She opened her eyes slowly to see sunlight streaming through the thick curtains. In the dim half-light, she saw the Joker standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, and she flushed in excitement when she saw that he was wearing nothing but his boxers. The rest of his body was the same bone white color as his face, and she could see the reflection of his torso in the mirror – thin but strong, and far more muscular than she'd been expecting.
He was applying some kind of salve to his wounds when he noticed her staring in the mirror's reflection. He grinned, turning around to face her. "Morning, kid."
"Uh…good…good morning," she stammered, unable to take her eyes off his chest.
"Sorry, I'll just make myself decent for you," he said, stepping into some pants, and pulling an undershirt on over his head.
"You don't have to…I mean…won't I be seeing it all eventually anyway?" she asked, timidly.
He chuckled. "Yeah. But I don't wanna spoil the surprise."
He crawled over to her on the bed, planting a kiss on her lips.
"You look…beautiful," she stammered.
"You like pale guys, huh?" he chuckled. "The papers are right – you clearly got some kinda clown fetish!"
"I…uh…I dunno what kinda fetishes I got," stammered Harleen. "I never…uh…I ain't…uh…I've never…tried any of them out."
He stared at her. "Baby…you mean to tell me that I'm gonna be the first guy to…pop your bang flag?"
"Uh…yeah," she stammered, blushing.
He chuckled, kissing her again. "Well, we're gonna make it extra special for ya!" he said, standing up. "I don't want you to ever forget your first time, sweets, and with me, I can guarantee you won't!" he giggled. "Not gonna lie, though – it's probably gonna hurt."
"Oh," said Harleen, frowning slightly. "Uh…well…that's ok, I guess…"
"And you are gonna love the pain, baby!" he said, grinning. "You are gonna be begging me to make it hurt more! That's gonna be my gift to you, in exchange for you saving this precious gift for me! That's fair, right? A favor for a favor!" he laughed, continuing to dress.
"I don't understand how anyone can love pain," murmured Harleen.
"Oh, Harley, Harley, Harley," he chuckled, bending down to kiss her again. "You will. Just stick around, toots."
He spanked her sharply, and though Harleen squeaked in pain, she couldn't deny that she wanted him to do it again.
"Now c'mon, get up," he said, holding out a hand. "You need to come meet the guys. I don't think they knew what to make of you last night, being so authoritative and forceful."
She took his hand and he pulled her up into his arms. "I tell ya, if I hadn't been falling apart, I would have shown you how much Daddy liked that – my little baby ordering the boys around, when she only takes orders from one man," he whispered, teasing her mouth open with his own. Harleen moaned at how good his kiss felt, and wanted nothing more than for him to continue, but he drew away, pulling on his jacket and tying his bowtie.
"We'll need to get you some new clothes today," he continued casually. "That shrink getup won't do for Harley Quinn. Though frankly I'd kinda like you to be wearing nothing at all," he giggled, turning to kiss her again and giving her another playful spanking.
"You gotta…stop teasing me, Mr. J!" begged Harleen.
He grinned. "Joker, remember, toots?" he chuckled. "I enjoy the teasing."
He reached up and combed her blonde hair out with his fingers, adjusted her glasses slightly, and then undid the top button of her blouse. "There you go – knockout!" he said, beaming. "Oh, the boys are gonna be jealous! C'mon," he said, grabbing his cane and pulling her toward the door.
The henchmen were lounging in the common room, and they were a pretty rough looking bunch, thought Harleen. Their eyes all fixated on her the moment they entered, and Harleen didn't much care for the looks they were giving her.
"Morning, boys!" said Joker, cheerfully, leaning on his cane with one arm draped over Harleen. "Just thought I'd take the time to introduce you to the newest member of our happy little family! And ain't she just a peach!" he cooed, pinching her cheek. "Guys, this is Harley Quinn. Harley, the guys," he said, gesturing. "That's Larry, Curly, and Moe, who I think you've met before."
"Yeah…" agreed Harleen, slowly, as Moe glared at her. "We've met."
"Over there is Stan and Ollie, and this here is Rocco!" he said, indicating a large man on his right, who waved at her cheerfully.
