Sorry for not having updated in forever. Had a case of writers block after they finally had their reunion, didn't know how to continue. So it took quite a couple of bottles of wine to find my muse again ;) Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review!

Chapter 10

Her soft hair fell in a tumble over his arm, her cheek rested against his chest, her whole body nestled into his in a perfect fit. He allowed himself to sink his face into that delicious swell of hair and breath in the scent that was all her. She was there, finally… and then she started slipping. As if she was suddenly water, she started to slip between his fingers. Panic filled him, she was finally there and then he couldn't hold onto her. He tried so hard, flexed his muscles and tried to grab her with all that he was.

She was lulling in a soft space of happiness and warmth, it was a non-precis place where everything was just good. Then suddenly he pulled her towards him, she found herself pressed against his body. He forced himself into her space, his touch was everywhere, and it didn't allow her to breath or even exist. He was everywhere and she needed to escape his dominance, break free of his oppression. She used all of her strength and pushed as hard as she could away from his forceful embrace.

She fell back onto the floor and pushed away from him before she even opened her eyes to the light of the real world. The adrenaline of the nightmare was still pounding through her veins as she looked up on him. There he was, not in the surreal candle light of the evening, but in the cold light of the morning. Grey streaked his brown hair and the wrinkles were only all too real around his eyes. Yet the look in those eyes still held her sway, just has it had in her dreams for the last 3 years. Now those very eyes were filled with pain and fear and she saw it all before his guard had time to go up. She saw the brutal vulnerability that was Daryl's love. It was both fierce and beautiful and surprisingly soft. It made her own reaction feel stupid. Why had she pulled back from him so? He had not been a treat to her. Memory had filled her with fear but that had not been his fault. She should not have pulled away. Suddenly she felt naked, as if her actions had revealed what had happened to her. She wanted to tell him, but she wanted to tell him on her own terms. Not for him to just look at her and know. It made her suddenly angry and self-defensive. It made her feel weak and she didn't want him to think her weak. She thought of how she had cried in his arms the night before and suddenly she regretted it. She wanted desperately for him to respect her, not see her as a helpless victim. She looked away from his blue eyes, anger and shame washing through her at equal speed.

He was torn from his dream as she pulled free of his harsh embrace. He looked at her and saw pain, fear and confusion. She was beautiful even in the cold light of morning. But she also looked soft and vulnerable. He looked at her in those initial seconds, at the way her face twisted in pain and anger, and he knew how much he had failed her. Holding her close to him had awoken noting but fear and revulsion in her. He knew then that he needed to stay away from her, no matter what he felt for her. She had been badly damaged, and it was ultimately his fault. He should have protected her, he hadn't and this pain that he saw in her eyes, that pain was his payment. He looked down and away, he no longer could stand to see his own guilt reflected in her face.

Whether they were interrupted or saved by Michelle's entrance into the room was hard to say. But there she was anyway, clearing her throat in disapproval at whatever it was she believed herself seeing.

'Beth, you okay? Did he hurt you?' she said, her voice cold and angry but with a fine inlay of fear.

'No… no, I'm fine. We… we just feel asleep and I… had a nightmare. I'm fine, all is good.' she turned away from the piercing blue eyes that seemed to see to her core and turned to Michelle instead.

'Is all good?" she asked in an attempt to turn attention from herself. She didn't feel up for more scrutiny, after all she was far from sure of her own feelings and so she didn't feel like having them examined by someone else.

'I just came down to see about breakfast and I realised we have to be grateful the two of you didn't burn down the house last night. Hope whatever you did was worth putting us all at risk.' With that Michelle turned on her heel and left the room. Beth remembered how it had always been her smile and laugh that had drawn her to Michelle. No the woman was all icy voice and cold edges, and Beth knew no one was to blame but herself. Never had she wished more that she had forced Michelle to stay on the farm, having her here was obviously going to be a problem.

She looked back over at Daryl, wondering to herself, 'what exactly was last night?' She wanted to ask him but was scared to, scared he would shrug his shoulders and walk away from her. Last night she had thrown herself into his embrace with complete trust and she had let all of her hurt out. But now, in the cold light of day, it was not quite so easy. What did she want, what did he want, and what would this world allow them to have?

The night was black and dark but so very peaceful and quiet. She sat next to her sister and that in itself made the evening seem surreal. Every now and then she would reach over to squeeze Maggie's hand. Just to make sure that this was real, that her sister was really there. But each and every time she touched her, Maggie remained real and slowly Beth had to accept that her sister was there and it was real.

'What happened to you?' Maggie's voice was not demanding, it was not the bossy big sister asking the younger. She just asked, quite because she needed to know. But also quite because she had known her own share of abuse. Nothing compared to what Beth had been through, but she knew what helplessness tasted like. "Daryl said you were taken, we couldn't find you….' The quiet grew in the night as Beth tried not to let her bitterness answer back. 'We assumed you were dead… I wish we hadn't. I am sorry.' Beth sat quite for the longest of time, just listening to that last sentence roll around her head. She had never quite understood how much her family's decision to move on had hurt her. The signs from her sister to Glenn, no mention of her name. Realising they were all alive! She had never been happier, but at the same time the twisted pain of knowing they had just left her behind! It had not only hurt, it had been grinding her up. Maggie voicing that little word out right, sorry, it meant a lot to her. After all they were all sorry for something, they all carried their own regrets. If Maggies was big enough to apologies, then she was big enough to forgive. She took a deep breath and tried to decide where to start. But nothing came out, she didn't know how to tell her story of darkness and pain. Didn't know how to tell it to her sister who loved her completely, but maybe she didn't know how to tell it to anyone.

