CHAPTER ELEVEN: A Past Story

I hadn't spoken to Jace since our argument. I suppose that's the best word to describe it. And the only times I've seen him are at the dining table, and I couldn't help glancing at him. Occasionally I would even catch his gaze, then both of us would look away awkwardly. But now I've been able to teach myself not look in his direction.

Also, because our rooms were near each other, I tried not to occidentally run into him in the hall. Which, so far, it had worked.

Although things weren't going great between Jace and I, Isabelle seemed to be lightening up. She hadn't been joining the group at meals, instead she did sit at the end of the table. At least I considered it better then storming off and eating elsewhere.

And of course, since the 'Magnus' incident, Alec hasn't exactly been shedding smiles. Especially around me. When I see him -which is mostly when I see everyone else, at meal times- and he's talking to another, he usually grumbles and keeps his head down. Apart from being, obviously, upset with Magnus, Alec was probably more cautious and wary around me.

It was that that made me feel extra worse. My actions got someone I cared about hurt. I was talking about Magnus. All he tried to do was help me, and I threw it back in his face.

All those thought passed as I sat at the dining table, pushing an abandoned slice of apple around in the last bit of milk, left over from the cereal. I stared at the mutation. I hadn't chewed then spat it back out, nothing like that. I just chose not to eat it, even though there was nothing wrong it. I wondered if it was rejoicing because it wasn't being digested, or screaming that it wants to be eaten, better than floating in milk.

But it had been sitting in the milk for a long time, no longer juicy and crunchy, but flavourless and mushy.

I wasn't paying attention to the others around. I hadn't even noticed Isabelle was a seat closer today. I didn't immerse myself in their conversations, not finding an interest in socialising. And none of them tried to get me to talk. Maryse had asked me a question occasionally, but I ended up giving her one word answers.

So the whole time I didn't look up from my cereal bowl. Knowing if I did, I might meet the eyes of Jace.

That, I wasn't exactly ready for.

JACE POV

I wanted to talk to her. Talk with her. How could I?

All morning she's been staring into that bowl like it held all every answer to every question in the universe. And I'm pretty sure it didn't.

She was angry with me. About blabbing about Magnus, or something else, I couldn't tell. While she was like this I couldn't figure out how to talk to her. Apologise? Why should I do that when I wouldn't even know what I was apologising for.

Last night Clary said she was sick of everyone acting like a guardian angel, so maybe I should leave her alone for a while. Yet the night before when she was drunk, she called me a guardian angel. Her angel. I could be hers. If only I could figure out how to talk to her.

I didn't even know for sure now if drunk Clary is real Clary or if sober Clary, the one who keeps preventing me from knowing, is the real Clary. And if it is than I want to know why she does it.

Are drunk Clary and cold Clary the same person?

It's too difficult to find out, especially when she keeps pushing me away. One moment we're talking fine, the next I'm suddenly being given the cold shoulder and Clary is storming away.

What happened to the confident Jace Lightwood? Any day, he would've gone up to whatever girl was bothering him and demanded the truth. Maybe even my conceited me would say the girl couldn't control herself around me, so she forced herself away. But I think that would be exaggerating it.

CLARY POV

Once breakfast was done, I continued on with what I usually did. Sit in my room trying to conjure up what to do.

My thoughts always went to my sketchbook. But it was full of sketches of my father and Jonathan. Also... I has shoved it into the dark of the closet, hoping to bury the note left by my brother. So that option was gone.

I did have thoughts of going outside, even for a few minutes. But no one would trust me to go alone, and the only one that would willingly consider going with me, was Jace. Groaning, I pulled myself up from my seat and headed out of my room, thinking that I hadn't been to the library recently.

As soon as I opened the door, I was grateful that I didn't a few seconds earlier. Jace was a few steps down the hall. If I opened the door any earlier, I would've crashed right into him.

Turning my body so I didn't face him, I reached back and swung my door closed. The noise was a little louder than I hoped for. I risked a look down the hall to see Jace walking as briskly as ever, like he doesn't have a care in the world. So he hadn't noticed, which I was grateful for. Wasn't I?

Shaking my head, I continued my way to the library, which when I arrive, doesn't seems like a few days have passed at all.

Nothing in the great room has changed.

Sure, piles of books that I didn't notice before were probably returned to where they belong. Though they are still some strays lying about. The great long windows look as if they haven't moved an inch. The fireplace still held it's never-dying flame. And, Maryse still sat at her desk, surrounded by papers.

