Chapter 10

3 years later (1968)

Time manages to change the best of us, who we start off believing we are, and whom we end up being are two very different things. It is only among this belief, time and change that pushed Charles Xavier, and newly wed Charlotte Xavier to go through. Time had almost moved at the speed of a turtle for both of them, slow and completely unbearable to watch. Charlotte with all her heart had gotten married, just as she had dreamed and wanted. She loved Charles and knew even before he was going to propose to her that it would already be a yes to him. Charles on the other hand couldn't have been happier; the woman he loved ever since a he knew what the word love meant was finally his. When she told him that they were expecting their first child, Charles never knew if he could ever be any more happier than she had already made him. It was all coming together, and it was everything they had already started cherishing. But it all came crashing down; over the three years since they had gotten married Charlotte had suffered three miscarriages. As if Charlotte's world falling apart with Erik wasn't enough, but it collapsing into dust not once but three times with Charles had ripped both of them excruciatingly apart. Charles had clearly wanted her to stop because he had realised that her body simply wasn't strong enough to carry a child through to full term, but Charlotte's despair and desperation made him powerless.

After the first time it had happened Charles knew he shouldn't try again, because he knew Charlotte had already suffered twice by that that moment, but her constant begging made him give into her every time. Seeing things fall apart with the second miscarriage made him far more adamant, and much more strict that this was it, and that they wouldn't try anymore, under no circumstance. But at that time Charlotte pushed all boundaries and threatened to take her own life, and then nearly even pulled the trigger in order to get Charles to agree. It was under duress and she knew it, but as long as he was willing to try once again she didn't care. Charles knew what the outcome would be even before she got pregnant with him the third time, he knew it too well and so did Hank, after all he was the one who confirmed it through all the tests. But Charles was miserably in love, under no circumstance would he ever want to see her dead, and never because of him. But that did mean that his wife was anything but beyond all help, loosing his third unborn child had completely tipped her over a dangerous territory. Leaving Charlotte no longer in control of her own senses or her even her actions; the psychological trauma from the posttraumatic stress she was suffering and along with an overriding and cumulative depression had completely sucked her life into a non-existent black hole. This only became amplified because of the rebuilding of Charlotte's mental barriers that Charles had so difficultly removed. She was barely living, her own body was functioning just enough to keep her alive. And during this to help Charlotte, Hank developed a serum that acted as a powerful anti-depressant, only to have Charlotte becoming addicted far too quickly. What was supposed to be medication had become a drug, a drug she never thought she was abusing but both Charles and Hank knew and saw her spiral down into her own hell.

The burden of the war had completely crippled the school, along with the intensity of their own personal problems. Nothing seemed appropriate anymore, and nothing seemed solvable anymore.

Like every other day Charles was trying to research in the library, hoping to be able to understand and study something or anything that could make Charlotte better. The possibilities endless yet the answers he wanted were far more ambiguous. As he flicked through the pages mindlessly a more than familiar face interrupted him, her voice peered from behind.

His wife's face or what he had seemed to not remember anymore was a piece of the distant past, yet she walked in with a smile on her face. But that smile also made him realise that she had taken the drug that very morning once again, his heart clenched in pain all over again. The syringe marks on her forearms were the worst, they pained him even if she was covering them with a full sleave blouse, a choice in clothing he knew why she always made now.

This was exactly why he needed to research, he needed to find a solution, because it couldn't go on any longer, not like this, it had already gone on far too long.

"I was hoping we could go out for dinner tonight Charles, its been a while." She seemed hopeful as she made the request.

Charles saw the look in her eye, no matter how much he wanted to believe that she was okay and normal, he couldn't, "I'm sorry Chéri , I am a bit busy tonight." The mere moment of words leaving his mouth had upset Charlotte, "why? You can't spare an evening to be with your wife?" Charles could feel with every passing second the erratic nature of her drug was taking over the conversation.

"No, not at all, I just had something extremely important to do." Charles tried maintaining his voice as calm as he could, it wasn't much help because Charlotte had received her answer, and she was already starting to loose the plot.

"Who is it Charles? I'm sure it's her isn't it, the maid you hired? Huh? What do you think you take me for, a stupid little bitch? You think you can just parade on your escapades and I will actually let it happen?" Charlotte screamed in fury at him, Charles simply closing his eyes as he saw the unnecessary aggression take over.

Charles never had an idea on how to react to her absurd claims, yet all he knew was that he had to stay patient and calm. The effects of the drug would eventually wear off, and so would the absurdity of the conversation. The only problem was that once it would wear off, and the reality would hit Charlotte, it would only cause her to take another hit of the serum believing it would numb her all over again. It was just a miserable cycle.

