Here's your update dear Readers ;)
I want to thank you for your reviews and everything, especially after last chapter, I was overwhelmed! (Val : "très bien" is indeed correct :D)
Grand merci (hug thanks) to Sadako Mcfly for your support, and a specific 'thank you' for Snixxwanky for all of your reviews ;)
Also, I'm trying to find a Beta, and I hope it won't take too long. If anyone is interested, let me know! (Sorry for the typos and mistakes, there all mine)
P.s : How cute was Brittany saying 'I miss you' to Santana in Glease ?
I don't own any of the Glee characters.
Santana found herself back at home, sitting on the couch, dry tears on her cheeks. Everything was a blur, she couldn't remember walking to her place, or anything else for that matter. The television was on but she wasn't paying any attention to it. She had jumped into the shower and then changed into more comfy clothes as soon as she set foot in her apartment, trying not to think of the recent events. She couldn't believe herself when it all happened.
The tension had been slowly building up for days now, and she found herself so incredibly furious and angry at the world that it became too much to keep it in. Obviously, she had tried her best to ignore her growing irritation, but in the bar, everything came rushing back and she just lost it.
Seeing Brittany being always so… Well, so Brittany, was excruciating. She tried and tried everyday to stay away from her and keep her guards up, but it was pointless. The blonde was probably the only person on this planet to know her way to Santana's heart. Santana was tired of fighting this, of fighting against what every cell in her being was telling her, screaming at her.
It was useless to be stubborn and refuse to accept the reality of it all at this point. Realization hit her with an incredible force back in the bar, and that's exactly what set her off.
No matter what she did, no matter what she kept telling herself, there was no way she could deny that she wanted to get back with Brittany, to touch her skin, to kiss her soft lips, to hold her firmly between her arms, to whisper in her ears how much she missed and loved her and how sorry she was that it took her so long to stop fighting their love.
Love. There was no other way to put it, and anyone could say so. The love they had for one another was so evident.
But at the same time, it drove Santana crazy to think that she had absolutely no control over her own emotions. Just like back in high school, there was nothing she could do to push away or dismiss how Brittany made her feel. And now was no different, even after all that she had gone through because of the blonde. Of course, their time together had been the best of her life, but it also drove her to the darkest period she had ever been through.
She was angry at herself for being so obvious with her feelings, and for the fact that she could not help but want her ex-lover back. She knew it would be incredible to date her again, but what if everything turned to hell again ? Could she survive that another time ? Did she really want to subject herself to this kind of heartache ? Did she really have a choice anyway ?
Maybe all she needed was to grow a pair and go for it ? She knew she would never be happier than with Brittany. Never in her life did she feel more alive than during the months they had shared.
Santana suddenly realized that maybe it was time. Her time to grow up. Their time to find each other again. Brittany had been nothing but more perfect everyday since she was back, and incredibly patient with her. Never did she show any kind of impatience or irritation. Never did she let her drive and passion waver. The blonde had shown her in every possible way that she had an iron will and was here only for her.
Santana wondered why it took her so long to realize that. Ok, Brittany broke her heart for years ago. Ok, so what ? She never cheated on her, she never lied to her, she never deceived her. She only did what she thought was best at the time, and could the latina really blame her ? The situation back then was so complicated, and Santana had to admit that she herself had been wondering where they were going and if this was the best way for them. Besides, wasn't she the one who pushed her to go back to France and not stay with her to begin with ? Wasn't she to blame as well for how things turned out ? She could only be sure of one thing : if she had let Brittany stay with her in the US, things would be different. They would very likely still be together and happy as ever.
Santana's head was spinning in thoughts, as she stared at her cellphone. She had turned it off during her walk home. She had tried to convince herself that she did so just because she didn't want to have anyone calling her. Anyone being Brittany, of course. But in reality, it was the opposite. She was terrified that the blonde wouldn't call her that night. It would be the first time in weeks, and it would be her fault and her fault only. It was very late now, and she wondered if the blonde had made it home ok, if she was sleeping or if she was lost in thoughts like her.
Maybe she was thinking that she could finally try to move on, away from Santana ? The thought turned the latina's blood to ice, chilling her entire body.
She felt so guilty for yelling at Brittany, and even more for the words that came out of her mouth. She couldn't remember another time when she had screamed at her, or any another time when she had seen those beautiful blue eyes so devastated. And she was the one responsible for it all.
