Warning: Crack, slight AU, post-DOTM, hinted gay, oil spills, fighting, gore, explosions, gore, cursing, brief sexual humor, major Spoilers, ect.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: This was why Sam hasn't gone back in time yet.
"I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Uponpillarsofsaltandpillarsofsand" –"Viva La Vida" by Coldplay
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Sam walked around the museum, it was okay, since Simmons and Leo had probably taken down all the other guards.
Leo gulped as said older man threw a couple of guns in Sam's direction, and the teen caught them with no actual emotional change.
Burying two in his belt as he passed the third and fourth ones to his two stared at him like he was crazy.
"No way man," they both said in unison.
With a shrug, he handed one back to the ex-Sector Seven member he before loading it properly and made sure the safety was on before he walked around with a loose grip.
Wheelie took this chance to transform back and gaze around.
"Over there," Sam said, taking the lead with the Con.
"How are you so sure?" Leo gaped.
The male turned back to him, "There's a reason why I am stuck with the Autobots all the time, it's because I'm the AllSpark."
"What?" Simmons gasped, "What happened to the cube?"
"What cube?" Leo whispered as the other clueless man shrugged.
"It became apart of me," Sam nodded back, "Now, can we?"
"What's the AllSpark?"
A silence hung through as Wheelie groaned.
"You don't know that, yet you're still here..."
"Simmons, you explain it while I go find our oldie," Sam shrugged as he walked off, almost running to keep up with the smaller Con.
"So?"
Simmons sighed, "Alright, it was a cube, and now it's a person, and basically, it can," he made a creepy motion with his fingers, "with one touch, can create life. Like, those little guys you saw?" he pointed at Wheelie, "He can create them."
"Holy shit. He can have kids," Leo gaped.
A cross between disgust and surprise came upon the ex-Sector Seven Leader's face, "What?"
"Well, before, there was a girl that was like, kissing him," he whispered back, "And... and I think she laid eggs in him."
Simmons gagged, "I don't think it works like that..."
"Blackbird..."
Wheelie stood to his small statue, nodding his head, "There he is! This guy's a legend! Like the Chairman of the Board!" he said, excited about all this.
And walking towards the plane with cautious steps, he reached his arms to touch the smooth metal, and watched as it shuttered with energy and then, rushed towards the back and sighed.
"It's a Decepticon!" Sam called, as he rushed over, ignoring all else as the mech stood back to his former glory, dropping parts as oil spilled from certain areas, he coughed.
"What sort of hideous mausoleum is this?" he demanded, before he slammed one of the planes aside, "Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves or suffer my infinite wrath!"
"Hey," Sam called as he stood in front of him, as the rest of the group slowly made their way in front of him.
"You little spinal-cord-based organisms!"
He watched with mild amusement as he slammed his head against something before it collapsed onto the ground.
"Behold the eternal glory of Jetfire!" he bellowed, "Prepare for remote systems override!" he continued to scream.
"This guy did not age well," Wheelie gaped.
"He's not going to hurt us," Sam shrugged, "Badly," he added with an after-thought.
Wheelie groaned next to him.
"I command these doors to open!" it might as well have been a regular talking voice for a guy like him, but for someone like Leo, it was pants-shitting terrifying.
"FIRE! I said, FIRE!"
A missile blew out of his back-side, obviously not going where he wanted to as the rest of the group aimlessly followed it before snapping their attention back to the old Con in front of them.
"BOLLOCKS!"
He crashed down the door and the group began running after him, "We can't let him get away, right?"
The screams of complaints continued as the elderly Con walked broadly in the sun.
Leo was so lost.
He watched as Sam approached the Decepticon, and he was so lost in the terms.
"Tell me, is that Robot-Civil war going on? Who's winning?"
He was never good at history.
"The Decepticons."
He wasn't too good with the whole 'context-clues' business either.
"Well, I changed sides to the Autobots."
He wasn't good with the whole 'listening to people speak', and the other part of 'decipher what they were saying'.
