"You didn't check." Maria whips her head around at Coulson's words. "You always check. But you didn't." She frowns, Coulson's face is no longer entirely impassive, she can see some anger start to creep into his expression. His words don't make sense, not at that moment, in the state of chaos she seems to be perpetually locked into.
"What?" She asks dumbly, staring at him.
"You didn't check her pulse. You didn't check if she was alive, you just snapped." Coulson says and Maria blinks and flinches. He's right, she didn't. "We didn't have visual on the roof until you executed him, we only had your ear-bud to go off of. We had no idea what was going on, Barton didn't know if he needed to call for medical or what until you called for medics. We had no idea. How long was she laying there, Maria?" Maria turns away, she feels sick. Her hands ball into fists. This wasn't the talk she was expecting, because her mind hadn't made the connection. She had left Natasha lying in a pool of her own blood so she could get revenge. She had to have been laying there four, maybe five, minutes. She can't even find the words to answer Coulson, she's so disgusted at herself. She won't even look at him.
"Is that what you wanted to talk about? To make me realize that I left her lying there in her own blood?" Her voice is broken, her entire world shattered, and she can't bring herself to keep her voice level to her boss. She stares out the window, disgusted with herself. She would done it differently if she had known that Natasha had survived the initial impact. But people didn't usually survive a bullet to the head.
"I didn't think you had realized it. You thought we were going to discuss your execution of the shooter?" Maria finally turns back to Coulson when he lays a hand on her leg. "I can't fault you for that, Maria. I would have done the same if it had been Clint. There will be some kind of consequence, yes. But I would be a hypocrite if I told you I wouldn't have done the same exact thing. But that's a discussion for another time. Our priority is Natasha. I already know that she is your priority, but we all care too." Coulson turns to her while they're stopped at the light. A flicker of a smile flits across her face before she can stop it. She knows what she's done wrong, and she can only hope she'll have the chance to make it up to Natasha. They ride in silence again until Coulson's phone rings and he picks it up. Maria doesn't pay attention to the conversation, she's too busy stewing in her own regret to pay attention. Coulson's hand returns to her leg and she turns to look at him.
"That was Stark, he's called in every favor he could to get the right specialists to Mount Sinai. He's already at the hospital with Steve. He said they're prepping her for surgery now, but she's already coded twice. They're going to do everything they can for her, but Stark said it's not looking good. Banner is going in with the surgical team, Stark said they called in favors for that too. We both know Banner knows her physiology better than anyone, she's got a fighting chance, Maria." Maria's throat closes up at Coulson's words. She hates being right, but she knows, realistically, Natasha's chances are slim of even surviving this. And Maria can easily guess if she does survive, there will be damage. Probably significant damage. She doesn't know a lot about brain damage past what she's encountered SHIELD agents having, but she vaguely knows what it entails. She has to stop her train of thought forcibly to calm herself down, breathing heavily through her nose as her chest tightens with fear. She forces herself to close her eyes and work past the fear, she needs to be all there to be at Natasha's side. If, and she hates herself for doubting Natasha's chances but Maria Hill is a realist, if Natasha survives, then Maria needs to be more than there to be by her fiance's side. To deal with the fallout.
"We need to trust in her strength now, Maria." Coulson's words brings her fully back to herself and she nods stiffly. Natasha isn't immortal, though. And Maria is so scared, so terrified. She turns back to the window to watch their path through the city. All too soon, or not soon enough, they're pulling into the parking garage of the hospital. She's out of the car in moments, but she has no idea which direction to head in. Coulson motions for her to follow, and she does. Somehow Maria is still holding herself together, but she's not quite sure how. She wants to break down and cry, she wants to drown everything out in scotch, she wants to do so many things other than stepping foot in that hospital. Walking into the building with the knowledge that she might be leaving a widow before they're even married. Still, she follows Coulson, gut twisting into knots and her heart in her throat. They end up in what looks like a private waiting room, where the rest of the team sits in various positions throughout the small room. They all lift their heads at her entrance, and Tony approaches them, hands held out in front of him.
"They've got her in surgery, they said the surgery will take a while." He tells them. Maria finds herself nodding, it makes sense. They are extracting a bullet from Natasha's brain. She has to close her eyes at that thought, and force herself to take a deep breath. She opens them and looks past Tony. Steve and Thor are off to one side, heads together and deep in conversation about something. Pepper is in the corner, on the phone with someone, talking in low tones. She knows Bruce is in with Natasha, and Clint is handling clean-up of the OP. Tony gives her a funny look but she just shakes her head and goes to one of the corners, away from the others, to sit. This is Natasha's team, not hers. She really only feels close with Pepper and Coulson, and both are busy at the moment. Heaving a sigh, she closes her eyes to force herself to focus. When she opens them, Pepper is sitting down next to her.
"The neurosurgery team here is great, Maria. She's in good hands, and when we know more, Tony and I will make sure she has the best." Pepper tells her quietly, and Maria nods. It's more than she can ask for, she knows Natasha will not want for care, not with how meticulous Tony and Pepper are.