Erin slept late the next morning and woke still smiling. Last night, after dinner, she and Nathan had settled on his couch while they shared another glass of wine and chatted. The conversation turned to books, something about which Erin admitted to knowing very little, and he left her long enough to grab an old, thick volume from his bedroom. She glimpsed a dark brown sleigh bed, slate blue coverings, and elegant furniture on the walls. Of course his inner sanctum would have the same elegance the rest of the condo possessed.
Shaking her head, Erin watched him settle back on the couch. Somehow, Nathan inspired such phrases as "inner sanctum" and "elegance," something she seriously lacked in her life. She saw her bedroom as her retreat, but Nathan's couldn't be described that way.
Then, he started reading. Somehow, Erin wound up with her chin propped on his shoulder, listening as his usually direct voice softened and warmed while he read. His accent changed, became more formal, and she had the sudden suspicion that this man had more beneath the surface than even she realized. By the time she left his home, she realized she had crossed a line. Nathan was no longer just her neighbor. He was. . . . She couldn't find the right word, but "boyfriend" seemed too cliché for someone like him.
Finally pushing out of bed, Erin turned and immediately straightened the covers. She positioned the pillows and smiled. Her idea had panned out exactly as she'd hoped. Walking barefoot into her living room, she ignored the mismatched furniture and looked around. While still bare, the green walls didn't seem so impersonal anymore. The white ceiling flowed through the house, and she wondered if she should buy some curtains for the window. Her budget had just enough left in it to finish off the kitchen, and she faced that troublesome area with very little inspiration. The only spot of color in there came from the beautiful tea set Nathan had given her.
Taking her time with brewing her morning cup of tea and eating cereal from a plastic bowl, Erin enjoyed how different her home felt. She'd tried to get into the habit of putting things away rather than letting them pile up, and it made a huge impact on how she felt. She no longer wanted to run away to escape the madness. Instead, she lingered, her mind whirling from one topic to the next as she tried to figure out what to do for that day. Spending time in the kitchen appealed, and she decided she'd rather cook or bake than paint. She'd leave painting for the next weekend, knowing that time would give her the right idea for fixing up the room.
As she dressed, Erin thought about dinner last night and grinned. She returned to the living room and found her laptop, something she kept at home only for internet access and those nights when she brought her work home with her. Today, it contained many secrets. She'd enjoyed Nathan's Liverpudlian dinner, and she wondered what other treats he might know. As she scrolled through a list, one stood out to her: sticky toffee pudding. With only a few keystrokes, she found a recipe worth the trip to the grocery store.
Three hours later, Erin returned with the ingredients for sticky toffee pudding, plus a large mirror for her living room wall and some new dishes. She'd followed the hint Nathan gave her when he bought the tea set and chose blue and white as her kitchen colors. Carrying everything inside, she set the mirror next to the couch and started unpacking the dishes.
She'd been surprised to learn that sticky toffee pudding wasn't "pudding" like Americans thought of it. It was a very moist sponge cake with a toffee sauce that went on top of it and was served next to vanilla ice cream. She could almost taste the toffee already and set about preparing the dish. As she worked, she thought about her life and smiled. Things were looking up for the first time in a while. In spite of Antonio's death, Erin suddenly felt better than she had in a very long time. And she wanted to share the happiness with someone.
That desire sent her scrambling for her shoes and on a quick walk to Nathan's door. Hoping he was home and available, she knocked and waited. Last night, when she arrived, he'd spent what seemed to be an incredibly long few moments staring at her. It made the effort of getting dressed up worth it. She only hoped it would be worth it today.
Nathan answered before she'd fully formed the words. His smile caused his eyes to sparkle, and he used one finger to mark his place in the book he'd been reading. "Erin."
"Sorry to interrupt," she said with a quick motion toward the book. "But I was. . . Well, I thought. . . ."
He laughed, though she could tell it wasn't at her. "Just say it."
"After dinner last night, I was doing some exploring online." She shrugged, feeling her face heat. "And I found this recipe that I thought I'd try. Only, now, I'm too scared to try it myself." There. She'd said it, and now she just needed to wait for his response.
He grinned. "Give me a few moments, and I'll be over."
"You're sure?"
"Yes." He reached out and touched her elbow. "Erin, this relationship—if that's what we have—is a give and take. You shouldn't feel embarrassed over something like this."
"I know." She shook her head, clearing the thoughts from her head. "Just. . .um. . .come on in when you're ready." Before he could answer, she escaped back to her home.
Inside her kitchen, Erin prepared tea and grinned at herself. You're a piece of work, she thought. You're not innocent by any stretch of the imagination, and yet you act like you've never seen a guy, much less been with one. But that was the effect Nathan had on her. Maybe that's why she wanted everything to work out with him in the end.
He arrived before the tea had finished brewing and stepped inside after a quick knock. A smile lit his face immediately, and he walked into the living room. "It looks great."
"Thank you." Erin stepped to his side. "I'm still buying stuff for the walls, and I want to put up some crown molding. But I'm pleased with the results."
