A/N: This chapter covers a lot of time passing in order to lead up to the next big plot point.

Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters, dialogue, or plotlines or not my property. They belong the Shonda Rhimes and the Grey's Anatomy team at ABC. This is not for profit, just something fun for me to write.

It's like a poem when you speak to me.
We talk about the mysteries of what we could be.
No matter where we end up ending up
I promise you're the reason I won't ever leave.
The Way We Are –General Ghost

"No," Meredith yelled as she stomped down the stairs. For the past week she and Derek had been in the midst of a seemingly never ending argument. Without asking her, he had purchased plane tickets to New York for the following day, which just happened to be the day before Thanksgiving. She found out about Derek's decision to have Thanksgiving on the East Coast when Izzie had been talking about having everyone over to the frat house for holiday dinner. Since finding out, Meredith and Derek were yelling at each other all the time.

"It's my family," Derek said, angrily, "I up and left them three months ago, without an explanation. I can't miss Thanksgiving with them now, too!" He had followed her down the stairs to continue their screaming match. As he spoke, Meredith pulled on her jacket, with November almost over, Seattle was becoming increasingly colder. Despite the temperature, Meredith was halfway out the door before she had her coat fully on, in order to escape Derek's argument.

She spun around to look at Derek. As Meredith screamed, she walked backwards towards her car, ready to put as much space between the two of them as possible, "So fine! You go to New York! But I am staying here!" She climbed into her Jeep and slammed the door before Derek had a chance to reply. He called out her name as she sped out of the drive way.

Defeated, Derek slumped his shoulders and slowly walked back inside. Leaning against the railing was Izzie, holding a mug of coffee and smirking, "Trouble in paradise?" She asked. Derek rolled his eyes and huffed. His steps were loud and heavy as he marched back upstairs to get ready for work.

Holidays have the tendency to produce the strangest surgeries. With Thanksgiving the next day, absurd injuries were starting to roll into the OR. Each patient was accompanied by at least one overbearing family member berating them for getting hurt doing whatever stupid thing they had been doing. That morning after rounds, Meredith was assigned to the pit so it was her job to deal with the immediate arrival of every turkey or otherwise odd accidents that were coming.

There had yet to be a major trauma so Meredith had been left to treating minor burns and other cooking related wounds. She had just finished bandaging up a burn on a man's hand when Bailey ordered her to put on a trauma gown and be ready for the incoming ambulance. When the paramedics came out of the rig with the patient, Meredith knew it was going to be a long day. Hurrying into a trauma room, Meredith listened to the details the EMTs were providing. The patient was a thirty-six year old male, he had been hanging up Christmas decorations when he fell of his roof. He fell just as his wife was pulling into the driveway and the car was halfway over him before she realized what had happened.

"Page Neuro and Ortho," Bailey ordered as she got to work. Meredith groaned as the nurse sent out the pages. The last thing she wanted was to work with Derek. She could barely look at him because their argument was so bad. She just didn't understand why he was so adamant to fly her across the country. Meredith never did well with families. Especially meeting families. Not that she had much experience meeting families, Derek was her first meet-the-family relationship she had ever been in. But she assumed she wouldn't do well with families. She was an intern, she was young, only twenty-seven a full twelve years younger than Derek, she was a dark and twisty pessimist, nothing a mother could like. On top of her traits that Meredith believed would make any mother run to the mountains, the entire family would be comparing her to Addison. Perfect Addison with the long legs, the great career, and the stunning personality. Meredith felt like she fell short. She wasn't ready to meet the family.

On top of the fact that Derek was throwing her to the wolves Meredith just didn't celebrate Thanksgiving. Or any holiday really. Her entire childhood, she spent holidays waiting near the door hoping her mother would come home. She almost always woke up as her nanny tucked her into bed. The nannies she had always tried to make the holidays exciting. They would make nice meals and sing nice songs, but it wasn't how a holiday should be. By thirteen Meredith just gave up on celebrating holidays. By fourteen her mom no longer hired a nanny, saying Meredith was old enough to take care of herself. Meredith could never remember celebrating any holiday. She never had anybody to celebrate with or the desire to celebrate. Her plan for Thanksgiving had been to work in the hospital, holidays always paid well, and then to spend the night at home just relaxing with Derek. With a week long fight, Meredith doubted she would ever relax with Derek again. He was surely going to leave her.

