Jacob was running. He was a wolf and he was running. He did not plan to stop, just to run. He could not think; he did not want to think. He only wanted his instincts to take over and lead him where they chose. And that could be anywhere.
Jacob did not know where he was going. He was not looking at his path; his eyes were not even open. They had to stay shut. If he opened his eyes even a little, they would become the source of a cascading waterfall of sorrow. Jacob did not like to cry. Crying made him feel weak and vulnerable. Thus, he kept his eyes shut.
The first semi human emotion that I encountered was pain. Misery. Agony. At first, it was small, like a being stabbed with a needle. But needles grew to kitchen knives and the pain got worse and eventually my head hurt. I wanted aspirin like hell. But I kept running.
Because if I stopped and fell, I knew I wouldn't be able to get back up.
After running for God knows how long or how far, I collapsed from exhaustion. I couldn't help it anymore; I began to cry. How could Bella do this to me? How could she make me feel so great, so superlatively wonderful, and then leave me for a leech? He's a goddamn vampire! How is a vampire, a cold skinned, arrogant, blood-sucking vampire better than me! At least I won't eat her.
For awhile, I lay on the moss and ivy covered ground and cried. Eventually, my eyes dried themselves and I stayed still, hardly breathing and pretending I was dead. Wishing I was dead. If I were dead, who would care? Quil. Embry. Seth? Sam? Paul? All my brothers. But not Bella. Bella wouldn't care. She has Edward. Edward. The vampire. The one who is apparently better looking than me.
You know, I really don't see the appeal in that boy. He looks like a monster. He is a monster. His eyes change color when he's hungry. That's weird. His skin is as white as snow. He could be Snow White's male twin. Who could love Snow White's male twin?
My chest felt heavy, almost too heavy to allow me to fall asleep. But running wears me out, so I fell asleep within minutes.
I woke up to the sound of Paul's shouts. "Jake!" he barked angrily. "Jacob Black! Where the hell are you?"
I opened my eyes to a kelly-green canopy of leaves supported my varying colors and sizes of tree trunks. The sun shone through the leaves, enhancing their color. I breathed in the earthy smell of the moss I slept on and let out a doglike sigh.
"Jake!" yelled Paul again.
I stood up onto my four paws and sniffed around the ferns and ivy for the scent of food. I was hungry. No, more like ravenous. But, I smelled nothing new. I lifted my head up and observed my surroundings. Mostly, I just saw trees. There was a rock about four feet tall in the distance, but that was it. I walked over to the boulder and sniffed it. I perked my head up, hearing the faint sound of running water. I trotted towards the mysterious water source to find a stream about a yard wide flowing down a rocky slope. I dipped my mouth into it and took a gulp. The water felt good as it trickled down my thirsty throat and I quickly took several more gulps.
"Jacob Black," began Paul again. "I know you're there."
"Jacob," commanded Sam. "I know you're upset, but you can't keep running away from your problems."
"Maybe, if you come back, you can forget about Bella," Jared interjected.
Bella. Bella. He said Bella. Bella.
"Maybe you'll fall in love with someone else," he continued.
Love. He said love.
Bella.
I could feel my face grow red with anger.
"Jake?" asked Sam tenderly. "Jake, you always knew Bella wasn't right for you. You always knew-"
"Just fuck off and shut up!" I shouted silently. I could almost see Sam opening his mouth to protest and then closing it in shock. "I quit you're pack, Sam! I quit! I don't to be a part of it anymore. I'm sick of you guys always talking to me when I just want to be left alone, Sam. I'm sick of rules and orders! I don't want to be part of a pack! I'm- I'm starting over!"
"What?" growled an angry Paul.
"I'm not coming back! Nothing you can say will ever make me change my mind. I'm sick of being heartbroken and watching what I love float by me without a passing glance! So I'm leaving."
"From what I heard she gave you a hell of a lot more than 'just a passing glance," laughed Paul.
"Paul!" scolded Sam.
Paul cleared his throat and moved on. "Uh, Jake," he whined. "You can't go."
"Yes, I can!" Why couldn't they realize that I wasn't going to relent.
"Jacob, be reasonable," growled Sam. "You can't leave."
"Says who?" I asked testily.
"Says me. Says Paul. Says the rest of our pack."
"What 'our'? Didn't you hear me? I QUIT!"
Silence. They stopped talking. "Paul?" I called. "Sam? Jared? Anybody?"
No answer. I was free! I barked in happiness. I felt so light, so elated! I leaped for joy and set off running again, this time in search of a town. I had no idea of where I was going, but I had a vague plan of what I wanted to do once I got there.
As I ran along the stream, it widened and the pace of the water quickened. I wondered what it would become. The Puget Sound? The Pacific Ocean?
At last, I came to a waterfall. The cold spray of the fresh river water misted my furry face. I leaped from rock to rock until I found a way down.
Firstly, I would get a job doing something I enjoyed. Maybe I'd work in an auto shop or something like that. The last thing I'd want to do is have a job I would hate. That would destroy all motivation in my life, and motivation is something I need.
Secondly, I would buy an apartment. Something not too big or expensive, but definitely not something tiny. Maybe something with a nice view of a park.
And thirdly, I would forget. I would create a past in which there was no Bella, no Edward, and no werewolves. I would change my name to something completely nondescript, like John Smith or . I would become a new person. My heart will heal. No, it won't. Because there won't have been a wound in the first place.