'Fuck! I screamed at her to leave me alone! So stupid!'
She hoped to everything powerful that Brittany could forgive her for getting crazily defensive again, like she used to be in high school.
Not getting anywhere with her thoughts, Santana decided to sleep it off. 'Tomorrow', she decided, 'tomorrow, I'll tell her. I'll tell her that her leaving me alone is the last thing I want'.
*Flashback*
Santana arrived at the Berry's house a little earlier than planned that Saturday, but figured that it was ok. She was always very eager to see her girlfriend, especially since she knew their time together was possibly running out. But things were better in that department lately, because Brittany had recently gotten her acceptance letter to the same college than herself.
When the blonde had mysteriously left her a note in her locker telling her to meet her in their favorite spot, Santana immediately knew where to go. In the park by the pond, where they had most of their picnics or ice creams.
However, she had no idea what was all of this security hiding. When she arrived there, Brittany was sitting on a blanket, facing the water, with nothing around her. It was weird. Santana instantly felt it in her that something was coming, something big. She silently sat next to her girlfriend, took one of her hands in her laps, and watch the pond too. they remained silent for a good 5 minutes, content in each other's company.
"I love you" Santana said after a while, finally looking at the blonde. She wasn't particularly anxious, because nothing in Brittany's attitude gave her any reason to be. But still, something was up. She was patient enough to wait for the blonde to be ready to reveal the reason behind the surprise meeting though.
Brittany looked back at her, smiling. In that moment, her smile held so much meaning. It was like the blonde had heard the exact words that she needed right then, to feel reassured that she was doing the right thing or something.
The blonde handed Santana a piece of paper, never moving her eyes from brown ones. The latina took it and red it quickly, eyebrows scrunched. Suddenly she looked back up in surprise and hugged forcefully her girlfriend, who fell on her back.
As she was lying on top of her, Santana still couldn't say anything, but both girls were laughing and giggling. They stayed like for a long time, before the latina got off of her and sat back down next to her.
"You know what this means ?! It means that we won't ever be apart! This is REAL!" Santana was ecstatic. She had tried her best to not think about this, because so many things could have gotten in the way of Brittany staying. But right now, she was holding in her fingers the most precious piece of paper she ever held.
The blonde kissed her and smiled at her, before turning serious all of a sudden. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and shy : "Santana… Bébé, are you really sure this is what you want ? This is very serious now, and you need to be sure, because in college there's going to be tons and tons of girls everywhere and you could get distracted by any of them and then I'll be alone and …"
The latina cut off her rambling with a heavy kiss, before whispering : "I am sure baby, I've never been more sure of anything. This is what I want. YOU are what I want and what I'll always want. Whether you go back to France or stay here with me, it doesn't matter and it won't change how I feel about you, ok ?"
Santana was only stating facts, holding Brittany's face with her hands. She added in a smile : "But this" she motioned to the letter, "is wonderful. This is the beginning! I'm so happy, you make me so happy baby…"
That had been one of the best days of Santana's life, and that was saying something, because with Brittany, everyday was amazing.
Santana let herself in the Berry's house, as she usually did, and climbed the stairs to go meet her perfect girlfriend in her room. She knocked and opened the door immediately, but the sight she was met with wasn't what she expected.
There was Brittany, standing by her desk, trying to stop herself from sobbing and to hide the tears that were slowly coming down her face. The blonde turned her back to Santana as soon as she spotted her, but the latina had seen enough to know exactly what was going on. Her girlfriend wasn't crying per se, but she sure was sad and there were tears. Rapidly, Brittany took an envelope and hid it in a drawer. Then she faced her girlfriend who was still standing frozen in the doorway.
The blonde smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes, and the latina knew her well enough to see that it was fake.
"Santana! You're early!"
Before Brittany could completely dismiss her state, the latina asked : "What's wrong honey ?"
"Nothing, I just… Nothing really! I just talked to my parents and I miss them a little bit, you know how emotional I can get!" She tried to laugh but Santana could tell that there was something off. Brittany never lied to her before, but she was obviously not saying the whole truth here.
"Brittany, you can tell me anything you know that right ?" The latina tried.
