Thank you to grim waters and Annecullen for your reviews, and to everyone else who read the story :) I'm glad you are liking it.
Billy glanced up when I entered the kitchen, shaking his head minutely. Jacob was nowhere to be seen, and I glanced around the kitchen, then down the hallway. "He's out with Quill and Sam." Billy told me quietly from his seat at the table where he had his tackle box out. "I wasn't expecting you back for a while." I mumbled an apology, although I wasn't sure why I needed to apologize. He shook his head, waving my words away. "You hungry? I can make you something."
I shook my head. "I'm fine, thanks." He gave me a look. "I ate at the Cullen's." He seemed surprised but didn't question me. Still I felt the need to defend them. "Esme is a great cook."
"Hm." He pursed his lips, sighing softly.
"She made the food you ate yesterday." He might have flinched a little…I couldn't tell in the dim lighting of the kitchen. "Well she obviously didn't poison it." I mumbled resentfully. "It was nice of her to think of you."
"I didn't ask anything of the Cullens." He reminded me quietly.
"You didn't have to. Esme and Carlisle are kind people."
He scoffed quietly. "People."
"People." I repeated firmly.
"Bella, you've only been here for two weeks…we've known the Cullens for years." I hated the way he slipped into the plural, like he and the tribe were one...like he couldn't think on his own, even after all they'd done for me.
"And in that time, have they ever hurt anyone?" He sighed.
"They could."
"Well what about you?" I crossed my arms. "Apparently your ancestors could change into giant wolves…couldn't they hurt people?"
"Bella there is a huge difference…"
"Why?" I snapped. "They aren't hurting anyone. Carlisle is a doctor! He saved my life…if Edward and Emmett hadn't found me, I would have died out there." He sighed. "Can't you at least admit that? They saved me."
"Of course. And I'll always be grateful to them for that…that doesn't mean I want you hanging around them."
"They won't hurt me." I told him firmly.
"But what if they do?" He placed the bait down on the table, leaning forward.
"I trust them." I wouldn't consider the possibility. They wouldn't. I clung to the idea fiercely…if I allowed myself to think about it…they wouldn't. They would be strong enough. I had to believe that.
"Bella…" He shook his head, lowering his voice. Then, rolling slowly toward where I stood, he reached out, grabbing my wrist. For a moment, he held on tightly, not hurting me, but keeping me in place, his face full of some terrible, frightened emotion. "How do you think this will end?" I started to shake my head, to claim that I didn't know, but he gripped my hand more tightly. "Either he will kill you…" I flinched, starting to pull away but he held tightly to me. "Either he will kill you, or he will turn you. There are no other options."
"What if that's what I want?!" He released my hand, backing away.
"You have no idea what you're saying."
But the more I thought about it, the more I knew he was right in a way. This romance I had with Edward Cullen…it was too much…too strong and all at once. I didn't think I could live without this person…I was already starting to see him as my other half…as my soul mate, as cheesy as that sounded. And his family…I couldn't possible overlook that…these people, because they were people, or as good as to me, treated me like one of their own. I thought of the days in my childhood when I'd so wished for siblings…when I'd seen big brothers on TV that loved and protected and teased and tormented their little sisters…and somehow Emmett and Jasper filled those roles flawlessly. And in the way of big sisters, no one could beat Alice. Of course, that thought led to Rosalie. I could skip over her of course…I could focus on Esme and Carlisle, how they were probably the best parents I could ever ask for. But I didn't want to skip over Rosalie. Selfish girl that I was, I wanted all of them.
Alice stood out in the middle of the field, miles away from the house. Edward wouldn't be able to hear her. She'd made it clear to Jasper that she wanted…that she needed to be alone. Rosalie, held tightly in Emmett's arms, and Emmett, busy with his wife, couldn't have cared less about where she was going or what she was doing, and of course, Edward was composing. Bella would love her song…he would play it to her until she could hum along, every single note, line by line. He would etch it into her memory, his love for her. 'What better purpose for his music?' She grinned a little, letting the visions run through her mind before her time was up. Bella was going to be so happy…she would complete their family, binding them all together too tightly for anyone to break them apart.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she gave a small, grim smile, already knowing where this was going. She'd known that Bella would want to call her at some point…that's why she'd left the card with her phone number on it in her backpack, stuck between two pages of Pride and Prejudice. Placing it against her ear, she smiled. "Hey Bella."
