Chapter 11: Circus Showdown! The Big Climax!
Miss Schrodinger panted, trying to catch her breath. She was safe, for the moment. The good news was that she had gained some ground on beast master Kakuhan. The bad news was that she had no idea where she was; the underside of the big top was pretty dark, looked mostly the same, and she didn't have a lot of time to pay attention to where she was going. Most importantly, she couldn't shoot that long-neck bastard between the teeth if she didn't know where he was, and damn that would feel really good right about now.
Click. Suddenly, a series of lights went on, illuminating the once dark room. The badger had to shield her eyes a moment and take the time to adjust. Once she could see where she was, she pursed her lips and mouthed a curse. Cages were lined up around one another and propped up against the walls. Inside were the forms of several animals, including a giraffe, elephant, rhino, and a lion. This was the worst place she could have run from her assailant: right into the heart of his den.
"So nice of you to come to me, Miss Schrodinger," Kakuhan mocked with false pleasantries. He stood near the cages, one hand already on a latch.
This was perfect! Miss Schrodinger was just out of range of the beast master's whip, but he was well within range of her pistols. All the factors were in her favor: she had taken the time to reload, distance, the fact that Kakuhan gave up his chance at a surprise attack to act smug. She grinned, pulling up both pistols. Kakuhan's eyes grew wide as he realized his situation, his mistake. He pulled the latch on the cage door and threw himself to the side, hoping he could be fast enough to save himself, but knowing it wouldn't. BLAMBLAM!
Just as the little badger took her shots, a strange sound resonated from the upper levels. It sounded like some kind of roar. Whatever it was, it startled the badger, throwing off her aim just enough to make that critical difference. One bullet flew wild, striking nothing but wall. The other struck Kakuhan's shoulder instead of his teeth (yes, she was serious about that). The animal tamer went down as he planned, less injured than he knew he would have been otherwise.
The roar ended, but the animals were all roused by it. The cage Kakuhan had opened belonged to what was usually a rather docile rhinoceros. Forced awake from its slumber, the rhinoceros was shocked and agitated. It thrashed out of the cage, tearing down the iron door in the process, and was running straight for the little honey badger.
"Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcr apohcrap!" she cried out, holstering her guns. She dove to the side, barely making it to safety, knowing full well that just one of those powerful legs would crush her flatter than a pancake. Actually, let's go with flatter than a crepe. Honey badger don't care about pancakes, so screw them. Crepes are thinner anyway.
Miss Schrodinger's thoughts were cut short by the cracking of a whip. Thankfully she was not the target. Unfortunately, with that crack, the beast master began issuing commands to the raging rhino. The beast doubled back, this time fully intending to run over the badger. She didn't much like that.
"Not fun!" she shouted, dodging to the side again. As the behemoth passed by, she pulled out a pistol and cracked a shot at its backside. BANG! The lead ball bounced harmlessly off of the creature's tough skin. The rhino didn't even react, as though it felt nothing. Kakuhan laughed at the spectacle, while the badger dodged to the side once more.
"I can't believe you actually tried that! Don't tell me the circus's 'most intelligent and best trained animal' didn't realize those little pea shooters would barely feel like a bee sting to a rhinoceros!" Sarcasm and disdain dripped from Kakuhan's words. Meanwhile, Miss Schrodinger barely managed to get away from the rhino. This time, she could feel the air around its feet rushing through her fur in a manner that was much too close for comfort.
"Smug bitch, what'd I ever do to you?!"
Kakuhan regained his composure and straightened up. He looked annoyed now, if anything. His good arm slowly began stroking the handle of his whip, as though it were something of a pleasant experience.
"You filthy mouthed, crass creature." His eyes were cold, filled with hate, but he never broke tone. "People come to our circus to see you, and they all assume I trained you, because that's what the ringmaster advertises. I could never have a hand in something as rude and unpleasant as you. What's worse is how you outperform me every single performance. Some freak of a badger that came to us with no training? You don't deserve to live, much less in the same circus as a great animal trainer!"
