Chapter Eleven, Story Eleven: Wasting All These Tears
Summary: Mac & Peyton face a difficult time in their relationship, and they realize they've both been lying to themselves in one way or another. This is a response to my own Lyrics Challenge where I picked Mac & Peyton and "Wasting All These Tears" by Cassadee Pope. (Don't own the song, of course.) This is not my best nor favorite work, but... it's not my worst either.
ooOOoo
"I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle,
Laying down on the bathroom floor…"
Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was the fact that they really didn't work with each other like she thought.
She sighed and shook her head, brushing a stray strand of her brown hair that had somehow slipped out of her ponytail behind her ear again, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes with her other hand. She was still trying to convince herself that it was wrong, wrong to think that they didn't work like she had convinced herself they did.
The glass in front of her was spattered with rain that made strange patterns that she looked at with another sigh.
"My loneliness was rattling the windows,
You said you don't want me anymore.
And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feelin' like a fool for tryin',
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you,
These tears on you."
"Peyton?"
She looked over her shoulder with a start. She silently cursed for looking like such an emotional wreck like she did now. "I'm fine," she said quickly, not even realizing who she'd been addressed by and turning her back on them again.
"No you're not. And neither am I."
Oh. It's him.
She jumped when he laid a hand on her shoulder. "Leave it, Mac," she said, her voice a half-hearted growl. And he pulled back. She didn't look up, but she could picture the hurt in his blue eyes.
"I wish I could erase our memory,
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me,
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you,
These tears on you."
"Leave it?" he finally asked. And she finally looked over at him. The grayish reflection off the glass turned his blue eyes to a more smokey gray-blue and she watched as he let out a bit of a shaky breath, not looking over at her with his gaze fixed on something she couldn't see. "I thought that was the mistake I made. Leaving it," he finally said.
She sighed softly, allowing her shoulders to slump as she looked out of the window again as well. "I'm not sure what to make of us anymore," she admitted. "I don't know if this is going to work, Mac."
"You ain't worth another sleepless night,
And I'll do anything to get you off my mind,
'Cause what you wanted I couldn't get,
What you did, boy I'll never forget."
"It's my fault." A kind of humorless chuckle escaped his lips and I looked over at him again, watching as he shook his head. "I'm the one that you should be mad at. You did nothing wrong and I know I messed up a lot more than either of us would like to admit."
I took a deep breath, already hearing my mind trying to say that it wasn't true and he didn't do it, but she did. And that's where she cut herself off, realizing that it was exactly the same thing he was doing, only he was admitting it aloud to her. She looked at him and for the first time they locked eyes.
"Don't say sorry," she said, reaching out a hand to place it on his shoulder. She felt stiff and she realized he felt the same way. What on Earth were they doing here? No idea if they should step away from each other, step closer, or stay put.
"And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feelin' like a fool for tryin',
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you,
I wish I could erase our memory,
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me,
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you,
These tears on you."
He looked at her, uncertainty showing in his eyes. "Then who's supposed to say sorry?" he asked. "Definitely not you, Peyton. Don't tell me you're sorry, just don't."
She looked at him for a moment longer before she finally couldn't take it anymore and she stepped over to him, laying her head on his shoulder. "But I am sorry," she said softly, closing her eyes and feeling more warm tears start to form in her eyes. "We should both say sorry."
He put an arm around her shoulders and gently brushed that same strand of her hair back out of her face. He sighed softly before he nodded. "Yeah… I guess we should."
She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes before she looked back up at him. "So… where do we go from here?"
He shook his head a bit. "The question is… can we forgive each other?"
There he was pointing out the truth again. She nodded. "I can," she said.
A trace of a smile crossed his face and he only hesitated for a moment before he kissed her and she kissed him back, one of her hands coming up to his neck near the collar of his jacket, just like always.
They only pulled back a little, both of them with eyes closed and standing there with their heads against each other's. "And so can I," he finally murmured and they both opened their eyes to look at each other again.
"And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feelin' like a fool for tryin',
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you,
I wish I could erase our memory,
'Cause you didn't give a damn about me,
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you,
These tears on you.
I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle…
Laying on the bathroom floor…"
Yes, she thought as she smiled a bit and leaned against him as they both looked out the window, watching the rain. We can make this work.