"I don't think I can do this."

"I know you can Alfred."

"I can't."

"Don't tell yourself that!"

"But I can't!"

This argument continued on for several minutes just after my surge of confidence. The walls I had temporarily built were now completely destroyed. My therapist blabbered on about how I had the courage to go to Arthur and apologize, but my fear overwhelmed me. It made me feel like I was suffocating.

But, due to her constant nagging, I was defeated and gave in to her pleas, and I started making my way to the door.

"Good luck. Call me if you need me." I simply nodded and went back out into the gloomy day, feeling ice-like drops of rain sprinkle on my golden head of hair. Droplets of water stuck to my glasses but, quite frankly, I didn't care. I was just desperate to get home and get this ordeal over with… But first I wanted something to eat. Maybe I would pick something up for England too… Sort of as an apology gift?

You're pathetic.

Yeah, I know.

I knew I was just trying to avoid the inevitable. Sooner or later I would have to confront him, and I decided it would be best to get it over with. If he would leave me one way or another, why should I wait? So, gathering whatever bravery I had left, I opened the front door to our shared home and was surprised to see the place picked up and clean. I could also pick up the familiar aroma of fresh tea and, of course, scones. But anyone could smell those from a mile away.

Walking inside and discarding my shoes, I placed the bag of fast-food on the table and looked around for any sign of the Englishman. "Hey, I'm home." I called out, not really expecting an answer since we weren't on good terms, but I didn't want to startle him. Hesitantly I made my way towards the living room where I could hear… voices? There was definitely a conversation going on, that I was sure of.

"Shit, not now!" I heard England hiss, although it seemed as if he didn't want me to hear him at all. What was going on? As much as I didn't want to look at him right now, I had to check it out for myself. Coming around the corner, I immediately was revolted with the sight, and hated my own decision. A certain person was sitting on our couch, a little too close to Arthur.

A certain Frenchman to be exact.

Something within me began to churn with hatred but I tried to ignore it, forcing vile back down my throat. The last person I wanted to see was this asshole. I could sense the tension increase in the room with every step I took and, curiously, I lifted one of my eyebrows barely visible beneath my eyeglasses. I didn't even need to say my question out loud for England to understand. "A-America, I can-"

"Save it." I spat in France's direction, staring him down loathsomely. His stupid, smug demeanor and long hair, perverted gaze, that fucking accent, the way he tried to touch my Arthur…. It all made me despise him even more. If that was physically possible. I had to get away before my hatred took control. But, then again, wouldn't it be fun to see him in pain? Maybe he would understand how much pain I'm going through…

"Are.. you alright?" England asked in a hushed tone, almost cowering further into the couch as he spoke. I must have looked frightening due to his pale complexion. I'm glad. Perhaps he won't mistake me for an idiot anymore.

France is the one who started it.

Ah, that's right. This dumbass is the one who reminded me of the war in the first place, isn't he? I think I should teach him a little lesson. After all, he is the villain, and I'm the hero.

"Why are you here?" I found myself asking in a low, monotonous voice.

"We were just talking is all." England cut in, trying to save France from saying anything that would set me off. Just the fact that my Arthur was defending this moron pissed me off even further.

"Let him talk." I said more harshly, narrowing my piercing blue eyes into his.

"H-He's telling the truth Amérique…" He replied shakily, attempting to stand so that we were eye to eye. Bad mistake on his part.

I stepped up closer to his unshaven face.

"Don't act like you're my friend Francis," My finger dug into his chest with each word, "I know this was your plan from the start huh? Break me down and hurt me so that you can have England all to yourself? You think it's fun to take advantage of my past and use it against me? You fucking prick." By now I couldn't help the words spilling out of my mouth. "Just get the hell out of here before I hurt you!"

"But-"

My hand shot up to his throat before he could squeak out his reply, and slowly I began to tighten my grip. "I'm not fucking around!"

"W-Wait, Alfred!" My head shot towards England who was staring me down; he looked completely terrified. "He was just worried about you! He came to apologize!"

"Now you're falling for his tricks too?!" My attention was now focused towards Arthur, his emerald eyes swimming with emotions that I couldn't read. I tried to take a deep breath and calm myself, and slowly, very slowly, I released my grasp on the Frenchie's neck. "I'm not losing you to this." I emphasized, pointing towards France who staggered back in an anxious state. Arthur's mouth went agape as I spoke, as if he was going to say something, but the words never came out. Instead, he nodded and avoided my burning gaze. "You… You won't."

The sentence was soft, but it struck me. So much that it caused my head to feel all fuzzy, and I couldn't focus straight. Maybe it was just me overreacting to those two simple words, but they made me feel just a tinge of happiness all the same.

"A-Alfred." France choked out, and I looked over at him skeptically out of the corner of my eye. He had never used my actual name before… "I did come h-here to apologize. After I heard how much you'd been going through…" I saw that it was hard for him to come to terms with what he did, but he was certainly trying. Something that I had yet to do. "Je suis désolé." Sure, it would be hard to forgive him, and there was no way I could right now but.. Maybe I would … eventually. I guess I just accepted his apology so that things wouldn't get too out of hand. I knew myself too well, and I honestly would have hurt him if it weren't for England butting in.

"...Yeah. Me too." I muttered airily, just trying to get my point across and stop the feeling of shame growing inside of my chest. The three of us waited in silence for an eternity before Francis made the smart decision to leave, and soon enough the door was shut behind him and it was just me and Arthur in the dimly lit living area. I felt so separated from him, even though he was right in front of me.

England took a long, lingering breath, "So how was it?" He asked me, making the first move at bringing us back together, "You're… appointment I mean."

"Huh? Oh… Yeah, it was fine."

"Figure out anything?"

"I guess."

"Well? What happened?"

And that's when the fear factor began to take its toll on me. All of the different variables and outcomes were spinning in my mind, and for the longest time I didn't respond.

"Alfred?"

I couldn't do it.

I knew from the start I was a coward, but my pride had gone too far. I was ashamed of everything, and overwhelmed with worries and doubts. Even if I did apologize, there was still the possibility of him hating me and leaving me…

I suddenly turned to look at him. Searching into those deep, mesmerizing eyes that caught my attention when we first met back then. Those eyes that I still am in love with, along with his face, and his body, and his personality and… And… Him.

"Should… we talk later?"

No.

No.

I refused to be paralyzed any longer. I would confront my mistakes no matter what the consequences.

I was willing to risk anything and everything when it came to Arthur Kirkland.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was kind of fun to make things all tense to be honest. Weird, I know, but I'm still happy Francis apologized.

I plan to have this story finished soon! Maybe around chapter 15 or so. But, don't worry, I have plenty of ideas in mind for more stories in the future!

Anyway, thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day/night :3

-Feli