"Calm down, you know I would never do that to you. I love you too much to even ever think it."

Charles had a way with words but more so with the way he said them, as if mere words were enough to swing Charlotte's erratic mood once again, she stared back dumbfounded and lost.

She kept thinking for long, as if her thoughts and words would order themselves. They didn't because she was far too high, much more than she had thought. Not being able to form a single sentence the gravity of the unbearable pressure on her brain pushed her to the ground.

Charles gathered her in his arms, while she still struggled to form words. The conversation had become silent, yet her insides were screaming for answers.

She knew her behaviour was pushing them apart, she just didn't know how else to deal with it. How does one gather the courage to comprehend that they had suffered four miscarriages over their young life? How does one try and understand that they could never possibly give birth, become a parent in a conventional sense like everyone else desired? And lastly how does one comprehend a man that has vowed to protect you and love you, yet you won't be able to give him a family at the very least? These thoughts were far too dangerous for Charlotte's mind, even suicidal to an extent. These thoughts were the real drug poisoning her mind and her body.

Charles by then had gathered Charlotte in her arms and lifted her with far too much ease, her body lacking the flesh it once had. He comfortably laid her down on the library sofa situated in front of the fireplace, a small fire burnt but he wished the warmth was enough to reach Charlotte's weak body. He took off her shoes and sat next to her feet, her voice still struggling to communicate. Charlotte reached out her hand while Charles clutched it strongly, making sure she realised he wasn't going anywhere, never. After a few minuets she tugged his arms tried pulling him closer. He did as she indicated until he stopped his head and hovered over hers. Her eyes wide open staring at him with sincerity, but his cold one reflected with concern. Charles knew this had become a habit for her and for him too, yet he couldn't help it. How does one try and rebuild where there is nothing left to even start off again.

She pulled at his collar trying to seize his lips even when her words wouldn't form. Why was she so helpless he thought, how was this where they were. They never ever thought this sort of gratification was something they would need. This was not the happiness they ever planned.

Charles let her kiss him but he pulled back immediately, yet she kept her hands firmly on his collar. He wanted to push himself further back, yet she didn't allow for that movement. Instead she forcefully pulled him forward to kiss him again. Charles no matter how much he wanted to make Charlotte happy hated doing this. He hated it because she was never in her right mind of space, never asking it for the right reason. All she really wanted was to fulfil an immediate desire that she knew Charles would always give into anyway. It wasn't even question because he could never say no to her. Her barriers kept him far away from the outskirts of her mind so she knew he couldn't even make her change her mind. Her newfound hope brought her the much-needed temporary relief.

Charles struggled to get away from her hands hoping he wouldn't hurt her while pushing her away, but his collar kept receiving the brunt of it, and his neck only ended up straining. He didn't want this anymore, not if it was always going to be like this.

In the end she had it her way anyway, she made sure he fucked her senseless on that sofa, and only until she felt that she was content did she let him leave. Charles couldn't have gotten up faster knowing that she had had enough, fixing up his clothing he stood afar watching her aimlessly staring up at the ceiling. Her body only half covered with her own clothes, and the other half baking in the heat of the fire lit in front of her. She kept her gaze moving between the ceiling and fire, and then towards a Charles standing at a safe distance from her. "How do you expect me to believe that you still love me, when you can't wait to move away the first chance you get."

He swallowed his own salvia as his throat burnt in dryness, finally she was able to talk enough with some words at least coming through with some sense again.

He thought for too long and stared back at her, before finally speaking, "I'm here aren't I?" That's all he had left to say, he had suffered enough, as had she but he never had heart to make her realise what his pain was. He lost three unborn children, his only family Ravan, his entire school to the war, and lastly he lost his best friend and wife, why couldn't she see that he was suffering just like her too? He knew her pain was far greater and that he would never compare it, but at the very least he wanted her to see that he was still trying his best, shouldn't she too?

Charles walked out of the library knowing a repeat of these events wasn't far away, but for now he had to go see Hank and start thinking fast. Before Charlotte started losing all and absolute sanity, he was sure that he would loose is own far quicker.

Authors Note

To all the lovely readers that kept reviewing and kept following this story, I want to say a huge thankyou. I never imagined after years I would start writing this up again. The next update will hopefully be by next weekend, and from there on I will start updating a little faster. But my biggest request, please leave your reviews behind as that is the one thing that has brought me back to this story and will keep me going at it.