DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER. I JUST ENJOY MESSING WITH THEM IS ALL.
Oak in the forest towers with might, in the fire it brings the God's insight.
Rowan is a tree of power, causing life and magic to flower.
Esme
I knew when Carlisle came down into the kitchen that things had not gone well with Edward. Just as I knew he would, Edward had vehemently enforced the knowledge that he was not going to Billy Black. At least, not of his own volition.
My husband's expression was grave as he walked into the kitchen and I knew that he had just made things harder for himself. The two of them were both extremely stubborn, but unfortunately when it came to Edward, Carlisle was fighting a losing battle here. I don't know how he planned to get Edward to La Push, but what I did know was that I wanted absolutely no part in it whatsoever. I was not going to choose between my son and my husband.
Even though I loved Carlisle dearly, for me, the choice would be an easy one. I just hope that I was not asked to make it.
When he walked into the kitchen, I told him, in no certain terms to leave Edward be for a while. To leave him to his own devices and let him calm down. He started to protest and I knew he was going to remind me of the danger Edward's powers posed. I knew he was only looking out for his son and the people he loved, but he had to see that his actions were only doing one thing at the moment.
Hurting Edward.
He was hurting my baby and that was something I wouldn't stand for. Not even from Carlisle.
I told him to stay put as I made Edward some camomile tea. It calmed him down and would relax him after his argument with his father.
After I turned around, finding Carlisle at the cupboard, taking a mug out of it just where I'd left Edward's tea, I had reached around him, taking the mug I had made for my son upstairs.
The walk up to Edward's room seemed to take at least twice as long as it normally did. Who knew what I would find when I got up there. I had asked Jasper as I passed the group of them, how he was feeling, and all he said was 'pissed'. I didn't approve of the language used, and scolded him for it as always, but it provided me with the information I needed. I just hoped that I would be able to comfort my son as I had done in the past.
"Edward?" I said quietly, opening his door. He looked over at me and my heart just about broke at the sight of him on his bed.
I knew that Carlisle wanted him to go to Billy again, but I don't think he could see what it was doing to his son to live in that knowledge. Carlisle always had to be doing the 'right thing' but sometimes, doing that skewed his judgement somewhat and I knew that this time, what he was doing, forcing Edward into going back to Billy, was wrong. I understood exactly where he was coming from, but hell, even though he's seventeen, Edward's my baby boy and I'm going to protect him. I made my way over to him slowly, not wanting him to think the same of me as he did of his father. I couldn't bear falling out with him. Either of my babies. My husband on the other hand was going to get an earful later on. "How are you, sweetheart?"
"Honestly?" He looked up at me, his beautiful green eyes wide and cautious. I nodded as I sat down and pulled him close to me, breathing in his scent. The gorgeous smell of lavender and honey that always seemed to emanate off of him flooded my senses and I smiled to myself. He sighed as he took a gulp of the tea I had made him, closing his eyes slightly. "I've been better. I'm guessing Dad told you."
"Yes, he did, sweetie." Actually, Carlisle hadn't needed to tell me anything. I immediately knew what was going on as soon as he made his appearance downstairs.
I had been a little shocked when Bella appeared downstairs, looking slightly distressed. She told us that Carlisle had practically kicked her out of Edward's room, wanting to talk to him. I could see that it distressed her to be away from Edward at any time, but especially now, when he was feeling so vulnerable, she was hating it. It didn't matter that he was in the same building as she was. I could see from the both of them, that they were only placated if they were in the same room, with some sort of physical contact. They had always been that way. The bond between the two of them was strong.
"Even though I don't like the way he's going about things, he might be right." I sighed, pressing my lips to his temple gently and he looked up at me, shock radiating in his stare. He opened his mouth slightly to say something, but stopped when I placed my finger on the end of his nose. This was a little trick that I had honed into him and Alice when they were growing up. It was most effective because they both knew that Mommy was still talking and to be quiet. I was quite impressed to know that even though they were practically adults now, it still worked. They both still understood that a finger on the nose meant that Mommy was still talking and to be quiet until she was finished. "We don't know about your complete power, Edward. We don't know what could happen."
"You want me to go to Billy." He said softly, his tone accusing and full of hurt. I knew that he saw me as one person he could always rely on and he thought I was betraying him.
He tried to move away from me, but I tightened my grip on him, stopping him from moving anywhere. I needed the closeness with him at this moment. I don't know whether it was me or Jasper working overtime downstairs, but something in me was feeling extremely apprehensive about the upcoming few hours. What could that be about?