Kakuhan angrily lashed out at the badger as she tried to dodge the rhinoceros again. The whip caught her on the back, causing her to stumble and cry out in pain. The rhino knocked her aside with great force, sending Miss Schrodinger tumbling into the side of the lion cage. She gasped out in pain with each bounce, each blow, until she hit the ground one last time, face first.
"That should be good, Remmy," Kakuhan said, easing the rhino down. He smirked on one side of his face and shook his head, observing the mess of blood and fur that was Miss Schrodinger. There were no doubts in his mind. Nobody could survive that. Certainly no badger could survive that.
"Ugh… Long necked… Bastard…"
Kakuhan's face screwed up, his surprise evident. How… How could a badger of all things survive a strike from his whip, followed by a kick from a fully grown rhinoceros?
"I've got such a raging headache… And now my hat is all bloody." Miss Schrodinger sat up and brushed off her hat before putting it back on. She shook her head, getting back in the game.
"Remmy. Smash her."
The rhino grunted and charged. This time he'd crush that little honey badger for master Kakuhan. The little honey badger, however, had other plans. Her eye twinkled and she smiled from cheek to cheek as the beast came bearing down on her. The rhino charged full speed, but the badger didn't budge. Not until the last second…
"Alleyoop!" she cried out. Miss Schrodinger leapt up at the rhino's leg as it was about to trample her and swung herself up top the creature's neck. Her fellow animal skidded around and attempted to throw her off, but to no avail.
"Yippi-kay-yay, Kakuhan!" the badger shouted, waving her hat in the air and having the time of her life. She directed the rhino's path toward Kakuhan, chuckling as she did so. Then, with those dexterous paws of hers, she pulled out both her pistols once more and fired straight down on the rhino's cranium. Eight shots flew in rapid succession, and though they could not pierce the skull of this strong beast, they did what they were meant to do. The rhino's senses were dulled. Vision and hearing blurred as it took on a massive headache. The beast no longer had any idea where it was going in its mad thrashing.
"No no no nonononononoNO!" Kakuhan let loose with his whip, but all it accomplished was knocking the rhino off balance. The beast fell and slid along the ground, while Miss Schrodinger hopped off and rolled safely. The beast tamer did not fare so well. His rhino collided into his body, and would have crushed him had he not been tossed aside like a rag doll.
"Ugh…" The beast master came to his senses. He was heavily injured and felt a lot of internal bleeding, his whip was nowhere nearby, his rhino was unconscious on the ground, and the target of his enmity was merely feet away, brushing herself off. Oh, and he just so happened to land in front of the lion cage door. That was nice.
"Heh heh," he chuckled, coughing a bit as he did so. Miss Schrodinger glanced over to see what he found so funny, and was considerably less amused at the now open lion cage. The beast was the same one the circus strong man, Ganjou Ude, would ride and wrestle. It stepped forward and licked its master's head. He pointed at the badger and uttered only a single word.
"Kill."
The lion growled and began circling around the badger, stalking her. When it bared its teeth, the badger just shook her head and fired off a single shot. BLAM! The bullet struck the creature's teeth, shattering two of them. The lion reeled back in pain, then cowered in its cage. The badger walked on up to Kakuhan and placed one of her pistols up against his face.
"I can't believe you tried that! Don't tell me the circus's beast master didn't remember that he trained that lion specifically to be a pansy so that Ganjou could give the crowd a kick ass show!" Miss Schrodinger chuckled before continuing.
"So where does that leave us? Oh, right. Your punk-ass face against the barrel of my gun. I should kill you for what you did, but I just can't seem to remember how many bullets I've fired off. So tell ya what. Let's leave it to luck. Sound fair?"
Her grin grew more and more as she talked down to her would-be killer. Kakuhan was sweating blood and biting his trembling lips. The badger then started to whistle to him, to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel. The world began to melt around Kakuhan and his breathing got heavier.
"Pop!" She pulled the trigger. Click. "Huh. Used all twelve rounds."
Kakuhan blacked out.
"…. Pussy." Miss Schrodinger holstered her gun and turned to walk away. She paused for just a moment, then turned back around, pistol whipped the man in the face, and hustled off. She wasn't sure what it was, but she saw a tangled mass of something fall nearby and wanted to check on how things were going between her "family" and the pirates.