He pointed. "And a new couch?"
She lightly smacked his arm. "I like my couch!"
Nathan laughed.
She turned back to the kitchen. "So, I was trying to decide what I want to do in the kitchen and decided to cook instead. I just hope you like it."
"I'm sure it'll be fine." He grinned. "If it's anything like your chicken salad, you have no cause to be worried."
She bit her lip as she served the ice cream next to the sponge cake. Adding the warm toffee sauce to the cake, she set the plate in front of him and watched his reaction.
Nathan stared, first at the plate and then at her. "You made sticky toffee pudding?"
Erin nodded. "I know it's probably not quite right, but. . . ."
Rather than answering her, he took a bite. And simply chewed for a moment. She bit her lip, prepared for him to react violently. Instead, he shook his head. "Wow! I haven't tasted this in a long time. This is fantastic!"
"You're sure it's good and not that it's just been a long time since you've had it?" She hated feeling so on edge, and she resolved to work on that trait that cropped up from her school days.
"Trust me." He set down his fork. "This was my favorite dessert when I was a boy. I didn't get it often enough, but, every time I visited the pub where my mum worked, the owner gave me a serving. This is. . .almost identical to it."
Erin let out a soft sigh of relief and fixed herself a plate. "I'm glad."
When she set her plate on the counter, Nathan reached out and grabbed her hand. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." She shrugged. "You'll probably think me foolish and somewhat childish, but I can't help feeling a little off balance next to you. It's been years since I've felt this way, and that's not like me. I usually know exactly what to say or how to react."
He leaned forward ever so slightly, invading her space. "You think you're the only one feeling that?" When she glanced at him, he grinned. "I have only met one other woman like you, and she was nowhere near what you are to me. You are the most intriguing woman I've ever met. And the most beautiful."
Erin stared into his blue eyes, trying her hardest to wrap her brain around what he'd just said. He thought her beautiful? That, alone, didn't really impress her because other men had told her she was beautiful, usually when they wanted to get into her bed. But, with Nathan, it was different. He'd never indicated that he wanted to sleep with her, though she knew that had to be somewhere under his normally contained exterior. Just the idea that he could hold back the physical aspect of their relationship in favor of knowing her amazed her, intrigued her, and made the idea of physical intimacy with him even more exciting.
Nathan's eyes dropped to her lips, and Erin suddenly realized that she'd be a goner if he ever decided to take things to the next level. Today, with the bright sunshine streaming in through the windows, the moment seemed perfect. He lowered his head, and she leaned forward to meet his kiss.
He tasted of toffee and vanilla with a hint of the tea he'd been drinking. Erin wanted to melt into the kiss and let him carry her off to some distant place for the rest of the day. Instead, he pulled back a few moments later, smiling at her as she absorbed the implications of what had just happened. "Well," he said softly, "I should probably go before I ruin this amazing moment."
Her smile widened. "Why leave?" She shrugged. "I have plenty of time to sit and visit."
He raised an eyebrow. "So long as visiting is all you have in mind." At her surprised look, he stepped back and smiled. "Erin, love, you've been hurt in recent weeks. You've lost a good friend, not to mention the chaos in your family life. I would love nothing more than to cart you into that bedroom and show you exactly what you are to me, but you're not ready for that. When you are, we will discuss that step. But, for now, you know where my thoughts are headed."
"I guess I do," she said, still relearning how to breathe after his kiss. As he carried his tea and plate into her living room, Erin joined him on the opposite end of the couch. She'd never thought it possible, but having a man respect her enough to refuse the physical intimacy she offered said a lot about his character. She hoped he didn't discover that she wasn't the right person for him because, in the last few moments, she fell head over heels in love with Nathan Gleeson.
~oOo~
Tuesday evening, Erin went again to the COPE house. She'd managed to start friendships with several of the women there, but Rosalee stayed on her mind. They hadn't spoken since Erin's outburst at Atticus, and Erin needed to know her friend would be okay. All through the class, she watched as Rosalee kept up as best as she could. With the suspicions of her friend's pregnancy confirmed, she gave alternate instructions for those who had problems with the tougher exercises.
After the class, Rosalee approached her and dropped onto the floor next to her. "I'm sorry."
Erin turned in surprise. "Me, too." When Rosalee glanced sharply at her, Erin shrugged. "You know how I feel, but he's your husband. And I shouldn't have said that to your face." Even if it is true, she added silently. Women like Rosalee confounded her. The last time a man hit her, Erin had broken his nose and left arm. Of course, he'd been an escaped convict she'd been taking back to prison, but it didn't matter. No man ever hit Erin Mitchell and walked away unscathed.
Now, however, she wanted to be supportive of her friend. If being respectful of Joe's position in Rosalee's life kept her away from him, Erin determined to do just that. If the man ever approached her, she'd give him what-for, but she refused to further alienate her friend.
Rosalee let out a deep breath. "I know how you feel, and I know what your opinion on this will be." She shook her head. "But I'm going home tomorrow."