"I know, of course" The blonde was trying so hard to act as if things were perfectly normal, but Santana could see right through her.
"Well then, why were you really crying ?" Her voice was gentle and soft, but still firm.
"I told you, I…"
"Brittany, don't lie to me please. And what about the envelope you tried to hide ?"
The blonde looked away from her and took a few steps back, crossing her arms on her chest. She seemed to ponder her thoughts.
After a moment, her arms went down again, and her eyes turned pleading as she spoke : "San, please, just drop it ok ? Please, please. It doesn't matter, I swear. Please."
Tears was coming back in her eyes, and Santana could only nod and hold her in a tight embrace, whispering : "Ok honey, ok…"
Things had been slightly awkward between them for the first part of the day, but then things went back to normal. Still, Santana kept in mind what had happened earlier. When Brittany left her alone in her room to go take a quick shower, she didn't join her as she usually did.
As soon as she was alone, she went back to the drawer and took the envelope out. She couldn't' help herself. Brittany had never acted so strangely and out of character before, and she had to know why. If something was bothering her this much, she had to figure out what it was and fix it, no matter what.
The envelope was a big one, and it had been sent from France. She took the contents out and starting reading. Unfortunately, it was obviously all in french. But from the looks of it, it came from a university in France.
Santana recognized that it was the college that Brittany had told her about when they first got together, and where she was planning on going, before she changed her plans and decided to stay in the US. The blonde had told her how difficult it was to get in, and that she had applied but probably didn't stand a chance, even though it had been her dream to study there for as long as she could remember. She also told her that she was hoping to come back to the US after she was done with this school and hopefully work and live there.
The letter was a "lettre d'admission", which sounded a hell of a lot like an admission letter. With it was a short handwritten letter, signed by Brittany's mother. Rapidly, Santana typed it on google translator, and as bad this translator was, she got most of the meaning.
Her mother was telling her that they received this at home and opened it. They decided to send it to their daughter because she got in. They were telling her that they were supportive of her whatever she decided to do, but that this School had been her dream forever and that she couldn't just let it go without even considering it.
Santana felt her world crumbling down for two reasons mainly. First, she realized why Brittany didn't want her to find out about this. She knew that Santana's reaction would be like. And that was exactly the second reason why the latina's word was falling apart : in that very moment, she knew what she had to do. She knew that she had no choice, even if it was going to break her. All that she had been imagining for the next few months and years was now gone in smoke, only leaving an immense void in her chest.
When Brittany came back in the room, Santana had put away everything, and she did a pretty good job at acting normal for the rest of the day and night. The next day, she quickly left, pretending she had errands to run. She had to think in reality. The blonde seemed confused, but let her go, seeing as she couldn't held her back, and watch her leave with anxious eyes.
Santana hated to make her worry, but she really needed time to figure out how to do what she knew she had to do. She didn't want Brittany to think that she didn't want her to stay with her, and she surely didn't want her to feel rejected. Because never in a million years was that what she was about to do. She just couldn't let the person she loved the most sacrifice what she had been dreaming about for most of her life. She would never let her do that, and the reason was that she loved her way too much.
She texted Brittany around 2 in the afternoon that sunday to ask her to meet her by the park, as usual.
When the blonde arrived, she walked to her shyly, fidgeting her hands together. It was obvious that she was anxious.
"Hi" Brittany said quietly when she stopped her tracks close to her girlfriend.
"Hi" Santana breathed, before motioning for them to sit on a bench close by. She continued : "Brittany, I asked you to meet me here because we need to talk. I need to talk to you about something."
The blonde was definitively freaking out, and Santana couldn't blame her. But she had found no other way to bring the subject up. She tried to hurry in order to reassure her lover.
"You can't stay here next year." She did her best to keep her voice steady, but failed miserably. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her hands were sweaty and her eyes were glassy.
Brittany looked at her right in the eyes as tears were already coming down her face, and brought shakily one of hand to her face. She looked so devastated and heartbroken, it was almost impossible for Santana to keep her eyes on her.
"Oh my God… You've been acting weird yesterday, and left in a hurry this morning… And now this strange meeting… Oh my God, no… Are you… Do you not want to be with me ? Are you breaking up with me ?" The blonde's voice was cracking but she managed to let it all out anyway.