"Bloody Hell!" cried out the ringmaster, looking up at captain Runch. "How'd you get out of that net? And where are my monkeys!?"
"Just fine," the captain responded, lowering his leg and gesturing in the direction of the net, where the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) were happily munching on a large pile of yellow cereal. "I wouldn't hurt those cute talking monkeys. They're loads of fun! And they were just following instructions."
"You, on the other hand," Runch put up his fists, taking a stance. "I save your star attraction, and you attack us. You even try to kill a barely conscious man! It wouldn't matter if I knew him or not. You just need a lesson in manners, kid! Bori bori shot!"
Runch thrust out his right fist, a small burst of his special, highly dense combat cereal shooting forth. Carlos quickly rolled to the side, barely dodging the attack, and got back up on his feet. With his left hand he held his oversized top hat on, while with his right he held his rod forward, like a fencing sword.
"Save? Manners? Kid?! I'm twenty-eight years old! And you're the one that needs to learn manners, old man! Saved my star attraction my butt. You stole my spotlight!" Carlos whistled sharply, and a moment later all four monkeys gathered around. The ringmaster sternly stared down the captain before issuing a single order.
"Take him out."
"With pleasure, boss!" cheered one of the monkeys. All four hopped up and down momentarily before rushing at Runch acrobatically. Runch clenched his teeth as he was forced to fight off these animals he would rather not harm.
Two brothers came at him from up high, while the third brother and the sister jumped for his legs. Runch threw himself back and waved his arms horizontally across from one another as he did so.
"Bori Bori Grapeshot!" Pellets spewed from his hands, pelting the animals, who flinched in pain. Flinched, but didn't stop. The captain let out a yelp of pain as two monkeys bit into his legs, and thrashed about as two more scurried annoyingly over his torso. Ringmaster Carlos smirked.
"You move with the grace of a sumo panda! Lolololol. I should tip my hat to you." The circus leader gracefully did so, and he showed some amount of struggle in keeping the hat balanced, as though it were heavy. Then, with a click of a button on the side of his rod, the top of the hat swung open on a hinge, revealing…
"A cannon?!" Runch's eyes went wide, and the shocked dulled his senses to the pain of monkey teeth.
"Hair Raiser!" With a great explosion, the miniature cannon fired!
"Bori Bori Wall!" Acting quickly, the captain crouched down, then sprang back up arms first, erecting a wall in the process. The cannonball smashed through it, then into his chest. Captain Runch flew back and took a tumble, the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) flinging off his body from the force of his sudden flight.
The captain shook his head and coughed up some blood. He felt his gut, and flinched from the pain. There was plenty of bruising there. No doubt that attack would have taken him out had he not acted so quickly.
He stood up and looked off to the sides where the monkeys had been tossed off, hoping they were alright. He took a moment to wonder why his first reaction was to make sure the animals were ok, when he was still in danger. He didn't like being attacked anymore than when he was first declared a criminal, and he certainly hadn't grown to enjoy the fighting aspect. Maybe he was just used to it by now? Or maybe he was growing into the part.
In any case, the monkeys were fine and recovering. At most they were startled and dizzy. The ringmaster, however, was still in his same spot. His irritation was evident by the look on his face. By all means, that cannonball should have taken any old man out, wall or no wall. Why was this middle-aged breakfast mascot back up so quickly?!
"This pirate really worth 16 million, captain Touchumaru?" asked one of the marines in the stands. His peers nodded and muttered in agreement.
"I mean, he doesn't seem too tough. Those two mates of his are another story. I could see 16 million berries for them, but this guy? He should have stayed at 2 million."
"Actually, I have a question about that," chimed in another marine. "This Krunch guy got his first bounty for killing a king, didn't he? Shouldn't that be worth significantly more than 2?"
Touchumaru leaned forward in his chair, resting his chin on his cupped hands. He never took his eyes off of the action, obviously quite invested in it.
