Trust
Summary: Things between Steve and Catherine end in a bad way after he finds out that she's been withholding information on his mother. That should have been it, but neither had counted on fate to keep dragging them back.
Pairings: Steve/Catherine, some OCs mixed in for a little (or a lot of) drama and misunderstandings, maybe some Danny/Gabby, Kono/Adam
A/N: Thanks to Miahbug for working hard on making this story a better read.
Chapter 11: Effort (Part II)
"No," was all she said when she answered the call. Steve turned around to look at her briefly before focusing his eyes back on the road. "My answer isn't going to change... you wouldn't even know if it were... I don't want that...Because the only thing we ever manage to do, is fight. What makes you think this time is going to be different... Of course I want... No... I can't, right now. I've got enough on my... I'm going to strangle Nick next time I see him..."
She glanced at Steve during the next pause.
"Working on it... stay out of it... No, and, for now, that's final. Do not dare. I don't wanna be fighting. I can't right now... Just give me space."
She hung up without another word.
"Family matters," she said to Steve at his inquisitive glance. He grasped the situation in a heartbeat.
"She knows?"
"Well, they would have been informed that I couldn't complete my deployment on the Enterprise, and if my father did a little digging – not to mention that Nick is a bloody snitch."
"He was worried about you. You've been under a lot of pressure lately; a lot of stress." He sounded guilty. He knew a large part of that was his fault but he was trying to make it up to her, and her agreeing on this little road trip was a good sign that she was willing to let him.
"That doesn't mean he gets to go and tell the one person who's going to make me more stressed." Catherine's voice betrayed her frustration. "I mean, I love her, of course I do. She's my mother but we just don't see eye to eye. Never have since I turned fifteen."
"If you let her in, she might try to make it better," Steve said, and could have bitten his tongue off. That sounded more related to him than her problem. He really should be focusing on her worries and anxiety, not fixate on his own issues. She looked at him with a frown clearly having caught the double meaning. He gave her a short, apologetic look. "I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant but I can't deal with both of you right now, and you're more important, daddy," she said starting out harshly and growing ever more teasing till the final word. It struck Steve like lightening, similarly as it had in the hospital, and they lapsed into a semi-comfortable silence until Steve spoke up again.
"Cathe...rine, about what happened... that night and... and at the hospital, I... ah..."
"Don't, please," the woman in question cut him off firmly. He looked at her with a somber expression. He'd just wanted to apologize, again. Maybe she wasn't ready to accept his apology, but he should give her one anyway, right? Steve didn't understand why she would cut him off; they needed to talk about everything that had happened between them, extensively. This was as good a place to start as any.
"Why?", he asked confused.
"Because I love literature."
"Huh?"
Catherine gave him a shy smile.
"I love literature, but sometimes it gets analyzed to death. I'm afraid that's what we are doing. We do need to talk about a lot of things, but can we please just... live today?" She bit her lip. She felt that just being together today may be a better medicine for them than talking until their breath ran out and their throats hurt.
"...Okay, we... yes, okay."
She wasn't quite sure what had made her agree to this field trip with Steve, and wondered what he was up to as he drove them further and further into the jungle. The drive was mostly silent, except for the occasional query about their destination which Steve answered only with samples of his most charming smile. Catherine couldn't help but smile back at his enthusiasm even if she felt slightly uneasy about being in the middle of nowhere. She caressed her baby bump gently, a nervous habit she had adopted early on when there wasn't even anything to see yet.
They stopped in a small clearing. Steve climbed out of the truck, taking the picnic basket that had been sitting between them with him. Catherine was slow to follow suit as he walked around the hood of the car to wait in front of it. She didn't know where they were going but she didn't think this was it, seeing as there was nothing here. It wasn't even a particularly lovely spot for a picnic. There were some other tire tracks, though they were old. The vegetation seemed to have made space for cars to be parked here, and never decided to take the little clearing back for itself. It was definitely not what she had expected for a getaway with the father of her child. Then again, seeing as said father was Steve and he thought eating in his truck with music from the 80s was romantic, she really shouldn't be surprised.
"Are you coming? This is as far as we can get by car."
Okay, so maybe this wasn't where he was taking her after all. Catherine heaved a sigh of relief. At the same time she chided herself. Getaway or not, there would be nothing romantic about this picnic. Steve didn't feel that way about her, never had, and that wasn't why they were out here anyway. This was about building trust, getting back on solid ground with each other. She needed to get any silly notions out of her head right away, or she would never be able to pull this whole raising-a-kid-together thing off. Nonetheless, when he offered her his free hand, she took it, and let him lead her through the foliage.