"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to, alright baby?" I whispered into his ear, the statement not needing to be any louder than that as I held him to me. Even though he and Alice were only two minutes apart, he was the baby in the family. And he was my baby. It didn't matter how old he got, he would always be my baby. I would always need to protect him.
He took another gulp of the tea I had made him, almost finishing it and resting his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes again. "Thank you."
Seeing that he'd almost finished, I took the mug, knowing that his grip on it would tighten if he wanted to keep it. It didn't and I wasn't met with any resistance when I moved to put the mug on the side next to him. It seemed that my plan to relax him had worked and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him.
I'm so sorry, my baby. I thought as I ran my fingers through his hair gently. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry about everything. If I could stop your father I would, but I can't. I sighed with that last thought, hating myself for it. I knew Carlisle better than anyone and I knew that I should have been able to put a stop to him. I couldn't let him take Edward to Billy Black. Who knew what that would do to his psyche?
I gently rocked Edward back and forwards, humming a soft tune that I used to when the two of them were little. It felt good to be in this position again, although I'd like for better circumstances.
I immediately knew that something was wrong when I saw that Edward's hands had gone slack, just laying in his lap, palm up.
"Edward?" I whispered gently, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Edward?" I made my voice a little louder, though not much as I didn't want to startle him if he was just resting his eyes a little.
I settled him down on his back, looking at him again, and running my hand over his cheek. What on earth? He was unconscious. Wait a minute. I looked over to the bedside table, glaring at the mug I had placed there as if it had all of the answers. It didn't. But I knew someone who did.
Making sure that Edward was okay, I launched myself off of the bed and practically flew down into Carlisle's office, knowing that that was where he was.
"What the hell did you put in that tea?" I practically screeched at him and he turned around, his face calm as though we were having our nightly discussion. "What did you do to my son?"
"What needed to be done." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You think that it was easy for me to do that to Edward? You think that I wanted to do that to him. No, I did that because I had to. He has to go to Billy. Without going to Billy's he will become dangerous. You're all acting like I'm the bad guy here. All I'm trying to do is protect my son and the rest of my family."
"You didn't have to drug him, Carlisle." I stressed and he sighed again, shaking his head as though I didn't understand. Which was true. I didn't. I didn't understand why my husband was doing this to my son. It didn't make sense.
"It was the only way to get him to cooperate." He replied, his voice low and remorseful. I knew that he thought he was doing what's right, but that was no reason to do this to Edward. He moved to the phone, picking it up and pressing a speed-dial button. "Charlie?" Charlie was in on this too?! "He's out. Yeah." He put the phone down and without looking at me, moved out of the room.
"Carlisle." I warned as he turned to go up the stairs into Edward's room. "Don't."
"I have to, Esme." He sighed, turning to face me. "I have to."
"No, you don't." I shook my head, walking towards him. "You said that his power has been growing?" He nodded sadly. "Don't you think that as it grows he would learn to control it? You know what Edward is like with his powers. Always experimenting, pushing himself. Don't you think that he would learn to harness them, rather than hurting people with them with lack of experience?"
"No." He shook his head slowly. "Billy says that the powers Edward possesses are too great for anyone to learn to control. He doesn't know how or why one individual received so much power, but Edward did. And he's genuinely afraid of what he could do with it. We've seen what happens when he gets angry. Billy told me that the evidence of Edward's anger are his powers trying to break free of their barriers. That's what affects him so much. And that's what makes him dangerous."
At that moment, Charlie appeared at the bottom of the stairs, but stayed there, seeing Carlisle and I in a gridlock. Carlisle nodded up to Edward's bedroom, and Charlie ascended the stairs slowly, not seeming too confident under my stare.
He disappeared into Edward's room and reappeared moments later, carrying my unconscious son in his arms. Who knew Charlie was that strong?
"Carlisle," I looked back at him. "If you do this, you can find somewhere else to sleep tonight."
He gave me a sad look and followed after Charlie, who was now tucking Edward into the front seat of the car, while Carlisle was climbing into the drivers' seat.
I asked not to have to make the choice between Edward and Carlisle. I said that it would be an easy one.
But that didn't mean that the after effect was easy to live with.
Edward
The car ride home was deathly quiet after my words. He didn't try to talk to me or reassure me. Even his mind was blank for once, which was good because I didn't think that I would be able to deal with what was going on in his head at the moment.
