Disclaimer: See previous chapters. I do not own the Thunderbirds!

CHAPTER 11

Alan found himself randomly wandering around the hotel. He felt a deep tightening in his chest that he couldn't shake. It was more than anger or guilt. It was fear. How could he even begin to start new without his friends? Matt had been his constant for so long, even when drunk. It was a pain that Alan couldn't stop. Now he only had one person that truly knew that side of him, the side that his family could never understand. That person was in jail. Before he realized where he was he looked up to see the officer at the front desk. "I'm here to see Keith Lancaster." He said evenly.

He was told to take a seat in the chairs across from the front desk. "Alan?" A familiar voice called. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde looked up to see Agent Cummings standing in front of him. "I didn't come here to see you. I came here…" He was cut off by the man's hand.

"Your dad called me." Cummings admitted.

Alan rolled his eyes angrily. "Then you know what I want." He stated harshly.

The agent nodded, "I have to advise against it, Alan. No good can come from it. He's in jail where he belongs. You need to move on with your life."

"I know the law." Alan informed. "My father and you can't keep me from seeing him."

The brunette man sighed, "You're right we can't, but we can request that you don't. You're father and I go way back, Alan. We're only trying to protect you."

"I'm not changing my mind." Alan insisted. "So unless Keith doesn't want to see me, which I highly doubt, I demand to see him."

Cummings raised his eyebrows at the boy's stubbornness. "Fine, but I'm calling your father." He scoffed.

Alan smirked, "Tattle tale."

It wasn't fifteen minutes later than Alan was sitting across from Keith Lancaster. Other than the guards they were alone. He was being kept at the local police department until the FBI could arrange for transport. Agent Cummings had insisted that he escort Alan during the conversation, but he refused. Alan was under the assumption that his family would be watching. He knew them well enough to know how nosy they were. The whole purpose of him being here was to gain some control.

"This visit was sooner than I anticipated." Dr. Lancaster smiled. "I was surprised when they told me you were here."

"You knew I'd come eventually." Alan shook his head.

Dr. Lancaster nodded, "As I have said on several occasions I know you better than anyone."

"Don't start!" Alan snapped. There was only so much he could handle at the moment. When Lancaster and he were talking civilly he could be in the same room without wanted to run. They would talk a lot when they spent time together. But if he got creepy Alan couldn't handle it.

Dr. Lancaster wasn't fazed by the outburst. "Why are you here so soon?" The man inquired. "What happened?"

Alan let his head drop down. He wasn't ready to talk about Katie. "Katie's dead. Matt is being charged with manslaughter." He revealed.

The older man's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "That's not good. How did Greer take this news?" He referred to his old friend.

Alan shook his head. "He put a hit out on Matt before Katie was out of surgery." He stated.

"That doesn't surprise me." Lancaster shrugged. "He always was an abrasive man. Have you gone to see him?"

"No," Alan said nervously.

The man shifted his arms so that they were resting on the table in front of him. Alan knew he was in handcuffs, but the sound made him flinch. "You are not to see him under any circumstances. Do you understand me?" He ordered.

Alan wasn't sure why the command made him feel better. It seemed like a comfort he had been missing. He knew it was wrong in every way. He hated what Lancaster did to him. But right now he needed it. "I have no intention of seeing him." He promised. "He was never a big fan of me."

"If he contacts you in any way you must tell me immediately." The former professor was dead serious. "He is not someone you want as an enemy."

Alan snorted, "You're in jail. What can you do?"

"I'm not having this decision." Lancaster gazed at the mirror. "You of all people should understand what I am capable of." Alan had forgotten they were being watched. The conversation paused for a moment. He hoped his family hadn't been there throughout this exchange.

"Why did you say those things to my dad?" Alan wondered offhand.

"Why do you care what I say to your family?" Lancaster shot back angrily. "Was anything I said a lie?"

Alan closed his eyes in frustration. "They don't understand this." He pointed in between them as a symbol of their relationship. "It doesn't make sense to them. It's complicated and messy."

"I only said the things that you wouldn't." The man pointed out. "They hurt you worse than I ever did. Someone needed to call them out on it."

