That night was a sleepless night for Howl. Once he got Al upstairs, and into bed, he stood next to her, leaning on the thoroughly decorated wall of his bedroom. Charms and jewels hung everywhere, most had some meaning at one point, but were nothing but trinkets now. He watched as one of his favorite items spun; spending little shards of moonlight around the room. Howl sighed, and he slowly moved towards a mirror in the corner of his room. The window next to the mirror let in the moonlight flood into the room. As Howl gazed into the mirror, he was startled by a voice behind him.

"You're hair's black." Al mused, slowly sitting up. Howl turned towards her, his ebon tresses flowing unnaturally slowly behind him as it always did; like there was a constant breeze only he felt. She smiled at his wide azure eyes.

"What?" She asked with a self conscious grin. He moved closer to her, and he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I thought you...weren't going to wake up." He whispered; his eyes downcast. She shook her head.

"I'm alright." Her persist voice held firm to her belief.

"The bottle wasn't that hard, and he was a wimp, couldn't hit hard enough to case real damage." Her smile seemed to be a bit contagious, because he smiled lightly himself. He was at a loss for words. He glanced down at his hands, and he blinked. She squinted at him, his face shielded in the dark.

"What?" She asked for a second time since she regained consciousness. He looked up, into her eyes, and then looked away, as though he were hiding something.

"Is something the matter?" She asked. She was beginning to get worried, and a little put out. He'd gone to all this trouble to get her back here, and then he wouldn't talk to her; just like before?

"I...I...disposed, shall we say, of Milton." He final admitted, very low. She had to strain to hear him. She was taken aback. He'd actually gone that far? Her look must have been one of confusion and horror because Howl paled, and started to move away.

"When?" She asked quickly.

"Earlier." He whispered, to the floor. He started to stand again, and she grabbed his large white shirt.

"Why?" She solicited. He looked at her, was she so dense?

"He had the audacity to touch something that belongs to me." He said simply, his tone as harsh as it was when they first met. She blinked, and smiled, a reddish tent brushing her features.

"You need to rest." He said to her firmly, ghosting a hand over her face; returning her drowsiness. She nodded, and he placed a hand on her back and shoulder, and helped her lie down. She soon drifted off to sleep. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, and he slowly stood up, and he walked towards the door. He hadn't the slightest idea what time it was, and he didn't want to wake the others, but there was something he had to do. His light footfalls on the stairs stirred his fire demon. Calcifer blinked sleepily as he approached the fire place. Howl sank into a chair, his face paler then normal.

"Howl?" Calcifer whispered. Azure eyes looked at him, and then looked down. He spoke through the darkness.

"I don't understand." He said simply. Calcifer furrowed his brow.

"Understand what?" He inquired. Howl looked up, and then back to his hands.

"Why I'm such a coward." He sighed. Calcifer wondered what brought this on.

"Why wonder something like that? Did something happen? Florian said to me right after you went up stairs how incredibly strong you were tonight." He said, trying to encourage his Master not to be so glum.

"Rage and bravery are different things, Calcifer." Howl mentioned. He couldn't take his eyes off his hands. Calcifer wanted to help, but Howl could be so difficult to talk to. He didn't know what to tell him.

"Then what makes you a coward?" The fire asked. Howl glanced up to the ceiling, and he closed his eyes.

"I was so certain I'd lost her, and yet, I cannot tell her that; in a direct sense. I can smile at her, and tell her she belongs to me, like she is property, but I cannot tell her my feelings." His sadness was turning to self loathing. He hated himself for being like he was. He danced around the aspect of love for many years, and he never thought it would happen to him, but here it was, and he was afraid of it. He knew of how she felt, or how she had felt, of him, and that didn't help him at all. Calcifer could see the inner rage, and he spoke up.

"You might have the courage to tell her; if you had your heart." He said, his eyes downcast, and feeling a bit terrible at himself now. He was the reason, he thought for Howl's cowardice. Howl smiled lightly.

"If only, dear Friend. If only." He mused.