Due to holiday nerves, Meredith was paying very little attention as Derek came into the room. After a quick neuro exam, he determined there was no time for a CT and took the patient in for emergency surgery. They scrubbed in standing side to side, neither of them looking at the other or speaking. She followed him into the OR and stood to his side as he began surgery. The adrenaline of seeing an open brain, of being able to save a life, started coursing through Meredith's body. Fight or no fight, Meredith was glad to be in surgery.

Throughout the surgery, Derek made pointed small talk with the scrub nurses. He was asking them about their Thanksgiving plans. He was telling them about how he wanted to visit his lovely family with four sisters and fourteen nieces and nephews and a sweet mother who misses her only son so desperately. The three hours of surgery drove Meredith insane. She left to scrub out before Derek finished closing the patient. She walked out of the OR hallway as quickly as she could. As Meredith moved, she angrily ripped off her scrub cap. Just as she entered the intern locker room, Derek caught up to her. She had been in such a hurry that she didn't even realize he was following her. He grabbed her arm and she spun around to face him. Staring him down, Meredith said nothing. Slowly his look of anger faded into one of confusion.

"You're not talking to me?" Derek asked.

Meredith didn't say anything to him. She pulled her arm away and moved toward her locker. Without looking at Derek she gathered her purse and pulled out her street clothing. She ignored his presence as she stripped out of her scrubs and back into her clothing. He stood in the doorway, utterly confused, as she gave him the cold shoulder.

He sighed, "Meredith?"

She looked up at him, the look in her eyes cold but hurting. It dawned on Derek that she might be scared. He had been so focused on what he wanted for Thanksgiving, the fact that he wanted to see his family, to introduce her to his family, that he hadn't even wondered why she didn't want to go.

"I've been a jerk," Derek said. As he spoke, Meredith sat down on the bench. Her hands were curled in her lap and she stared down at them, avoiding his clear blue eyes, "Sometimes boyfriends can be jerks. It doesn't mean you stop talking to them," He moved to sit next to her and continued, "Meredith, I've been a jerk. I haven't let you do any talking."

Surprised, Meredith looked up at him. Her hair fell across her shoulders as she moved and Derek couldn't resist to adjust a stray curl. She still doesn't speak but the way she looked at him told him to keep talking.

Derek sighed and dropped his hand so it clutched Meredith's. He carefully asked her, "Why don't you want to go?"

Meredith sighed and her gaze fell back to her hands. Before she had been wringing her hands together when she looked down but now she saw her hand held tightly by Derek, "I've never done this before," Meredith confessed, "The whole dating and meeting the family," She glanced to Derek and he nodded for her to continue, "I've never really celebrated Thanksgiving. I've never even had a person I wanted to spend a holiday with. I just," Meredith paused and started over, "I wanted to spend the holiday with you. Just you. And maybe my friends. I've never had people to celebrate with. But I also don't want to celebrate with the whole turkey and sit down and smile. I just want to spend the day with you guys. Working and then maybe take out or something for dinner as we drink. I'm not ready for full turkeys and large families and in-laws and out-laws and nieces and nephews. I'm barely ready for just you," Meredith whispered the last part, "I'm not ready."

He smiled as he wrapped his arm around her. They could have avoided an entire week of fighting if he had just asked her that question when he first brought up New York. He felt like an idiot. But as she relaxed into his embrace, Derek was okay being an idiot as long as she continued to forgive him for it. Placing a kiss to the top of Meredith's head he said, "Okay. So no in-laws and out-laws and turkeys. Just you and me and the best surgery I can find tomorrow."

Meredith smiled into his chest. Never in her life had she felt safer than when she was in Derek's arms. She sighed and felt the need to confess her other fear. "I thought you were going to leave me," Meredith said.

"What?" Derek asked. He was shocked. He unwrapped Meredith from their hug and put his hands on his shoulders. His grip was tight and reassuring to her as she looked into his eyes.

"I thought," Meredith sighed again, "I thought you were going to leave me because of the fight. Because I wasn't ready."

He smiled at her as he reassured her, "From now on, you can expect me to show up. Even if I yell, even if you yell, I'm gonna show up. I love you, Meredith," No matter how many times he told her that, Derek always worried she didn't fully believe him, "I'm not going to leave you. Okay?"