Santana's eyebrows went up in surprise. She thought about the exact words she used and realized with horror how her girlfriend had misinterpreted them.
"NO! Of course not honey! NEVER, do you hear me ?! I'll never break up with you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!" She did her best to calm the blonde who was crying openly now.
A moment later, Brittany found her voice again and asked in a still fragile and shy voice : "Then what are you saying Santana ? Why are you saying those things ? I don't understand, I thought that it was what we both wanted, I thought that you wanted me to stay here with you…?"
"I do Britt, but I can't let you… I just can't let you." Santana knew she had to explain herself, so she continued : "Yesterday, when you went to take a shower, I… I went looking in your drawer and found the envelope. And I read it. I know I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry for that, but I had to know. You were so upset when I came into your room…"
"You went through my stuff ?" Brittany pulled away slightly. Never had she minded about Santana going through her belongings before, so the latina knew that this wasn't the real problem.
"Yes, I'm sorry. But that's not the point. I know what it was honey. It was from that school you told me about, and it was…"
"…All in french! You can't read french Santana, you probably misunderstood most of it!" Brittany tried in panic, but she wasn't very convincing.
"I didn't misunderstand, did I ? You got in, right ?" The latina breathed, looking down for a few seconds, before she moved her eyes to her girlfriend's. The blonde didn't answer, and she just shook her head.
"Santana, please, don't do that…" She pleaded.
"I have to baby, I love you too much to let you walk away from this. This is what you have been working for your whole life, and we both know it. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I let you give it up for me ?"
"FOR US SAN! For us… I don't want to be without you, please don't ask me this. Please, let me stay, please, don't give up on us…" Brittany was crying harder than Santana had ever seen her, and it broke her heart. But she had to do this, she couldn't back down. She knew it was the right thing to do, for both of them, but mostly for the blonde.
"I'm not giving up on us Britt… Don't you see ? I believe in Us so much that I'm willing to let you go home and be away from me for so long and still know that in the end, we will find a way to be together again. There's no doubt in my mind. This decision will not be the end of Us, I swear. Trust me ok ? Please. Letting you stay would be a mistake, for the exact same reasons that you didn't want to let me come with you, and deep down you know it too. Remember how I didn't get it then ? But now I do. Please Brittany, don't fight me on this… I love you so much"
Santana could barely finish her sentence before breaking down in tears as well as her lover. She knew she had to make her point better than that, so she spoke again after a while.
"Honey, when I came in your bedroom yesterday, you were crying, why ?" She tried.
"I…I was just…" Brittany shook her head in defense.
"Tell me Britt…"
"Because it's hard! It's hard to leave everything behind, my family, my friends, all of the plans I had, Emilie, it's hard OK ?!" The blonde was almost screaming at this point, but her voice turned quiet rapidly when she opened her mouth to speak again, in a pleading tone.
"But as hard as it is, it's something that I'm willing to do Santana! For you, for us… I don't'… I don't want to take any chances with us, or take a risk and make a mistake, I can't…"
"Oh baby… This is not taking a chance. This is living our lives, this is growing up…"
"But what if it's too long, what if we don't get through the distance and all of it, what if you get tired of waiting for me…"
"Brittany honey, I will never ever get tired of waiting for you! You are everything to me. Look at me please ?"
The blonde reluctantly moved her eyes to brown ones, doing her best to keep herself from crying harder.
"We will find a way to be together again, no matter what. I swear. Whenever you come back here, I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting for you. You hear me ?"
Brittany only nodded and they shared an intense look, with which Santana tried to convey all the love and hope she had in her. The blonde looked so defeated, like if she had lost the most important battle of her life. The latina wanted to make her feel better, to reassure her even more, but she knew it wasn't possible. Nothing could make either one of them feel better about the fact that they were going to be apart for months.
The blonde buried her face in her girlfriend's neck and they stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Not that the latina cared. She never felt better than when she was holding Brittany in her arms.
But now everything was different. Their time together was short, limited, and running out faster than ever. It was a strange and nerve-racking feeling. Santana knew that they had to make the most of it, but at that moment, she just wanted to stay like that, Brittany close to her. She listened to her frantic breathing and to her heart beat, caressed her cheeks and her hair, smelled her skin…
She was trying to memorize every single freckle, the exact color of her eyes, the way her nostrils moved when she sobbed, how she put her hair behind her ear every once in a while, the way he blue eyes stared at her with so much love, the perfect shape of her lips, moving only to whisper "I love you's". It was all pure beauty. Everything Brittany was was unique and amazing, Santana was even more in awe than ever before.
