Chapter 11: Going Home

Boone sat up as the elevator doors closed. He rubbed at his aching jaw then got to his feet and collected his belongings, including the bottle of whiskey, before storming out of the Lucky 38. He was furious, not only about the things that Ker had said but also at himself for utterly losing the fight. Even though he knew Ker's hand to hand skills were practically unmatched, he was still angry.

He wandered a few blocks down the street before finding an empty bench. He dropped down onto the bench and seethed in his barely controlled rage. He couldn't believe he'd considered that woman, that animal, to be his partner. To say the things she said, she must have been holding back the whole time they were together. He was lucky she hadn't turned on him sooner. But then again, if she'd wanted him dead, why wasn't he dead? He was bigger than her, yes, and stronger than her, but she was fast and skilled. She'd had every advantage in that fight and yet, he was still alive, nothing was even broken. If she hadn't wanted him dead, why start a fight?

Things are hard here. Dealing with people is hard. I never know what to say. Ker had admitted.

But she knew exactly what to say to provoke him. One word from Ker about Carla and he'd lost it. She goaded him on; riled him up until he had burst and said the things he'd been thinking for a long time.

I should have died with them. He'd said between insults.

You think dying will get you, what? Forgiveness? Closure? Dying solves nothing. She'd shot back. You saved her; you saved them, from a lifetime of suffering. Now, you have so many options; so much potential. And yet you've turned to mercy killing.

Boone was still angry but the more he thought about their somewhat violent exchange, the more he calmed down. Filtering out the insults, it was a conversation they should have had a while ago, but neither liked to talk about their past.

Boone found he was conflicted. Earlier in the evening he was sure he'd never see another sunrise. But now…

Dying solves nothing.

She was right. Boone needed to clear his head. He stood up from the bench and headed off into the crowd.

After an hour of wandering aimlessly though the rowdy Strip, Boone found himself at the Monorail. His beret was all the identification he needed and he passed through security without a problem. He rode the Monorail to McCarran with the drunk and boisterous crowd. He followed the crowd for a while. After the crowd had thinned out, he realized where his feet were taking him.

"Boone! Good to see you again." Sterling called as Boone approached the First Recon tent.

"Sterling." Boone replied with a nod.

"Where's your partner?"

"Solo now."

"Something happen to her?" Sterling asked with concern.

"She's fine."

"Ah… Funniest rumour going around camp about that courier." Sterling said, shaking his head.

"What rumour?" Boone asked, slightly intrigued.

"Word is she's Carter Cross's daughter, Sable."

"Why's that interesting?"

Sterling laughed. "Well, it might not be interesting to you, but it sure as hell is to us rangers."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, Carter Cross was a bit of a legend among the Desert Rangers." Sterling motioned toward the tent and Boone followed him in and sat across from him at the table. "Carter was the son of rangers. Stories say he was a bit of a wunderkind when it came to all things ranger. By 12, he was the best shot in Kingman. By 15, he was already doing solo forays against the Legion. He was the best weapon in the rangers' arsenal against the Legion. If it weren't for him the Legion might've got to the Mojave before the NCR. He had a knack for killing the Legion and never balked at doing the dirty work. Now this isn't to say Carter was someone you wanted to know. This is to say Carter was someone you wanted on your side, but as far away from you as possible. He knew he was good. He was a rude, self-centered, egotistical bastard. But he had a major hate on for the Legion, and that made him useful. Until the Unification Treaty that is."

"When the Desert Rangers joined the NCR." Boone added to show his understanding.

"Right. Carter hated the NCR almost as much as he hated the Legion. When he found out about the Treaty, he quit the Desert Rangers on the spot. Nobody's seen hide nor hair of him since. Some folks think he finally got caught by the Legion. Others say he went north and became a raider. But, no one knows for sure."

"What about Sable?"