"Oh, welcome to our side then."
"Wait, we don't have to work for the freaking Decepticons?"
The little critter wasn't taking this so well, huh?
"If Decepticons had their way, they'd destroy the whole universe!" the large, large ex-Decepticon stated, in pure disdain.
Leo's head was starting to hurt so much.
"I'm changing sides," Wheelie grumbled, "There's no point with them."
"Obviously, so we're just trying to keep our world alive," Sam said, "Are you in?"
Red optics narrowed at him, befroe his screaming tantrum began, "I have problems on my own! It started with my mother!" he was continuing, and Sam massaged the bridge of his nose while he glance at Leo and Simmons, who were on the ground, staring at the much older life-form with fear and surprise.
A parachute flew out of Jetfire with a huff of air, as the ex-decepticon fell backwards onto the ground, and Sam took this as his cue to point as his face.
"You help me, and I will help you, I promise," he stated smoothly.
Jetfire was ready to scream back when he narrowed his optics further.
"Go on, boy."
He smirked, "There were go. Alright, these cybertronian symbols are in my head, and Megs wants it. Him and the Fallen."
"The Fallen? I know him."
"Good," the human continued, "Yeah, you don't like him, do you?"
"He's terrible to work for!" Jetfire really liked to yell, in fact, Bumblebee, Mudflap and Skids rolled up behind him.
Suddenly, Sam felt better.
Meanwhile, he looked up at the old bot and pointed at his face, "Remember something?"
"Yes! I was on a mission! For the Dagger's Tip! And the key!"
Leo resisted rolling his eyes, "It's always a key," he muttered.
"Wait, Key? Dagger? Tip?" Simmons gulped.
"No time to explain! Stay still or die!" Jetfire said, and Leo faintly reminded himself to write a note so that in the nearby future, he wouldn't be this active.
The last time Sam was in the desert. It was Jetfire's fault.
One would think that he would get used to this the second time around.
Sam whimpered in pain as he stared down as his sizzling hands, that, mind you, was burning from a spark explosion of some sort.
"Goddamnit."
He slowly got up, looking around in the blazing desert that tried to burn his clothing off and stood up, trying to shake his pain out of his hand, he looked around for the rest of his group.
"LEO! SIMMONS!" the other four were on his senor ranges.
"We're in VEGAS! VEGAS!" Leo screamed, and then scrunched over again, "Oh... my balls..." he whimpered.
Not too far, just a couple of feet.
"Okay, next time... A little warning will be greatly appreciated!" Leo screamed, "I almost lost Mini-Leo on this trip," he sniffled.
"Oh yeah, definetly, you're so lucky that I didn't get hurt," Simmons yelled, "Really, really lucky! People could have gotten killed! And If I had gotten hurt, you would have-"
"Shut up," Jetfire growled.
Once a decepticon, always a decepticon.
"I told you I was opening a space bridge. It's the fastest way to travel to Egypt."
"Egypt?" Leo squeaked, "We're in Egypt?"
"Why are we in Egypt?" Simmons screamed at last.
"I have already informed you," Jetfire nearly complained.
"Okay, then inform us again," Sam replied simply, "Just so that we can all have a piece of mind!" He tried not to shout. Really. It just didn't work that way.
Jetfire sighed, "This planet was visited by our race once before," he started.
Sam nodded, while he tried to get direct coordinates of the area, hoping that this could buy them some more time...
"Wait, so how do we defeat the Fallen?" Simmons asked, and Sam cursed his luck.
"Only a Prime and defeat the Fallen," Jetfire replied back.
"Optimus Prime?" Sam asked.
"You met a Prime?" Jetfire asked, his questions getting faster by the moment, "Is he alive? On this planet?"
"He was," Sam repeated, "But I know how to revive him."
"You do?" Leo asked.
The male nodded, "When dawn alights the Dagger's Tip..."
"Three Kinds will reveal your doorway!" the older mech finished for him.
Sam smirked, he remembered this puzzle.
"I know where the Matrix is."