Ok this one is really dumb, but an anon on tumblr wanted Lon'qu/Robin fluff and I failed miserably by creating a ridiculous one shot. I promise you the rest of my stories are better. Well, here ya go!

"KILL IT!"

Robin was standing precariously on top of a chair in the barracks, with one foot on top of the frame of the rickety chair and the other on the seat, and was staring at an overly large spider that had found it's way inside. She was trying her best to keep balance and held her robes tightly to her body, in case the spider managed to jump up on it. Of course, the spider could climb up the wooden chair, but she was avoiding thinking that thought for now.

"I-I'd prefer not to…" She looked around to see her husband and noticed that he was in a similar position, which she found surprising since he would probably sleep with insects if Robin let him. But she decided to continue to yell at him until he listened to her.

"Kill it, kill it, kill it!" She was squealing like a young girl while trying not to fall off from her safety spot. She looked at the exit and was mentally calculating if she could make a run for it without encountering the creepy critter. She found the thing absolutely disgusting. It was yellow and she could see the hairy details of each part it had. It needed to be killed.

"I, please, no…" Lon'qu's voice was rather weak as he was tracking it's movements carefully to make sure it did not go out of his sight.

"I don't care about your stupid obsession with bugs, just kill the damn thing!" She was going to put her foot down for this. She lost count of all the times where she wanted to cuddle with her gynophobic husband after a long day of work and instead he was busy with a pair of bugs. It was rather insulting to her, and she would become angry with him. Of course the poor man was rather oblivious and it would take days for him to find the root of her anger and then a way to appease her. Which would then lead to…other activities.

"It has nothing to do with my fondness for beetles." A fondness that he deeply wished that his wife would share with him. Spiders was another matter. He absolutely despised spiders. Those long legs, those beady eyes… He managed to repress another shudder as he gripped on to his chair. Urgh.

Robin put two and two together and realized exactly what he meant.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of them!" She looked at him in surprise and disappointment (she was hoping to convince him to kill it).

"Then I'm not going to say it," he said grumpily before he staggered slightly.

Robin brushed a strand of blonde hair out of her face before sighing. "Then I'm going to have to take this into my own hands," she said determinedly and she took a tome from inside her robe.

"You're going to kill it with fire?" he asked her. A part of him didn't wish to kill the creature, but the part of him that was terrified won out. Besides, he reasoned, it could be poisonous. And he couldn't let it harm his wife or son.

"Even better," Robin said darkly and turned the cover of the tome towards him so he could see. He raised in eyebrows in surprise.

"Thoron?" He didn't know about magic, but his wife had took the time to explain the different tomes to him, so understood that much. "That powerful?"

"I will do whatever it takes," she said very seriously and raised her book.

"Wait! Rob-"

CRACK!

A strong burst of thoron burst into the cramped little room, and the impact of the force knocked Lon'qu and Robin from their spots, and the two toppled to the floor in unison.

"Robin! Why would you do that?!"

"The real question is," she said breathing heavily from fear as she stood up quickly,

"Where is it now?"

"We would know if you didn't—"

"What?" Robin worried as soon as she heard the deep voice speaking and looked towards him slowly.

"Don't move," he said quietly as he drew his blade slowly.

"Wh-why..." she knew the answer to the question, of course.

"Don't speak either," he commanded harshly as he moved towards her stealthily. He was terrified, but he promised that he would protect her from anything. Even if it did mean it was a humongous yellow spider perched upon his wife's shoulder.

"Lon'qu…" the way she said his name hurt his heart, and he vowed to bring a quick end to the foul creature.

He raised his blade over his head, mentally calculating the exact angle he needed to strike at and—

"Mom!" A streak of blue ran into the room with the commander of the army behind him at a slower speed.

"What on earth is going on?" Chrom asked Lon'qu as he saw the swordsmaster stand with a blade raised above his head.

"Don't come near!" Lon'qu and Robin had said at the same time and this paused their son in his tracks.

"But I have to save you," he said, his voice trembling. "Dad's going to attack you…"

Lon'qu and Robin's eyes met for a moment, when they realized that from a different perspective, it indeed did seem that he was about to attack his wife.

Lon'qu's eyes widened when he realized that the spider had moved closer to Robin's face, the tactician in question was tilting her head away, and a tear was actually running down her face.

"Robin?" Chrom was taken aback at the fact that she was crying and moved closer to stop Lon'qu, who he had assumed went insane, and then saw the spider. "Don't move!"

"I'm trying my best," she hissed before emitting a squeak. The pincers were touching her face, and Morgan finally spotted the arachnid.

"Mom, I'll take care of it!" Morgan took out his own sword, and approached his other.

"Don't!" Lon'qu said. "You'll chop your mother's head off. Let me handle this."

He normally had no issue with his skill, but he was having doubts as he thought back to the water filled jar that gave him so much trouble. But this was no time for doubt.

"Hya!" he let out a cry and stabbed forward.

Everyone held their breath for a moment, and realized that the spider was finally off of Robin.

Morgan took this as his cue to run forward and start bashing the spider to death with his sword. "How dare you hurt my mother!" He said with each swing. "You will pay."

"So much trouble over one spider," Chrom said, shaking his head. "That one's a poisonous sort though," he added.

Robin was trembling, and Lon'qu set aside his sword so that he could pull in his wife for a hug.

"That was absolutely ridiculous," Robin mumbled into his chest. Their affection was so apparent that Chrom had to avert his gaze with a small blush on his face.

"It was," he murmured in agreement as he petted her hair. "You've learned one secret of mine today."

"That you're very good at swordsmanship?" she asked playfully, and laughed when he grumbled.

"That's not what I meant," he said.

"I know. Let's get Morgan before he smashes the thing permanently into the floor. We don't want Maribelle to get on her backs."

Lon'qu shuddered at the thought and went with his wife to restrain their son from carrying out any more of his revenge.