"Well, you see, where Carter was a legend, Sable was a bit more of a myth. Sable was Carter's only child and the way the Desert Rangers used to work was you passed on your knowledge to your kids. Rumour was Carter took Sable from Kingman to train when she was only five years old. Which was a big breach of protocol; that was far too young to go out into the field. But the rangers looked the other way. No one really wanted to oppose Carter or pull his attention off the Legion. Apparently, she was last seen at the Unification Treaty meeting. It's always been assumed that whatever happened to Carter, Sable shared his fate."

"What else can you tell me about Sable?"

"I never met Sable, least to the best of my recollection. So all I can really do is pass on the rumours."

"That's fine."

"Sable was a bright kid; smart as a whip and as kind as the day is long. Most people couldn't believe that a child like that was even related to Carter."

"What else can you tell me about Carter?"

"Well, let's see. I only met the bastard a few times. Carter was a damn good shot; the First Recon of the Desert Rangers. While he preferred to take his targets at range he was no stranger to close quarter tactics; often using knives and pistols. But his attitude made him difficult to work with, so he usually worked alone." Sterling was quiet for a few moments. "I believe that makes it your turn, Boone."

"What?" Boone was startled out of thought.

"Well, is she Sable Cross?"

"Sable Cross died on a cross five years ago outside Hackberry." Boone said, repeating exactly what Ker had told him.

"And how exactly do you know that?" Sterling asked.

"My partner told me." Boone said as he stood up.

"I see." Sterling said contemplatively. Boone turned to leave. "Boone, wait." Boone turned back to Sterling. "If your partner ever was Sable Cross, do us rangers a favor and look after her. We failed her. Too busy fixing the problems of the desert to fix the problems in our own organization. I can only imagine what that bastard put her though." Sterling sighed sadly.

"I know a little. Wish I didn't."

"Goddammit." Sterling sighed.

Boone heard several people approaching the tent. He stepped out and ran right in 10 of Spades and Bitter-Root.

"B-b-Boone!" Spades greeted. Bitter-Root nodded to Boone as he walked by into the tent. "How'd you d-d-do it? What'd you s-s-say?"

"What?" Boone asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

"T-t-to Betsy. She's finally g-g-getting help."

"She is?!" Boone asked in surprise. Betsy did not easily change her mind.

"She says it's no d-d-different than a bullet wound. G-g-gotta treat it to heal."

"Huh." Boone said in surprise. "Wasn't me."

"It w-w-wasn't?!" Spades replied. "It was after y-y-you left."

"Might've been my partner."

"The c-c-courier?" Spades thought for a second. "Can you th-th-thank her for me?"

"Might not see her again."

"If you d-d-do…"

"Alright."

"Gotta hit the h-h-hay; early m-m-morning." Spades said as he turned toward the tent.

"Right." Boone understood. As Spades waved goodbye, Boone turned and left.

The camp was asleep, making McCarran a good place to do some thinking. Boone wandered down one of the runways until he found some crates. He then sat down on a crate with a loud sigh. He needed to figure out what to do. His pack was back at the Lucky 38 but he had all the essentials with him, mainly his rifle and sidearm. He also still had the bottle of whiskey from the bar.

He didn't have a partner to consult anymore so it was just up to him to decide what to do. He could go back to Novac; defend the town with Manny again.

Sulk and mope and hide from the world in a fucking dinosaur!

Ker was right. That's exactly what he'd be doing. Just waiting for whatever would finally come his way. He had to admit, being out in the world these last few weeks had been, if nothing else, distracting. It had also been productive; helping out here at McCarran especially. He looked around. He could reenlist. No. Every time he thought about reenlisting he was reminded of Bitter Springs. He knew it'd be worse if he rejoined First Recon. He could go back to hunting the Legion. No. He had learned the hard way how ineffective that was solo. He'd need to find a new partner. Someone who wouldn't mind putting their life on the line for someone they hardly knew. Someone who'd risk the possibility of being captured by the Legion just to help him get revenge. That would be difficult to find. He'd spent months waiting last time. Months of seeing the same traders pass through town, never a new face among them. He could end it all.

You think dying will get you, what?! Forgiveness?! Closure?! Dying solves nothing!