She looked up from her writing, probably hearing my shoes against the floorboards. "Clary, I'm surprised to see you here."

I just smiled in response. Not feeling any regrets. Maybe I could get use to them calling me Clary without getting too attached.

"Maryse," I began, "if you don't mind me asking. What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "Whenever I see you, your sitting at your desk."

She chuckled, almost to herself. "I run an Institute, Clary. There's a lot more work required than you think."

"Oh," I smiled and nodded. "But, don't you want to take a break?"

"Always."

I went to go and scan some bookshelves but Maryse held me back. "Clary, I need to talk to you about something."

"Sure," I reluctantly took a seat near her. I knew that voice. It was the voice mother's used when they knew you did something wrong and they want you to confess. Only a week here and I've done something wrong. Well... what haven't I done?

"Is there anyone that you may not have been on the best of terms with, during your time in the mundane world?"

Why was she asking me this? But my mind still went through all the people asking me to assassinate another. I wouldn't call them enemies. I did their biddings. Maybe the whoever-wanted-you-dead's family?

I just shrugged again. "Not particularly. Why?"

Maryse sighed, "The Conclave is becoming suspicious."

"Of what?" I leaned forward in my chair.

"Someone is arousing suspicion that Clarissa Morgenstern is staying here. At the Institute."

A shallow breath escaped my lungs. "Has the council decided to take action?"

"Not as it appears," she said. "I know that you and Isabelle, and it seems Alec and Jace now, aren't exactly friends. But I know they wouldn't tell of your presence here. That's why I was wondering if you had any possible enemies."

But there was no one. No one except...

"My brother," I grumbled under a breath. But Maryse heard it.

"Sebastian?"

"Jonathan," I corrected.

"Yes. Do you really think he would turn you into the Clave?"

"I don't know," I looked away.

And that was the truth. I don't know if Jonathan would tell the Conclave about me. That would be low. But I know Jonathan, he is my brother. He wouldn't just do it for fun. He would do it to get back at me. And my mother. For like he said, we gave up on him. I suppose that would be true.

But if my father is involved, that may be a whole other situation. The difference is, I don't know how Valentine works.

"Clary?" Maryse's voice broke my thoughts.

"Hmm," I look back up and rubbed my eyes. It had probably just reached afternoon. I couldn't believe I'd be that tired.

"I could use a break from this," she said, gesturing to the paperwork that sat in front of her. "Tell me why you left the shadowhunting out of you life for so long."

I was reluctant at first, but then I thought that she already knew I was Valentine's daughter, and that was the biggest secret I held. So what was the problem? Apart from forgetting about everything I told myself when around Jace. Don't let the walls down. Why did that only apply so much to Jace.

"Well," I began, ignoring, once again, a pestering question in my mind. "I didn't cut out the demon hunting, just everything else that came with it," I explained. "I'm a Morgenstern, you know that. Life was... harder at the manor house back in Idris. So when my mother left my father, I went with her, leaving Jonathan. After that Valentine and him went AWOL, as I like to call it. But the Clave still wanted information about them. They turned to my mother and I. We didn't know much, nothing important.

"But they thought we were hiding things. My mum, she handled all the questioning, kept telling me it will all die down soon enough. She was fine with it. But I wasn't. The Clave just kept questioning, yet I knew my father and brother will turn up eventually. So I left. Left the eyes of he Clave and left my mum be herself.

"I guess the answer to your original question is, I was never ready."

"And are you ready now?" Maryse asked, knowing I was finished speaking.

Again, for the millionth time, I shrugged, "I'm not sure."

"When was the last time you saw Jocelyn?"

"About two years."

"Do you miss her?" she asked.

"I was selfish. I chose to leave her on her own. I don't deserve to miss her."

"Clary," Maryse began, "being the head of an Institute. I can find certain information for you, relating to your mother. Would you like that?"

I took a deep breath, feeling tears stinging my eyes. Spilling about my life was hard, but knowing I could know if my mum was alright. It was...

"Just... Keep an eye on her."

And saying that, I got up and left the library.

Sorry if there are any mistakes. I was going to go over it, but I'm getting a headache and I've been on the pc for an hour.

Question: Do you prefer Jace POV or Third person? Or do you want both?

I'll probs end up doing both anyway.

Hope you guys enjoy!

Au revoir!