It didn't take them long to reach another clear path, but this time it was due to the innumerable amount of smooth rocks of all sizes that some ancient gods seemed to have heaped into the middle of the jungle. Steve led them out onto nature's rocky street without hesitation, but Catherine was a little nervous. The surfaces of the stones were flat enough, but they varied in size and height, and she wasn't sure she could manage that despite her flat shoes. Her grip on Steve's hand tightened, and he must have realized that she was in distress because he stopped to wait for her, and did not move again even when she caught up with him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just... not very good with balance at the moment," she replied with a shaky smile, and a hand on her tummy. "Additional weight, you know."
He studied her for a moment with the same intensity as a case that needed solving, and she felt her face grow warm as his gaze went up and down her body. There was no tender emotion in his eyes that she could see, though, and she knew he was contemplating her in the same way he would tackle a problem on a mission. Eventually, he broke out into a grin, and that tenderness his eyes had been missing washed over his entire face. He handed her the picnic basket which she cradled to her chest as he moved to her side. With a swift but gentle move he had her swept off her feet, and she was reminded of their last Christmas together when he came to Kamekona's all dressed up in a tux to do exactly the same.
He stood still for a few seconds, adjusting her in his grip and testing his balance carefully. She felt her cheeks grow hotter when he murmured directly into her ear that she should move her arm around his neck for support while the other held onto the picnic basket. She did as she was told, and unconsciously buried her hand in his short unruly hair. The action had him give a little hiss of satisfaction; he'd always liked it when she manhandled his hair. Testing his balance again until he was satisfied that he wasn't going to drop her, he set out to move them both across the rocks. This would probably be easier if he had just made her climb onto his back, dangling the basket in front of them, but Catherine couldn't help but be glad that he'd decided on this variant instead even if it made letting her feelings go so much harder again.
After a couple of meters she started hearing swooshing noises. There was water nearby, but she couldn't see it until they rounded a few piles of rocks. She gasped at the sight before her. There was a small pool of water being fed by a tiny waterfall and encased by smooth, rounded rocks. The water was clear enough to see to the bottom. The sun shining down on them made the water plane shimmer. To one side of the pool there was small sandy clearing which was where Steve was maneuvering them to.
She was so fascinated by the sight that she didn't even notice Steve setting her down, and taking the basket from her. He pulled out a blanket, and spread it on the ground. He placed the basket on top, and knelt down himself, looking up at her with a smile on his face. In a daze, she joined him on the blanket, unable to tear her eyes away from the beautiful sight. She tried to drink it all in, committing it to memory while a part of her wondered why he had never taken her here before. Had she not been important enough before she'd fallen pregnant? Then she shook her head clear of the thought; she would not wonder about these things, and let it ruin her day. Steve was trying so hard to rebuild their trust. She would not second-guess everything he did.
"I take it you like it," Steve finally broke the silence. She looked back at him, and saw a self-satisfied smirk on his handsome face. Typical.
"It's not bad," she admitted with a shrug, trying and failing to hide her excitement.
"Not bad, huh? A lesser man might be offended." He tried to sound hurt.
"Alright, it's beautiful!", she laughed at his pouting face – not that he'd ever admit he did such a thing as a pout. "How did you find this place?"
That sobered him up, and dread sliced through her like a knife. Had he taken someone else here in the past few months? She hadn't expected him to be celibate, but she did not want this to be a do-over of a previous date. Steve looked at her a little apologetic, and the breath got stuck in her throat at the thought of what the answer would be, if there even was an answer. Steven was very good at avoiding difficult questions.
"I haven't been here before, really. I just know about it 'cause... a couple of witnesses talked about it."
"Witnesses?", Catherine asked carefully, half-relieved that it he hadn't been here with another woman and half-terrified at what this turn of events would mean.
"Yeah, um-" He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "They came here to take a swim, and when a thunderstorm rolled in, they left to find shelter in the jungle. They stumbled upon a tent where they found... a body."
Catherine raised an eyebrow at him. Typical Steve-spot for a getaway after all.
"A member of SEAL Team 9; a contract killer was picking them off one by one... Look, Cath...rine, I wasn't planning on telling you that."
She snorted.
"You know, you're the only guy in the world who'd bring me to a place from which a couple departed only to find a murder victim on their little getaway. Only you, Steve," she said exasperatedly, but she wasn't really mad. If she hadn't questioned him, she wouldn't be bothered by it. "Well, I guess it isn't the place's fault, and the body wasn't found here, right?"