I didn't know what Billy had done to me, but I did know that I didn't feel right. I felt sort of . . . empty. As though I was missing something. As though I wasn't quite whole. I knew who was to blame for that, though.
As soon as we parked in the driveway, my door was yanked open and I was being lifted, quickly but carefully, out of the car and into my house. I looked up and saw that it was Emmett holding me and the others were following behind.
He took me up to my room, which I was glad about, because I couldn't deal with any of the parents. I didn't know whether any of them were about, but they would be sooner or later. I wondered if they were all in on what Carlisle had been planning. It was clear that my mother had been. What with the tea and everything. Yes, I'd worked out that it was the tea that had caused me to pass out. It probably had belladonna or something in it.
"Edward?" Alice's small voice broke through my slight haze. "Edward, what happened?"
"I don't know." I whispered, shaking my head. "One minute, I'm with my Mom, we're talking and then . . . nothing. And then, I'm in the car, Carlisle's strapping me back into the car and we're coming back from La Push. Billy was sitting there on his doorstep and Carlisle was driving us back to Forks."
"Esme was pretty pissed with him when he left." Jasper spoke up, wrapping his arms around Alice's waist.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. She had been the one to give me the tea, so she must have known about it. Right?
"I know what you're thinking, Edward." Bella wrapped her arms around my shoulders as she settled down next to me. "But Esme didn't know. Carlisle slipped the belladonna-" Ha! I was right. "Into your tea when her back was turned. The first she knew about it was when you passed out in her arms. She was furious. We heard her practically screaming at Carlisle before he took you to La Push."
"Why didn't she try and stop him?" I whispered, practically to myself but the others heard me. As they always seemed to.
"She did." Alice sighed, coming up on the other side of me, wrapping her arms around my hips and resting her head on my stomach. "Let's just say, Dad's not sleeping here tonight."
"What?" My jaw dropped open and I knew that I was on the verge of looking like a cartoon, but I really couldn't bring myself to care. "She kicked him out?"
"For now, yeah." Jasper nodded as he sat at the foot of my bed. Rosalie and Emmett were curled up together on the floor next to my bed, nodding in agreement. "We don't know when he's going to be let back in."
"Wow." I breathed, resting my head back on my pillows, closing my eyes. For the moment, I was glad that I didn't have their voices running rampant in my head as I normally did. I was guessing Bella had something to do with that. "Thank you." I whispered to her as I rested my cheek on her shoulder.
"For what?" She sounded confused and I opened my eyes and looked up at her.
"Blocking everyone." I said softly and her brow furrowed even further.
"I'm not, Edward." She said softly, her voice worried.
"What?" I sat up slightly, staring straight into her eyes.
"I'm not blocking anyone, Edward." She whispered again and I felt the others gazing at us. I could feel Jasper's shock at the words just spoken through his gift.
"Then what . . ."
"What's wrong, Edward?" Rosalie asked. She was standing up, as was Emmett next to her. The look on her face told me everything she was feeling and thinking. The worry and concern plain to see. It was there on all of their faces as they looked at me.
"I can't hear anything." I whispered, looking at them all. They all looked confused at my sentence, only Bella seeming to understand what I meant.
"What, like you're going deaf?" Emmett asked, sounding even more idiotic than normal. Who the hell is this guy passing high school? I'll never know.
"No." I shook my head, closing my eyes and concentrating on them. All of them. Any of them. Just a whisper, but I couldn't get anything from any of them. "I can't hear anything." I opened my eyes and looked at them all, realisation dawning on their faces. "Nothing." I looked around at them, hoping that one of them might have an explanation, but none of them did. "All of you. Think something, anything at me. Directly at me, scream it in your minds if you have to."
They were all still and silent for a moment. Completely silent.
"Anything?" Jasper asked and I shook my head slowly, looking away from them, feeling the panic welling deep inside my chest. "What the hell has he done to you?"
"I don't know." I choked out, trying to stay calm and failing miserably. I felt a wave of calm crash over me and knew that Jasper was trying to ease my panic. "Stop it, Jasper." I whispered softly, but it didn't relent. "Damn it, Jasper, stop it!" The calm disappeared and was replaced by the panic again.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I did when I was meditating, trying to find the centre, the source of my power from within me. I knew how to find it and I knew what it felt like when I did.
But today, now, it didn't seem to matter how deep I searched, or how hard I looked, there was nothing. I had . . . nothing.