"How did you get that card in my book?"
"Humans are incredibly unobservant." Alice informed her dryly, smiling when Bella laughed softly on the other line. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah…" Alice sighed. She'd seen Bella's fight with Billy…well, not fight. She'd fled the room though, making sure Edward didn't see Billy grab Bella's arm. She wasn't sure she wanted to find out her how brother would handle that. Edward had never had a mate, but Alice had a feeling that he would rival Jasper in his protectiveness, and despite everything, Alice liked Billy Black. He was funny and clever, and he stood behind his beliefs. Bella could have done worse for a temporary surrogate guardian. Apparently taking Alice's silence as an invitation to keep talking, Bella took a deep breath. "Can you see my future, Alice?" Her voice was quiet…almost fearful, and Alice realized that she could never really sympathize with Bella. She couldn't remember her human life at all…nor had she had a choice in her change.
"I can." She didn't make Bella ask. She wasn't cruel. "I can see you becoming a part of our family."
"How." If she had been human, she wouldn't have been able to hear her faint voice.
"I can't remember my own change." She informed Bella softly. "I just remember waking up as a vampire. But all the others…" She sighed, trying to figure out how to phrase this. "When a vampire bites a human, we inject our venom into their blood. If the venom is allowed to spread, they are changed." She kept her explanation simple, knowing that Edward wouldn't approve. The girl was silent and Alice worried that she'd scared her after all. "You do get a say in this, Bella. One of us would never try to change you against your will…actually, Carlisle would have to be the one to do it. He's the only one with enough control."
"Control?" Alice sighed, not wanting to get into this over the phone. It was the worst part of who they were…the hardest thing to deal with.
"I don't think we should talk about this over the phone." She told Bella gently. "But I do see you becoming one of us."
"Does Edward know?"
"We all know. There aren't really secrets in our family. But Bella…is that what you want?" The girl took a deep breath.
"I don't know…I mean….you guys are…" She broke off, frustrated and obviously worried, and Alice smiled softly in the darkness.
"Bella, you are a member of our family now." She reassured the girl softly. "We love you…no matter what you decide." She closed her eyes for a moment, her lip slipping between her teeth when she heard the girl sniff softly. "But don't worry about it right now." She urged the girl. "You have as much time as you need to decide all of this."
"Edward doesn't want me to know." Alice was surprised that Bella would guess this…but her brother didn't do subtle very well, and his protectiveness was already apparent, even to Bella who hadn't known him for very long.
"Edward is protective of you…if anything, he's going to be overly protective for a while. This is as new to him as it is to you. So let him have his way sometimes." She urged Bella. "He would never do anything that he didn't think was in your best interests. But you can always talk to us…if something is bothering you. Anyway…you need to talk to him about this when you're ready. He can't read your mind." She grinned when Bella giggled. "Just think about it. There's no rush."
"Thank you, Alice." The spiky haired vampire smiled, already missing the girl she saw as her new little sister and best friend.
"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Bella."
"Night Alice."
Emmett lay on the bed next to his wife, holding her tightly in his arms. The lights were out, but he could see her perfectly, ever detail of her perfect face, every strand of beautiful hair…he pressed his lips against her hair, smiling when she turned her face up, meeting his lips with hers. But as much as he wanted her, he knew that they did actually need to talk. She seemed to sense his hesitation and sighed, laying her head back on his shoulder. She'd told him that she wouldn't want anything without him…that she wouldn't trade any of it if she couldn't have him, and he had to admit that her words had soothed so many of his fears. Of course , there was no reversing what they were ,but if she had decided one day that he wasn't worth it…he shook his head. She loved him, and she wanted him…but she also wanted her humanity back. And he couldn't really blame her, although he'd found happiness in this life.