"No," Steve hastened to say. "No, it was found a few kilometers from here. They couldn't find their way back to their car. It wasn't here, I swear, Cathe...rine. Even I would never take you to a crime scene for a... uh."
He wanted to say 'date', really. He had almost said it, and he would have meant it, too. This looked like a date, felt like a date, and he really wanted it to be a date. Contrary to Danny's every jibe, he and Catherine had been on dates before. Contrary to their own little jokes, they had made it to dinner... sometimes. He had to admit, though, that those occasions were few and far in between, and Catherine deserved a lot better than that. She'd never complained, and she had certainly enjoyed herself during their 'dinners', but that didn't make Steve wish he'd paid more attention to the romance never expressed in words any less. He had never told her how he felt about her. He had told Danny that he had never loved her, and that was what he had told himself for years, but the truth was that he had been smitten with her from the first time they met, and that stupid little feeling had only grown and expanded with every subsequent meeting – even before they started their ships passing in the night routine.
Catherine for her part wasn't sure what to think either. She didn't want their day to end, and she didn't know what to make of Steve's unfinished sentence, but now it was all awkward between them again. She wondered why they couldn't just talk for ten minutes without one of them putting their foot in their mouth. She wasn't sure what he had been about to say, or whether he had interrupted himself because he didn't know what to say, how to classify what they were doing. Beyond that, she knew she should be irritated by his complete inability to follow instructions and call her by her full name, but all she could think about that was that it was strangely endearing. Old habits died hard, and this one was not going away anytime soon. He clearly tried to change that, correct himself, but it always came out as an afterthought. It was weird. It was cute. It was Steve.
A low rumbling sound brought them both back from their reverie. They looked at each other for another moment, but now their gazes were alert, then Catherine let out an embarrassed giggle, and Steve chuckled silently.
"I had planned to go swimming first, but it seems someone is hungry," he told her, amused, and reached for the picnic basket. There was a twinkle in his eye. "Fortunately, I come prepared. I'm afraid ice cream would have melted, but I do have some smoked salmon noshes."
Catherine glared at him, but let him pull out a few pieces of Tupperware anyway. He then laid out a couple of paper napkins and took out two bottles of water while she opened the boxes to find their lunch. He had brought some omelet which he had turned into little rolls, smoked salmon cones with cream cheese, vegetarian quiches and fruit skewers for dessert. Another box also contained a couple of sandwiches. She looked up at Steve to find him studying her intently. When he saw the question in her eyes, he gave her a shrug, but the self-satisfied smile was back on his face.
"I have lived on my own for a couple of years. I don't think I would have survived without learning how to cook. I didn't know what wouldn't upset your stomach, so I made a bit of everything I know," was all the explanation he offered before popping a salmon cone into his mouth with a teasing little moan that made her mouth water, and not just for the food.
She looked away to get some distance even though there was nowhere to go, and helped herself to a sandwich. After one bite she found out that she really was hungry, and, while not forgetting her table manners, she scarfed two sandwiches down in record time. When she looked back, Steve was nibbling on a quiche, and looking at her with that penetrating gaze again. There was a note of amusement in it this time, and she realized that to him she must have looked like she hadn't eaten in days. She made a conscious effort to slow down her pace. Now that the immediate famine had been satisfied, it wasn't too difficult. There was no accusation in his eyes, but Catherine still felt the need to explain herself.
"The baby can be a bit overbearing at times," Catherine began, the words tumbling out of her mouth. "Sometimes I get so hungry so suddenly, then other times I just fall asleep wherever I am whether I'm reading a book, watching TV or working at my computer. Or like the cravings. I don't even like vanilla ice cream that much, but I just suddenly had to have some."
She ducked her head in embarrassment, letting her long tresses hide her face behind a curtain. Steve brushed her hair aside, and placed his hand under her chin to make her look at him. He was smiling fondly at her.
"Anything the baby wants, the baby gets. That's how it's supposed to be, right?", he asked gently, and removed his warm hand only when she nodded. "I'm just sorry I didn't think to bring more food. I should have considered this."
"You couldn't have known. Even I didn't know. I had a large breakfast."
He could tell that she was still a bit mortified.