What had he done to me?
He hadn't just blocked off some of my power.
He'd taken it away.
"I don't . . ." I couldn't breathe properly and Bella sat there, trying to calm me down. I knew that she wanted to yell at Jasper to calm me, but she also knew that I needed to deal with this. She was conflicted. I didn't need to be able to read her thoughts to know that. But now, as it seemed, I couldn't read anybody's thoughts. "He's taken it away."
"What?" Alice's voice was full of tears as she watched from where she was on my bed, her arms like a vice around my waist, trying to hold me to her in whatever way possible. "What's he taken away?"
"Everything." Even to my own ears my voice was strained, forced. "He's taken everything away. I have nothing." I closed my eyes, a single tear running down my cheek.
I felt . . . empty.
Like there was a giant void, bigger than the one that had formed when Bella had left – though I would never thought that was possible – gaping in my chest. It felt as though I wasn't whole anymore. As if something more precious than any limb could ever be had been ripped out of my chest. Of course, what had been taken from me was more precious than a limb. And I don't know if I'd ever get it back.
My magic.
It was gone.
I was powerless.
I felt a thumb wipe gently across my cheek and I knew from the touch that it was Bella. There wasn't even the slight hum of electricity that was ever present with her running through me anymore. I had lost even that. Had he left me with anything?
"Can I . . . um, have some space, please?" I asked quietly, not looking at any of them. "I need some time to deal with this. Alone."
"Okay, baby." Bella whispered, pressing her lips to my temple gently. "We'll be downstairs if you want us, okay?" I nodded, knowing how hard it would be for her to leave me here on my own.
The others left the room, slowly, watching me as they did so. After a minute or so, Bella reluctantly slid off of the bed, not before giving me another kiss and made her way over to the door.
"Can you not lock it?" I asked her quietly, knowing that she knew I meant in our usual way. "I don't think . . . I don't think I'll be able to undo it if you do."
The anger and pain that flashed across her features was heartbreaking to see. She hated that I was feeling this way and she hated Carlisle and Billy Black for what they had done to me. She and I were so closely linked in together that she could feel my pain through our magic. But unfortunately now, where she could feel mine, I couldn't feel hers. Only see it on her features, in her body language and speech.
"Okay, baby." She whispered after a few seconds or so. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I whispered back and she closed the door slowly, the click signalling that it was secure.
As soon as I heard that click, I rolled over to face out of my window and let the emptiness wash over me. Because that's what I was now.
Empty.
I was now weak and vulnerable.
And I didn't know what to do about it. There was nothing I could do about it.
I heard a knock on my door a little while later but as I heard it open, I remained still and closed my eyes. I knew it was my mother from the gentle way she ran her fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead before leaving the room.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because before I knew it, my eyes were forcing themselves open to my mother's voice calling me softly. Once she came into focus I saw that she was smiling a sad smile at me.
"Hey, sweetheart." She whispered, so close that I could smell her. She smelled floral, like the flowers and herbs she grew in the garden and also of the smells of the kitchen. Pancakes and baking. She smelled like a mother. "How are you feeling?"
How was I feeling? I had no idea. All I knew was this emptiness inside of me, where one of the most important things in my life should be and yet . . . wasn't.
"Empty." I whispered and her arms were immediately around me.
"My baby, I'm so sorry." She whispered gently, her lips pressing to my temple as she took a deep breath through her nose. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault." I whispered, my arms coming around her.
"I should have stopped him." Her fingers ran through my hair gently as her lips remained on my temple. This was how she used to hold me when I was little, comforting me if I was upset about something or had hurt myself in some way. "I should have put him straight."
"It wouldn't have stopped him." I told her and she shook her head.
"If you're not up for school today, then I'll call in and tell them you're sick." She pulled back and looked at me sadly. I nodded and she pressed her lips to my forehead once more before standing up. "I have to pop to Port Angeles to pick some things up today. Will you be okay on your own?" I nodded absently, staring out the window as she left the room. "Alright." She closed the door quietly and I took a deep breath, pulling the covers over my head, blocking out the world.
The others didn't come up today. I think Esme had told them to leave me in peace for this morning. Bella wouldn't be happy about that, but I would talk to her later. Let her know how I was. If I knew by then, that is.
I heard them leave, their cars pulling out of their driveways as I lay in bed, eyes closed wishing the emptiness away, wishing I could hear even the faintest whisper of someone's anyone's mind. Hell, I would listen to the mind of Mike Newton if it meant I could hear them again. I know, right?