Meredith nodded slowly as she relaxed back into his arms. They sat on the bench for a few minutes. Derek comforted her by rubbing his hand up and down her spine. Meredith leaned against him and just breathed in his warm scent of scrub room soap, after shave, and something close to pine needles that was decidedly Derek.

one month later

For what felt like the thousandth time, Meredith squirmed in her seat and readjusted. Her hands gripped the armrests so tightly her knuckles were white. She didn't understand how Derek was so relaxed. Only an hour into the flight he was already asleep, his head was on her shoulder and every warm breath tickled the back of her neck. To him, visiting his family was exciting, he was thrilled to be introducing Meredith to everyone. She was terrified though. For an entire month she couldn't stop thinking about how they would judge her. They would judge her for being so much younger. They would judge her for being dark and twisty. They would judge her for being so short and having matted hair with split ends. Her biggest fear, which Meredith was convinced would happen, was that the entire Shepherd clan would compare her to Addison and that they would like Derek's ex-wife better. She hadn't told Derek, but she was terrified that if his family didn't like her he would realize the mistake he was making by being with her. Meredith feared that before their time in New York was over, she would be single.

Derek slept through the majority of the five-hour flight but Meredith was tense the entire time. When the plane touched down, his excitement blinded him from Meredith's terror. He had missed his family over the past few months. In his entire life he had never been this far from his mother and part of him felt guilty. Derek felt like it was his responsibility to take care of his mother and sisters, he was the man of the family, and yet when things became tough with him and Addison he flew across the country and abandoned his family. He didn't feel guilty about leaving Addison. He knew that was the right choice. But he felt guilty for living on the opposite coast. It had been over six months since he had seen his family but Derek was more excited to be able to bring Meredith home than to see them. He was certain they would love her. He was excited to make her part of the family, to bring her into a loving household he knew that she never had. Derek was ready to share the best thing in his life, Meredith, with his mother and sisters.

From the airport, they rented a car. The drive to his mother's house was an hour and a half through highways and back roads. Through the drive Derek briefed Meredith on his family. He told Meredith that his three older sisters were going to be there, as well as their brood of children, but his younger sister was not celebrating with them. Christmas music rolled from the car radio and Meredith felt overwhelmed. Derek was radiating joy but Meredith felt like she was drowning. She didn't know how to celebrate Christmas; she didn't know how to interact with a family. Her mind was reeling.

Then her thoughts stopped. Derek placed a reassuring hand on her thigh and gave it a quick squeeze. He glanced away from the road for a moment to look at her and smile. "Hey," he said, "Don't panic. It'll be great. They'll love you," he paused for a second and his smile grew, "I love you."

Meredith nodded but didn't say anything. She pulled his hand into her own. For the rest of the drive they held hands. He was her anchor, keeping her calm.

The door slammed behind Meredith as she hurtled into the bedroom she and Derek had been staying in. They had only been in New York for two days. It was Christmas Eve and Derek's sisters were just arriving. Derek and Meredith had been the first guests to get to his mother's house, as they had the furthest to travel. Everybody else was driving either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Everything with Carolyn had been going well. Meredith liked her and Carolyn liked Meredith. They got along well and Meredith was beginning to feel comfortable. The first night after dinner, Carolyn pulled out Derek's baby album and showed pictures to Meredith. They laughed together as his face grew red. Despite his embarrassment, Derek was grinning. He could live through the embarrassment if it meant his mother and the love of his life were laughing together. Everything had been great until his sisters started arriving. It was because of Nancy that Meredith had just stormed into the room. Once in private, Meredith slid against the wall and buried her face in her hands.

She could hear yelling downstairs. Derek was screaming at Nancy. He was scolding her for saying that to Nancy. Meredith could hear one of his other sisters, the brother-in-laws, and Carolyn, distracting the kids. None of that mattered though. Nancy hated her and that meant Derek would want her to leave. When she heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, she assumed it was Derek coming to break up with her. Abruptly, Meredith stood up and started pulling her clothing out of the drawers. She tossed it onto the bed and threw her suitcase next beside the pile. She didn't stop when the door swung open and a flushed Derek leaned against the door frame.

"Mere-," He stopped in the middle of her name. Whatever he was going to say changed when he was her packing. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Packing," she replied.

