Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This fic is based on and inspired by the nonDegrassi fic "Brilliant Smiles and Barely Scraping By," written by fullcolapse at LiveJournal.

Author's note: The response to the previous was something I didn't expect. Wow. You guys are just the best. Thank you to those of you who shared their experiences in their reviews, you made me cry and feel so emotional. I will never know what it feels to go what you went through, but I applaud you for being so brave.

"There are things we cannot know , invisible hands which guide the show from up above. And sometimes you are forced to go far away and shut the door... On the one you love."

Invisible Hands, Joseph Arthur

Clare

She shivered as Eli's fingers touched her bare skin, it felt too good, so good. Clare opened her eyes and placed a hand on Eli's chest, which was miraculously unblemished. No bruises to be seen, just his skin, and she moaned as Eli buried his face in her neck, his tongue making her tremble.

He was the one she wanted to be with. She was certain of it.

"Clare... Clare, honey, wake up."

Clare opened her eyes and mumbled groggily, her hand clutching her cell phone tightly. She had fallen asleep on the living room's couch, waiting for Eli's call. Her first reaction was to glance at the screen, and she panicked when she realized that she had no missed calls, but also when she noticed that it was almost midnight.

"Clare, I need you to sit," her father said gravely.

"Dad, Eli hasn't called, I-" blurted Clare as she sat up. Her father placed a hand on her shoulders and sighed, and she knew that something was wrong.

"Mrs. Goldsworthy just called," said Mr. Edwards, his eyes full of concern.

"No," gasped Clare, her entire body threatening to collapse. Eli was okay, he quit his job, he had just forgotten to call her, but he was okay... everything was fine...

"Eli is in the hospital," continued Mr. Edwards. "Something quite terrible happened at his job but he is okay.. given the circumstances."

"What happened?" croaked Clare, tears running down her cheeks. "Is he hurt? Can we go see him?"

"Mrs. Goldsworthy wasn't too, er, clear on the phone," frowned Mr. Edwards. "The only thing I was able to figure out was that Eli's boss attacked him and then another employee shot the man. Eli's boss was shot in the face and neck but somehow he survived. Not that anyone would want to survive that..."

Clare placed a hand over her mouth and she wanted to scream. What kind of attack? Who shot Donovan? She had been so stupid, letting Eli go there by himself... but she had told him to quit in front of everyone, so why did he...

"That's why I woke you up," said Mr. Edwards calmly. "I'll take you to the hospital. Mrs. Goldsworthy wanted you there because it seems that Eli won't speak to anyone. Not even the police, and people are getting frustrated."

Clare nodded and stood up, mumbling about getting something from her room and walked away in a zombie-like state. Eli wasn't talking? Of course not, that was his nature, eternal secrecy. But he had started to open up, so it could only mean one thing.

She ran into her bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before throwing up, hoping that she was completely wrong about her assumption.

Later

"Clare, slow down!" called Mr. Edwards, but Clare was walking fast, looking for Eli's parents. She spotted Bullfrog by a vending machine, and the man was just staring blankly into space, his hands deep in his pockets.

"Mr. Goldsworthy?" asked Clare anxiously, and Bullfrog turned around to face her. His clothes were covered in blood, and it took every single ounce of Clare's strength to not throw up in front of everybody.

"Did you know?" asked Bullfrog miserably. "Did you know what Don- what that asshole was doing to my son? Tell me, did you know?"

"I..." Clare was at a loss for words, and she felt guilty, guilty for not telling Eli's parents about what was going on.

"I can't believe it! I was so blind!" roared Bullfrog, punching the vending machine. Clare stepped back and her father caught up with her, pulling Eli's dad away from the machine.

"I'm guessing you're Eli's father?" asked Mr. Edwards politely. "Come on, let's go outside, come on." Clare watched as her father dragged Bullfrog along and she stared at the dent in the vending machine, wondering what Eli looked like.

She didn't want to think about it.

She saw a couple of police officers talking to CeCe down the hallway and Clare ran, her flats hurting her soles as she approached the group.

"Mrs. Goldsworthy!" said Clare breathlessly and CeCe beamed at her.

"Clare," she said quietly and hugged her, completely ignoring the policemen standing in front of them. "You're here. Oh, thank goodness. My boy... my poor boy."

