

She didn't sound terrified. Shuichi took the stairs three at a time and arrived in the kitchen panting to find Hiei standing in front of the open refrigerator and staring at the contents for all the world like a bored teenager. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table, the newspaper in one hand and scissors for cutting coupons in the other, looking at him with astonishment. "Hiei, I--I had no idea you were back in town! I'm very pleased to see you."

Shuichi jaw dropped.

He had never doubted the authenticity of everything that had been told to him. Not really. But this--She knows him. She actually knows him. Greeting by name a person Shuichi couldn't have recognized for the world only two weeks ago. Saying she was pleased to see him.

"Didn't that idiot tell you I was back?" Hiei replied, without looking away from the refrigerator.

Shiori turned to him. "Shuichi, why didn't you--Shuichi? Are you okay?"

Hiei glanced at him. The smug smile on his face spurred Shuichi out of his shock just enough for him to find his voice and say faintly, "I must have forgotten to tell you..."

"Are you okay?" Shiori asked again, walking over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You look terrible."

"I'm fine," Shuichi said, suddenly realizing exactly how bad he must look. For a moment he had honestly thought he was going to pass out. How could he make Hiei stop this?

Fortunately, Hiei didn't seem inclined to press the point. He took two cans of soda out of the refrigerator, came back over to the stairs, and started pushing Shuichi up them. "He's just tired," Hiei told Shiori. "I'll make him lie down."

Shiori looked very worried, but she didn't say anything. Shuichi limply let Hiei steer him up the stairs, back to his room, and shove him onto his bed. Hiei then chucked both sodas at him, and Shuichi just barely managed to keep them from hitting him in the stomach. Hiei resettled himself in the windowsill, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "The virtues of disguise."

"That... that... unfair."

"Hn."

"What--who does she think you are?"

"A friend. Human. Kurama couldn't hide how often I was here, so he disguised it. Some complicated story about how I had a rough home life and needed a place to escape to. He was an exceptional liar. You, by the way, need some work at it."

"If you wouldn't surprise me like that..."

But Shuichi couldn't finish his sentence. His new life was going to include a lot of surprises--he had to get used to that, had to do a better job of thinking on his feet. He was just starting to realize how many lies he was going to have to tell now. How many Kurama had told. Don't blame it on him--you're just as bad. You never told her about your amnesia--never told anyone. You've always lied to her to make her think you were normal. This will just be more of the same.

Hiei watched him, but didn't press him to speak when he trailed off. After a moment, Shuichi turned and set the soda cans down on his nighttable, knowing neither of them would drink them--they had just been an excuse for Hiei to go downstairs and make his point. "I hate having to lie to her."

"Your only other choice--"

"I know. I don't have a choice," Shuichi said resentfully.

Hiei shrugged. "I warned you."

"Of what?"

"That if you started asking questions, you wouldn't like the answers."

Shuichi sat there stewing in resentment for a moment. It was almost like Hiei was daring him to regret his choice, daring him to send Hiei away. Daring him to complain about the situation he found himself in. So he deliberately chose the opposite course of action. "But I'm grateful," he said tightly, "that you are willing to answer my questions, and do so honestly. Even if I do find the answers unpleasant."

Hiei looked out the window.

"I wonder, though--" Shuichi hesitated, then shrugged. Surely he could be as blunt with Hiei as Hiei was with him. "I wonder if Kurama would have approved. You said he wouldn't have wanted me alone and crying over it, but I wonder if he would have wanted to you to treat me instead like--like he treated Shiori. Disguise things for me."

Hiei shrugged. "Possibly. Being dead, however, he doesn't have a say in the matter."

There was a trace of bitterness in his tone. Is he getting revenge on Kurama by spending time with me, then? Deliberately doing something he knows Kurama wouldn't want because he's angry at Kurama for dying? What else does he get out of this? A question that was repeating itself more and more in Shuichi's mind. He knew exactly what he got out of it, but Hiei--he tried to chalk it up to grief, but he knew it wasn't true. Not entirely. There were those moments of calculation in Hiei's eyes...a sense of expectancy.

"Hiei." Shuichi found himself speaking before he realized he meant to. "Are you always going to be here?"

Hiei looked at him--there it was, that calculation, just a trace on an otherwise blank face. "No," Hiei said.

And then he was gone. Vanished. Shuichi had almost gotten used to Hiei's speed, but not quite. He went to the window and looked out, but there was no fire demon in sight. Shuichi bit his lip, wondering if he had somehow offended Hiei by asking. Did Hiei mean, when he said no and then vanished, that he was going now? That he wouldn't be back?

No, that was ridiculous. Undoubtedly Hiei had just meant that...

...he didn't want to be friends. Not real ones. That his presence was only until Shuichi stopped feeling disoriented, regained all the memories he was going to. Probably Hiei felt some sort of sense of duty about the whole thing. Of course he wasn't going to hang around in the human world forever.

Shuichi went to bed, sad and discouraged and apprehensive, and wishing very much he hadn't said something that had made Hiei leave. Since regaining Kurama's memories Shuichi had not had a single night without nightmares, nightmares that never lost their grip on him until someone explained what they meant. And he had a feeling Hiei would not be there when he woke up to explain them.

When he did wake, it was nearly morning, and he found he had been both wrong and right. Hiei was not there, but the dream had not been a nightmare. Nor had it been jumbled up or confusing like all the ones before this. It was clearer than memory--clear as if he'd been watching a movie.

Shuichi walked over to the window and stared out it, even knowing that Hiei was nowhere around. "So that's it," he said softly.

It was almost as though the dream had been sent to him--by Kurama himself, perhaps--to answer all the questions Shuichi had had swirling through his head before he fell asleep. To help him understand.

"You never told me you loved him," Shuichi said quietly to the empty backyard.