Chapter 10. [Early December]
A/N:
So I know this story is progressing at a pretty slow pace, but it's going to be an extremely long fic (the arc is currently planned for about 40 chapters and is constantly increasing) and I love developing the Finn & Rachel relationship from scratch so yeah. There WILL be lots of wonderful fluff and romance in the future, but it's just going to take a little angst first to get there. Finn is not going to stop being a dolt anytime soon because I want to stay as close to character as possible and we all know it took him forever to realize and act upon his true feelings for Rachel on the show.
And also I just want to give a big thank you to everyone who's reading (and extra love to those who are reviewing!) and being patient with it. The good stuff is coming I promise and it'll be (in my humble opinion) AWESOME :)
...
[Thursday, afternoon]
Rachel's been avoiding him all week. Giving him a taste of his own medicine. He texted her a couple times over the weekend, saying he was sorry about what happened at the football game, and she'd ignored them.
But as mad as she is, she's still relieved when he walks into the auditorium for rehearsal. Because he's still Tony, and without him, the musical's chances of actually being produced would go down the toilet.
"So," she begins, "As you all should know from your schedules, today we're going to begin by going over all of the basic dance skills we have to master for this to be a passable production."
Kurt looks at her dubiously and questions, "Those being..?"
"You know, rudimentary level stuff like single pirouettes, chasses, battements, and jetes."
Finn's face goes blank, "I have no idea what that means."
"Well luckily I prepared for that," Rachel retorts, sliding a heavy black dictionary towards him, "I'm tired of you interrupting rehearsals because of your limited vocabulary. Try keeping up with the 10th grade literacy level."
She hears Mercedes whisper to Kurt in an aghast voice, "Oh no she didn't" and she doesn't even care because she's so mad.
She walks to the front of the stage and begins teaching the first steps of the dance sequence. After demonstrating the moves for a few minutes, she turns around and tells them do it without her help.
"And 5, 6, 7, 8!"
Her eyes are immediately drawn to Finn as he does all the wrong moves at all the wrong times in all the wrong ways. He's so bad it's hilarious, and for a second she forgets that she's mad at him and has to cover her mouth with her hand to muffle the laughter. His dancing is positively atrocious.
When they've finished she tells everyone to take a five minute break, everyone except for Finn.
He looks hopeful when she walks up to him, as if he thinks she'll start talking to him again. But this is purely professional.
"Alright Finn, you need to spend those five minutes going over everything I just taught you guys, because you're miles behind everyone else as far as dancing goes."
His face falls at the statement.
"Well I've never danced before," he explains, "but maybe you could help me with my dancing when we practice singing together? Which by the way we still need to set up a date for-"
"I changed my mind," she interrupts, "You obviously think the only time we spend together should be restricted to these rehearsals, because God forbid someone actually finding out that you tolerate me, and extra singing and dancing lessons with me might hazard your image at this school."
He looks like he was just slapped.
"Come on Rach," he finally says quietly, "Don't be like that."
"Be like what?" she asks, "I thought I was doing you a favor. Now back to the dance moves.."
"I wish you'd just let me explain-"
"So it's a step ball change," she interrupts, turning around and not giving him the chance to finish, "not a step step step."
She shows him the difference and he imitates her quietly, totally shut down.
For a second, just for a second, she feels a little bad. Probably because the look on his face is just so downtrodden. But she reminds herself that she's Rachel Barbra Berry, and she can't let anyone take advantage of her, even if they possess her heart in its entirety.
...
[Thursday, evening]
He rings the doorbell nervously. He knows she's mad. She was extra harsh to him at rehearsal, and he thinks it's one of those things when a girl gets mad about one thing but pretends it's about something else. Because she never yelled at him when he asked her about word definitions before.
He sees her peek out of the curtain of the window next to the door and he waves awkwardly. She gives him a dirty look, closes the curtain, and doesn't open the door.
He rings the doorbell again. She hasn't been responding to his texts so he knows this is the only way he can make things right again.
He was a jerk. He knows it. And seeing her new myspace video about the girl liking the guy who had the golden haired girlfriend made him feel even worse.
He thought she'd get why her showing up at the boy's locker room was a bad idea because he told her he didn't want people finding out about him being in the musical and everything. But she obviously didn't. And then he hadn't handled things very well and it had all ended up yucky and not the way he wanted things to be.
Not having her to talk to has really gotten him down more than he'd thought it would. He likes Rachel, she's awesome, even though he's the only one who can see that. And this past week, not having her to talk to has been kinda tough. And it's weird cuz, they've only known each other for a little while, but sometimes he feels like she's the only person he can be his real self around. And he's been missing that. So he's here to fix things between them.
He starts ringing the doorbell over and over and over in a way he knows can be really annoying.
She opens the door a crack and glares at him.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd desist and take the hint and leave," she says.
"Not until you let me say I'm sorry."
She opens the door a little wider, and leans against the door post while crossing her arms.
"Okay so.." he starts, and of course the stuff he planned on saying on his way over completely disappears, "I know what I did last week at the football game was.."
"Appallingly rude? Horrifically inconsiderate? Repulsive and downright mean?"
"I was gonna say lame but yeah all that stuff works too. Cuz I suck."
She nods her head in agreement.
"Can I come in?" he asks uncertainly, "I had more to say I just can't remember it all right now".
She gives him a long hard look before opening the door all the way.
She leads him to her a living room and takes a seat on the big couch, indian style, and grabs a pillow to fidget with on her lap. He takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch and faces her.
...
