Chapter 11
Octavia woke up in her bed. She was riddled with pain, but she couldn't feel any wounds. She was sore and achy. Her mind was racing.
What the Hell type of weapon was that? she thought as she tried to assertain any damage done to her body.
"Stay still," Clarke's voice tore through to her senses and she stopped moving. "You're damn lucky that guard took the hit."
Octavia couldn't say anything. It was like her mind hadn't caught back up with her body. Her chest felt like it was on fire, but when she looked down there were no bandages. She had some bruising, but that seemed to be about it. Clarke pushed her back down on the bed. Her blue eyes looked worried and tired. She knew that the blonde wasn't worried about her. She was worried about her mother, and so was Octavia.
"How long?" Octavia managed to eek out finally and closed her eyes as pain filled her chest again.
"Were you out?" Clarke asked as she just nodded. "About twelve hours. Indra and Miller are dealing with everything topside. There is some guard I think named London waiting to speak with you."
"Send her in," Octavia said quietly.
"You need to rest."
"I need to lead my people," she countered.
"And, what good are you going to be to them if you are dead? Hmm? Lie down. I'll get her," Clarke told her with a huff.
Octavia didn't know why she was so angry. She had an idea it was about the bunker, but it seemed like more than that. Clarke was down right pissed.
"Hurry up and tell her what you need to say and get out," Clarke demanded as she came back with London in tow.
The guard, dressed like all the others in black with thick boots, cloak with hood and face coverings, bowed to Octavia before dropping to her knee on the right side of the bed. Octavia noticed her hazel eyes watching Clarke carefully and she couldn't help but smile. London had no idea who Clarke really was or what she was capable of. If Clarke had wanted Octavia dead, she already would be.
"What is it, London?"
"I've come to report that we've cleared out the main hatch and the stores that can come to the surface are making their way out. Miller and Indra are going over the maps and planning a counter strike. Kara is with them. So is Nontu. They await your orders, Blodreina."
"Good, London."
"Timo has been released by Jaksun and has returned to his duties. He is currently on the door. Pol and Boran are securing the city and helping the non-warriors find a place to stay and begin building again."
"The land is trash. We have to take the valley. Are the battalions ready?"
"Sha, Blodreina."
"Good, let them continue to prepare. I need to get better maps," Octavia told her. "And, my nomfa? How is he?"
Octavia winced as Clarke kept checking her over, again for the fifth time even though she didn't know that. She saw the whip of Clarke's hair at the mention of a child, her son. She didn't know why Clarke was so surprised. She had Madi. But, Madi was a fosterling, too. Neither of them had any real romantic ties to anyone since Lexa or Lincoln. Octavia had tried with Illian, but that failed miserably and Clarke had tried with Niylah, only to be stuck on the surface while she was in the bunker.
"Training. He wants to go with Indra into battle."
"No. He stays with you and you remain here, captain."
"Sha, Blodreina."
"Tell him, I will speak with him as soon as Wanheda lets me out of this bed," Octavia replied.
London stood, gave Clarke a wary look and then saluted Octavia before leaving. Octavia couldn't help but smile. London had more than proven herself when it came to keeping Ethan safe. She'd earned her captaincy in the guard and had smiled when she learned that she wasn't only getting promoted after guarding the farm for over a year, that she was getting her own charge. She knew that meant big things in Blodreina's eyes. Not everyone got a personal guard. Abby did, as did Niylah, but only because she wanted them protected for Clarke's sake. She would be damned if she couldn't give Clarke back both women. And, she had, only Abby went off with Diyoza.
"Calm down. You'll do yourself no good to be that angry. It won't help anything," Clarke warned her.
"I need to get up."
"To talk to you son?" Clarke asked.
"You've learned Trig?"
"I know enough to know that something happened in the bunker and no one wants to talk about it. My own mother was scared to talk to me, Octavia. She looked...ashamed. I don't know what happened and part of me doesn't want to care, but I do. Because if I don't find out, I can't help her. I can't lose her, again, Octavia. I can't," Clarke started to whimper.
"You won't."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I am going to bring her home to you," Octavia stated matter-of-factly.