"I just don't understand." He confessed softly, stroking her hair. "She makes Edward so happy, Esme and Carlisle love her..." He sighed when she shrugged defensively. "Won't you talk to me?"
"She has everything." Rosalie admitted quietly, her voice full of pain. "She can have children…a family. And she's going to throw it all away…"
"You have a family." He reminded her. "Don't let jealousy blind you…Bella is a good person…she loves us, and she doesn't really have any family left…just us." He knew exactly what Rosalie was thinking and pulled away a little, touching her face but speaking firmly. "She is family, Rosalie. Now that she's with Edward…that she's been all but adopted by Esme and Carlisle, she is a member of our family." He kissed her forehead gently, holding her close once more. "I love you." He murmured. "More than anything. But you have to understand, we all love her too…she's going to be one of us. You could at least try to get to know her."
"She doesn't know what she's doing." Rosalie persisted.
"It's still her choice." He reminded her softly. "Please, Rose. Just…try." She sighed, looking up at him for a long moment, then pressing her lips against his once more.
"I'm going to try." She promised. "If she's going to be a member of our family, then I'll try. But I can't promise anything." He grinned, kissing her cheek. He had no doubt that once his wife let her guard down, she would be unable to help falling in love with his new little sister.
Having the same nightmare over and over...for what felt like a hundred times in one night, did not dull the horror of it. I tossed and turned all through the night, my mind going back to the scene, conjuring my father's blank, unseeing eyes, making me relive again and again all night the night of my father's death. But worse than those dreams was the one I had just before waking…the scene of the crime was the same…but Charlie pulled me from the wreckage…and I'd never felt so relieved as when I saw him alive, smiling at me, holding me close, asking if I was okay. And I'd never felt so much pain as when I woke suddenly, abruptly realizing that it had all been a cruel dream. I curled into a ball in the warm room, ignoring the fact that it was three a.m. I didn't want to sleep again…I didn't want to face that again. Too afraid to shut my eyes, I'd lain awake for hours, trying not to make any noise and alert Jacob or Billy to my pain.
When it was finally time to get up, I splashed warm water on my face, hoping to disguise the dark circles and puffy eyes, but it barely helped. Without speaking to either Jacob or Billy, I ate a bowl of cereal, threw on my clothes, and waited around in my room until I needed to leave. Pulling on the heavy coat, I zipped it snugly, but still shivered as I climbed into my truck and blasted the heat, hastily moving to turn it off when the air came out cold. Deciding that the air would heat up on the way, I went ahead and pulled out of the driveway, heading down the streets of the reservation. A few people who, for reasons unknown, were sitting on their porches, bundled up and smoking cigarettes, glanced at me, sometimes lifting a hand in a wave, and I returned the gesture hesitantly, wondering if Billy had spoken to them about his best friend's crazy daughter who was dating the vampire doctor's son.
I pulled out of the reservation, yawning and reaching for the heat, quickly shutting it off once more when it was still cold, and then slowed to a stop when I saw a sleek, silver car parked on the side of the road. Pulling over, I parked behind it, starting a little when Edward appeared at my door, his pleasant smile slowly slipping away when he saw my face. "Bella? Are you ill?" He opened my door, touching my cold face with his already cold hands.
"I'm fine." I tried to smile, still shivering from the cold wind that blew in and wondering if it was almost time for summer. "It's always freezing here." He grinned a little, reaching into the truck and pulling me into his arms, making me squeak in surprise. "What are you…Edward put me down!" I cried, unable to suppress a laugh when he only chuckled, supporting me with one arm and grabbing my backpack, shutting off my truck and pocketing my keys.
"I thought I'd give you a ride…but I've got half a mind to take you to Carlisle. You look terrible."
"Thanks." I grumbled as he carried me to his car, my head resting naturally against my neck. "What about my truck?" I asked when I was placed inside the wonderfully warm car, unable to help myself as I pressed my hands against the heating vents. He watched me, shutting his own door and turning up the heat.
