Whew! Are you all ready for this? Long chapter and the first sex scene of the fic at the end. I hope you are enjoying the story, in case you couldn't tell it deviates A LOT from canon MCU, but Steve and Sam will be returning to the story shortly (with a few other surprise guests). Leave a review!
Weeks passed with Bucky keeping his ear to the ground for any leads. When one finally did come in it wasn't Lovelace, but Karpov who was found. Karpov was not one of the scientists, he was one of the Winter Soldier's handlers. The older Russian man was apparently hiding out in Romania, near Bucharest. Bucky was on edge since they got the tip. His memories were coming in more frequently now, but there was still no emotion behind them. He remembered Steve, remembered the war, remembered falling, and the surgery to fuse his new arm, remembered the dozens he had killed. He remembered almost everything, but he didn't know what feeling should be behind those memories.
The only time he felt emotion was in the memories he had of Suki. He looked across the tiny apartment where she was drinking tea and drawing in a notebook. Her dark hair that Hydra had cut short was growing back in and she let out a frustrated sigh when it fell in her eyes. He remembered the first time he saw the small girl. It was shortly after one of his trips to the Red Room to train the girls there. Pierce lead him down to the gun range where this impossibly tiny girl was waiting. She was smaller than the girls in the Red Room, her eyes were more trusting, she had smiled up at him and even in the memory Bucky's heart cracked in two. He was entrusted with teaching her the basics of weaponry and spent the afternoon patiently teaching her to disassemble and reassemble a pistol. The girl was a quick learner, she even made a game of the activity, insisting that Bucky scramble up the pieces like a puzzle for her to solve.
He also felt crushing guilt when he remembered the first time he was charged with bringing her back in to Hydra. He remembered watching her on the screen as he tortured her body, then later when he had punished her for attacking the doctor. When he thought of those times - of hurting her - he would nearly vomit with the crushing guilt that filled his whole being. He knew that Suki remembered those times as well. She never spoke about it, never questioned him about them even when she asked questions about his life as the Winter Soldier. He knew she remembered because when he would begin to lose his temper she would involuntarily shrink back or raise her arms in defense. Still, she stayed. It didn't make sense. Bucky hated himself for allowing her to stay, for being selfish and enjoying that she was with him, that he didn't have to be alone.
In all the cacophony running through his head there were only two things he knew for certain were true. His name was James 'Bucky' Buchanan Barnes, and Suki was his. Everything else - Steve, the war, the Winter Soldier - those could all be false memories because he didn't feel them. But his name and Suki, he felt. The more time they spent together, the more Suki proved herself, the more attached he became. Eventually, she would realize how despicable he was and leave, but until that day came, no one was going to separate her from him.
"We need to get going soon." Bucky broke through the silence. He had been watching Karpov for a few days now and knew that the old man would be getting home from his daily visit to the bar.
Suki followed Bucky silently through the dark alleyway. They had both expected more than this. Karpov was not living in a compound, but they expected some resistance. Bucky opened the large window that lead into the dining room of the small home and crawled in first. The home was totally dark on the inside, they could hear someone moving around, but couldn't see the person.
"This way." Suki whispered to Bucky, jerking her head in the direction she heard the noise the loudest.
They came to an empty living room but it sounded like the person was moving around in the same room as them. As they looked around one of the walls started to open up. Bucky shoved Suki behind him and aimed his rifle.
A stunned old man stood on the other side of wall. "Soldat?" Karpov looked at Bucky in amazement.
Suki walked away from Bucky and circled around Karpov to squeeze into his hidden room. She checked to make sure Bucky had a handle on the situation and sat her gun down. There were piles of papers and notebooks on the desk, one in particular caught her eye. A small red notebook with a black star identical to the one Bucky sported on his left shoulder. It had to be about the Winter Soldier program, Suki pocketed it in her cargo pants.
"I thought perhaps it was only a matter of time before I saw you again." Karpov's heavily accented speech was slurred and Suki could smell the booze coming off of him.
"Where are the others, Karpov?" Bucky asked in Russian, keeping his gun aimed. "Where are Rumlow and Lovelace?"
"The serum has worn off I see." Karpov raised his hands and rested them on the back of his head. "Your memories are returning, yes? Perhaps driving you insane."