After a while, the front door opened and closed and I heard my mother's car start up. She must be heading out to Port Angeles now then.
Closing my eyes, I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep, not quite asleep yet not fully awake. I wasn't aware of how much time had passed, but I was aware of the front door opening and closing downstairs. I figured that my mother was home and I should probably get up right now. If she was home that meant it had been at least two hours, if not three because it takes about an hour to get from Forks to Port Angeles, and vice versa. And my mother was always distracted by what she saw in shop windows, having to take a look inside before she moved on.
"Edward?" I hadn't heard the footsteps come up the stairs, but I knew now that they were not my mothers. Carlisle had come back from wherever he was staying last night. Probably either the Swans or the Hales.
When I didn't respond to him, he sighed and the duvet covering me disappeared, flooding my vision with light and pulling me out of my sleepy stupor.
"What?" I asked him coldly, my eyes scrunched against the glare that was coming in through my window. "What do you want?"
"To see how you are." He replied and I could tell, even with my eyes closed that he was still close to my bed.
I snorted, resisting the urge to laugh out loud. "Like I believe that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He sounded mildly offended at my statement and I sat up, turned and glared at him where he was standing. Looking at him you wouldn't think that he'd spent the night somewhere that wasn't his home. Without his wife and children in the same building as him. He looked as he always did. Calm and collected.
"You didn't care how I was yesterday." I replied, flinging the covers back and getting up, finding myself still in the t-shirt and jeans I had been wearing the day before. I couldn't really bring myself to care about that. Not when I had had everything that made me who I was taken away from me. And without my knowledge. "You didn't care how I was when Billy was taking everything away from me."
"You know it's not like that Edward. You know it's-"
"No!" I turned around and faced him, knowing that I probably looked a state, right about now. "I don't know anything about what you and Billy were concocting yesterday. I don't know what was going through your minds then, because you were doing everything you could to keep me out. And from what I'm experiencing now, there's no need to keep me out anymore. I no longer have that advantage over everyone." He looked at me, stunned as though he didn't know what I was talking about. "What? Didn't you know that? I can't hear anything anymore. Obviously, Billy thought that it would be better if I couldn't hear anything. So thank you very much." I turned back to the window, gazing out of it without really seeing anything.
"What are you talking about, Edward?"
"I can't hear what people are thinking anymore." I replied flatly, turning to look at him, seeing a slightly stunned expression on his face. "That's right. No more telepathy for Edward. And as it seems, no more magic Edward, either."
"What does that mean?" He asked, moving closer to me. "Edward, what does that mean?"
"It means, that instead of 'locking away a portion of my powers' as you and Billy so eloquently and simply put it, he's taken them away completely!" I replied sharply, my voice laced with the venom I could feel running through me. I hated this man. I hated him and Billy Black. "So now, I have nothing! I can't feel anything. There's nothing but a huge hole in my chest where who I used to be was. Now that's gone and I have nothing. I have nothing. I feel nothing. My magic is gone."
The energy I'd started with had dissipated and I couldn't even finish my sentence without my voice breaking. I was just so exhausted mentally and emotionally. I felt like I wasn't me anymore and I didn't know what to do with that.
I was lost.
I was a lost witch without any magic.
Therefore, I wasn't really a witch anymore.
I don't think they even had names for people like me. Who had power, but don't anymore. Maybe I should invent one. But then again, I think I'm the only one in the world to have his father conspire to have his power taken away from him.
Because it was gone. I knew that it was.
I was weak and vulnerable.
I was pathetic.
And I was ordinary.
I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I couldn't stay where I was surrounded by utensils and instruments I couldn't use anymore. Or at least, if I did, it wouldn't have any effect anymore. Nothing would happen as it did before.
I moved away from my window, heading down the stairs and out the front door. I wasn't aware of where I was going. I didn't know if my father was following me and I really didn't care.
All I knew was that I had to get away from the street for a while. Being there didn't feel right. It didn't feel as though everything was copasetic.
It felt like I didn't belong there anymore.
So I walked away from it.
Bella
When Edward asked us to leave his room, I didn't know whether I should listen to him, or whether to say screw you, you need someone to look after you and it's going to be me.
But, against what my heart was screaming at me, I went with what he wanted, leaving him in peace.