Erin pressed her lips together to prevent the inevitable outburst. She wanted to scream, to yell, to rant against Joe and every other man like him. Instead, she looked at Rosalee. "You're sure that's what you want to do?"
"Maybe, with the baby, he'll be better." Rosalee shrugged. "Maybe not. But he's my husband and the father of my child. And every child should know their father, no matter what kind of man he is. Besides, I love him."
Erin narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out her friend's thought process. "You know how crazy that sounds, don't you?" When Rosalee looked up sharply, Erin decided to be blunt. Again. "Rose, I'm a US Marshal. I see stuff like this every day, and I know how it ends. I don't want it to end badly for you."
"I know." Rosalee grinned. "I mean, I know how you feel, not that you're. . . A US Marshal? Really?"
Erin nodded, reminded of how little her friends knew about her. "Just. . .call me if you need anything. And the minute he hits you, get out of there. Because, if you don't, he could hurt the baby." Saying those words cost her more than she cared to admit. Releasing her friend to make a stupid mistake meant releasing her friend to possibly destroy the greatest gift she'd ever received.
Leaving the COPE house, Erin drove home in a rage. As soon as the car door closed behind her, she hit the steering wheel. "What is she thinking? Of all the stupid, ignorant, irresponsible, idiotic things to do! Returning to the man who beat her! I can't believe this! I thought she'd think things through and realize what she's doing. But, no! Instead, she goes back to the. . . ." She couldn't think of a word dirty enough to describe Joe.
Arriving home before she'd completely resolved the issue in her mind, Erin passed her apartment and knocked on Nathan's door. She resolved to be calm about the whole thing but nearly burst into tears when he opened the door. Pulling her into his apartment, he held her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "What happened?"
"Oh, nothing." She shrugged, working to hang on to her emotions and not bombard him like she had the night of Antonio's death. "Just. . .Rosalee's going back to her husband."
Nathan jerked suddenly. "Excuse me?"
"Yeah." Erin let out a deep sigh, glad she'd told him that she volunteered at the COPE house. She hadn't said anything specific about Rosalee beyond that she was in a bad relationship, but it was enough for Nathan to read between the lines. "I tried to get her to stay away, especially since she's pregnant, but she wouldn't listen! Does she even know what a gift she has? I mean, there are plenty of women, myself included, who want what she's got with that baby and just can't because of injury or sickness. And here she wants to throw it all away by returning to a man who beats the crap out of her and treats her like she's his slave, not his wife! I tried to talk to her, but the one time I was able to be blunt, she just walked out on me." As she said the words, she could imagine Nathan thinking, Imagine that.
"And, if that wasn't enough, I've got work breathing down my neck because of a conflict of interest." She shook her head, still thankful for his arms on her shoulders. "My dad's getting married, and it's creating havoc at work, and I don't know what to do about it."
"Wait." Nathan frowned, clearly trying his hardest to follow the conversation. "What does your father's relationship with his fiance have to do with work?"
"I'm a US Marshal, Nathan." Erin figured she'd already spilled the beans to Rosalee. She might as well spill them to her boyfriend as well. "And Elizabeth's a federal judge. That alone creates a conflict. Then, on top of that, I have a friend making the single stupidest mistake of her life. Does she even know what a gift it is to be pregnant? That she can't take that for granted! And, yet, she's going back to him. . . ." She lost the ability to put things into words.
Rather than pulling away, Nathan tilted her chin so that she looked him in the eye. "Erin." When she froze, he smiled. "Let it out. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."
With his permission, she did just that. She walked away from him and allowed the anger to flow off of her. She ranted about Rosalee, about Joe, about her father, about Elizabeth, about work, and about Antonio. As she released the stress, she felt the tears building behind her eyes. Trying not to dump everything on him, she said a quick "Thank you" and headed for the door. After showing up at his house in a rage a second time, she didn't think he'd want to see her cry.
Nathan had other ideas. He grabbed her arms and simply pulled her into a strong hug. Erin leaned her head on his shoulder and realized that he wasn't kicking her out of his home. Instead, he made sure she wouldn't do something stupid. And that she wouldn't be alone. That meant more than almost anything to her. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she buried her face in his shoulder and released the pent-up emotions she'd kept under wraps for days.
When the storm finally passed, Erin stayed in Nathan's arms as she regained control of her emotions. She rarely lost it so eloquently, and she decided that she liked having Nathan around. He was good for her, in spite of the struggle she had with letting others see her inner feelings. Maybe she'd done the right thing in coming here after all.
Lifting her head, she shrugged. "Sorry about showing up in a rage and dumping it all on you."
He shook his head. "Don't ever apologize. I'm happy to be here."
Erin allowed Nathan to hold her for a long time afterward. When she finally went home, she resolved to make sure nothing destroyed her relationship with him. As a storm brewed outside, she settled into her couch to think. Being in love with a man was one thing. Committing to him was a different story. Did she truly want to commit to Nathan? Could she afford not to?
Thoroughly exhausted, Erin stretched out on the couch to consider the questions. She fell asleep before she found any answers.
~TBC