"Rumlow and Lovelace?" Bucky repeated, bringing the barrel of his gun against Karpov's forehead.
Karpov's face twisted into a sardonic smile. "Longing, Rusted, Seventeen."
Suki jumped back into action when she heard the familiar pattern of trigger words rapidly escaping Karpov's mouth in Russian. Without thinking of what she was doing she grabbed the Bundeswehr knife from her pocked and ran the blade over the front of the Russian's neck before he could finish the trigger words. The man's body slumped in front of her and she saw Bucky still frozen with his rifle pointed directly at her.
"Bucky?" She asked hesitantly but he still didn't move. She said his name again but no flicker of recognition came to his eyes, she tried a different approach. "Soldier?"
Bucky slowly lowered his rifle, his eyes never left Suki's. "You killed him." He stated roughly.
"I need to know who I'm talking to right now." Suki tried to keep her voice steady, but heard it shake all the same. She didn't know what would happen if not all of the trigger words were said, if she was dealing with Bucky or the Winter Soldier.
"You killed him." Bucky repeated.
"I figured he couldn't control you if he didn't have vocal cords."
Bucky rapidly closed the distance between them, stepping over Karpov's body and grabbing the back of Suki's neck. His nostrils flared and Suki tightened the grip on her knife, ready to defend herself if need be. Bucky noticed the slight change in her movement and easily pulled the knife from her hand and threw it on the floor. He brought his face closer to hers and threaded the fingers of his metal hand through her own. "Thank you." He gruffly whispered then with surprising gentleness brushed his lips over hers. He pulled away almost as quickly as the kiss happened but Suki grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and forcefully crashed their lips together.
Her sudden movement unbalanced them and the couple fell against the wall. Bucky reached out his hands to steady them and caged Suki in against the wall. They continued to kiss, both savoring the contact that they had been craving for weeks without knowing it. Bucky pulled away, too soon for Suki, and rested his forehead against hers. "Let's go home." He rasped out.
Home. He had called this tiny Bucharest apartment with little more than a mattress and a refrigerator home. Bucky sank to the floor of the living space with his back against the wall and watched Suki peel off her blood-splattered jacket leaving her in a black tank top and cargo pants. The colorful tattoos of her arms stood out boldly against her pale skin, Bucky had never seen so many on one person. She sat next to him so their shoulders were touching a pulled a small, red notebook out her pocket.
"I found this." She explained and ran her hand over the star on the cover of the notebook. "I think it's the file on the Winter Soldier program."
Bucky took the notebook from her, he knew exactly what it was. "It's me." He explained. "I saw Karpov with it every time they pulled me from cryo, it's his notes on me." He tossed the notebook across the room, not wanting to think about the Winter Soldier or Hydra at the moment. He was more interested in the woman next to him and the way the small shaft of moonlight pouring into the room made the sweat glisten on her bare shoulders. Home wasn't this apartment, it was her.
She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her head against his shoulder. "Bucky?"
"Ya?" He leaned his head on top of hers, feeling calm and almost normal just by having her near.
"Can you tell me a memory? A good one, from when you were just Bucky. Do you have any of those?"
Bucky leaned his head back against the wall and mentally went through his notebook of memories. "It was summer." He started slowly, allowing the memory to fill his head, feeling the heat and noise of Brooklyn in the middle of July. "We buried my old man that day and I couldn't sleep because it was so goddam hot and my ma and sister were crying so loud. I snuck out my window and climbed the fire escape to the Steve's ma's place. We pulled the cushions off the couch and slept on the floor."
Bucky focused on the memory before it slipped away. He didn't say it, but he also remembered Steve's asthmatic coughing was even louder than the crying but for some reason it didn't keep him awake. The memory felt real.
"Do you think we can trust him?" Suki asked. "Steve - Captain America, I mean."
Bucky put his arm around her slender shoulders. "I don't think I can trust anyone but you." He reached across and took one of her hands in his own. "Why did you get all of these?"
Goosebumps ran up Suki's arm when he ran a finger across her tattoos. "I thought I was being rebellious." She chuckled slightly and Bucky smiled at the sound. "I was put in art classes when I was young, when I got older one of my classmates was into tattooing and when I got my first, I was hooked."
"I watched you for day, you know." Bucky continued to run his fingers up and down her arm. "The first time I was sent for you." They had never spoken about it, but Bucky knew it was time.