"Alright," she says, clutching the pillows nervously, "Do you remember what you have to say now?"
He clears his throat.
"I was a total dickmunch to you last week, and you didn't deserve that at all. I should have been thanking you for coming to the game instead, because that was really brave and stuff. It's just.. Quinn's been on me about you ever since she saw us together outside your house that one night, and like, she sorta has the right to, because, well, something weird happens when I'm with you and I know I shouldn't get like that but I do and-"
She stops him before he can continue, misconstruing his words.
"It's okay Finn, I understand completely. Don't you think I know what the other kids say about me? How much they make fun of me? I get it Finn, you're too cool to let yourself be seen with me. I don't know why I ever expected anything else, I mean, I'm the biggest loser at the school, and I have a fat ugly nose. Why would the most popular guy at school who's already dating the prettiest girl in the county, be interested in someone like me?"
"No Rachel you've got it all wrong. I was a jerk to you the other day because I'm afraid of my friends finding out that I joined the musical. Did you know the football team shaved off Benjamin Crawford's eyebrows the other day because we found out he watched Grey's Anatomy?" Finn pauses to shudder, "I like my eyebrows you know?"
Rachel laughs shakily.
Finn takes this as encouragement.
"I guess I thought that me hanging out with you would bring up too many questions, and I'm not good at lying or coming up with excuses on the spot. But all that other stuff you said? Totally not true. You're like, the most talented person I know. And not only that, but.. you're really hot Rachel."
She looks into his half-moon shaped dark amber eyes. They're so full of sincerity.
"I am?"
No one's ever told her that before.
...
"Yeah," he continues, "I mean, I never really noticed you before because you're really tiny and I'm really big, so everyone over a foot shorter than me usually just goes right past my radar. But like, seriously Rach, your body is smokin', and you have these really big pretty brown eyes that are really easy to get lost in and..." he pauses, taking a deep breath, "all that is not making it easier to be around you and be a good boyfriend to Quinn.. so maybe I've been sorta afraid of myself too..."
He looks away, embarrassed about his word vomit. Why doesn't he ever know when to stop talking?
...
She can't help it, she's forgiven him. His sweet words and young naivete are just too persuasive. And he almost, in his cute roundabout boy of few words type way, just admitted his feelings for her.
Rachel suddenly realizes how close they are. They're sitting directly across from each other, and there's definitely some sort of.. electricity, between them. A stray thought (her dads are in Dayton for a dinner party and won't be home until late) randomly, or not so randomly, pops up in her head.
Before the filter regulating brain to mouth communication can even flicker on, the words are out of her mouth.
"You know you can kiss me if you want to."
Oh my god. Did she really just say that? How mortifying could she be?
Finn looks at her seriously, quickly glancing at her lips.
"I want to."
And all of a sudden he's scooting closer to her, so that their knees are touching. And now his head's moving down, oh so slowly, and she's seeing his face super up close and personal for the first time so that she can count each and everyone of his adorable freckles and she can't get over how flawless he is. One of his hands reaches behind her back to pull her closer and the other rests on her thigh lightly. She can't believe this is happening, she's never kissed a boy before, she has no idea what it's going to be like. And suddenly his lips are nestling on hers, and her eyes are still open because she's still freaking out a little bit. But then she realizes how good this feels, almost like she's floating, like his lips are giving her some drug that makes her feel as high as the sky, and she closes her eyes as he opens his mouth to kiss her again, a little firmer this time.
It's the sweetest thing she's ever experienced and all she knows is she never wants it to end. But then his hand is gripping her thigh tightly as he breaks the kiss, and she doesn't understand why there's a pained expression on his face and why his mouth's wide open or why he's jumping off the bed and hurrying towards the door.
"Wait, where are you going?" she thinks her heart might just break in two, "Did I- Did I do something wrong?"
"No-" he says, turning around but avoiding her eyes as he pulls his striped sweater down, "Just don't, don't tell anyone about this okay?"
And with that he's gone, and she's sobbing into her hands within three seconds of his departure. Why would she tell a guy with a girlfriend he could kiss her? Why would he ruin such a perfect moment by running away? Yes, it had been a rash decision, but it had felt so organic, it had felt like the right thing to do after all that had said between them.
She cries harder. Why is she torturing herself like this? Why is love making her so blind and stupid and reckless?
...
Finn begins to hyperventilate on his drive back home.
What just happened? Did he honestly just come in his pants after kissing her for seconds? Yeah he has a problem with 'arriving too early', but that's only an issue if Quinn is teasing his boxers with her knees while they're making out in the jacuzzi or something. He and Rachel didn't even use any tongue. What's wrong with him? Does he need to go see Dr. Donovan about this?
No, no. He shakes his head to try to reassure himself. It just happened because Rachel is really pretty, and he'd been really nervous because he was cheating on his girlfriend. And also because Rachel's body is like, maybe the hottest at William McKinley. She just caught him off guard, that's all..
But also.. there's just something about her.
He can't get a boner just by looking at Quinn (unless she's bending over in a really low cut shirt that shows part of her boobs or something), but all it takes from Rachel is a smile, or her hand combing through her hair, or even just one of those damn little skirts that bounce when she walks- to wake that little fellow right up. It's getting to be a real hassle.
He grips his steering wheel angrily as he realizes he just fucked this up with Rachel again. He doesn't know if she could tell what was going on, but either way, she's going to think he's a moron or an ass. But she was the one who'd asked him to kiss her. And at that moment there was nothing he'd wanted to do more than kiss her. So he had. But it had been stupid stupid stupid and now everything was ruined. Again.
...