"I can always find something in the jungle if we run out of food. Why don't you finish in your own time, and I'll go ahead and test the water?", he suggested carefully. He didn't want her to think that he didn't enjoy her company, but she looked like she would prefer not having him watch her eat. He saw a relieved expression briefly wash over her face, and was grateful that despite their previous miscommunication she still understood him instinctively. Giving in to a sudden mad impulse, he kissed her forehead, and got up, pulling of his shirt as he went. Instead of his usual cargo pants he had already put on his trunks, so he merely shrugged off his shoes, and immersed himself in the water.
Catherine looked after him, grateful that he was giving her space as she nibbled at her third sandwich. She was happy about having a baby, but she didn't care much for the irrational behavior that seemed to come with pregnancy. She had always prided herself in the measure of control she had over her life. Even in uniform when she was taking orders, she never felt at anybody's or anything's mercy. The pregnancy had been throwing her completely off kilter from the start. The morning sickness had receded after the first three months like the doctor had said it would, but now she had all kinds of cravings and strange reactions. She reacted to everything more intensely, and her emotions were all over the place. She was hungry when she had just eaten, she fell asleep during all hours of the day, and she was surprised the amount of embarrassment hadn't killed her yet. Additionally, worry was a constant companion, hovering at the edge of her mind making her almost panic at the slightest signs of distress.
She closed the boxes, sat herself on a large rock near the edge of the pool, and watched Steve swim his laps. The perfect synchrony of muscles working to keep up speed and strength of his strokes was a sight to behold. The muscles of his back and arms stood out to her, rippling at the effort they were making to perform to Steve's satisfaction. If she had admired the firmness of Steve's naked chest as he had changed, seeing his strength and power in action had her mesmerized. She could feel herself take a necessary deep breath through her mouth as she watched him cleave through the water. On his next turn he changed direction, and swam over to her. Propping himself up on a smaller rock in front of hers, he looked expectantly at her.
"Why don't you come join me. The water is great." He tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible, but the thought of having Catherine join him in the water did make his breath catch in his throat a little. He had found himself looking at her over and over since he had picked her up at her house. It had started during the car ride when he would throw glances at her every other second, partially to gauge her mood, partially because he couldn't resist looking at her. Then he had kept looking back at her as he led her over the rocks. He had noticed her distress, but, knowing how independent she was, had known better than to bring it up until she had said something. The opportunity to hoist her up in his arms like Christmas had been a welcome bonus; her body had felt soft and warm against the planes of his chest. She had been heavier than at Christmas, obviously, but it was nothing that he couldn't handle, and he found that ever since seeing her at her house with Kono he loved the thought of her carrying his child. (Maybe he wanted to be a father after all.) Their early lunch had brought him no relief. Even watching her ravish her food had him entranced, and he couldn't get the word Danny had used to describe her out of his head: she was lovely.
He had seen that she had been watching him, too. The day he had started on the nursery with her brothers, and then again now when he had been swimming. He also knew that she had not been unaffected by his carrying her earlier. He knew he should stop. He was sending her mixed signals, but he couldn't help himself. She still desired him, and he couldn't help but react to that. Her attraction to him was still there, and knowing that made his heart swell with hope.
She was wearing another dress, sleeveless, intense red in color and falling gracefully to her knees. Her hair was loose around her face, hiding it again when she looked away at his suggestion. He saw her arms going around her growing body, and noticed how she squirmed. Holding himself up on one hand, he grasped hold of a foot to draw her attention back to him.
"No need to be shy. You're gorgeous, Cath," he said, not even trying to correct the use of his endearment for her.
He watched her intently as she pressed her lips together, eventually biting down on the lower one. He didn't miss how one corner of her mouth lifted in a suppressed smile at his compliment, and knew that he had convinced her. He opened the strings of her sandals, and removed them gently from her feet, placing them on a nearby rock. His gaze never left hers, and there was a depth in her eyes that drew him to her. Not wanting to scare her away, though, he backed away a little. Catherine stood up, opening the zipper on the side of her dress, and shrugging it off. She was already wearing her bikini underneath, and Steve nearly choked on his own saliva when he saw that it was of a matching red color.
Once she had turned it into a neat square, she placed it atop of her sandals. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and the air around them suddenly seemed ticker. Warmer. Intimate. She let herself sink into the water slowly, welcoming its coolness around her overheated body. Carefully reaching for the bottom with her toes, she found that she could stand. Near the sandy beach the water was shallow, here it already reached her mid-chest. Steve was close, less than a foot from her, and she swore that she could feel the heat radiating off his body.
