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Annie had been in bed for over a week now, and neither she nor Sirius had attempted to patch up the tear in their relationship. They hadn't talked since Sirius had stormed out of the kitchen and despite herself; Annie found that she was starting to miss their banter. She was starting to miss the flash of his eyes and that quirk of his lips when he managed to get her to talk herself into a corner. She was also starting to miss her sanity. She never got this worked up over a guy, never. She couldn't understand why Sirius got her so turned around and she also couldn't figure out why she was so damn determined to resist his charm.

"Hey Annie, how you doing?" Remus entered the room, a small smile on his face.

"Okay, tired of being in this bed for so long, but what are you going to do?" she shrugged, and there was only a small bout of pain, most of the muscle and skin had grown back, she only had a small gauze pad covering her wound now.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay, Molly says you'll be able to get out of bed in another couple of days."

"Days?" she sounded scandalized as she flopped against the pillows, "I don't think I can last another couple of days in here Remus, I'm going absolutely bonkers."

"You look and sound pretty sane to me." He smiled at her and she giggled.

"Yeah, how's Sirius doing?" she tried to sound nonchalant but Remus saw right through her.

"You mean since you slammed him for not doing anything over James and Lily's death?" he asked her and she winced.

"That isn't what I meant, I meant that none of us did anything to stop Voldemort, that Harry was the one who…ugh, I mean, oh I don't know what I mean, I was upset and dizzy from blood loss and I didn't mean to sound insensitive or to make him feel like he was the one who killed his best friends, that wasn't what I meant."

"I know, Sirius is just very tender when the subject of Lily and James is brought up."

"Yeah, they'd be proud of him though, with all he's been through, he should have broken so long ago, and yet there he is, standing strong, doing what he has to in order to protect Harry and make him happy, isn't that what they died for? Isn't that why they fought so hard? To make Harry happy, to protect him? They'd love all the progress the pair of them has made."

"Yeah, but try telling Sirius that, he just thinks that they were taken away much too early, and he's right, but there are some things that you just can't change."

Annie nodded, sensing the unfamiliar prickle of tears at the back of her eyes.

"I know what its like to want to. To beg God or Merlin, or whoever's out there to bring back the person you love, to make it right again. Survivor's guilt's a bitch."

Remus smiled at her and sighed.

"Maybe you should tell Sirius this."

"Maybe, but I doubt he'd want to listen."

"Try him, he can be surprisingly forgiving if you just try." And with that Remus left the room, leaving Annie alone with her thoughts, something that anyone who had done it before would not recommend.

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Annie was out of bed the next morning, she had showered and changed her clothes and she looked just as healthy and normal as she had the day she had left for her mission. She came downstairs by herself and didn't have a mantra of ow or eww and managed to get herself a glass of water without passing out. Then she set off to find Sirius and explain herself.

She looked around the entire upstairs and couldn't find him, she looked through the kitchen and the living room, the rec room and a few of the downstairs bedrooms before she finally found him in the library, a fire roaring in the fireplace and a book on his lap.

"Hey." She called quietly into the room, trying not to startle him. He looked up from his book and she could see the anger sparking in his eyes but he didn't tell her to leave so she came all the way into the room and even went so far as to sit on the same couch. He looked over at her like she had three heads, but she didn't acknowledge it, if she was going to get her story out, then she couldn't look at him.

"I was six."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I was six when my parents were killed. My parents were downstairs in the kitchen, they were making dinner and I was in my bedroom playing with the doll I had gotten for my birthday. I named her Mrs. Doolittle. Anyway, I was upstairs and I heard screaming, and there were flashes of light. Spells. My parents were fighting the best that they could, but there were Deatheaters everywhere. I was standing at the top of the stairs, holding Mrs. Doolittle in my arms, screaming, but no one noticed me. My dad went first, he was blocking my mother with his own body, he had lost his wand. Mother went next, I can still remember her calling out to my father, she was screaming for him to get up when she herself fell. I had been stricken silent and then the Deatheaters sent up their mark, and said some spell I still can't remember and the house started to disintegrate before my eyes. Until there I was at six-years-old standing at the top of the stairs with Mrs. Doolittle in my arms and my parent's dead bodies at my feet. The entire house was rubble. There was smoke, or dust, or ash, I don't really know, but it was everywhere. I remember thinking that I was the only one left on the entire planet. That's what it looked like; I was standing on the ruins of the earth with nothing more than my doll. That's all I remember of that day."

Sirius continued to stare at her, his book forgotten.

"Why did you tell me that?" he asked her, wondering why it was she had chosen now to divulge her worst memory.

"I need you to understand that I wasn't blaming you for Lily and James's deaths. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that no one was able to stop Voldemort, and while that wasn't how I meant it, I understand why you took it that way. When someone we love dies we always feel like there was something we could have done. Survivor's guilt will kill you if you let it."

He continued to stare at her and then he said something she wasn't expecting.

"What if I want it to kill me?"

"What?" she asked, fear gripping her heart.

"I was this pureblood kid with a manic family and James didn't care. He just thought I was a cool kid. He was my friend because he liked me, not my family's money or their influence. And when my own family wouldn't take me, he did, he and his family opened their home to me without a second thought, or an unkind word. They were everything to me. They were my family, he was my brother, and I can't live like this."

"I know. I know that losing family will destroy you, but you have to fight it. James would not want you to destroy yourself like this, he'd want you to watch out for Harry, to watch out for yourself, for the cause that he died for, he'd want you to act like his brother."

Sirius continued to stare at her, and Annie continued to stare at him, their tears flowing freely now, and in that moment their entire relationship changed.

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