"Lady, you need to follow us and file the report," said one of the cops, and CeCe let go of Clare. "We'll come back later with a social worker so we can talk to your son about the incident."

"My dad told me that someone shot Donovan," said Clare hurriedly.

CeCe's eyes darkened and she snorted with disgust, her body shaking with apparent rage. "Matt, one of Eli's coworkers," said CeCe coldly. "He walked in and just shot him. Donovan is at another hospital, still alive, that... that man should be dead."

"But at least now you know," said Clare. "About Eli."

"I think... I think it's too late now," said CeCe sadly, and wiped her own tears with her sleeve. One of the cops cleared his throat impatiently and CeCe glanced at them, seemingly cross.

"He's in there," said CeCe, beckoning Clare with a little nod. "He's not himself, Clare. But just look at him in the eye, please. Just look at him in the eye and tell him that you love him. Will you do that for me?"

CeCe sounded completely broken, almost sounding like when Eli confessed about his bruises to Clare. Clare wanted to cry and hug the woman again, but CeCe just kissed her on the cheek and followed the cops, and Clare faced the door.

She walked in and breathed deeply when she saw Eli lying on his side, facing the opposite direction from her. She saw part of his back from where the gown opened, and the rest of his bottom half was covered by a thin sheet. The bruising in the back of his neck made her nauseous, it was too recent, too raw.

She walked quietly and grabbed a chair, walking around the bed so she could sit in front of Eli. Eli's green eyes were glassy and wide-open, and his lips resembled a thin line. His left cheek was very swollen, as well as his lower lip, and Clare cringed when she saw the savage bite marks on his neck.

"Eli?" she asked tentatively, but Eli didn't move or say a word. She reached for his cheek and touched it gently with her fingertips as she looked at Eli's skinny arms. More bruises decorated the skin, and Clare felt her eyes stinging with tears when she noticed that some of Eli's fingernails were missing. He had put up a fight, and it was all her fault.

"Eli, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I should have told someone that you were going there and... Oh, God, Eli, I'm sorry."

Eli blinked as Clare held one of his bruised hands between hers, and his lips parted. "I lost your necklace," he said hoarsely. "I'm sorry."

"Eli, that doesn't matter," sniffled Clare. "I really don't care. What happened? Please, talk to me."

Eli closed his eyes and licked his lips slowly, as if the mere action was causing him pain. "I didn't quit in front of everyone, like you told me to," he whispered, and opened his eyes. "I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?"

"Eli, that's nonsense," said Clare. "Why would I be mad at you because of that? You need to tell me what happened, because you need to tell the cops too."

"He told me you wouldn't love me anymore," mumbled Eli. "He broke me, Clare. He finally broke me."

Eli sounded resigned, defeated, and Clare moved closer to him. "I love you, Eli," she said, kissing him on the forehead. "I will never stop loving you."

"You should," said Eli wretchedly. "I'm so dirty and disgusting. He... he was inside of me, Clare. I felt him, and..."

Eli's face went green and he pressed his lips together, his breathing irregular. Clare just held on to his hand, watching the boy that she loved fall apart in front of her, not knowing what to do.

"I deserved it," he gasped. "I deserved everything he did to me. And he got shot, Matt shot him. Matt shot him like an animal, and I just remember the blood, and Donovan screaming... I killed Donovan, didn't I? It's my fault."

"Eli, stop it!" cried Clare. "You didn't deserve this and you didn't kill Donovan, stop it!"

"You hate me," said Eli, sounding terrified. "You hate me, he was right... He was always right..."

"I love you, Eli, I love you so much," mumbled Clare, her face close to Eli's. "That man will not hurt you anymore, okay? You're free, Eli."

"I will never be free, Clare," said Eli with finality. "We should break up."

"Eli..."

"I need you to leave," said Eli, closing his eyes again. Clare looked at him helplessly and stood up, feeling nothing but despair inside of her chest. She couldn't do anything about Eli's pain so she walked away, not able to stop the tears.

As she walked out of the room she realized that Eli didn't look like a 16 year-old while he was talking to her.

He looked like a scared little kid.

Eli

"You looked fucked, Eli. I fucked you."

Eli lay on the ground, not able to open his eyes as his body started getting sore. He didn't know how he would be able to move after what he had just been through. He felt Donovan's hand move closer to his neck, ripping Clare's necklace off from it. Eli wanted to protest but he couldn't. He couldn't speak at all.

