xi: In two minds

Despite it being the end of October, it was one of the sunniest days London had seen in a long time. The sky was a brilliant blue, and there was not a cloud in sight. But there were still signs that winter was coming: leaves were starting to fall from the trees, turning to shades of red, yellow and brown. The young couple walked along the grass, fingers interlaced, as sunlight beamed down on the early morning frost, making it glitter.

"I... I kind of need to get to work soon, Ron," Hermione said tentatively, but in truth she was quite unenthusiastic about the prospect. She liked this park; it was so peaceful. It was hard to believe they were still in London, really - although you could still hear the traffic in the distance, it was a different world from the hustle and bustle of the shops a few streets away. Besides, Ron was going back to Auror training camp later that day, and this would be the last chance she'd have to see him for a while.

"Really?" Ron sounded disappointed. "Can't you stay five more minutes?"

"Probably," she said, squeezing Ron's hand, and he grinned. "This has been... nice, Ron," she told him, unable to keep a questioning note from her voice. Early morning walks were not usually Ron's style.

"Yeah, well I just thought it would be good to see each other before I go, say goodbye properly," Ron mumbled, his ears going slightly red. "I'll miss you."

Hermione looked at him suspiciously; she didn't think that sentence had provided him with reason to blush. "I'll miss you too. But you'll write, won't you? And nothing inappropriate this time," she said disapprovingly.

"Sorry," said Ron, grinning sheepishly. "'Course I will."

They continued walking for a while in companionable silence until Hermione felt Ron slowing to a stop in front of the large statue inhabiting the middle of the park.

"Hermione... there was actually a reason I wanted to see you this morning," Ron admitted, scratching his neck and looking down at his shoes. "I couldn't leave without doing this."

Hermione racked her brain for possibilities, but found none. "Doing what?"

Ron took a deep breath. "Hermione, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. You're smart, beautiful, talented... and when I'm not with you, I think about you all the time. I can't imagine being without you, and those weeks when I thought I'd never see you again were some of the worst of my life. I love you, and I know I don't deserve it, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. What I'm trying to say is this."

He was down on one knee.

"Hermione Granger," he began, fishing a tiny box out of his pocket and opening it to reveal a glittering engagement ring, "will you marry me?"

Hermione felt like her heart had stopped. She hadn't seen that coming. She loved Ron, but they hadn't discussed marriage. They were barely out of school. It was a lifetime decision, and all her life she'd heard the same thing: marriage is not something you rush into. And yet she was torn - to the other, non-practical side of her brain, promising herself to Ron for the rest of her life was such a romantic idea...

It would be so easy to say yes. But she had to do the right thing. "I want to say yes, Ron, I really do, but... I don't think I can," she said slowly, and she felt terrible as she saw how his expectant face fell. "Don't get me wrong - I love you, and I'm pretty sure I do want to marry you one day, but is this really the right time?"

Ron shrugged, staring at the floor. "I just thought, if it's what both of us want... why wait?"

"Because it's a big thing, Ron," Hermione said as Ron started to get to his feet again, "and when we do do it, I want to do it for the right reasons."

"Hang on, who says I'm asking you for the wrong reasons?" Ron demanded, looking offended.

Hermione sighed, wondering how to approach this delicately. "It's... it's just that the timing kind of suggests that you're asking because you're paranoid. I think you're paranoid that because I won't be where you can see me, I might go off you or something. Is there any truth in that?" she asked softly.

"Maybe a little," Ron admitted, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "It's not because I don't trust you or anything, don't worry. It's because... everyone thinks I'm worthless compared to you."

It broke Hermione's heart to hear him say that. It was nearly a year and a half after the war, and yet all the hero worship he'd received in that time still wasn't enough to rid him of his insecurities. Deciding that this was one of those moments when actions spoke louder than words, Hermione crashed her lips to his, trying her hardest to pour all the love and admiration she had for him into the moment. They were both gasping for breath when they broke apart.

"Nobody thinks you're worthless," she told him firmly. "And even if they did, all that matters is what I think. And I think you're amazing."

"Thanks," Ron said, grinning.

"No need to thank me. It's the truth," Hermione told him, beaming back. She sighed. "Look, Ron. You're not even twenty yet. And this is the beauty of the war being over: we've got our whole lives ahead of us. We don't need to rush into anything. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you if I can," she said sincerely. "And I don't need a ring to tell me that."

Ron nodded. "I understand."

Hermione took his hand again tentatively, giving it a squeeze. "Ask again in a few years?"

"I'll hold you to that." There was a brief pause, neither of them certain of the best way to end the conversation. Then Ron said, "You're definitely going to be late for work, aren't you? Sorry."

Hermione laughed. "Yes. But I reckon I have quite a good excuse," she told him. "Still, I doubt Percy will be quite so understanding if I'm any later than this."

"Screw Percy," Ron muttered bitterly.

"Ron! He's not just your brother, you know - he's also my boss!" Hermione scolded.

But she couldn't resist lingering for a few more moments, reluctant to leave the peaceful atmosphere and the last experience of Ron's company she would have for at least a month. A tiny bit of regret was already starting to creep into her mind, but it was like she said: they had time. The future was stretched out in front of her like a blank canvas, and after the war, that didn't intimidate her anymore. It was rather exciting.

A/N: This was originally meant to be part of one of my multichaps (She and I), but I've changed the plot of that slightly so I decided to write this as a oneshot instead. For "torn" on the OTP Boot Camp and it's also my entry for the Ron/Hermione Competition. :)