Emmett literally had to drag me home that night and my mom gave me something to help me sleep because I knew that I wouldn't be getting of my own volition. My mind was too overworked thinking about Edward to rest any time soon.
Emmett and I went over to the Cullens' this morning, and I was hoping to see Edward before I went to school. I knew that he wouldn't be going in today. So much had happened yesterday and I think all of us knew that he wouldn't be up to going to school, at least for a few days.
We had told Esme about what Edward had told us. About the fact that he couldn't read minds anymore and she had just about flipped her lid. We also mentioned that Edward told us he couldn't find his centre anymore, that he couldn't find the source of his magic inside of us.
Her reaction to that news had been scary.
Once she had calmed down, she had told us that it would be best if Edward was left alone this morning, a statement that killed me to hear, but after seeing Esme just throw that fit, I was not going to argue with her. I don't think any of us would.
Something told me that Carlisle would be getting the biggest ear bashing anyone had ever received in the history of the world.
"Hey," Alice knocked my knee gently with her own, smiling at me sadly as I played with my lunch, not actually eating it. "He'll be okay. He just needs a little time."
"I don't, Ali." I sighed, putting my fork down and leaning back in my chair. "I don't know if he will."
"I know what you mean." Emmett sounded grave and sad. Rosalie gave him a kiss on the cheek, and Jasper squeezed Alice to him. These small actions, even though they were completely involuntary for the four of them, made me feel even more alone as I gazed at the empty chair next to me, wishing that Edward were sitting next to me. "I mean, when Bella and I were in Phoenix, it was a practical deadzone for magic, but we still had that source there inside us and we could always feel it. Edward said that he couldn't feel his anymore and I don't know how that's going to affect him. We might need to watch him over the next few days."
"You don't think he's going to hurt himself, do you, Emmett?" Jasper asked, sounding shocked. I looked at him, my mouth open, probably looking like a fish, but I didn't care. He did not just admit to thinking that he thought Edward might hurt himself.
"Not on purpose." He replied quickly, looking around at us. "I mean, he seemed so lost last night. I don't think he's going to be thinking straight for a little while and he might end up doing something while we're not there. I don't know. I know he wouldn't do anything on purpose, but I don't know what could happen."
"As much as I hate to admit it, Emmett could be right." Jasper sighed and my gaze flicked to him. "When he realised that you weren't blocking us last night, all I felt from him was a devastation that was on a par as if someone had lost their entire world. Which to him he has. His magic means everything to him." His voice had dropped to a whisper only we could hear, so that no one could overhear what we were talking about. "Without it, I don't know what he's going to do."
I was about to say something, but at that moment, my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, my brow furrowing as I saw Esme as the Caller ID.
"Esme?"
"Bella?" She sounded worried and panicked. "Edward's gone." Now that got my attention.
"What?"
"He's gone. I had to go to Port Angeles to pick up some things this morning. I asked him if he would be okay on his own and he told me he would. I've just got back and gone to check on him and he's gone. Bella, do you have any idea where he would have gone? I know that if anyone would know, it would be you."
As a matter of fact, I did have an idea. But Esme couldn't find it. She wouldn't be able to. At least, I don't think she would.
"I have an idea, but I'll go look for him." I told her, standing up. "I think it might be better for him, if it's me who goes."
"I guess you're right." She sighed sadly and I knew that she was worrying about Edward. "Let me know when you find him."
"I will." We said our goodbyes and I looked at the others. "Rose, I need to borrow your car."
"Okay." She didn't hesitate in flinging me her keys, which surprisingly, I caught. I hadn't brought my car in, instead riding in with Emmett, while Rosalie had driven in on her own. She had some things she needed to sort out with her art teacher after school and knowing what a flake that woman is – the teacher, not Rose – she could be here for a good hour or two after school finished, so she decided to bring her own car. I felt a little bad for leaving her without any transport, but I knew that she cared a lot more about Edward than she did about her own way home. Turning around, I met the glare of Tanya and flipping her the bird, I walked out. The others would make up a story to get me out of trouble. Hell, they wouldn't need to say anything and I would get out of trouble.
I climbed into Rose's BMW, shoving the keys into the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot as fast as I could.