Time to cool him down, she thought playfully, and splashed him without warning. When all the water that she had stirred up had washed over him, she found her SEAL standing there with a dumbfounded expression staring at her. She laughed, and splashed him again. This time he retaliated, and soon they were engaged in a fierce water battle, splashing each other and thrashing through the water when suddenly a sharp pain ripped through their fun. Catherine let out a small scream, and Steve was with her in an instant.
"Are you okay?", he asked, concerned. She had a hand on the side of her swell.
"Yeah," she breathed. "The baby is just kicking really hard. I don't think it likes the cool water. Can we get out of here, please?"
"Of course." Before he had even finished speaking, he had already lifted her up into his arms again, and made his way out of the pool. He set her down on their blanket, leaning her back against a boulder. She was rubbing her tummy, and murmuring softly to the baby but the pain evident on her face made it clear that it was not working. After a moment he could see something else appear on her face. She was looking scared. Trying to calm her down, he placed a hand on the side of her cheek. Catherine leaned into the touch, letting his thumb caress her face. He moved his other hand over her stomach, gently rubbing circles onto her skin.
"That's enough now. You're safe. We're away from the bad water. I'm sorry that daddy's idea scared you, little one, but you have to stop kicking now. You're hurting mommy," he said in a low, soothing voice, and felt equally strange and completely at ease at talking to his unborn child. He looked up at Catherine to see if it was working. She shook her head, but smiled at him for his effort. "I'm sorry."
"No, it wasn't your fault. I should have known that the sudden temperature drop would cause some distress," she soothed him, placing her hand over his wrist. She was still smiling. "I hate to ruin a great time, but when it gets better, could we go home please? I... At first I was scared that something was wrong, really wrong I mean. I've been jumpy ever since... that day. I want to lie down in my own bed."
He nodded, disappointed that things were ending early but not wanting Cath to feel uncomfortable.
5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0
When he stopped in front of her house, he cut the engine off. He wanted to make sure she was okay before driving home. Maybe he could even convince her to let him stay. She had been scared, and he had been scared to see her like that. He would like to keep her company. When he climbed out of the truck, and went to her side to help her down as well, he noticed that there was another car parked behind her Corvette in the driveway. He didn't recognize it, and a glance at Catherine told him that she didn't know it either. He signaled her to stay back as he approached the lawn. He hadn't brought his gun to their little getaway; he hadn't thought he might find an intruder at her house when they came back. As he moved closer to the door, he noticed an African American woman sitting on a padded bench in front of Catherine's house. He relaxed a little when he recognized the Navy uniform, but he still didn't know who this woman was or what she wanted from Catherine.
"Commander Klesko?", he heard Catherine's voice ask from behind him, and wondered why she couldn't ever just listen to him. Then a thought struck him. The Commander's name rang a bell, but he couldn't quite place it.
"Lieutenant Rollins," the woman greeted with a hint of irritation, which she physically shook off immediately afterward. "I think I might have been a little early."
Catherine flushed bright red. The implication was clear, and the Commander was right. She was late! She had completely forgotten that she had rescheduled her appointment to today. She had not counted on Steve inviting her on a field trip, and had planned to spend the day away from him to sort through their weekend working on the nursery. Admittedly, she had thought there would be a lot more fighting between her brothers and him, but to totally forget that she was supposed to meet with the psychiatrist... If she hadn't felt bad earlier, they wouldn't even have come back in time to meet the Commander.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I completely forgot."
"I can see that. I was worried when you didn't come by, Lieutenant, so I decided to drop in. There is still some time left. We could have the rest of the session here if you like."
Catherine nodded mutely, and turned to Steve. She could see that it had just clicked in his brain as to who the Commander was. She could see the pity on his face, but also the self-loathing and the guilt. She didn't want his pity. She had lost herself somewhat after their dance club conversation – if it can be called that. She had needed help, and while she had resisted at first, Catherine had eventually decided to accept it when Commander Klesko kept offering. She was not ashamed of that, and she would not let him pity her. If this changed how he saw her, then their friendship or whatever it was that he was so intent on salvaging clearly didn't mean much to him.
"I... err... I should go," he said, and turned away abruptly. Part fuming, part heartbroken – again – Catherine also turned to her house, and marched inside with an equally brisk step.
Commander Klesko was left looking between the two even as she followed LT Rollins quietly up the stairs to her bedroom. On her way the Lieutenant stopped only once in front of an open door, and a single tear ran down her face. The psychiatrist turned to look at the room in passing, taking note of the fresh paint and the new-looking cradle and dresser. There was a small bright-colored tube hanging from the ceiling. It was subdivided into small compartments which contained a few plush animals and other small toys. There was a baby mobile above the crib with stars and ships and dolphins hanging from it. Lieutenant Rollins obviously wanted to instill her child with a love for the sea, and the completion of the nursery suggested that she liked to be organized.