"The fact that he was assigned a bounty at all is surprising, actually. Chichichichi. You see, that kingdom was not recognized by the World Government. Since there was no crime against its citizens, I can only surmise that his bounty only came about because the victim was royalty. Chichichichi."
"So what you're saying," piped up the first marine again. "Is that this guy shouldn't be very strong, right? Since he picked on some small, weak kingdom without World Government protection?"
The marine captain's eyes narrowed. Runch and the ringmaster had not moved for several moments. Perhaps this was their way of giving dramatic pause for the audience? The time for pause was over. Touchumaru thought they needed to get back to the entertainmen-Wait, one of his men asked him something again, didn't he? Oh bother.
"Not at all," he replied, sucking on his tongue. "In fact, if I did my research right, he should reflect his bounty and then some."
"What!?" his marines exclaimed in unison.
Touchumaru seemed uninterested in responding, so another man did it for him. This marine dwarfed his commanding officer by standing at six feet, four inches. He wore a snappy red dress suit beneath his marine jacket. His crimson hair was gelled into a strong perm, with his marine baseball cap sitting loosely on top. Upon his upper lip was a well-groomed mustache which swirled into a tight spiral on both ends.
"The murderer turned pirate known as Bartholomew K. Runch," the man began, "Was a cereal merchant that had been preparing to win the top prize of that kingdom's contest for many years. The winner would be sponsored by the king to go on a trip through the Grand Line to collect new ingredients for new recipes. Of course, the Grand Line is well known for its reputation as the most dangerous stretch of sea in this world. It was for this reason we know that K. Runch honed far more than his recipe skills."
The marines listened closely to what the well dressed, red-haired marine had to say, then looked back to the battle, eagerly awaiting the next move.
"He trained himself for combat and survival!"
Runch shot forward, his fist pulled back and ready to strike. The ringmaster reeled back. He was unprepared, had placed his top hat back on his head. As he struggled to attack with it again, the good captain's fist struck the ringmaster square in the gut. Carlos began to double over, his eyes nearly popping out, but that was not the end of his pain.
"Bori Bori Cannon!" Runch finished extending his arm outward. The force of his punch hurt, but it would not compare to the force of pellets striking out as well. The blast shot Carlos back nearly thirty feet. He only stopped when crashing into a walkway.
"Ouch. Ugh…" The ringmaster stood back up, using his rod for support. He stared down at the captain, who was still in the same spot and same stance, now smiling cheerfully. This image, for lack of a more tactful phrase, really pissed him off.
"Fine then, I won't underestimate you anymore! Hair Raiser!" Carlos tilted his hat downward and pressed the button on his rod, unleashing another cannonball.
Runch had more time to avoid the attack this time. He dodged to the side, but forgot to take into consideration the wooden platform he was on. The resulting destruction knocked him off balance, and the sound of another cannon shot stabbed at his ear drums. This one was just a little off on aim, but Runch was first showered with splinters, then dropped through the floor.
"Chocolate custard!" he exclaimed, hitting the floor with a loud thump!
The captain slowly stood, rubbing his head. Once he got his senses back, he looked around, but didn't see the ringmaster anywhere. The marines were still in the stands, watching carefully, but their eyes were on him, not wandering anyplace else. No clues there. Hachirou had recovered Smith and they were now resting together on another platform. That was reassuring, but it didn't help his current state. Climbing up a nearby ladder was Miss Schrodinger. She was a sight for sore eyes. Speaking of sore eyes, what had bloodied her up so badly?
"Surprise!" A furry little pressure forced down on Runch's shoulder and suddenly everything went dark. The voice was obviously one of the monkey's, but there was no surprise there.
BOOM! Runch panicked at the sound of another cannon shot. Not knowing where it was coming from, he threw himself forward on his chest, hoping to avoid it. It was a good call, too. He could feel the lead sphere blast right over his back. It startled the monkey too, which screeched (his ears could have done without anymore loud noises today) and jumped off.
Runch quickly shot back up and observed all around himself, but saw nothing. Wherever the ringmaster was, he knew how to keep himself concealed well.