Alan shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about. You've never even met them." He contradicted.

Lancaster slammed his hand on the table angrily. The guard lurched forward to defend Alan if necessary. "I wouldn't have chosen you if you had a good relationship with your family." His stare was angry. "It's part of what made you appealing."

"Thanks," Alan scoffed sarcastically. "I feel special now."

"Watch your mouth." Lancaster corrected.

The silence was stifling, but Alan refused to break it. This was one of the reasons Lancaster always hit him. Alan had a big mouth. It drove the older man nuts. It gave the younger man great satisfaction to know that Lancaster could no longer punish him.

"What are your plans now?" The former history professor asked softly.

Alan shrugged, "I don't know. Probably go back home. There's nothing here for me anymore."

Lancaster nodded, "You graduated with bachelors in computer science. You could always stay in Massachusetts."

Alan rolled his eyes. "I'd be happy if I never see Massachusetts again. If I was going to live anywhere it would be Oregon." He confessed.

The man grunted and folded his arms. "You only chose Oregon, because marijuana is legal in Washington. I know that Mr. Pierce chose the location. You were responsible for the paperwork and hacking the school systems." He enlightened.

"That is true," The blonde took a deep breath.

"I never liked Katie." Lancaster blurted.

Alan's eyes shot up to meet the professors in shock. "Well I guess it's a good thing you weren't the one sleeping with her." He joked angrily.

"You deserve better." Lancaster openly confessed. "However, you always did surround yourself with people lower than you. Except for Mr. Dunne, he was a good influence."

Alan's eyebrow's furrowed at the statement. "Thanks for the support." He stood up and started to leave.

"No wait," The man attempted to stand up, but was stopped by the chains on the handcuffs. "I'm sorry. I know you cared about Katie. Please stay."

Alan weighted his options. He could either face his family's wrath or talk to Lancaster more. Either way he was going to get scolded. "Tell me what I should do." He felt lost. Lancaster was never short on commands. He always knew what he wanted Alan to do. Alan never had to think about consequences.

The older man studied him up and down. He knew Alan well enough to know what he was thinking. "Come here," Lancaster motioned to the chair across from him. Alan complied willingly. "You came here, because you wanted someone to tell you the truth. You want someone to tell you that Katie's death was your fault, that you've destroyed Matt's life, and that you deserve to suffer."

Alan put his head in his hands, "Yes." He was crying now.

"What you did was stupid." Lancaster scolded. "Believing that you could be happy without me was a mistake. Ever decision you've made since you left me was a mistake. Do you honestly think that Katie and Matt cared about you? They didn't. No one cares about you, but me. You are nothing without me. You know this is the truth otherwise you wouldn't have come."

The door to the room suddenly swung open loudly. "This conversation is over." Cummings ordered. "Get him out of here." The agent pointed to Lancaster and the guard complied.

The agent put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Alan jumped at the touch and felt nauseous. Before he could stop himself he fell out of the chair and started vomiting. He could feel the man holding him. It was only making it worse. He pushed away and got out of the room gasping for air. It took him a minute to gather his thoughts. Why wasn't his father here? Suddenly he missed his family's presence. As if his prayers had been answered he saw Scott approaching him.

"Let's get you out of here." The older boy draped his arm around his brother's shoulders.

Behind him Alan could hear his father and the agent talking. He assumed they had heard their conversation, but he wasn't entirely sure. He had gotten what he wanted. He had heard what he needed. Alan managed to make it back to the hotel without any lectures. Apparently only his father and Scott had come to the police station. They asked him a few simple questions that he responded to with nods or shakes of his head. He didn't really feel up to discussing his chat with Lancaster at the moment. When they returned he went to the first bedroom he saw and ignored everyone.

John, Virgil, and Gordon were sitting in the main living room of the suite when Alan stormed in. He was closely followed by Scott and Jeff. The youngest of the group slammed the door as he retreated into the nearest room.

"I'm guessing it went well." Gordon smirked.

Scott rolled his eyes. "I didn't punch anyone if that's what you're implying." He revealed.