"Do you think anyone will try and steal it?" He asked doubtfully. I had to laugh at that, shaking my head as my eyes grew heavy in the warmth of his luxury car. "Do they have heating?" He asked seriously, watching as I leaned my head back on the headrest, my eyes slipping shut.
"Their heating works fine. It's just so cold outside." I felt my body start to relax in the warm car, my eyes drifting shut, and heard him sigh. Something about his presence, having him with me within easy reaching distance, made me feel safe, like the terrible nightmares that plagued me couldn't touch me when he was with me.
"Do you want to ditch school today?" He wondered seriously. I shook my head firmly.
"Of course not. I'm just…" I yawned, covering my mouth belatedly, my limbs heavy with want of sleep. "…a little tired. I couldn't sleep." He sighed, still watching me closely, and I hurried to try and distract him. I didn't want him to start questioning me…didn't want to try and relive the horrific nightmares as I attempted to explain why I couldn't even close my eyes when I was alone… "We're going to be late." He stared at me for a second, reaching out and placing a gentle hand against my cheek, his thumb resting under my eye, and I felt my cheeks grow uncomfortably hot. His eyes slipped shut and he took a deep breath, freezing in place as his hand stayed against my face. "Sorry." I mumbled, starting to pull away, but he shook his head.
"Just a second." He nearly whispered, and I stilled, relaxing when he did. "There. Not so bad." He stroked the skin under my eye one more time, then moved away a little. "I just have to get used to it again. Are you sure you're alright?"
"Completely sure." I assured him. I wasn't going to take another nap at his house…surely Carlisle would insist on some kind of therapy or something for me and I couldn't deal with that…not on top of everything else.
"Alright…but if you start feeling sick, tell me." He made it sound like a request and I nodded, although I had no intention of doing so. It was just a little missed sleep. I'd be fine. "Bella…wake up." I jerked awake when his hand touched my face, not even aware that I'd fallen asleep…hadn't we just been outside the reservation?
"How fast did you drive?" I mumbled, wiping at my eyes and trying not to meet his amused but still worried gaze.
"About ten miles under the speed limit. It took us nearly thirty minutes to get here." I stretched in the small car, looking at him strangely when he watched me as if fascinated.
"What?"
"Nothing." He chuckled, a sort of strained sound, then climbing out of the car as I did, pulling his own backpack over his shoulder.
"Wait…" The cobwebs started to clear from my mind and I looked around. "Where are the others? Don't they usually ride with you?" He grinned, reaching out and intertwining his fingers with mine as we walked through the parking lot, the cold emanating from his hands not bothering me at all.
"Yes, they do. But they took Rosalie's car today." He gestured toward a crowd of guys surrounding something that I assumed was Rosalie's car. "It's a bit…. ostentatious." I giggled, shaking my head. "Well, it suits her I suppose." He tugged me gently toward the building and led me toward the school. "The others are inside I think…no Alice is coming." He sighed a little when, a second later, the small black haired girl appeared, her eyes bright with excitement as she caught sight of me. If she noticed how I looked she gave no outward sign.
"Hey Bella!" She greeted me happily, bouncing up to me and throwing her arms around me. I hugged her back, laughing when she rocked up back and forth. "You look terrible." I sighed.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Oh I know." I snorted.
"Yea, I'll bet you do." She giggled when I rolled my eyes.
"Come on. You're still cold. We'd better get you inside. Class starts in a few minutes anyway. What took you guys so long?" She asked a little suggestively, making my cheeks heat up once more and making Edward chuckle. It was impossible not to feel comfortable with Alice around though, and I realized that my embarrassment vanished immediately.
'Wait….' I glanced around while Edward answered her, smirking when I caught sight of Alice's blonde…companion? Boyfriend? Lover? I realized that I had no idea, but Jasper grinned when he caught me staring, making his way over.
"Hey Bella." He didn't touch me…didn't get quite that close, but he used his gift to brush against me with happy emotions, and the sensation reminded me of a cat rubbing against my arm and purring so that I could feel the vibrations, and I knew that this was his way of greeting me. I smiled, wishing I could do the same. Deciding it couldn't hurt to try, I focused on being happy to see him, keeping the image of the cat rubbing against my hand, focusing on pushing my emotions only at him. His eyes widened for a moment, then gentled as he smiled at me in happy surprise. "I've never met a human who could do that…you're very good at it." He told me simply. I felt my cheeks redden, the unexpected praise taking me by surprise.