Dying solves nothing. If he was dead, he couldn't get more revenge on the Legion. If he was dead, he'd never see the Legion defeated. But if he was dead he wouldn't hurt anymore. But then, who would remember Carla? He never should have spoken to Carla in the first place. He never should have gotten her involved.

Carla loved you. Of all the people on the Strip, she picked you.

He hadn't thought of that. Getting married wasn't his decision alone. Carla had to say yes. She had to love him too. He knew how much he loved her, if she had loved him the same…

If she could see what you've become, she'd be disgusted.

Maybe not disgusted, but definitely heartbroken. If he'd died, he wanted her to move and to be happy. If she knew what he was considering right now; he couldn't help but smile at the thought of Carla scolding him for being stupid.

You did everything you could for her! You saved her; you saved them, from a lifetime of suffering!

He'd told himself the same thing more times than he could count but hearing someone else say it really drove the point home.

Ker had said exactly what he needed to hear. She goaded him on to find out what was bothering him then tried to help in the best way she knew. He looked down at the bottle of whiskey in his hand.

If you take that drink, our partnership is over.

He had taken the drink; partly out of spite and partly to make her move on and forget about him. He was ready to end it, but she still had his back. Even after he'd made it clear he'd rather kill himself then be her partner. Boone rubbed his stiff jaw. And the things he'd said…

You're nothing but a maladjusted slave looking for a master! You're nothing but a rabid animal that should be put down!

She was just trying to help. If she'd actually wanted to hurt him, he wouldn't have walked away from that fight. He knew how hard it was for her to manage on this side of the river. He knew she was out of her element. He knew she was dealing with her own demons. And yet, instead of having her back, he'd left her alone.

I didn't need a second partner to abandon me.

She trusted him. He knew what that meant and he still left. He was no better than the bastard she called father. They'd both used her to help them kill the Legion, and then abandoned her. He'd messed up again. Made the wrong decision and hurt someone close to him. He had to do something about it. Maybe he could fix this, maybe he would die trying, either way was a win to him. He would try, then. He would try and make up for some of his mistakes while he still had time left. He had to go back but would she even forgive him? Could she even forgive him? And if she did would she ever trust him again?

Boone set the bottle of whiskey down on the crate beside him and then stood up. He knew what he had to do.

Ker woke before dawn the next morning and started packing; food, water, ammo, pistols, knives… and rifle. She looked at the rifle in her hands. It had been a gift from Boone. It didn't matter; he was probably dead by now. All she'd wanted to do was help him but she didn't know how. With Boone dead there was only one thing keeping her in the Mojave. Ker pulled the platinum chip out of her pocket and went over to the desk in the corner. She grabbed a notepad from the desk and carefully wrote down two words in large but neat, blocky letters. Then she placed the platinum chip on the note. Now there was nothing keeping her here.

Ker finished packing and gearing up. It was strange, these feeling of loss for someone she hardly knew. She hadn't realized in trying to help Boone, she'd become attached; emotionally invested. Only now that he was gone did she realize it. She didn't like it, this emotional turmoil. Worse still, she had tried with everything she had to be a friend to Boone, at least what she thought a friend was. It hadn't mattered. In the end, he would rather kill himself then stay with his new partner.

Carefully Ker snuck out of her room and down the elevator. It wasn't worth it, to try again when she failed so miserably the first time. Her other companions would be better off without her, especially since she was on the Legion's hit list now.

Everything is temporary; emotions, thoughts, people, scenery. Do not become attached.

I should have listened to you, father. Not to a stranger I met in the desert.

Heading east was like a breath of fresh air to Ker. The issues of the Mojave seemed to become less and less important with each step she took. Her father even approved of the action, though he still believed leaving the sniper alive was a loose end. Ker's plan was to head east to pass north over Lake Mead then to head southeast. The battle for the dam was quickly approaching. The NCR could benefit greatly if she was able to disrupt Legion supply lines. She had adequate supplies and knew of several caches of supplies near the river; some hers, some her father's and some belonging to the rangers.

