Chapter 11:

A couple of months had passed, everyone went to work normally. Nothing had really changed except for the nature of Barry and Caitlin's relationship. The two had still be fucking each other senseless almost every day. Any chance they got, they would wrap themselves up in each other's pain. Anywhere too. If they were alone in STAR labs, that's where they would do it. On the desks, on the beds. They still hadn't gotten around to actually talking about what was happening between them. He wanted to tell he how he felt so bad but he got the feeling that she didn't want to talk about it.

There was a tension when they were in the same room together. No one really seemed to pay attention to it, except for HR. Barry notices the way his eyes squinted when he picked up on a vibe from either Cait or himself. Other than the fucking and not talking about it after, they were still the best of friends.

He would linger on her a little longer nowadays, with a different kind of look in his eyes. It was a more intense look, a look of desire. She would return the same look sometimes and it took all of his strength to not want to ravage her right there in front of everyone. The way that they were using each other was helping them. Barry didn't think of Iris and Caitlin didn't think of drugs. He was moving on and she was moving on, and most importantly, she was sober.

Time for some coffee. Tonight, HR was having an event in the STAR labs museum and he wanted everyone to be there so coffee was desperately needed today. When Barry would get coffee, he would see Iris there sometimes. He still didn't really want to talk to her. Today she was there again. But she was also with the guy he saw in his apartment on that dreaded day. Pain. Pain is what he felt when he saw them together. She noticed him walk in almost immediately. They always had a feeling when the other was in the room. It was like he had a Spidey sense for Iris, and she had the same for him.

Her face goes from a smile to still once she sees him walk into the coffee shop. He walks passed them and orders his coffee. He could feel her presence behind him as she reaches up to touch his shoulder.

"Hey Barry."

Barry gives her a short smile.

"How are you?"

"I'm good, just getting some coffee. How are you?" He keeps it cordial to not make a scene.

"I'm good."

He nods at her.

The amount of awkwardness between them kills him. He got his coffee and pulls her to the side.

"Iris, if this what you wanted, if this, he, makes you happy...I can't be upset. All I ever wanted for you was happiness." He surprised himself with the truth. If she was happy and smiling, that was all that mattered to him.

He continues, "I love you Iris and nothing will ever change that. But if I don't make you happy enough to want to be faithful, then I don't want you try if you're lying to yourself every day." He places his hand on her cheek.

"I want you to be happy too, Barry." She wipes a tear from her eye.

"Seeing you happy, will make me happy. Even if I'm not the reason for you smile anymore. I'll still be here for you no matter what." He sighs and looks at the ground, at his tattered converses.

"I'm sorry. I will always love you." She apologizes. I guess that's something.

He kisses her softly on the forehead and walks out of the coffee shop. A strange sense of calmness came over him.

He wanted to run to her. Not to drown himself or his sorrows in her, but to tell her how strong he was in the face of straight u, pure, unadulterated pain. He wanted to tell her everything he was feeling, everything on his mind. He felt at peace.

"Where's Cait?" Barry asks when he sees Cisco making some adjustments on his suit for him.

"I think she went home for lunch today." Cisco says without looking at him. "Whatcha need Barr?" He asks.

"I just want to talk to her." Barry ruffles his hair a little.

Cisco spins around to look at him.

"So, have you told her yet?" Cisco almost has a smirk on his face.

Barry looks at him puzzled at first but eventually knew what he was talking about.

"No." he says flat out.

"I think you should dude. I may not say anything but I am a very good observer. You also make it sort of obvious."

"How?" Barry askes panickily.

"You literally always stare at her. It's crazy that she doesn't notice."

"She has given me peace. That's what she feels like to me. Peace. Calmness. She is walking...serenity. A breath of fresh air. Like, you know when it's really really hot out and you get in the car and the AC turns and that air is hot too and you can't breathe for a second so you have to wind down the windows and breath in the outside air? And you feel like that air just saved your life. That's how it feels to be around her. Like I'm stifled, and then she comes around and I can breathe again. I know it's a weird example." He chuckles nervously at his embarrassing profession.

"Oh, you have it bad dude." Cisco laughs at his friend. "That was the strangest analogy for feelings I have ever heard."

"I know dude, it's hard to explain. She's like walking classical music." Barry laughs.

"Like hearing Fur Elise softly in the background while you're smoking a cigarette and reading a newspaper on a breezy Fall day. She has this calming effect on me. Or maybe like being cozy in bed when it's pouring rain outside." Barry nervously smiles and runs his hands through his hair.

Cisco just smiles and shook his head at his friend.

"Dude, you have got to tell her! If you don't I will!"

Barry shook his head with a smile and looks down at his shoes.

"You just compared her to oxygen and classical music in less than 2 minutes. If she really makes you feel this way Barry, tell her. I'm sure you will be surprised at how she reacts." Cisco smiles like he knew something that Barry didn't.

"Maybe. Maybe later. I don't know."

Barry pulls out his phone and texted Caitlin.

Barry: Hey do you want to ride with me over to the museum event later?

Caitlin: Sure. Pick me up at 7.

"I'm going to ride with her to the event later."

"Oh so, I'm guessing there's no room for your good ol' friend Cisco." He jokes.

"I mean, if you need a ride -"

"I'm kidding man!"

They both laugh and walk into the speed lab for Barry to get some training in before they had to get ready for later.