I started making my way towards the street, but instead of turning left at the crossroads as I normally would, I carried straight on, not pulling over until about two minutes later. I pulled right up to the end of the dirt path, yanking the keys out, not really trusting the quiet calm that surrounded me at the moment and threw myself out of the car, grabbing the first aid box that Rosalie kept under the passengers' seat, as I had no idea what state Edward would be in once I found him. Tucking the keys into my pocket, I quickly made my way down the trail that led through the trees. These trees led up to the houses, but it would have taken too long for me to drive up to the houses, park and then make my way through the woods. Besides it was farther to walk.
I knew exactly where I was headed and hopefully, my instinct about Edward being here was right.
Where I was headed was the most magical spot on the whole island. Just standing there, you could feel the power rushing through you as water does the river bed. It was an incredible feeling, to be standing there, in the depths of so much power, to know that it was at the end of your fingertips.
It made sense for Edward to come here. If he felt like he couldn't connect with his magic anymore, coming here would provide him with the answer he so desperately needed. I just hoped it was the right one.
When I came upon the clearing, I saw that I had been right. Edward was standing there, in the middle.
His back was to me, but I could see from his posture that he was completely and utterly defeated. His head hung low, his eyes – if they were open – fixated on the ground. His shoulders were slumped forward, making him seem smaller and in a way, more vulnerable than normal. This wasn't the Edward I and everyone else were used to. We were used to a strong Edward, a quick, sharp and witty Edward. I knew that it would be far too much to ask anything like that from him now. He was broken at the moment, his trust in his father shattered, possibly forever and he felt like he had lost everything. He couldn't hear people's minds anymore. He had lost an enormous part of himself in discovering that.
As I moved slowly closer to him, I noticed that he wasn't wearing any shoes or socks and his feet were cut up and bloody from his trek through the woods. There were cuts and grazes on his arms as well, so he can't have taken the trail worn down by hundreds of years worth of use.
"Edward?" I whispered softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond to my touch or my voice, other than to lift his head up slightly and open his eyes, the sorrowful gems gazing deep into my own eyes.
"You feel it, don't you?" He asked, his gaze moving from my own to sweep around the circle that had been formed hundreds of years ago when our ancestors had discovered this place. "The power?"
I hesitated for a moment, not really knowing how to answer him. I knew that if I lied to him, it would only hurt him more than the truth, because he always knew when I was lying. I wasn't very good at it apparently. "Yes."
He closed his eyes, his jaw tightening as his head dropped down again. I didn't know what to do. I had never had to deal with anything like this before. I hadn't ever had to deal with Edward not knowing what to do. He was always so sure, so confident in his abilities. Even when he wasn't sure about what to do, he seemed to radiate that air of confidence, and of course he was powerful.
But now . . . he had had all of that taken away from him. It was like he had been stripped down, bare and vulnerable for all to see, jeer at and mock. Though no one was mocking him, the pain in his eyes and the expressions flickering across his face told me all I needed to know.
He felt weak and vulnerable.
And that was something Edward was definitely not used to.
He was used to knowing his power, knowing what he could and couldn't do. He would test himself as he got older, expanding his knowledge and trying out what he knew. Now . . . even though he still retained the knowledge, there was no power. Whatever Billy had done, whether he meant to or not, he had tampered completely with Edward's powers. And we had no idea if it was permanent or not. For all we knew, Edward might have to live the rest of his life unable to access the power that is rightfully his, because his father thought that he was protecting him.
And without Edward, who knew how long our lives were going to be.
We all knew that he was our main weapon against Aro and James. He didn't shy away from that responsibility. He wanted to do what he could to protect his family. But now, he couldn't do that. We didn't know what we were going to do. I knew that it was wrong of us to place all of our hope in Edward's hands, but due to his gift, he knew more about what was happening in the minds of Aro and James – apparently, for all their research, they hadn't discovered Edward's telepathy or Alice's psychic ability, which was good because it meant that they became targets if they did. He was privy to things that the rest of us didn't know.
We didn't have that anymore.
I would have to put that to Carlisle later on. Guilt trip him as it were. I had no qualms about doing that at this point in time and I don't think anyone else did either.
He looked up at me, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and I wanted to throw my arms around him, to heal him in my own way. "I don't." He whispered, his head dropping again. "I don't feel it."
Hearing him say that was like someone had punched me in the stomach as all the air rushed out of my lungs. This place had always called to Edward more than it had the rest of us. We didn't know why. He just seemed to have an affinity with it.
We were all connected to it in some way. This had been the place that I first told Edward I loved him. The place where we all became blood brothers and sisters. Where our complete unity began.