"First you try to kill me for saving one of your performers, now you don't even care about shooting at your own awesome talking pets? You've got issues, kid!" Runch took up his stance again, circling around slowly, trying to observe every detail, every nook and cranny, so that he could prevent any opening for a surprise attack.
"You're the one with issues!" exclaimed a voice right behind him. Runch spun around, prepared to strike, and came face to face with… The monkey sister? Wait, but wasn't it the ringmaster's voice he had just heard?
"Lololololol! You should have seen your face! You mean you haven't figured it out yet?" That was definitely his voice, but now it was echoing in from the opposite direction, and it was far away. What gives?
"You don't just apply for the job of ringmaster by walking into the circus one day and handing in a resume, old man. Lololol!" Now it was coming from above. How peculiar.
"You've got to have your own act! Build up to it, after you show them all what you're worth! Me? I wasn't always Ringmaster Carlos. I was another performer, and I'm glad to say that I haven't lost my edge. You see, my special talent is that I'm…
"A ventriloquist." Runch felt those last words whispered in his ear. He spun around to meet his opponent, only to have his face greeted by the head of a cane.
"Oof!"
Once Runch looked up again, the ringmaster was gone, but his voice was not.
"Lololololol! It's great fun, I can tell you that much! Of course, I never got much attention for my special skill. First it was the dolls and the dummies. Everyone always cheered for those inanimate pieces of wood and plastic, failing to recognize my talent. So I burned them, and I took on the job of ringmaster. The ringmaster gets all the credit he deserves, right? Nobody upstages the ringmaster, because the entire circus belongs to him!"
Runch's nose began to twitch. Not out of fear or nervousness (after all, his foe could be anywhere and he'd never suspect a thing), but out of disgust and irritation. This man's attitude rubbed him the wrong way.
"So why are you telling me this?" he asked, a hint of a growl in his voice. "Why does it matter to me?"
There was an uncomfortable pause. Runch continued looking around, hoping for some sort of clue, but he saw nothing. He heard nothing. Not until the ringmaster finally broke his silence.
"Whether my performer died or lived, it was as my performer! If she lived, our show would be promoted and praised! If she had died, she'd become a legend and everyone would flock to my circus in mourning! No matter the outcome, my circus would have won! But you had to interfere in matters outside of your own business! You, an outsider, stole my spotlight! By upstaging my performer, you upstaged my circus, and that is an insult I cannot abide!"
"Bloody cherries, are you telling me you'd rather sell tickets than save your performer's life?!"
"Yes! NOW DIE, PIRATE SCUM!"
BOOM! Another cannonball blasted forth. Runch frantically dove to the side, but it didn't help. This one came from straight above and shattered the support beam of his platform. The captain took a tumble, gaining a few new battered bruises in the process.
BOOM! Aw crud. He dodged wildly again, narrowly avoiding another shot. It still threw him off balance, nearly over the edge. That wouldn't have been good, as there was nothing but a straight drop into the ocean from there.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Runch ran frantically, never certain as to where the attacks were coming from. Splintered wood, explosions, tumbles, he kept taking more and more damage from them. If this had kept up, he wouldn't be able to last.
Wait.
Runch stopped running for a moment. He had noticed that now he was far out of sight from the marines in the audience. Maybe, just maybe…
"Hold up there, Ringmaster. This isn't anyway to finish me off, is it?"
"… What do you mean?" echoed the voice, after a brief pause.
"You're hidden from both eyes and ears. The audience can barely even see me, if at all. That's not dramatic enough, is it? No flare, no glory. How can the audience applaud an act they can't even see?"
"What's your point?" an agitated Carlos interjected.
"The climax should take place on the main stage, so that's where we'll settle this. Deal?"
Another pause. By the mangos of passion, Runch hated those pauses. They could mean anything from his opponent moving into a better position of attack to a simple bathroom break. The anticipation put him ill at ease.
"Lolololololol! Very well. Center stage, pirate filth! There I will show you the true power of the West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza!"
And all was quiet. Runch breathed out a sigh of relief, but it did little to calm his nerves. This fight wasn't over yet. His heart beat pounded in his head as he made his way toward the main stage…