"I figured as much." Suki lowered her knees and scooted in front of Bucky so they were face to face. "What did you see?"
"Your hair was pink." A half smile appeared on Bucky's face when he thought about the first time he saw her. "You were walking out of your shop and you looked right at me, I was across the street, and our eyes met for just a moment before a car pulled up to get you."
"I don't remember that." Suki furrowed her brows.
"You wouldn't." Bucky continued on. "It was just a second for you, but it changed everything for me. I started to question things, the mission, who I was. You started to set me free with just a glance."
Bucky noticed a flush spreading across Suki's cheeks as he spoke. He liked the way it looked, liked that he was having an affect on her. "Look at me." He gently ordered. Suki lifted her eyes to his and he reached out to take her hand. "I don't know what's real or not real up here," He gestured to his head. "But I know that you keep saving me from the Soldier, and you're mine."
Bucky pushed himself away from the wall and captured Suki in a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in deeper to the embrace. When her lips parted Bucky took the opportunity to slip his tongue in her mouth, relishing the feel. He slipped his flesh hand under shirt and gently brought their bodies down all the way to the floor.
"Bucky," Suki kissed along his jaw and whispered in his ear. "I want you."
Bucky laughed and nipped at her throat. "You already have me, doll." And she did. Bucky was completely gone for the artist.
Their bodies knew each other after weeks sleeping side by side. It was the most natural and comfortable thing in the world for them to peel one another's clothes off until they were both naked and delighting in the feeling of skin against skin. Bucky didn't have any memories of this, he wasn't sure if that meant he had never done it or that the memories just hadn't returned, but he let his instincts take over and his his instincts told him to devour every inch of Suki he could. He kissed, licked, and bit down the whole length of her body, not able to get enough of the feel of her. Suki tugged at his hair and he returned to her face, kissing her deeply while rolling one of her nipples between two fingers. His right hand traveled lower until it hovered between her legs.
"Goddammit Bucky, if you don't touch me soon I'm going to explode." Suki opened her legs and tried to urge his hand forward.
Instead, Bucky ran his fingers up her inner thigh and barely ghosted them over her center. He finally pressed down just lightly and pinched at the bundle of nerves begging for attention. "You're so wet for me."
"Bucky, please." Suki moaned out his name.
Bucky laughed and bit her lower lip. "I think I like teasing you like this." He kissed down her neck. "Tell me what you want, Suki."
"Touch me, please."
Bucky raised his hand to her face and placed a finger on her forehead. "Like this?" He asked with a mischievous grin. He was growing almost painfully hard, but having Suki writhing underneath hime was worth denying his own release for a bit longer.
"Bucky..." Suki growled out his name, she was starting to reach her limit.
Bucky ran his hand down the length of her body and rested one finger at her entrance. "Oh," he said and leaned down to kiss her once again. "You mean like this." He inserted his finger and made a 'come here' movement with it.
"Fuck!" Suki yelled out and bucked her hips. "Yes like that."
Bucky continued to pleasure her with his fingers. Experimenting with different strokes to see what reactions he could get out of her, always slowing down just before she toppled over the edge. He groaned deeply when she suddenly reached down and grasped his now extremely hard cock.
"You want it, baby?" He tried to maintain some sense of control even as she stroked him.
"Fuck me, Bucky." Suki positioned him at her entrance and opened her legs even wider. Bucky was sure he had never seen a more beautiful sight. He slowly, inch by inch, sunk into her warm core, the walls of her body contracting, sucking him in deeper.
"Fuck." He breathed out once he was finally, blessedly, completely sheathed inside her. "You feel so good." He muttered against her ear and started to move, slowly at first, then...
"Bucky," Suki ran her nails down his back. "I said to fuck me, I'm not going to break. Let yourself go."
With her permission he moved faster, setting an almost punishing pace. Suki met his every thrust and raked her nails down his back. She came with a scream of his name on her lips and he followed as soon as he felt her contract around him. He continued to thrust into her ever so slowly as they both came down then hissed when he finally pulled out, already missing the feeling of being inside her.
Bucky rolled to his back and brought Suki to his chest with his arms around her. "I'll never be able to let go of you now." He said absently while running his hand through her hair.
"You won't have to," She replied. "I'm not going anywhere."