"Hi, Harley, welcome to the gang!" he said, smiling.
"Is she really joining the gang, boss?" asked Moe. "Seriously?"
"Why not, Moe?" Joker chuckled. "Doncha think it'll be great watching her shoot up a room full of cops? I don't mind admitting, my slide whistle's growing just thinking about it," he growled, nuzzling Harleen's cheek.
"Has she got any experience shooting up a room full of cops?" demanded Moe. "Or any experience as a criminal at all?"
"I'm sure she'll be a fast learner," said Joker, ruffling Harleen's hair fondly. "She just needs some practice, is all, and then she'll be just as talented as each one of ya. Not that that would be particularly difficult, of course," he chuckled.
"Yes…sir," growled Moe, his eyes still fixed on Harleen in loathing.
"You got something you wanna say, Moe?" asked Joker, smiling. "Why don't you share it with the class?"
One of the other henchmen nudged him, shaking his head, but Moe ignored him. "Well, boss, God knows I don't care what you get up to in your private time, but you shouldn't mix business and pleasure. When you let a bit of skirt get outta your bed and into a job she ain't qualified for, you're gonna have trouble. I got nothing against whores, but they ain't gonna make good henchmen. Yours should just stay on her back where she belongs."
Harleen glared back at him, but Joker just smiled. "Aw, it's cute that he thinks his opinion matters to me!" he chuckled. "I'm sure your Mommy told you to always speak your mind, Moe, but I got a new rule I need you to follow. C'mere," he said, beckoning him.
Moe slowly approached Joker, who just smiled at him. And continued to smile at him as he suddenly struck him across the face with his cane. The blow sent Moe reeling back, and Joker hit him again, beating him to the ground. Moe lay there gasping as Joker stood on his hand, causing him to scream, which only grew louder as Joker pushed the end of his cane into Moe's eye.
"Now you listen to me, you worthless piece of scum!" hissed Joker, in a voice that rang around the room. "You don't disrespect Harley! However I might treat her, you creeps always owe her your respect! And if a disgusting mound of trash like you even thinks of insulting her again, you're gonna lose this eye, as well as a few other bits you can probably do without. Got it?" he demanded, raising the cane at last.
"Yes…yes, boss," gasped Moe, crawling away from him and cradling his eye. His other eye still glared up at Harley.
"Good!" said Joker, instantly brightening. "Well, now that we got that unpleasantness outta the way, we can move on to more important things! And what's more important than fashion, am I right?" he chuckled. "I need you boys to go out and rob some costume shops. Raid 'em, search high and low, for something that you think'll suit this little doll," he chuckled, spanking Harleen again. "The shapelier the better, but on the theme of Harley Quinn. Off you go," he said, waving.
The henchmen stared at him. "Uh…boss…is this a joke?" asked Larry.
"No, Larry – look at her!" exclaimed Joker, gesturing at Harleen. "She can't do any kinda criminal activity in a lab coat! It simply isn't done! Well, not unless she's a mad scientist or something, but she ain't! She's Harley Quinn! And she needs an outfit that suits that. So get to it! Chop chop!"
The henchmen shared looks and then filed out. "What are we gonna do, Mr. J?" asked Harleen.
He pulled out a gun. "I'm gonna teach ya to shoot," he said, grinning at her. "You ain't ever fired one of these before, have ya?"
She shook her head. "Good. No misconceptions. C'mon," he said, taking her hand and leading her outside.
Harleen waited as he dug around the trash and fished out several beer bottles and cans. He lined these up along the dock wall, and then came back over to her, handing her his gun.
"It's heavier than you think," he said, nodding. "But it's only a handgun – they get heavier. Now c'mere," he said, coming behind her and helping her raise her arm. "You gotta draw your line of sight along the barrel," he murmured in her ear. "And then when you got it aimed properly, lightly squeeze the trigger. Got it?"
Harleen nodded, trying to pay attention to what he was saying, although most of her mind was focused on the fact that his body was nestled against hers. She could feel every beat of his heart, and his breath against her cheek, and it made her own heart hammer in her chest.