"Look at Mr. Restraint." Gordon goaded. "I thought for sure you would have gotten one punch in."

"We weren't even allowed in the room with Alan." Scott informed. "Despite Cummings wishes Sprout wanted to talk to Lancaster alone."

"That doesn't sound good." Virgil commented.

"How did that go?" John wondered.

Scott shrugged, "It was weird." The older man took a seat next to his brothers on the couch.

The blonde's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What happened?" John questioned.

"They just talked about Katie and Matt. Then they talked about Alan's plans." Scott admitted. "They had a few arguments, but it didn't seem to upset Alan until the end."

"Then what's the problem?" Virgil asked curiously.

"When I imagined their relationship I never accounted for how close they were or how long they'd known each other." Scott confessed. "Allie listens to him. He trusts him and confides in him in ways he never did with us."

Virgil shook his head. "You can't take it personally, Scotty." The doctor advised.

Scott fumed, "How am I supposed to handle the situation then? What makes you an expert?"

The chestnut haired man sighed, "I'm not. But don't get pissed at Alan. He's not the one you're mad at. It's not his fault."

"I don't get it. I can't rationalize it in my head." Scott ranted. "Why would Alan want to be anywhere near that monster after all he's done? It makes no sense."

"He may have Stockholm Syndrome, Scott." John attested. "Mandy mentioned it earlier. He spent three years with Lancaster. Alan entrusted him with things we never knew."

"I understand that they have a past and that Lancaster was there for him. But that doesn't explain Alan seeking him out now." Gordon argued. "Alan told me he wanted me to deliver a message. Did Alan say anything to Lancaster about a message?"

Scott shook his head. "It was like Alan wanted Lancaster to tear him down. The sprout blatantly asked him to scold him." The older brunette informed.

"Did you tell Mandy about this?" John wondered.

"Dad's talking to her now." Scott enlightened.

John got up and headed towards the room that Alan had disappeared into earlier. "I think he needs some space, Johnny. He was pretty messed up." Scott recapped.

"The last thing that kid needs is to be alone." John stated as he walked into the room.

John and Alan had always had a strained relationship. Due to their conflicting schedules, John had not seen the aftermath of Alan's kidnapping. He had heard about the trauma second hand, but never from Alan. Every time John was home Alan seemed to be piecing his life together. It was hard for John to understand how troubled Alan still remained. His past was something that would obviously be hanging over him like a fog forever. The older blonde wasn't sure Alan wanted to move passed his relationship with his former professor. If the younger boy was seeking him out then they needed to know why. They needed to understand what Lancaster had done to earn his trust. Was Alan punishing himself out of pain or guilt?

"I don't want to talk about it." Alan's voice pulled John out of his thoughts.

John observed his brother sitting on the bed looking out the window. "You don't have to, Sprout." He comforted. He took a seat next to his brother.

Alan instantly moved away from where his brother sat. He didn't want anyone to touch him right now. He wasn't ready for that yet. "Don't touch me." Alan whispered in warning.

The older blonde met his brother's eyes. "I wasn't going to." He reassured. "Are you okay?"

The younger boy looked away at the question. "Not really." He admitted.

John felt a surge of happiness when his brother responded honestly. "What do you need, Allie?" He inquired.

Alan took a deep breath as he considered the question. "What I need and what I want are two very different things at the moment." He buried his face in his hands.

John fought the urge to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Alan had requested not to be touched. He had to remind himself. "Matt's parents called for you while you were out." He stated. "They wanted to talk to you about something."

Alan nodded in acknowledgement. "When can we leave?" He asked.

At first John didn't know what Alan was referring to. Did he want to see Matt's parents or go home? The tone in his voice was that of exhaustion. It lead John believe that Alan truly did want to go home. "The funeral is in two days. We can leave right after if you want." John would have to confirm with their father.

The older brother noticed the tears running down his face. "I'm not staying for the funeral." Alan revealed.

John's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I think you could use some closure, Allie." He insisted.

Alan hung his head in denial. "I'm not going to another funeral. I just want to go home." He repeated.

"I'll go talk to Dad." John got up and left the room.