She didn't look back as she walked east. She slipped back into her old routine as she traveled; silent and watchful. There was no need for her to speak. Before she came west, she could go weeks without uttering a single word. She was very much used to being alone. Getting back to that would be familiar.

It took a few hours of walking to get back up to her usual pace. With no pursuing Legion in the west and no time sensitive objectives, she had fallen into a habit of walking at a more comfortable pace. When she crossed the river, she would need to fall back into her old habits. It wouldn't be hard. She was almost looking forward to it.

Boone got back to the Lucky 38 not long after dawn. The securitrons didn't stop him, so he headed in and up the elevator. Arcade met him in the foyer.

"And where have you been?" Arcade asked coyly, seeing Boone's dishevelled appearance.

"Out." Boone answered tersely.

"That's… vague."

Boone merely grunted.

"Do you know what's up with Ker?" Arcade asked.

"What do you mean?" Boone asked, suddenly worried.

"Well, she stormed in here last night looking a bit roughed up. Then she locked herself in her room and hasn't come out. She won't even answer us." Arcade said sadly.

"I'll talk to her." Boone said quickly. Arcade nodded as Boone headed to Ker's door.

"Ker?" He said as he knocked. "We need to talk." He added after a moment. He got no response. He tried the doorknob. The door popped open.

"That was locked yesterday." Arcade said warily.

Boone entered the room. It looked immaculate, much like the other rooms in the presidential suite. The only signs someone had even been in the room lately were the unmade bed and the open lockbox at its foot. Boone's eagle eyes easily caught the other item that was out of place in the room. He walked over to the desk and saw the platinum chip lying on a note. Boone grabbed the note, quickly reading it.

"What…?" Boone worked to puzzle out the meaning of the two words written on the note. "Oh… Fuck."

"What is it?" Arcade asked from the door.

Boone shoved the note into Arcade's hands as he pushed by him and hurried back to the elevator. Arcade read the note quickly.

"Going home? She's going home? Where's home?!" Arcade called to Boone as the sniper rushed into the elevator and hit the casino floor button.

Boone rushed to Freeside where he asked around to see if anyone had seen Ker. Luckily, a small, lone woman in a duster was hard to miss in the slum. Once he knew which exit she'd taken he spent a few minutes looking for the freshest trail heading due east. There had been only one. Boone followed the trail at as fast a speed as he could sustain. He knew Ker had at least an hour head start on him, maybe more. He'd have to make up the time.

The trail Boone was following headed east until it turned northeast near Lake Mead. It was getting dark. If he didn't catch Ker soon he'd have to camp and try again in the morning. He wasn't even sure he could catch her. Her lifetime of living in the desert gave her experience well beyond his few years in the military.

He pushed himself, hard. He didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't catch her. If she reached the river, would he turn back or cross to keep following her? He didn't want to think about it. Instead he focused on his breathing and keeping his pace as fast as possible.

As the last rays of light bleed from the sky the trail veered suddenly west toward a rocky outcropping. Camp. Boone breathed a sigh of relief. He slowed down and tried to catch his breath as he approached the rocky outcropping in the dark, moonless night. When he found what seemed to be a decent camping spot her flicked on his lighter to get a better view of the campsite. There was a very familiar pack sitting in the middle of the sheltered clearing. Beside it were a few packages of old world food and a canteen. In the dark he couldn't find anything else or any sign of where Ker might have gone.

Boone sighed and flicked off his lighter. "You're behind me, aren't you?"

"Boone?!" He turned toward the voice. He heard rustling then a heavy thump as something landed in front of him. "What do you want?" Ker demanded roughly.

"You're going east, to Kingman, aren't you?" He asked sternly.

"Yes." Ker said walking past him.

"Why?" He demanded.

"If I focus my efforts along I93, between Kingman and Hoover Dam, I could significantly disrupt the Legion supply lines." Ker said matter-of-factly as she knelt and put the food and canteen back in her pack. "If I cause enough of a disruption it could benefit the NCR in the coming battle."

"More orders from your father?" Boone spat.