Derek walked into the room and within two large strides he was in front of her. He placed his hands on her arms and had her face him. She couldn't look in his eyes and instead stared at the ground. Confused, Derek asked, "Why?"

She shrugged and said, "I figured with what Nancy said-"

He cut her off, "Forget Nancy," Meredith looked up at him, in shock. She didn't expect him to say that. She expected him to say he made a mistake picking her. He continued, "Nancy can be a bitch. She'll get over it," Meredith tried to interrupt, to point out that Nancy called her a slutty intern, but Derek didn't let her, "She shouldn't have said those things. She's just upset. She was always close with Addison. But that doesn't matter. I don't care if Nancy would rather I was with Jennifer freaking Aniston; I'd still pick you. She can say whatever she wants because no matter what, I want you here."

Meredith smirked a little, "Jennifer Aniston?" She asked.

"She was the first celebrity I could think of," Derek laughed. The small smile Meredith had begun to slip as her mind went back to Nancy's cruel words. In response, Derek pulled her into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He told her, "It's Christmas. People are supposed to be with the people they love during Christmas. That's you."

She looked up at him. There was a twinkle in her eye as she whispered, "I love you, too." Derek shook his head in amusement before capturing her lips. She clung to him as they kissed, happy to be in his embrace. He kept forgetting how insecure she was. Derek vowed silently as they kissed that he would do everything in his power to make her understand how much he loved her.

two weeks later

Their schedules had been so chaotic since returning from vacation that Meredith and Derek felt like they rarely saw each other. His day off, Meredith was working a forty-eight-hour shift so he went up to the trailer to fish. During her few hours off, she would usually be asleep. Whenever the managed to spare a few minutes together they would both confess to missing each other. Derek assured her that within a week their schedules would relax. The few weeks following Christmas were always chaotic in the hospital. The worst part about them not seeing each other often was that Derek felt like he was spending more time with Addison than with Meredith. He was by exhausted with Addison trying to make small talk or her attempts to have serious conversations. All Derek wanted was to crawl into bed beside Meredith and sleep for the rest of the year.

Despite their recent distance, Derek knew something was wrong as soon as he saw Meredith. He saw her walk out of a patient room breathing heavily. Her steps were uneven and she seemed disoriented. Meredith walked straight into the nearest supply closet. She didn't know Derek saw her, she just needed to release her emotions from extubating the poor woman with the DNR. As soon as the door closed behind her, Meredith dove to the back of the closet and sat on the ground. It felt as if her lungs were collapsing and the world was closing in on her.

As soon as Derek walked into the supply closet her saw her leaning against the shelving. He immediately kneeled next to her. She was struggling to speak. Meredith scrunched up her face as she tried to talk but all that came out were gasps and tears. It hurt to confess that she was scared her mother would die alone, that she didn't want her mother to die alone. He started whispering to her. Meredith couldn't process what he was saying but his voice alone was soothing. Derek tried to slow her breathing, he was worried she was going to hyperventilate. Part of him wanted to know what brought on what she was feeling but he knew he could ask later, what mattered in that moment was comforting her. She couldn't breathe easily. Her breaths were hurting her and she couldn't control them. Derek stood and grabbed a paper bag for her to breathe into. She took his hand into hers as she attempted to control her breathing. Slowly Meredith lowered herself and placed her head in the crook of his next. Derek wrapped his arm around her and pulled her tight against him. He pressed his cheek against her forehead and rubbed her arm lightly. Derek was doing all he could to let her know that he was there, that it was going to be alright.

He held her like that for a few moments. She slowly lowered the bag but continued to lean against him. After a heartbeat, Meredith sat up and looked at him. He gave her a reassuring smile and kept his arm around her.

Sniffling, Meredith told him, "I'm okay."

Still giving her a comforting smile Derek replied, "You're okay."

Meredith nodded and wiped away another tear. Derek reached a hand up and pushed her bangs away from her face. They stared at each other for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her. Meredith sighed against his lips. It was a slow comforting kiss. It grounded her and let her know that she really was okay. When they broke apart, she leaned against him again and buried her head in the crook of his neck where it lay before. Returning to their previous positions, Derek began rubbing her arm again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked her.

She shook her head, "Not right now," She sighed, "Later."

"Okay," Derek sent her a gentle smile, "Later."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. Meredith's eyes fluttered shut and they stayed in the supply closet for what felt like forever.