"What do you mean?" I asked, desperately wishing that I was Jasper, so I could know what he was feeling at the moment. I wished I knew what was going on in his head.
"This place . . . it's the most magical place on the island. When I came here before . . . it was like it was alive. It was as though the magic in the air was travelling through me, just as the blood in my veins does. It filled me. Completed me in more ways that I could ever imagine." He sighed sadly. "But now . . . I don't feel anything. There's just . . . nothing." He placed a hand on a tree that was next to him gently, sighing. "I used to be able to feel the hum of the trees, feel the power they each owned, feel the nutrients they were both delivering to and taking from the earth. I used to be able to feel the life that they bestowed on us and the creatures that dwelled within them. I used to be able to feel the life that buzzed under my feet in the soil, giving life to many creatures that depended on it, big and small. I used to be able to feel the moisture that provided the plants and animals with the precious water they needed to survive. But now . . . there's nothing. It's just . . . empty. I don't feel anything. I place my hand on this tree and it's just a lump of rough wood underneath my hand. They've taken everything from me, Bella. I don't even have basic powers anymore. I can't feel anything, I can't hear anything. I have nothing."
He turned to look at me, his eyes so full of sorrow that I couldn't hold back any longer. I dropped the first aid box and threw my arms around him, pulling him to me as his arms gently wrapped around my waist. I pulled him down to sit on the forest floor, though it was cold, dirty and most probably wet. I couldn't bring myself to care, if I'm being perfectly honest.
He buried his head in the juncture between my shoulder and my neck and I felt his lips gently brush over where I knew my birthmark to be. I looked down slightly, running my fingers over his own gently and he tensed, knowing what I was doing.
I could feel him shaking slightly in my arms, his tears of hopelessness and vulnerability gently soaking through my shirt. I wouldn't get him to stop. He would stop on his own, but first he needed to work through the pains running through him and the only way to do that at this moment in time, was to let it out through his tears.
After a little while, he pulled away from me, his eyes red and swollen, his face tear stained. I opened up the first aid kit, silently thanking Rosalie for her clean-freak tendencies. I pulled out a wet wipe and gently ran it over his cheeks, hoping to convey through my gestures rather than words that I was here forever and nothing was going to take me away from him.
I looked over his arms, thankful that there didn't seem to be any cuts that were too deep. Blood tended to give me the ick factor. I pressed a kiss to his lips gently before I silently urged him to let me take a look at his feet.
There was nothing too wrong with his feet. Just as with his arms, it seemed to be a series of cuts and grazes, none ranging too deep. Apart from on his left heel, there was an enormous splinter in his foot and I knew that I would be the one to have to get it out. Let's just say, Edward's a little creeped out by feet. It something that's always got him. Ever since he was little. Esme and I are the only ones able to touch his feet. Once Emmett tried to tickle his feet and let's just say, the fact that Edward's foot came into contact with something Emmett really didn't want it to, meant he wasn't going to try again.
I grabbed the tweezers from the kit and moved Edward's foot so that I could see it properly before attempting to grasp it.
It took me three tries, but I finally snagged the end of it, slowly pulling it out, not wanting to hurt him any more than it already appeared to be. How the hell he hadn't noticed it when he'd stepped on it, I didn't know. When I pulled it out the thing looked about a centimetre and a half long. I looked at him, shaking my head as I placed a small bandage over it, hoping that he would be okay to walk back to where Rose's BMW was sitting.
After I had made sure that there was nothing else wrong – though I was no expert on the subject, but I don't think the only doctor on the street would be welcome at the present time – with him, I pulled him into my arms, letting him know that he would be okay. That I wouldn't be going anywhere for a very very very long time. I just hoped he believed me.
Sitting there, in our own little bubble, it was as though the worries of the outside world had disappeared. Like there was no one else on the planet apart from us. When like this, we didn't need anyone else. All that was needed was Bella and Edward. Edward and Bella. No one else.
Though we both knew that this couldn't last forever. We needed to go back to the real world at some point. And we both needed to face the shit storm coming our way when we did.
I just hoped we were both ready.
Well?
In all honesty, that chapter was hard for me to write. Very hard. Though the Esme yelling at Carlisle bit was fun. Might have to do a little more of that later.
You know, I was walking through town today and I went into HMV and I saw the Twilight action figures for the first time today and let me tell you, they are fucking weird! Has anyone else seen them?
Anyways, leave me a review and please go vote for Eternally Damned. Voting closes tomorrow. Link is on my profile.