"You can go home now," said Donovan, sounding like he just had the time of his life. "I expect you to come back on Thursday for a regular shift."

Eli heard the door open brusquely, and a panicked yell escaped Donovan.

"What did you do to him?" asked another male voice in disgust, and Eli knew that it was Matt.

"Get the fuck out of here!" yelled Donovan, and Eli just heard a gunshot, and smelled the blood. Donovan was screaming in pain and Eli heard another shot, but he couldn't think anymore.

He was fading away, and maybe it was for the best.

He opened his eyes and saw his mother sitting on the chair Clare had been sitting on before, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted as she slept. His father was looking out the window, his arms crossed as he muttered things under his breath.

"Dad?" said Eli weakly, and Bullfrog turned around, smiling at him.

"Hey, little brat," he said, moving closer to him. "You've been sleeping for quite a while now."

"How long?" asked Eli.

"Ten hours or so," said Bullfrog, running a hand over Eli's hair. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," said Eli truthfully.

"Clare is still out there, you know?" said Bullfrog carefully. "She left for a bit just to take a shower but she came back right away. Such a good kid, that one."

Eli didn't say anything but just pressed his cheek harder against the pillow. He could tell that something was bothering his father, and although Eli knew what it was, he didn't want to trigger a conversation.

But Bullfrog talked anyway.

"I didn't know, I..." Bullfrog swallowed and shook his head, glancing at CeCe. "When Donovan got divorced, he didn't want to talk about it. At all. He stopped visiting his kids, which struck me as weird since he seemed like a family dude and..."

Eli gulped, remembering the framed pictures of two boys in Donovan's office. Eli had met them several times throughout the years, but Donovan had divorced when Eli was just seven, so he didn't remember them much.

"After we got you checked in and all, I called Linda," said Bullfrog, referring to Donovan's ex-wife. "I told her what happened with you and she was silent. I asked her why she divorced Donovan and... well, let's just say that her kids have been going to therapy since the divorce."

His own kids? Eli felt extremely nauseous as his father stared sadly at him, the guilt in his eyes obvious.

"I should've known... but I trusted him," said Bullfrog. "I thought he was my brother."

"I understand," said Eli in a small voice.

"No, you shouldn't," said Bullfrog crossly. "I fucked up. I fucked up big time as a parent, as a human being. I let all this happen to you, I made you work to help pay bills that my father left behind... I just really fucked up. And don't say anything, Eli, because I know how you are. I fucked up, there's no way around it."

Eli realized where he got the whole guilt thing from, and if he had been feeling any better, he would have smirked at the irony.

But he didn't feel well, he felt so broken, damaged beyond repair. The sounds of Donovan's pleasure still haunted him, the man's groans while raping him still very present in his mind.

"Is he... dead?" asked Eli.

Bullfrog shook his head angrily, as if wishing otherwise. "No. His face is mangled and the shot he got in the neck messed him up," said Bullfrog bitterly. "He won't be able to move from the neck down. He should have died, the bastard, but the fucker is still breathing."

Donovan wouldn't be able to move? At all? Eli felt some sort of sick delight at the thought of Donovan being paralyzed forever, of being helpless, of not having control over his body. So many times Eli had been paralyzed by fear, watching how Donovan abused him, and he felt that life was a bit fair.

"Do you want me to call Clare?" asked Bullfrog.

"No. I broke up with her," said Eli dryly.

"Why? No offense, boy, but this isn't probably the best time to push her away," sighed Bullfrog.

"It's the best time," snapped Eli. "What am I going to be able to offer her, dad? Tell me! I don't want to touch her, I don't want her to touch me. I'm the most disgusting person on Earth. No, she deserves better. I don't want her near me because if I see her I'm just going to break down and get back together with her. I want her out of my life because I want to be out of hers."

"But you love her," insisted Bullfrog.

"I do, and you were kind enough to tell Donovan about it," said Eli furiously, and Bullfrog's face fell.

"Boy, I-"

"I just want to sleep," said Eli, feeling bitter and resentful. "And tell Clare to leave. Tell her that I never want to see her again. Tell her that her fucking god didn't help me, that he just made everything worse. Just tell her, and just let me sleep."

Eli closed his eyes and felt his whole body ache, he still felt Donovan inside of him in every single way, and he knew that he would never forget.