Together, in secret, we could have taken this guy down. Only, that thought never even occurred to you, because deep down inside, you like being broken, and you need this obsession. And no matter what I do, I can't change that. Only you can, Kate.

- Richard Castle

Castle woke to the gentle squeeze of his hand, a tender voice in his ear, his name on a loving whisper. When his eyes opened, the ceiling lights assaulted him, and there was daylight coming through the window next to his bed on the right. There was pain in his chest, and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. "Easy," he heard from his left, and there it was – another gentle squeeze around his fingers. He followed the instructions that heavenly voice was delivering, telling him to breathe in and out, timed perfectly to help him calm down. That voice was like a drug, and his eyes closed to it so he could listen.

"You were whimpering," Beckett said, knowing she had his attention. "I'm sorry I had to wake you." The writer merely offered a hum in response, finding contentment despite the raging pain he felt. That, he could manage, but just never take away his wife. There was no managing that.

After a moment, he opened his eyes, turning his head to look at her. He still looked pale, especially in contrast to the dark beard that was growing in nicely. "Dream?" he asked after a moment.

With the confusion written all over his face, she couldn't be certain what he meant. Did she wake him from a dream, or did he think this was one? She brought their hands to her mouth, giving him a kiss. "You tell me," she replied, looking down at their entwined fingers. She had yet to sleep, scared that if she did, she'd wake up somewhere else – another place, another time – and Castle would be ripped from her arms. No, she couldn't bear the thought that this might be a dream, that this hospital and the warmth of her husband's hand, might be a figment of her imagination.

Castle, say something reassuring.

"Shot?" He sounded so small, so unsure of himself. It was completely unlike him. His flamboyant nerdiness was nowhere to be seen. There was a haunted look on his face as he looked at her. Concern for her, that's all it was ever for.

Beckett knew they would be having this conversation again. She didn't mind that it might become a broken record as he weaved his way in and out of consciousness. As long as he stayed with her, she'd tell him anything he'd like. "Not a dream," she brokenly answered. "You're doing good, though, babe. The doctors said you're doing better, getting stronger." Still, he wasn't strong enough, but progress was progress and they should be thankful for even that right now.

Was he listening to her? Comprehending what she was saying?

She simply stared at him, mussed hair and a nasal cannula hooked around his ears, and she was overwhelmed with gratitude for the man next to her. He was a blessing, whereas she was his curse, and yet he still stayed with her through thick and thin. She knew that there was no way she could have gotten this far without him. Would the tape of Senator Bracken still be lodged in the elephants on her desk? Would he have been killed behind bars? Would the case be buried under eight more years of dust and dead ends?

Castle may have had a lapse in reality just before they were married, and he may have caught a possible glimpse into what their lives would be like if they had never met, but she didn't. At least, as he recounted that story, it was scary to think just how close he might've been to accurate where her life was concerned. No, she definitely couldn't have done this without him, and she knew that the alternate universe he'd dreamt up wasn't in any way meant to inflate his ego.

He may have been able to solve his issues where they were concerned and follow her into the fire, but these were feelings she dealt with every single day. Should she have pushed him away harder so it would never come back? Was it fair to ask him to come with her, instead?

Ask. At first, she never asked, Castle imposed, and it was a generous imposition. Then she asked, after realizing she couldn't pursue LokSat while keeping Castle just barely in her orbit. That doubled edged sword was too difficult to manage.

It was either ask, or ask for a divorce and now, she was only too sorry she had asked.

She got her husband shot. Holy fuck.

"With me?"

Beckett looked up into his eyes, realizing she had looked down at the general area where his bullet wound resided. His eyes were full of confusion, frustration and desperation to understand, and yet they were still impossibly blue in this light and as striking as the beard growing on his jaw. She smiled, reassuring. "Always," she promised. And I would die if I lost you.

She'd walk into a tornado for him, just as readily.

The writer winced. It was sudden, and even had Beckett flinching as she watched the pain registering on his face. His hand squeezed hers in reflex as his chest seized. "Rick?" she tried. "Hey, babe—" The sounds on his heart monitor increased in volume and frequency. Her eyes went wide, tearing away from the monitor to look at him.

She reached for the call button, frantic and ignoring the searing pain in her side as her fingers closed around the white remote and thumbed the button repeatedly. The door burst open a second later, and Castle's new doctor came in, immediately shouting a code over his shoulder to his counterparts. He was just beyond middle aged, hair gone grey in a way that had Beckett guessing it was premature. Well, salt and pepper suited him, and gave him a distinguished look – more so than his white jacket and stethoscope. Doctor Ellis stepped around the other side of Castle's bed and immediately went to work while Beckett watched.

Castle's hand was beginning to crush hers, but she didn't care if he broke all of her fingers. "What's happening?" she asked.

Ellis looked up at her and there was a moment of hesitation, an uncertainty lacing every move the doctor made. "What we've been hoping wouldn't happen," he answered. "Mrs. Castle, we need to operate now before he goes into cardiac arrest."

"But…" Nurses came into the room, pulling their beds apart. His hand slipped through her fingers. "No!" She just couldn't hold back the outrage at the loss of connection from him.

"Mrs. Castle!" the doctor demanded her attention, and she gave it to him whilst struggling not to panic. "It's now, or never. We cannot shock him if he goes into cardiac arrest. He will die if we don't operate now. And since you have Power of Attorney, you need to tell us what to do."

"You said he wasn't strong enough for that; that he'd die on the table." She didn't mean to argue, and she didn't mean to waste time as her husband's body spasmed before her eyes. The doctor readied a needle, inserting it into the IV.

"I'm not going to lie to you. The risk is great, but he has a better chance on that table than he does in this bed. Do you understand?"

She nodded, but really, she didn't. Her heart thundered beneath her breast, blood rushed in her ears. She felt hot, and shaky, trapped like a wounded animal with no way out. "What is your decision?"

"Take him," she replied weakly. "Save him."

"We'll do our best." Resolute, the doctor nodded and began wheeling Castle out of the room with the aid of the nurses. She watched them go until they disappeared down the hall, and when her husband was out of sight for what might quite possibly be the last time she saw him alive, the tears came.

A/N: I am so very sorry for how late this update is. But just know, I haven't given it up, and I will see it through. Things just got messy over the last few days, but now everything is back on track. I am also sorry that the second story thread isn't in this chapter, but I figured a little update was better than no update at all. I hope you agree. So, you all know I am not a medical expert, lalalalalalalala, so, don't bash me for any inconsistencies you might see. Aside from that, please, let me know if you're still with me on this journey. Next chapter may have a time lapse. We'll see how it goes.

I'm going to start writing my CastleFicMonday chapter for tomorrow's posting in Gaps. So... until tomorrow, everyone. Love, CaskettFeels.