"Father's orders are absolute. I disobeyed them and look where I ended up; in the middle of a war with a partner who'd rather be dead then fight by my side." Ker didn't see Boone flinch at the words as she pulled the pack onto her shoulders and stood up. "I tried, Boone. I tried to be different. I tried to be normal. I tried to help people. But it was no use. I can't help anyone. All I can do is what my father taught me."

"What about Betsy?" Boone tried.

"Betsy made her decision. Nothing I said made a difference."

"That's not true. 10 of Spades told me Betsy finally asked for help."

"What?"

"He wanted to know what I said to change her mind."

"I'm glad." Ker smiled to herself in the dark. "Take care of them, Boone. It's a nice thing; having friends. And I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said the things I said. But I didn't know how else to get you to tell me what you were actually thinking." Ker said sadly as she started to walk by Boone.

"Wait." Boone said, stepping in front of her.

"Why?"

Boone recognized the determination in her voice; she wouldn't be easily swayed by anything he said. He needed her to stay, needed to appeal to her in a way she couldn't refuse. "It's too dark to find another campsite and there are reports of deathclaws east of here. Unless you want to try and take on a deathclaw in the dark, I think you're stuck here." There was a moment of silence in the darkness.

If the reports of deathclaws are indeed true, it would be a potentially fatal mistake to leave this campsite.

I can't trust the sniper. We aren't partners anymore.

No, but you can kill him.

"I threatened to kill you." Ker finally replied.

"I've seen you fight enough to know you were going easy on me."

"Alright." Ker finally relented and moved over to some rocks at the edge of the clearing. After dropping her pack she produced a small amount of brush for a fire. It didn't take her long to get a small fire burning. Then she and Boone sat in silence across the fire from each other.

They sat in silence for a long time. "If you still intend on hunting the Legion, you should improve your hand to hand skills. They are somewhat… lacking." Ker broke the silence after what seemed like hours.

"Didn't have much hand-to-hand training. Don't intend to be that close."

Boone saw Ker dig though her pack for a few moments. "Here." She said and tossed something small over the fire to him. He caught it, and then examined it. It was a small glass vial. Inside was a small amount of a sickly looking, yellowish liquid.

"What is it?"

"Pure cazador venom. If you drink it, it'll kill you pretty quick; a lot quicker than the Legion. I have no intention of being captured again." Ker explained bluntly. "If the Legion gets too close to you, it might be the best option."

"Thought mercy killing was the last resort."

"You seemed eager enough in the casino." Ker was quiet for a moment then continued harshly. "Why didn't you? In fact, why are you even here? You made it perfectly clear that you no longer wanted to be partners. You have no obligation to watch my back anymore."

"Friend of mine once told me dying solves nothing. Figured I'd try living a bit longer, see if I can make up for some of my mistakes." Ker cocked her head to the side in thought as she stared at Boone while he spoke. "Figured I'd start with this one."

"This one?" Ker asked in surprise.

"Shouldn't have taken that drink." Boone said shaking his head. "Think I needed to hear the things you said. Need to be stronger. Need to be the man Carla fell in love with again."

"I'd like to meet that man." Ker replied with a soft smile.

"Want to be partners again." Boone finally said.

Ker leaned back against the rocks behind her and looked up at the starry sky. "It's not that simple, Boone."

"Why not? You still had my back, even after I took that drink."

"I didn't want you die. I said the things I said to goad you on; to make you angry. You see things differently when you're angry and say things you'd otherwise never say. I don't think Carla would be disgusted with you. Sad, yes, and heartbroken. And I know you're strong enough to survive in the wasteland because you're still alive. But what you said…"

You're nothing but a maladjusted slave looking for a master! You're nothing but a rabid animal that should be put down!

"Just confirms what I suspected from the beginning. I don't belong here, Boone. I don't think I'll ever belong here."

"I was angry. I didn't mean-" Boone started.

"Yes. You did." Ker interrupted. "Being angry, you said exactly what you were thinking. I'm not mad, just glad to know. If my partner sees me as nothing more than a rabid animal, maybe that's all I am. Maybe that's all I'll ever be." Ker shrugged.