Entering the Lieutenant's bedroom, Commander Klesko found the woman lying sideways on her bed, clutching and hitting a pillow, and cursing slightly under her breath. Not her ideal work space but she would make use of the local resources at her disposal, and it was by far not the most uncomfortable place she had ever had to treat a patient. Some of the SEALs with PSTD had found more extravagant, inaccessible and inconvenient safe havens. A bedroom was like paradise compared with the top of an elevator or the side of a pool her patient refused to leave. So the Commander sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of LT Rollins, and leaned her back against the closet.
"That stupid, arrogant, impossible, handsome, emotionally stunted, kind, unbearable, condescending, loving son of a bitch! Why does he do this to me?! I don't want his pity, I don't need it! I wanted to slap that stupid pitiful look right off his face, the bastard. How dare he judge me for this. After everything..."
LT Rollins ran out of air, and for a few minutes nothing but heavy breathing filled the room with noise.
"I'm really sorry," the Lieutenant sniffed at her in apology for, the Commander assumed, everything.
"It's quite alright, Lieutenant. I'm here to help," she replied evenly.
"I just don't know what to do with him."
"Why?", the Commander inquired. She watched as LT Rollins' face changed from anger to guilt to tenderness to sadness and despair. The younger woman was going through her emotions so fast, Commander Klesko had trouble keeping up, and wrote down 'confused' onto the pad she had taken out of her bag. More tears were spilling from the Lieutenant's eyes now, soaking the pillow her head was resting on even as part of her sank her fingernails into the material in frustration.
"It's always awkward between us now, but today it was just weird," she said without going into details of what happened. Those were her and Steve's memories; she wanted to share them with no one. "It felt like a date. He was all tender and caring, and it made me feel like we were on a date but it wasn't a date. It couldn't have been because he doesn't feel that way about me, never has, he said so."
"Could he have been lying?"
"I wish," Catherine answered, not even embarrassed when she saw the Commander scribble onto her pad avidly. "Honesty is very important to him, and he may have withheld information but he never outright lied to me. To him that may be the same, but to me it's not. We had decided to be honest with each other that day, talk it out. We were more honest with each other that day than we were in our entire lives with anyone, I think. He wouldn't lie to me then. He couldn't have."
Commander Klesko wondered if she was trying to convince herself.
"It was me who extrapolated an entire relationship out of what was physically there: he never said he felt anything beyond friendship and desire for me. I was the one who assumed... Guess I found out why they say what they say about people who assume."
The Lieutenant gave a cynical chuckle.
"I don't get it, though. He's all hot and cold. He tells me he doesn't feel that way for me, but today he was flirting, prancing around and flaunting his superb physique, and sending me heated looks... Except he doesn't want me, not for real, and he knows I don't want just sex. How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna raise a kid with him when I can't get these stupid feelings under control? It can never be, and not just because he doesn't feel the same way. I don't think I could... put that kind of trust in him again."
"What if he did lie? What if he wants more, too?"
"That would just make it worse, wouldn't it?!"
5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0 5-0
When he had gotten home, he had thrown the keys onto the bureau and had sunk against the door. He didn't move from that spot again for what felt like ages. All he could think about was that this was what Connor must have meant when he said that Catherine had not been herself lately. She had cracked under the pressure of his harsh words and actions and the prospect of raising his kid alone. She wasn't even close to her parents, and her brothers and friends were always out on deployment. She must have realized that she would be completely and utterly alone. No wonder she had turned to Commander Klesko for help. There had been literally no one else.
"What have I done?" he whispered to himself as the guilt continued to tie him to the floor. The thought of what she must have gone through crippled him. His heart went out for her. Most people, Navy or otherwise, considered it a defect to go to or need a psychiatrist. Appointments were typically ordered after missions, but if one wasn't cleared again immediately people would look at them funny. Accepting Commander Klesko's help must have cost Catherine a lot, but she had done what she thought best for herself and her baby.
A knock on his door made him jump.
"Go away, Danno," he grumbled. He wasn't in the right mood for his partner's spontaneous visits.
Then he stopped short. Danny never knocked.
End of chapter 11!
A/N: One step forward, two steps back. I know I'm evil but I enjoy messing with them too much. An easy solution would be boring anyway.