It was more a promise, a swearing of an oath than a simple statement. Clarke studied her eyes and could see the conviction there. She knew that Octavia would scour the Earth to bring Abby back, but first she needed Clarke to allow her out of the bed.
"Why did you call me 'my Wanheda,' Octavia? What is it that you aren't telling me? Is there something that I should know? Was Mom a prisoner or something?"
"No, no, no, nothing like that. I wouldn't allow her to be. I had a guard on her that protected her from the other guards. I wouldn't let her get into any trouble."
"Why not?"
"I needed my doctor, Clarke. I needed her to be sane and rational and able to work. Things didn't always work out that way, but she was covered to the point that Jackson only found out about her problem because he caught her. And, doing his duty, brought it to my attention. I dismissed it and tried to help her. She didn't believe that she deserved help. So, I enlisted Kane to do whatever needed to be done to protect her. I have to say that he stepped up and did it. He reported her crimes to me and we found ways to explain them or cover them up to the council. Niylah eventually figured out what we were doing and she started helping with the medical inventories."
"What the Hell does that mean?"
"Nope, you answer my question and then I'll answer yours. Deal? You're the one that wanted to talk. And, this way you can keep assessing me until I deem myself able to leave the bed. Does that work for you, Doctor Clarke?"
"Fine. What's your question? And, it better not be something about me being alone for six years," Clarke warned her.
"Tell me about the bruises on your neck," Octavia demanded and watched as Clarke reached up to her neck.
The blonde closed her eyes as she absentmindedly rubbed the abused flesh. When she opened them, her blue eyes were dark and angry. She was trying to reign herself in and was failing spectacularly. And, this what Octavia wanted, needed. She needed Clarke pissed and angry. She needed her ready to go to war. She needed Wanheda if they were going to go rescue Abby, and Madi (who Clarke didn't know she knew about, still), and seize the valley for themselves as originally planned. She needed the warrior inside, the woman that would do anything to protect her people. The woman who pulled the lever and irradiated over three hundred and fifty to save forty. The odds were in their favor, but she knew that Diyoza having Kane, Abby, Raven, and Murphy was a problem. Plus the fact that they didn't know if Madi, Harper, Monty, Echo, and Emori were still safe. Their friends were in the valley. Octavia needed to be able to talk to them. She looked passed Clarke at the radio and wondered now that the bunker was open. Her eyes met Clarke's again, before they closed. This time when she opened them, they weren't quiet at hard.
"They have shock collars. I was put in one and shocked several times. It was punishment for me killing some of her people and then what she was a lie."
"A lie?"
"Nope, your turn," Clarke countered. "Why did you have to protect my mom besides that she was the doctor?"
"She developed a problem. We resolved it. She felt like she failed you and didn't deserve to live. I had to convince her otherwise," Octavia told her.
"You aren't going to explain further?"
"It isn't my place. If you want to know more, you'll have to ask your mother, Clarke. I won't betray her confidence because she hasn't betrayed mine. My turn."
"Go ahead," Clarke said as she got comfortable in a chair and stared at her.
"Are you going to try to stop me if I go after your mother?"
"No...no, I won't," Clarke replied. "In fact you are going to need me if you go. But, I have a question for you. Who is your son?"
Octavia knew that Clarke had caught her phrase. She was amazed that it had taken Clarke that long to ask about it. She thought that Clarke would have asked about him as soon as London left. She smiled as she looked up that blonde. She wanted to laugh, but her torso still hurt. She rolled a little bit and aimed for the edge of the bed. Clarke moved to steady her. Octavia knew that Clarke wouldn't wait long. She wanted answers. She wanted to understand what had happened. She needed it, so she could help her mother. She didn't want her mother or Octavia to deal with things as she did, alone.
"Ethan Hardy is Geoff Hardy's son. Geoff didn't make your list or Kane and Jaha's culling for the bunker. Ethan did because he was a child. All the children for Skaikru did and they were all given to family members or close family friends to care for them. Jaha promised Geoff that Ethan would have a spot and Geoff made him swear that he would care for Ethan as if he was his own. Jaha agreed. Ethan called him 'Uncle Theo.' Kane even doted on him a little bit as well. Your mother made sure to check on all of the kids from Arkadia. It was one of the ways she dealt with not having you in here with us."
