AN: I am very, very sorry that this chapter is so short! I'm visiting my parents in Washington tomorrow and I've been packing all day! I might not be able to update for the next three days. Again, I apologize, I'm really trying my best so please be understanding. I'm working on making my chapters longer, but that will mean that I need more time to update. Is it okay if I update every 2 days instead of 1? Also, as I said in the last AN, I didn't really plan the story like I should have and I'm kind of struggling with it. Bella tries to kill herself in this chapter and I would like to know how you want it to end up next. Two choices: 1) Edward turns her to save her. 2) Bella sort of dies and then by a miracle, she comes back or something. I don't want to disappoint you with the outcome, so I want to know how you would like it to be. I will consider all ideas. Please review! -Christy
I've been staying in Edward's room for about four days now, without ever coming out. Esme, Alice and Edward are taking shifts on watching and feeding me but I couldn't eat. I'm so sick of it all and I'm tired of feeling like this. The only solution is to end my life. To be honest, I didn't really want to die, but I've been trying to live and I can't. I try to breathe but I keep on suffocating. And I can't survive this way.
Esme stood in the doorway, a crease forming between her brows. I continued to stare at the wall when she came up behind me and began to stroke my knotted hair "Bella dear, you should come downstairs. It pains me to see you so broken. My son made a huge mistake and although he doesn't deserve it, I hope that someday you can forgive him. He does love you, and he wasn't lying when he said it"
I didn't turn to face her as tears blurred my vision. They obviously don't know the definition of pain because I'm the one hurting the most, not them. "I'll give you a moment to think about it" She said as she left me alone. I didn't have to think. I knew what I wanted and what I want is to stop existing. I wiped the rest of my tears away and dug into my pocket were I stuck a razor just in case I ever needed it. Now I did and it will be the last time I use it.
I sliced both wrists and began to stab myself several times until I didn't have the strength anymore. Pain shot through my body like burning hell, but I couldn't stop now. Blood stained everything around me as I fell to my knees. The red pulsed out of my arm. I must have severed a vein. Using up the last of my energy, I slid the blade across my neck. The razor fell from my hand as I chocked on my blood, struggling to get oxygen.
"NO!" Edward snarled, rushing in to lift me from the ground. The rest of the family filled the room and Esme eyes bulged. "CARLISLE!" She screamed and he busted through the door in a split second. Carlisle kneeled down beside me, shouting orders at Edward. My heartbeat was slowing and Edward began to do CPR on me. "Come on Bella! Breath, for me!" He begged, pressing his icy lips to mine and forcing more air into my lungs.
He continued to pound on my chest, and I started coughing. I was gasping wildly for air, but I couldn't breathe. "Edward, get the ventilator!" Carlisle shouted at him and suddenly, I felt something being pushed down my throat, it felt like a tube. I could breathe easier now but the cool air was drying out my throat. The blood was still pouring out of my mutilated body parts and I was beginning to feel light headed. My stomach churned at the scent of blood and I gagged a little.
I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness and I didn't fight it. I wanted to die, and I didn't want them to save me. I didn't really forgive Edward, but I couldn't deny the fact that I had some feelings for him, even if it wasn't possible for him to ever love me, he needed to know how I felt. My voice sounded weak, almost strangled as I spoke. "Edw-ward, I know you don't lo-ve me, but I do love you" He looked heartbroken and he took my hand in both of his. "Bella, I have always loved you and will continue to, even when I stop existing. Please fight it, for me. Stay alive-" His beautiful voice faded, as I slipped under.