Edward chuckled at my embarrassment, squeezing my hand and starting to lead us all inside. "Come. We need to get you inside."
Edward frowned down at his paper, one part of his brain instructing his hand to keep a perfect transcript of whatever the teacher was going on about while the rest of his brain, the majority, thought back to Bella…or rather, his constant worry for her, never stopping to wonder if this was natural. He'd been there when Esme had been changed…he'd heard Carlisle's thoughts as they'd shifted to revolve around her. He'd heard Emmett's, as soon as he'd become a vampire and then learned on Rosalie's past, start to revolve only around his new mate, and he'd heard Jasper's…seen how he'd been before Alice, and then seen the way he was now utterly devoted to the little pixie. The women were the same…to an extent. They all loved their mates above everything, and were protective as well, but with four males in the house, the 'testosterone'…although none of them produced that anymore, but it was the best analogy he could come up with considering his mind was full of Bella at the moment…tended to run high, and any time there was a conflict with others, especially nomads, the men stepped to the front, ready to fight to the death to defend the women they adored.
He sighed at his own ability to distract himself and went back to Bella. When he'd first seen her, her face too pale with dark circles under her eyes…the way she'd trembled from the cold even when he turned the heat on, he'd been on the verge of rushing her off to see Carlisle…this was the third night she'd been unable to get enough rest. He wouldn't even have to take her to the hospital...his father had the day off. But of course, she would have thrown a fit if his impressions of her so far had been correct, so he'd tried persuasion…and failed.
His thoughts moved in circles around her for a while, trying to figure out a way to help, then wandered back to his family and their easy acceptance of Bella…for the most part. When Alice had made up her mind about her new best friend, he hadn't been all that shocked. Alice's visions were solid, showing him just how much Alice would love the girl. What he hadn't expected was Jasper's draw to the girl…and not in a thirsty kind of way. Jasper genuinely liked Bella. 'Jasper doesn't 'like' anyone!' He cried in his mind, unable to truly comprehend it.
Shaking his head a little guilty, he retracted that mental statement. Jasper loved his family. Emmett and himself were seen as brothers more than friends, and even egotistical, shallow Rosalie was regarded with fondness. His brother held nothing but love and gratitude toward Carlisle and Esme, and saw them as his parents. And Peter and Charlotte, old friends of his, were always welcomed warmly when they came for a visit. But as for people outside of his family, Jasper had never shown a bit of interest. Any time Alice had made conversation with a human, Jasper had kept as quiet and far away from them as was possible without arousing suspicion. But after hearing about Alice's visions…he was already accepting her as a member of the family, someone to be protected without question…not that Edward minded that part. Bella was certainly a magnet for trouble, but with the fierce southern ex-soldier and his giant bear of a brother protecting her, she might stand a chance. Even that thought, so loosely related to her loss, made him flinch.
Edward wouldn't lose her. After a hundred or so years of loneliness…of being the odd man out in a family of couples…of complete misery (well in hindsight…he hadn't realized it before Bella had come along)…well, he wasn't going back. Not ever. She was like a light…a blinding light in the cursed darkness that had enveloped him for so long. 'Very poetic.' He thought sarcastically. 'Maybe I should write her a sonnet. I'm sure she'll love that. Why not widen the gap between our upbringings a little more.' But his smile softened when he thought of her, even laughing at a bad poem he'd written, or asking questions about the period of time he'd rightfully belonged to…he wouldn't mind telling her…wouldn't mind at all if it made her smile.
'Must be thinking of Bella…gah…who knew he'd turn into such a sappy idiot.' Edward didn't even react to Emmett's teasing thoughts.
'Sappy idiot, huh?' If sappy idiot was what Emmett called him when he was this happy, then sappy idiot sounded just fine to him. 'Worry…I'm worrying about her.' He reminded himself once again as Emmett continued to tease him in his mind. But suddenly, his brother's thoughts turned serious.