"That doesn't explain why he is your son," Clarke stated, looking deep into her eyes and Octavia knew she was looking for a lie or deception.
"Jaha was caring for him when Cooper tried her coup. Jaha had studied the bunker's blueprints and schematics. He knew how to get into the farm. What I didn't know at the time was that he was already dying when we went to overload the electrical panel and force the doors open," Octavia told her.
"He was injured."
"He was protecting Ethan and Niylah in Skaikru's quarters. One of men who wanted to kill all of Skaikru because of the coup stabbed him in the side. He told us it was just a scratch. I believed him. He knew though. He knew it was life threatening. But, he opened the door anyway," Octavia said and then closed her eyes, holding back tears. "I might not have liked him, but Jaha had been right. We needed to do better. We had to make Death our enemy and I had to figure out how to get them all to become one clan or we would just fight ourselves to extinction."
"But, he opened the door?" Clarke asked to push her past the tears.
"He did," Octavia answered, becoming stoic again. "I rushed back up to the farm. I had to fight to get to the door. I killed everyone that stood up against me and Wonkru. We couldn't be clans, we had to be one. I got the door open. I rescued your mother and arrested Kara and her co-conspirators. We ran back down to Jaha. I could deal with the prisoners later. I had to save Jaha. We got to him, but it was way too later. Your mother couldn't save him. He begged Kane to take him home so he could be with his wife and Wells. And, I was just standing there, covered in blood, and trying not to cry. He looked up at me and told me that Ethan was now my charge. Instead of asking Kane or your mother, he asked me. I told him that I would take him. Kane and your mom did the most with him in the beginning. Because of him, I had Gaia start a school to teach our combined histories, with Kane of course, but Ethan kept me on my toes. He is training to be a guard. That is what he's decided he is going to do for Wonkru. He's barely twelve. I might seem heartless and ruthless, but I am not going to let him go with us to the valley to get your mom."
"Good."
"He's not ready. I won't take anyone under the age of sixteen. But, I want you to know that I am not just going to get your mother, Clarke."
"Then what are you going for?" Clarke asked her.
"It isn't what, but who."
"I don't understand."
"I know about Madi," Octavia told her.
Clarke looked at her like she had three heads. She could see the blonde trying to figure out when she found out about her daughter, her fosterling, the last natural born natblida. She moved again and Clarke helped her sit up.
"Help me into the office," Octavia demanded.
Clarke reached out and helped her off the bed. She stood up, shakily, but she was standing. Clarke took her arm and helped her move away from the bed. She wrapped her right around her her torso, while Clarke held her up and walked with her. They moved slowly, but when they got to the office, Octavia pointed to the desk with the radio. Clarke helped her sit in the chair there. Octavia dug around until she found the disc she was looking for. She opened the recorder and put it in. She turned to look up at Clarke, her own green eyes full of emotion, as her finger rested on the play button.
"Don't be angry," Octavia started.
"Why would I be angry?" Clarke questioned as Octavia hit play and then fell back in the chair.
"Just don't be angry," Octavia stated again, and then Clarke heard her own voice.
"Hey, Bell. It's day three hundred. I've been officially on the ground for a full year now, if you count before. I know what a winter is finally. It's cold, if you're wondering. So, cold, sometimes that it seeps into your bones. Madi said that the weather is wrong. Winter came too early. I've tried to explain to her that Praimfaya has screwed everything up but she doesn't quiet get it. I guess I understand though. Her entire life has been this village and valley. She's so smart. She showed me some ways to get sweeter berries in the fields where they grow. We've been out there everyday packing snow at the base of the vines. She collects it all morning and gets me before lunch. Thankfully, I smoked enough meat a few weeks ago, or we'd have no protein right now. The animals are all tucked in the winter. She says it's normal and I have to take her word for it. But, we can still get some fish as long as the spring doesn't freeze over..."
Octavia reached over and stopped the playback. Clarke fell into another chair and stared at Octavia. She could see the look in Clarke's eyes.
"Why?"