'I… He…He took me and I fought back the best I could and in the end I killed him.' Her voice was rushed and it was one sentence that said all and nothing.

'We killed them all.' Her voice echoed into the empty of the night and she knew without looking at Maggie that it was more than her words that had spoked her sister. It was the way she had said them, without regret, without emotion. She turned her head and meet Maggies eyes, and she knew that she had scared her but as she held her sisters gaze she also saw understanding grow. Maggie remembered the governor's hands as he pushed her down onto that table and his hips as they pushed into her. She had been lucky and he had threatened more than he had executed but she had still been shaken for a long time after. Looking at Beth she knew in her centre that her sister had not been so lucky and she would not be cruel enough to demand details of what she had experienced. She knew Beth had been through shit and she knew that she was still here. That was more than enough to earn not only her love but her respect. She put her arm around Beth's shoulders and hugged her sister.

'It okay Beth, you tell me what you want, when you want. I love you and I know you did a lot to survive. No one is without history anymore. Tell me what you need…' Maggie felt tears spring to her eyes

'I am here for you.' Maggie's words spilled into the darkness and the night hugged the sisters in a blanket of shared comfort. Beth didn't say anything for a long time, in fact she was sure she wouldn't say anything then and there. She just wanted to sit there and enjoy a moment of peace. The words took her by surprise as they left her lips. They were spoken so quietly Maggie wasn't sure at first if she had heard them, Beth almost whispered them to herself but then they grew louder.

'He liked to scare me as much as he like to hurt me, you know I think he got a bigger kick out of seeing me fear him, me anticipating the pain he would cause me than he actually got from hurting me.' She felt Maggie tense up in pain but her sister remained quiet, letting Beth tell her story uninterrupted.

'They were a group of men that took me, he was their leader. I could never decide if I was lucky or unlucky he choose me as his favourite… There was two other girls there with me, but many more had gone before I think. The others were shared among the men but at least they were spared his attentions… We made it out together but Sonya died not long after. She didn't survive what they did to her. They were such bastards! I killed one of them as he raped me and Rina and I…we killed them, we killed them all. There was so much blood, everywhere blood. I killed for the first time that night, but I have killed so many times since then… Sometimes I hardly know myself anymore. ' The words just tumbled out of her, like a river, a flood of information she couldn't stop once she had opened the gates. By the time she realised she was crying both Maggie and her were shaking with pain. Beth had become so good at carrying her pain with shoulders set square and head held high, she forgot that it was still there. But here, with her loved ones around her, with Maggie and Daryl holding her, all that pain came up to the surface to be processed for the first time ever. She could allow herself little moments of vulnerability.

They sat next to each other, Beth shelling peas and Maggie peeling potatoes in the sharp morning light. If she closed her eyes she could almost pretend that this was a picture from the before time, before the world turned ugly and dark and twisted. But it had turned, and she had changed and now was not a picture from the past. It was today, and today they were here, not through luck but through hard work. Hard work and planning had grown these vegetables and work would make them into meals for the people they loved. They were talking and laughing, not about anything special, just two sister talking. Maggie telling her everything about her boy, Beth enjoyed listening to her sister's voice, it was so full of happiness and love as she spoke of her son. The noise of Daryl's motorbike made her look up from her chore. She always loved the way he looked on a bike, the muscles on his arms in full display. He got off the bike and walked over to Rick's office and Beth couldn't help to stare at his ass as his jeans hugged him just right.

'Hallo, earth to Beth! Are you still there?' Maggie waved her hand in front of Beth's face.

'Where did you go to?' Beth looked down at her peas again and cursed her face as she felt it turn a lovely red.

'Oh my god, are you blushing? You like a boy! You always blush when you like someone!' Maggie's voice was triumphant with gleeful joy. She looked down to where Beth had been staring but all she could see was Rick and Daryl standing in the office door talking. Had she missed someone, had he walked away already?

'Who were you looking at, did I miss him? Or her?' Maggie's voice was so full of cheekiness Beth had to look up and punch her shoulder.

'Oh shut up would you!'

'What, don't you like girls too now? All fine by me you know.' She was outright laughing now, finding it hilarious how Beth's face just kept getting redder and redder. Her little sister was still too easy to tease.

'What are you two laughing at?' Daryl's rough voice interrupted Maggie tormenting her little sister.

'Oh Beth has a crush on someone and I am just trying to figure out who it is.' Maggie looked over at Beth but Beth was refusing to look up and was staring down on her boots with such intent you would believe she had never seen them before.

'Hump' Daryl made that non-descript sound that was so very Daryl and looked down at Beth before turning on his heel and walking away. Bloody women, they were hard enough to understand when they were on their own, in group they were completely incomprehensible.

Beth looked up and followed him with her eyes. She wished she could disappear into the ground. Here she was wanting to show Daryl that she had grown up and was his equal now, and then she just sits there and blushes as a school girl! She looked over at Maggie with murder in her eyes.

'What did you have to do that for!' she pushed the bowl of shelled peas away from her and stood up.

'What? Are you shy for Daryl? It is just Daryl…' Maggie's voice trailed off into silence as she watched Beth stomp off and realisation dawned on her. Beth liked Daryl! It seemed incomprehensible, but that seemed to be the case. Maggie had no idea how to feel about that, Beth having a crush on Daryl Dixon seemed odder to her than Beth having a girlfriend. And that had felt pretty odd….