"How is he?" Virgil met him at the door. Jeff, Gordon, and Scott were hover close behind.

"He wants us to take him home." John spoke to his father. "He is refusing to attend the funeral or see Matt's family."

"Oh thank god," Gordon sighed. "I hate funerals."

Virgil shook his head. "I think skipping the funeral is a mistake. Katie was his girlfriend. He needs to say goodbye or he's going to regret it." The medic stated his opinion.

"That's what I said." John informed. "The kid isn't budging."

"Then let's take him home." Jeff opted.

"Dad," Scott quipped. "That's a mistake. We can't help him run away from reality every time something happens."

"My decision is final." Jeff ordered. "I don't want to push Alan away right now."

After Jeff had laid down the law his sons didn't argue. Virgil and Scott still disagreed, but didn't want to fight. Once they arrived back on the island Jeff and John made arrangements to put five on autopilot and give Brains and Fermat a much needed break. They all thought having Fermat around may help Alan. The family also contacted Lady Penelope and made plans for Tin Tin to return home.

Alan spent a majority of his time locked up in his room. He would join the family for an occasional meal when they annoyed him. But he never ate much. They would attempt to engage him in small talk when he seemed willing. Overall Alan had put up a wall between him and his family. The only person Alan was interested in talking to was Fermat.

Alan was staring at picture of his friends and him when a knock interrupted his focus. "Come in," It was obviously not one of his family members. They had a strict no knock policy when it came to Alan's door.

The young Malaysian girl walked in with a smile on her face. "It's good to know someone still has manners on this island." Tin Tin quipped.

The young blonde's stoic composure broke instantly. He got up and wrapped his arms around her. "It's good to see you. It's been a long time."

"Too long." Tin Tin added. "I've missed you."

Alan sighed, "I've missed you too."

The mood in the room shifted to an awkward silence for a few moments. "I'm sorry about the last time we spoke." The black haired girl apologized. "I said some very hurtful things."

Alan shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing what has going on. I pushed you away. There's nothing to apologize for." He reassured.

Tin Tin took a seat on the bed as Alan followed behind. "Why didn't you tell me what happened?" She wondered. "When you turned me down I thought you didn't want me."

Alan snorted at the memory. "How could you think that? Any guy would be crazy not to like you." He commented.

"I didn't want just any guy, Alan." Tin Tin argued. "I wanted you. I still want you. Why do you think I jumped at the opportunity to go to school abroad? I couldn't stand to be with you and no actually be with you. It hurts too much."

Alan ran a hand through his hair at her rant. "I need you to give me some time, Tin. I just lost Katie." He begged.

"What did she have that I don't?" Tin Tin questioned as she started to cry. "Why could you open up to her and not me?"

"It's not a contest." Alan reminded. "It never was."

"It became a contest when you chose her over me." Tin Tin pointed out. "You knew how I felt about you."

"I did. I do." Alan stuttered. "But it's complicated. Katie had no one else to turn to for help. Her mother kicked out. She needed help. It was never the right time for us."

Tin Tin shrugged, "Matt could have helped her. You didn't have to sleep with her."

"I thought we were over." Alan admitted. "You made it clear that we were over the last time we spoke. If I left you never wanted to talk to me again. I was only abiding by your wishes."

Tin Tin placed her hands on his shoulders in frustration. "I wanted you to fight for me. I thought you would come for me." She pulled him closer.

"You know I didn't have a choice." Alan whispered. "I couldn't have any contact with my past. That's the way witness protection works."

Alan didn't know what he was feeling. Tin Tin and he had a complicated and messy past. It was obvious that she hadn't moved on from it. Part of Alan was thrilled by her confession. After all these years she still loved him. The other parts of Alan were screaming at him to build his wall back up. He knew where this conversation was leading and he wasn't prepared to make another commitment so soon. He loved Katie. He loved Tin Tin. Those were two conflicting facts that he knew were creating a war inside his brain.

He was instantly pulled out thoughts by someone bursting into the room. This is what Alan was used to. "Did I interrupt something?" Gordon glanced between the girl and his brother. They were still standing in close proximity to each other.