If Its Over : Chapter 11 By ShadyGreySteele

Christian comes downstairs with a small overnight bag. He really has been staying in the "old sub" room upstairs. I know Christian never does anything he doesn't want to so I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now while the kids are away.

He has decided not to go to Aspen and to spend the next four nights with me. I'm relieved that he wants to go to the home we share with our children to sleep tonight. It will make it easier for me to get used to his presence there while the kids are away. Teddy will be sad though that his daddy won't be on the trip with him but he will be thrilled when his daddy is home for good…I hope.

For how long though? What if he leaves again? It will break the kid's heart It will break me. I don't want to discuss it yet, it's too soon. Everything is happening so fast but I love my husband and I want my marriage back. I felt how he loved me when he made love to me today. He has never shown such passion and emotion like that before. He was crying, he rarely cries over anything. I have only seen him cry about five or six times and I'm certain he doesn't open up to anyone else like that apart from his mother maybe. I actually felt how much he loved me. I just want to wake up in my bed tomorrow and see him lying there.

"Ready baby" he smiles his enigmatic boyish smile and I just sigh. He takes my hand as we walk into the elevator. As soon as we enter he squeezes my hand tightly and looks at me. That fire is still there. He plants a soft kiss on my cheek and I flush.

"Don't get any ideas now or we'll never make it to dinner" he teases and I can't help but laugh.

"It wouldn't be the first time Christian" I smirk and then the door opens to the underground garage.

"Do you want to take separate cars because I drove the minivan and it has the kid's car seats in them?"

"We can take your car, that's fine I'll have Taylor deliver my R8 and the SUV tomorrow. Besides I plan on making love to you all weekend so I don't think we'll be needing the car, well unless you want to park by the lake on property and make love in the back seat, or we can have a picnic in the tall grass like we used too baby" I just nod speechless, his voice alone seduces me.

I hand him the keys "You drive" I mutter because I'm a quivering mess now and we get in the car and head home.

"I'm just happy you are coming home. I miss my husband; I didn't think you would ever come home. So much has happened today." I murmur fighting tears again, tears of joy this time.

"Ana, I promise you I won't fail you this time. It's all I ever think about. I know it's going to take time for you to trust me again. We can do couples therapy of you'd like. Teddy doesn't start kindergarten for eight weeks, we can take the kids on a family vacation to Disneyland or Disney World for a few days then maybe we can go on a romantic trip to Tahiti for a few nights. I could use the time off of work. I have been going non-stop for too long. I will do anything it takes to show you that you are enough for me for as long as we both shall live" I can feel the tears pool in my eyes and they fall.

His words sound so sincere and the way he's looking at me so honest and I want to believe him. The first 4 years we were married were magical then he just flipped a switch and overnight he decided he didn't want me. He destroyed me emotionally, I spent months going through the motions of daily life for the sake of my kids and spent my evenings sobbing and praying for his return. Now I've come today to leave him and he has this epiphany. Why now? Why not yesterday or last week?

I am so scared of being hurt again; I have finally accepted a permanent state of loneliness. I was easing into my old life again and even though I want nothing more than to be with my husband I won't go back to a crazy overindulged lifestyle. Especially now that the Grey's have me pegged as a gold digger that makes me so angry.

I like my new "old me" look. I like blending in with the crowd. I like going to the park with my babies without someone taking pictures of us. I don't need perfectly coiffed hair or weekly mani-pedi's. I don't need $500 jeans. I like my mall brands and my converse. I love shopping in target and Wal-Mart. I like not feeling intimidated all the time or not good enough. I love being a mommy, heck I even like going to church on Sunday. As much as I love Christian, if he really wants to work it out with me then he will have to accept that my life has changed without him and compromise for me as I have for him.

"Christian, I have to work, I would love to take the kids to Disney World that would be exciting but I would still have to make time to do my work at least two hours a day during the week. The kids are on vacation right now with your parents so maybe in a few weeks we can go this way I can plan our trip and let the kids make a plan of all the rides they want to go on and all the things they want to do."

"Anything you choose baby as long as I have you I don't care" and he kisses my hair softly.

"Phoebe would love to meet all the princesses and Teddy loves the I take them to the kiddie rides or the water park and they love it." I say all excitedly.

"I know Teddy called me one night and said you threw up after you rode the hell hole with him. I told him to rub your tummy and make you drink water"

"Oh my god, yes he did rub my tummy and brought me a glass of water. I didn't know that" I say slightly shocked

"I told him not to tell you" he shrugs and I smile shyly at him and squeeze his hands. Maybe he did miss me or care about me. back to the trip now before i start to cry again.

"I once went to Disneyland with Ray when I was 10. It was the best day ever so I am really excited. There lots of stuff for us to do there too. We can bring Cassie this way we can go out when the kids fall asleep." I say enthusiastically. "Well unless you leave me again" I mutter out loud not meaning too. Christian lips thin into a hard line and he grasps my knee and throws a quick glance at me then back on the road.

"I promise Ana, I promise you. I love you and our kids more than anything. Its time for me to come home." He says sincerely as we pull up to the gate and drive down the long winding path leading to our home.

"We're home baby" he whispers and kisses my knuckles. I smile and lean over for a soft kiss on the lips.

"Home" I whisper back

I will update more chapters as soon as I have extra time. Hope you like what you've read so far xo

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