"I know they were private thoughts, a way for you to talk to Bell, but they helped me stay sane down here, Clarke. Every time I felt myself starting to go to a dark place, I would pull out the recordings I'd made and listen to them over and over again. So, you see, I have more than one reason to take that valley."
"But, why?" Clarke asked her as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I know that she is still out there and she is waiting for you to come get her. I am sure that the others have found her by now and I know that she is keeping them safe and hidden, but they are going to comb that entire valley. If they find her, they are going to use her again you. Diyoza has no intention and had no intention of letting us in the valley. She plans to conquer it and leave us here. We're the Grounders. We're of the Earth and for the Earth, Clarke. I will not let the valley go without a fight. If I have to die to secure for you, Madi and Ethan, then I will. I feel that it is my destiny, but I don't think that I can do it alone, Clarke. I need you to help me."
"How?"
"Work with Indra on the maps. Tell Kara what will make good and quick rations that we can pack. Help us figure out the best way to get there and how long it is going to take. Clarke, you have all the knowledge I need. I'll let you go with us because I know that you won't stay back, but I need to know one thing," Octavia told her.
"What?"
"Are you going to go as Clarke, loving daughter, or Klark, Skaiprisa en Wanheda? Because I only need one of you, and I'd prefer the fighter than the daughter."
"Oh, trust me. Diyoza picked the wrong blonde to piss off. She has my daughter on the run and my mother doing God knows what for her people. She's signed her own death warrant and she knows it. Damn, I wish I could talk to Raven. She could tell me what I want to know."
"What do you want to know?"
"I want to know where she's setting up. What kinds of equipment they have besides the guns I know about? I want to know what that thing they used against you was. I wish we had an inside man," Clarke stated.
"Bellamy can't go. She knows him. And, we can't infiltrate her forces, she knows who all her criminals are. We need a grounder spy that can use a radio," Octavia mused.
"Echo!"
"I banished her," Octavia said.
"So lift it, like Lexa did, if she gets us the information."
"Bell will want to go with her," Octavia countered.
"Then we leave him here," Clarke offered.
"We both know that if you and I both march on the valley that he is going to mount up and go with us. There is no way to leave him behind. He'll demand to come."
"Then, you order him to stay behind," Clarke told her.
"Like he'll listen to me," Octavia said, rolling her eyes. "He thinks he is back in charge because he's here. Just because he's my older brother doesn't mean anything anymore. He is either a member of Wonkru or he is the enemy of Wonkru. I can't have it any other way."
"He won't have a choice if Blodreina demands it," Clarke replied.
"I'll have Indra distract him," Octavia said.
"Or, have him serve her. She is still your head general, right? He'll take orders from her, right?"
"I would hope so. He isn't that dense. But, he doesn't understand it all. He tries, but he doesn't."
"Octavia?"
"Yeah?"
"How many recordings of my transmissions do you have?" Clarke asked her.
"All of them," Octavia answered as she pulled out a collections of discs and showed them to her.
"All of them?"
"All of them. Even the days you just played music. Those were interesting choices, but it let me know how you were feeling. Some days it killed me that I couldn't answer you to let you know that you weren't alone."
"I'm sorry that you had to hear about..."
"I almost lost it after you tried to go to the solar fields. It was like being told that we would all die once we got to the surface. I raged in this office, destroyed most of it. Your mother had me locked in my room until she felt that I wasn't going to go on a killing spree or kill myself. It took a few days it seems. But the day after I woke and allowed to be on my own, I had come to the conclusion that you were lost," Octavia said. "I decided that I had to do something. I couldn't just sit back and let things run. I needed to actually step up and be the leader. I couldn't let Kane and Indra keep doing it for me. Honestly, the only thing up to that point that I had done was invoke the fighting pit to deal with crimes committed and I made all crimes capital offences. I had to do something to be worthy of the great Wanheda."
"Why?"
"Because you had already done so much to save us, to try to save the coalition, and to save the human race. I didn't feel like that I deserved to be the leader just because I won the conclave. I wasn't the heda and the people didn't really want to follow me either. I had to find ways to make them listen, to make them believe, but I only had one person that believed in me," Octavia explained.
"Indra?"
