"So…" you say. "Want to come in and sit down?"

She scowls, but nods, and you lead her into the living room. You wish that she wasn't here. You wish that she hadn't exiled Cronus to the kitchen. Mostly, you wish that you could get back to kissing Cronus, because you were getting really into that.

"So… doll… what exactly are you doing here?" you ask, a hint of annoyance creeping into your voice. She perches on your couch and tries her best to look civil.

"You need to stop hanging around with that douchebag," she says, and for once her voice isn't at an unbearable level. It's at a healthy almost-unbearable level. Still, that doesn't make up for the fact that she said you need to ditch Cronus.

"C'mon… he's my moirail…" but it even sounds lame to you, so you sort of stop talking after that.

"We both know that's totally not true!" she shrieks. Yep. Back to 'she's probably going to make you deaf.' "You and him have something super weird going on! My shipping charts did not purrdict this! It's never going to work out, and you're just going to break Horuss's heart!"

"Maybe that's the point…" you mutter, and oh shit you did not mean to say that out loud. Her eyes widen and then you're on your back on the ground and she's kneeling on your chest and, apart from not being able to breathe, your wings were in a weird position when she tackled you and they're hurting, too. You manage to wheeze out a "Doll… can you please…"

"Now listen here," she says, jabbing one long, claw-like fingernail way too close to your eye for comfort. "Ditch the fish douche. You and Horuss are meant to be. I'm not stupid, Rufioh. I know what meowrails do, and you and Ampurra are so not meowrails. I don't care if he's a good fuck, which would really surpurrise me, because he has like, no experience, but you and Horuss can't break up."

"Why… not…" you manage to gasp out. This isn't helping your usual issue of talking at a normal pace. It's seriously putting you back years of speech therapy. Talk slower so you don't stutter, wait no not that slow, you were finally at a place where people could understand you. "Why… can't I?"

She's way heavier than she looks.

"Beclaws… beclaws I won't let you! You're not abandoning someone as purrfect for you as Horuss is for Ampurra!" she says. With that, she pats you on the cheek and hops off of you, heading out. "Remember! Ditch the fish douche!"

As soon as she's gone, Cronus is sitting beside you on the floor. "Wow, she's a bitch," he says. "Fish douche? Wow. Like I haven't heard that one before."

You manage as much of a laugh as you can while still trying to get your breath back and prop yourself up on your elbows. Cronus is chewing on the end of his wand – er, cigarette, or whatever – and is glancing at you every few seconds.

"I'm not… I'm not going to leave you…" you say, and he visibly relaxes. "Just because she has a… a shipping chart or whatever she said… it doesn't mean shit, right…"

"I always hated her shipping chard," he mutters. "She always says that there's nobody that would be good for me. Like, seriously. The most I ever got was a moirail, and that was Kankri. And she even took that one back after a few days, because Porrim wanted him for a moirail."

You manage another awkward laugh and pull his head down to yours so that you can kiss him. He makes one of those adorable squeaks and you grin a little. He supports you and you kiss him, and pretty soon your breath is back and he's the breathless one on his back on the floor.

You straddle his hips, leaning down to peck him on the lips quickly before pulling his shirt up over his head. He's making these cute little breathy noises and you laugh a little. He's too cute. You don't know why you didn't try him out earlier.

Oh, yeah, he's an asshole.

But he's a cute asshole.

You lean down to place kisses down his neck and chest, enjoying the feel of his smooth seadweller skin and him wriggling around beneath you. You know that his bulge is just fighting to get out, and you wouldn't be totally opposed, but… you aren't feeling it just yet. You kiss him on the lips again, framing his face with your hands and kissing him deeply. He's still making cute noises. He's so loud but it's so cute, damn it.

"Fuck Meulin," you say, and he replies with a noise of confusion. "I'm sticking with you."

Understand dawns on his face and he nods, arching up to kiss you again. You let him, and you kiss him back. The two of you don't go past kissing, though you can tell he really wants to go farther. But, if he was really desperate, he would say something, and you really aren't feeling it right now.

After the two of you are done he falls asleep on your couch and you throw a blanket on him. You can maybe message Horuss or something. Make him feel better about your whole… leaving act. You did stay at his house for three days, but… with the appearance of Meulin… he's probably feeling more sucky than he lets on.

Of course, you really don't want to talk to Horuss. You don't want to have to see that weird thing he puts before all of his sentences, you don't want to have to deal with the horse puns, you don't want to have to censor all of your profanity with asterisks, you just want to talk to someone normal.

So, you decide not to talk to Horuss. Instead you turn on the TV. You have some anime that you've watched a thousand times in the DVD player, so you just watch that. You sit beside Cronus on the couch, and in no time at all he cuddles into you in his sleep, entire top half on your lap and legs curled up to press into your side. You briefly wonder how he can get that small in his sleep, then dismiss it and watch your show, petting Cronus's hair. With all of the product he puts in it, it's a little weird, but it's not like you don't spend time styling your hair.

Even though you know exactly how this season ends and who dies, you still find yourself tearing up a little at the climax. He wakes up right when your favorite character dies, of course, and stares for a few seconds before asking what's wrong.

"Nothing," you say, muting the TV and wiping your eyes. You've seen this enough times to know what they're saying without the audio. Anyway, it's got subtitles, which you haven't needed for years, so it's fine. "Just… nothing."

He turns his head and looks at the TV, and an expression of knowing dawns on his face. "Oh," he says. "You're comfortable, by the way. Like, wow, I'm impressed."

As always, his way of talking makes you laugh and you pet his hair some more. "Thanks…" you say and for once he's quiet. The two of you just stay there, him lying on the couch and you sitting with his head on your lap. It's peaceful.

It's peaceful, and you're even more certain in your decision to ignore Meulin.

Meulin gets exhausting to write.