She knew that she would soon have to hold on to this memory and to all of the others. That would be the only way she would survive being away from the person she loved the most in this world, the person she loved more than herself.
The day after, Santana woke up feeling terrible. She had relived one of the hardest things she ever had to do during her sleep, and it wasn't something that she liked to be reminded of. However, it was somehow a kick in the stomach. She needed to remember, really remember, that Brittany wasn't the only one responsible for the way things had turned out. They both were, on different levels, sure, but still.
Of course, Santana didn't break up with her, or anything like that, but she did push her to leave, not even giving her a real choice. She had promised that she would wait for the blonde, and she did keep her promise, until they broke up anyway. After that, she did have a few one night stands, but nothing worth mentioning.
Did the fact that Brittany tore her heart apart mean that she didn't have to keep her word anymore ?
Wasn't she still waiting, deep down ? Still hoping for a happy end ? For Brittany to come back begging for her back ? Of course she was. She had always been waiting.
She had to tell her. She had to tell her that she didn't really want to be left alone, that even though she still needed time and to take things slowly, she was willing to try now. More than willing. She wanted to feel like she once did again. Like everything was possible. And the only way for that to happen was to let Brittany completely in again, to fully show her how she was still unconditionally hers. It wasn't going to be easy to formulate. She wasn't used to speak her feelings anymore, but she knew that with and for the blonde, she could do anything.
She quickly got up, and headed directly towards the bathroom to get ready. After a quick shower and a much needed coffee, she called Rachel, who picked up cheerfully.
"Hello Santana, I never thought I would ever get a call from you this early in the morning!'
"Whatever Berry, I need to talk to you about something."
"Well I'm fine thank you for asking" The brunette said sarcastically, not losing her good mood though. When Santana failed to shoot her one of her usual nasty replies, and only sighed, Rachel felt that it was a serious matter and added : "Alright Santana, what's up ?"
"I…It's…"
The latina stumbled on her words. It wasn't like her so she decided to remain silent, not really knowing how to bring the subject up. Rachel must have sensed it because she spoke again, not oblivious at all : "It's about Brittany isn't it ?"
Her voice was now caring and gentle.
Santana snorted and shook her head, hating herself for being so apparent and obvious.
"How do you know ?" She tried to keep her voice neutral, but knew that Rachel would be able to tell that she was already feeling emotional.
"Well first of all, not many things can make you get out of bed this early on a Sunday. Second of all, even less things can make you call me for help. And last, but not least…" She paused, searching for the right words, not to upset the latina even more, "I think that only one thing can turn you into a stuttering monster. Only one person actually."
The last words were almost only whispered, but Santana heard them just fine. She knew they were true. Brittany did things to her that nobody else could. It wasn't news to her or to Rachel obviously, but it was still a strange feeling to be faced with the fact. Nothing had really changed over the years, and no matter how hard Santana tried, the blonde still had so much effect on her, in every aspects of her life. She was everywhere.
"I want to try and… Rachel, I, I think…"
"You've made up your mind haven't you ?" The brunette cut her off, trying to help her.
"Yeah…" Santana breathed. "I have. I mean, it wasn't even really a decision to begin with"
"I know, I know…"
"I tried, you know ? I really tried to not want her back anymore, and I fought myself so hard and for too long…" The latina justified.
"Santana, it's ok, it's really ok. I know and love the both of you, and it totally makes sense. I'm on board, alright ?" Rachel paused, before asking : "Sooo, do you need my help ? Any romantic setting idea I have to help you come up with ?" She was obviously trying to cheer her friend up, and make things easier for her.
"No, no I don't want that, this is not how I want to do it. I… I just need you to tell me if… I am doing the right thing, right ? You've been talking to her and spending time with her, and apart from me, you're the one person who knows her the best here… She is sincere right ? She really does love me…? I mean, this is real isn't it ? I'm not crazy for believing it all, am I ? Am I stupid for wanting her and loving her so much, still ?"
Before she could go on with her non-sense, Rachel almost screamed in the phone : "SANTANA!"