'How is she? Really?' Edward turned a bit. Emmett had been with Rosalie that morning and hadn't gotten a chance to see her.
"She didn't sleep well…"
'Again?' He sighed. 'Is she okay?'
Edward bit his lip, deciding to confide in his brother. "You should have seen her when I picked her up…she looked…well like one of us." Emmett shook his head, pretending to scribble something down when the teacher glanced at them as they had a conversation he couldn't hear.
'What is with that girl?'
"She's a magnet for all kinds of trouble, that's for sure." Edward mumbled.
'Well it's a good thing she has us to look out for her now.' Emmett told him easily. Edward grinned, shooting his brother a grateful look. 'You ought to invite her over again. Esme already misses her.'
The class finally ended and Edward hurried though the halls to her classroom, Emmett hot on his heels. He caught sight of Bella as she left her own room, adjusting her backpack and stifling a yawn. Emmett paused, wincing a little. "Man…she does look bad. You sure she's not sick?" Emmett spoke quietly enough so that the people surrounding them wouldn't hear.
"I don't believe so…she's having nightmares."
"Are you going to tell Carlisle?"
"If she won't speak to anyone on her own, I don't think going behind her back will help." Emmett ceased paying attention when Bella spotted them, and he grinned, moving easily through the throngs of people to greet her with a hug.
"Hey." He approached the scene where his brother kept an arm around her. "You okay?" Emmett spoke quietly, his eyes untroubled, but his clenched jaw speaking of his worry. The other students seemed to eye them suspiciously, Jessica, a girl that seemed intent on getting close to Bella, hanging around the sidelines and trying to listen. "You look tired."
"I'm fine." She tried to assure him, but her words were undermined by a yawn.
"Maybe you ought to go home…or to our house. Carlisle's home. You can rest there if you want." Just as Edward had known she would, the girl shook her head firmly.
"I'm fine, Emmett." She insisted, and his brother sighed, squeezing her one last time, then relinquishing her to Edward.
"Alright. Rose is waiting for me. See you around Bella." Edward slipped his hand into hers, returning her smile briefly.
"Bella, why can't you sleep?" He asked her quietly, leading her toward her next class.
"I don't know…maybe I'm just getting used to a new place…plus Jacob got me up early yesterday. I'm sure I'll sleep fine tonight." He knew she was lying…knew that she was avoiding the topic…knew from both Jacob and Alice that she was tormented by nightmares that left her sobbing for half the night.
'Does she not trust me? Or does she just not want to talk about it?' He wondered sadly. 'If I could just stay with her, hold her while she sleeps…she doesn't have nightmares when she's with with me.' He shook the thought away, knowing how impossible it was. Instead, he paused at the door to her next class, his hand cupping her face. He didn't trust his control enough yet that day to kiss her, so he stroked her pale cheek, rubbing a thumb under her eye, gently touching the dark circles there. "I love you." He told he quietly, hoping his absolute conviction was apparent with every word.
She smiled, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around him, her head resting tiredly against his chest. "I love you too." Kissing the top of her head, her pulled away after a moment, hating to be apart from her, but knowing he had to go to class…he wondered if he could change his schedule around to get into another class or two with her… "I'll see you after class." He smiled, trying to hide his worry.
"Alright." Stepping back, he waited for her to go into the classroom, watching her through the eyes of others as she took a seat at her desk, then headed off to his own class, still cursing the fact that he only had one class with her as he slid into his seat silently. 'It's been days since she's had a decent night's sleep...is that dangerous for humans? Could this make her ill?" He grimaced at the thought. 'I shouldn't go behind her back...she'll be upset and probably angry with me...really angry. I need to let it go. If she wants to speak to me about this, she will.' Strengthening his resolve, he began to write down the words as the teacher spoke, hoping to keep his mind occupied. But only fifteen minutes into the class, his resolve was gone. 'I have to talk to Carlisle about this..' Unable to wait to consult his father, he pulled out his phone, sending his father a quick text and hoping that he would know what to do.