"Fire when ready!" he giggled. Harleen snapped back to reality and pulled the trigger. The bullet landed wide of the mark, and Harleen jumped back at the force of the kickback. Joker chuckled, pushing her forward again with his body and raising her arm again. "I told you to squeeze the trigger," he murmured. "Gently. Like this."
His other arm came about her waist, and his hand rested on her breasts. Harleen gasped in pleasure as he tenderly pressed one, sending sparks shooting through her body. "See? Gentle squeeze, and you get good results!" he chuckled. "Now you try. With the gun, I mean," he added, grinning.
Harleen nodded, trying to focus on the target. But it was incredibly difficult when he was still there, pressing against her, when his hand was still there, and then slid lower, onto her bottom.
"Gentle squeeze," he repeated, pinching her softly.
"Mr. J…you have to stop!" she gasped.
"Just trying to show you how effective it is, pooh!" he giggled. "Fire the gun."
Harleen nodded, making every effort to concentrate despite his wandering hands. "Make Daddy proud," he whispered in her ear. And she pulled the trigger. The glass bottle in front of her shattered.
"Good shot, pooh!" he exclaimed. "I'm kinda disappointed. I was hoping you'd need more guidance about gently squeezing stuff."
"Mr. J, while the guys are out, can we please…" begged Harleen, turning to face him.
"What?" he asked, grinning at her.
"You know," she whispered.
"Say it," he replied.
"M…make love," she stammered.
He laughed. "Aw, you're so eager, my little cupcake!" he said, pinching her cheek. "But Daddy's having fun playing with his little baby right now. And you wouldn't wanna spoil my fun, would you?"
"I don't like being teased," pleaded Harleen. "It's cruel."
"I can be cruel sometimes, baby," he agreed, nodding. "When it's fun. But you know that. I'm the Joker. And you gotta learn to enjoy being played with. Because I don't tire of my little toys easily," he said, squeezing her cheeks and kissing her.
"Is that what I am?" asked Harleen, slightly irritated. "Your toy?"
"Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "You're fun to play with, and you make me smile."
"I thought I was your lover," she murmured.
"You can be both," he said, shrugging. "Why confine yourself to one thing? I know I never do. I'm a comedian, a criminal, a lunatic, a genius, and I can do voices!"
"Voices?" repeated Harleen.
"Yeah! Name a Looney Tunes character, and I'll do 'em!" said Joker, beaming. "I can also do a mean Luke Skywalker! Most people can't tell the difference between me and the guy who played him!"
Harleen grinned at this, and kissed him. "What about you?" he asked. "What else are you, besides my toy and my lover?"
"Well, I…was a shrink," she stammered.
"And?"
"Uh…just a girl, I guess?"
He shook his head. "No, you're a natural markswoman," he said, gesturing at the broken glass she had shot. "Also not bad at organizing escapes from mental institutions – we'll call you a planner, I guess."
"Gymnast!" she said. "I used to do…gymnastics."
"Really?" he said, grinning. "Now this I gotta see! How far can you bend? I'll get the limbo stick out and we'll have a competition!" he chuckled.
"I used to be able to do handsprings," she said, more to herself than to him. "Maybe I still can…"
She raced forward, leaping onto her hands and bouncing back up. "Wow!" said Joker, impressed. "I can't do that."
"Never know until you try, Mr. J," she replied, grinning.
"I can do a backflip," he said, defensively. "If I wanna."
He snapped his fingers. "I know what else you are! You're a fighter! You didn't let the bastards at Arkham beat you down!"
"A fighter," repeated Harleen, nodding. "I like the sound of that."
He raised his hands, palms outward. "Let's see your punch, kid."
She obeyed, making a fist and slamming it into his hand. "Yeah, you got a lotta force," he said, nodding. "I remember that from when you slapped me. But try following through with the whole body when you punch. Pretend it's Dr. Baker's face," he added, grinning.
She punched into his hand again, harder. "We'll work on it," he said, nodding. "But you got natural strength, which is good. What else are you?"
She jumped up, leaping into his arms and kissing him. "I'm your Harley Quinn," she murmured. "And I don't wanna be anything else but that."
"She's a lotta things, though," he chuckled, grinning at her as he held her tightly. "But most importantly, she's mine."