The brunette had never heard her friend sound so fragile before, or so open about her insecurities. Sure, when Brittany broke up with her, she hadn't been herself for a very long time, but never ever did she let herself be so eloquent about her feelings.
"Sweetie, she loves you! And she never stopped missing you and wanting you back. I'm sure of it. Just like I'm sure that you still love her and that no one will ever make you feel the way she does."
Rachel could hear the latina do her best to hold her sobs in.
"When she looks at you… It's so unique, you know ? When you two are in the same room, it's almost unbearable to watch you both be so miserable apart… Santana, I won't tell you what to do, but I will tell you one thing : she flew half way across the world for you, not even knowing if you would take her back. The possibility of it was enough for her to drop all her life and get on a plane. Do you have any idea what kind of love and courage that takes ?"
The words echoed in Santana's ear and heart, making her smile as tears came down her face.
"Why didn't you tell me this before ?" The latina asked softly, not reproachfully, just curious.
"You needed to figure things out on your own, I really didn't want to intervene. And I wasn't sure if you would ever drop your 'I don't care' act. Don't give me wrong, I would have supported you either way. But deep down, I think it would have been such a shame if you two didn't work things out. You deserve to be happy, and there's no better way than be with Her."
They talked a little bit more, but soon Santana felt eager to go see a certain blond. She couldn't believe how impatient she was getting all of a sudden, when she had been doing nothing for the last few weeks. It's funny how making up your mind about something can pull a weight off your shoulders. Also she was now very nervous about her next move, she didn't feel like if she was carrying the world anymore. She just hoped she wasn't too late.
When she arrived at Brittany's place, it took her a few minutes to ring the bell. She needed to collect her thoughts and calm herself. This was a turning point in her life, and she wanted to be sure to do everything right. She had no flowers, no candles, no fancy wine or food. But none of that was necessary. She just had to be open about her feelings, her insecurities, her hopes and dreams, all of which she wanted to share with Brittany.
Shortly after she rang the bell, she heard someone approaching to open the door, and was surprised to be met by a disheveled looking Emilie. She seemed equally surprise to find the latina at her sister's door.
"Santana, whoa…" She began but was cut off.
"Hi Emilie… I need to see Brittany, I want to talk to her" As much as she tried, the latina didn't really sound confident.
"I don't think this is the right…"
"Santana ?!" Brittany appeared behind her sister and said before Emilie could finish her sentence; much to the latina's relief. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she seemed very upset.
"What are you doing here ?" The latina was surprised at the tone of her voice. Not what she expected. She didn't sound angry or mad at her, just sad, incredibly sad.
"I want to talk to you, please can I come in ?" Santana pleaded, blaming herself for the blonde's state. She hated the idea of a crying Brittany, and she was the reason for that.
Her ex-girlfriend motioned for her to come in and follow her into her bedroom, so she did. Emilie said something to her sister that Santana didn't understand, and Brittany just nodded at her. When she stepped into the room, she didn't give it one look and started talking immediately.
"Brittany, I'm so sorry about last night! I said some stupid things to you, and I shouldn't have. I was just angry and I didn't mean any of it! I don't want you to leave me alone, I really… And then I left you alone and turned off my phone, because I was so scared that for the first time on weeks you wouldn't call me! I still haven't turned it on by the way…" Santana almost laughed.
Brittany was awfully quiet, just staring at her with surprised and still so sad looking blue eyes. The latina wondered why they weren't turning at least a tiny little bit happier. She brushed the thought off and continued.
"I've been thinking all night and I just… I miss you so much Brittany, and last night made me realize that I need to get over my insecurities and… just be with you. That's why I'm here today and…" She stopped her rambling as soon as she spotted the suitcases on the floor, full of clothes.
"You're going somewhere ?" Santana tried to keep herself from panicking, which was proven to be very difficult at the moment. Her worst fears came rushing in her head and she looked back into blue eyes. Tears were dripping on the blonde's face as she stared back.
Brittany looked so defeated, broken and exhausted that it scared the latina more than anything. When the blonde finally spoke, Santana felt her whole world crumbling down. She couldn't breath or speak anymore. She could only hear the beats of her heart through her ribcage, reminding her that this was real. Shadow took over her as she watched History repeat itself.
"I'm going back to France"