"Yes, but what she didn't know was that your musings helping me stay sane. I learned so much just by listening to you. I realized how much shit you went through and got. I'm not saying that I forgive you for all of it, because we both know that I don't. But, I can say that I understand it. I get it. Sometimes you have to do bad things in order to make good things happen. And one of the things that I did wasn't just personally selfish, even though it was, it was for the betterment of Wonkru," Octavia told her.
"What was it?" Clarke questioned.
"I didn't tell anyone about the radio transmissions."
"Why not?"
"Because I was afraid," Octavia admitted and Clarke saw the fear and the worry in her green eyes.
"Of what? What would telling everyone do? Why would you keep that to yourself?" Clarke asked her and Octavia could tell that she honestly wanted to know.
"I was afraid of what they would do if they knew that Wanheda, the Commander of Death was alive on the surface. Radiation levels were still too high for us, but not for you. I knew that they would try to open the hatch and find you. But, then we realized that we couldn't get out on our own. And, then that would lead to hope and hope can be just as dangerous as resignation. Letting them believe that Bellamy was coming to get us out had to be enough. If they knew that you were on the surface, they would demand that we find a way to communicate. By then, Abby and Kane had tried everything to talk to you. Abby just knew that it was you banging on the bunker, but we couldn't get to you. She couldn't talk to you and it was breaking her. I could see it. I couldn't add to that. I couldn't break her more and let her know that you were indeed on the surface and you were talking to Bellamy, who wasn't answering. It would have killed her. Being in here almost did that anyway. I needed my doctor. I needed Abby to live. Sure, I had Jackson, but he isn't Abby, Clarke. And, knowing that you were up there, that you tried to get to us, that you were just waiting for Bellamy to come back down from the Go-Sci ring to come and tree and free us, I knew what that would do to her, so I didn't tell her. I couldn't. I needed her to believe that you were in space and would be back to get us out. She blamed herself for you not being in here with us. Clarke, I couldn't...
"I remember you saying once in passing that you bore it all so we didn't have to. I didn't know what that meant until I looked into her face and saw how heartbroken she was. I would bear it all, so that she wouldn't, so she would live, so I could give her back to you, a little worn and battered, but very much alive and missing her daughter. I would deal with the pain of hope that you brought. I would silently suffer with you, through all the ups and downs that you faced alone. I cried with you at times. I sang alone to the music you would sometimes play. But, it was as soon as I heard you tell Madi to load the guns... I knew something bad was happening and I wanted to claw my way out of the bunker to get to you. I wanted to order the army to lay waste to anyone who dared to touch you or Madi. And, it was in that moment that I called Indra and Abby to me," Octavia explained.
"What did you do?" Clarke inquired quietly.
"I started playing the transmissions. I told her about them. I let her listen to them. I don't know how far she got or if she even knew about Madi. You didn't always bring her up, even after she joined you in the village, but I know that she heard enough to know that her daughter had lived. Abby...she felt like she had do things to be worthy of being your mother again. I wonder if that is what pushed her to go with Diyoza. She was sacrificing herself for you. It wasn't for us. It was for you. She wanted to make sure that you lived. And, that is why I am going to that valley. I am not going just for the valley, Clarke. I am not going to rescue Kane and Abby. I am not going to just get the rest of our friends or even bring Madi home to you. I am doing it for you, Clarke. I am going and I'm going to kill them all, so you don't have to," Octavia told her and stood up.
Clarke just stared at her. She didn't know what to say, but her eyes followed Octavia as she slowly made her way to the door of the office. She opened it and Miller poked his head around the door.
"Blodreina?"
"Assemble all the captains and find Indra. We have a war to plan. Have her bring her maps. And, find Kara. We need rations."
"Sha, Blodreina," Miller replied as he took off.
She shut the door and moved towards her desk. She fell into the chair and looked down at the map. Her hands started moving across the lines, measuring the distance between the bunker and Eden.
Clarke moved then. She stood up and made her way to the desk as well. She looked down at the map and gasp.
"You gave me enough information..."
"You aren't going alone. I'm going with you. And, we need to be careful," Clarke warned her.
"Why?"
"They have missiles on that transport ship," Clarke stated.