"That's all you'll be if that's all you want to be." Boone said sternly. "If I have choices and potential, so do you. You can be anything you want to be; do anything you want to do! There's no one who could stop you."

"Except my father."

"He's not here."

"No, but he's in here." Ker said tapping her temple with one finger.

"So? You're stronger than him. You can do whatever you want to do."

"I want to go east. I want to do what I was made to do. I want to follow my father's orders. I want to get revenge. I want to destroy the Legion."

"That's really what you want?"

"Yes."

Boone was quiet for a moment. His next words were a calculated risk. "What does Sable want?"

"What?" Ker said flatly, narrowing her eyes at Boone. "I told you, Sable is dead."

"Maybe, but Sable was a smart and kind kid. I don't think that's what she would want."

"Who told you that?" Ker said fiercely.

"Apparently your ranger friend can't keep his mouth shut. Word around McCarran is the courier is Sable Cross. All the rangers are talking about it."

"Shit!" Ker shouted as she dropped her face in her hands. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

"Why does that matter?" Boone asked, confused.

Ker shot to her feet and shouted in anger. "Because Sable was weak! Sable was trusting! Sable was naive! Sable got caught! Sable trusted father! Sable believed father would save her!" Ker suddenly went very still as she stared across the fire at Boone. "It was Sable who broke to the Legion torture." She whispered. "Sable who prayed for death when she could take no more and Sable who gave up while she hung from the cross." Ker took a deep breath, willing away the tears. "It was Ker that survived the flash flood. Ker who survived alone and practically dead in the desert with no supplies. And it was Ker who took revenge on the Legion alone for years."

Ker took a few unsteady breaths, trying to control the cold rage and bitter hate that threatened to overcome her. "I am who I choose to be, Boone. I choose to be strong. I choose to be vicious. I choose to be rabid. To you, I may just be a maladjusted slave, but I survived where no one else could have!" Ker was pretty sure she was crying by now, but whether they were tears of rage or sorrow, she didn't know. "I will never be weak again."

Boone was speechless. Slowly and carefully, he stood up; well aware Ker's entire focus was on him and how easily she could injure him if she chose to. It only took two steps to circle the small fire. When he reached out, Ker flinched but didn't move. When he pulled her into a bear hug, she struggled for a moment against his greater strength. She was stiff in his arms, as if she didn't understand what he was doing. He just held her tightly and slowly, she began to relax in his grip. Eventually, her forehead came down to rest against his chest and the tears she was crying began to fall in earnest.

As Boone held her, his own rage started to build. How could you do this to someone? To your own daughter? Take her to fight the Legion as a child. Train her so brutally that she barely recognizes a hug. Abandon her to villains where she would suffer unimaginable horrors. Boone knew exactly what sort of person could do this: Carter Cross. He kept his rising anger in check as he held the small woman in his arms.

He wasn't sure how long they stood there. Eventually she stopped crying. When the sniffles ebbed she tried to pull away from him and he let her go.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Boone." She sniffed.

"Don't be. You've been through hell; it only makes sense it would have some effect on you." They stood awkwardly in the quiet night, listening to the snaps and crackles of the fire.

Finally, Ker broke the standoff by wiping her eyes and nose on the sleeve of her duster. "Are there really deathclaws east of here?" She asked as she sat down where she stood.

"Yes." Boone answered, sitting down where he was standing which left him less than a foot from Ker. "Do you still want to go east?" He asked hesitantly. "You don't need to kill legionaries to prove you're strong."

"Is that what I'm doing?" Ker thought for a moment. "You may be right. Do you still want to be partners again? I can't guarantee I won't hit you again." Ker said with just a hint of humour.

"Yes, and I think I needed a little sense knocked into me."

"Alright." Ker said softly and then continued more firmly. "But if you're still committed to fighting the Legion, you need to brush up on your close quarters combat."

"You're staying then?" Boone asked optimistically.

"Yes. I can't leave my only friend to face this world alone."