Title: Interoffice Stereotypes
Author: Jmaria
Rating: Pg-13 to R
Spoilers: Set three years after AU book seven, cannon from OotP
Disclaimer: JK owns all, I am a broke college student. Correction: I own C. More Skeeter and assorted others…
Summary: Innuendoes notwithstanding, I kinda like it here…
A/N: Um, yeah last chappie took me three days of writing, talking it through, rewriting and being sorely tempted to strangle my annoying nephew who turned off my computer and losing me about a paragraph of agonizingly over-thought diaglouge I was a little in love with…okay, that sounded kinda creepy to me. Sorry.

Her Word is Law and Could Possibly Get You Killed On Sight if Broken

It was far too quiet for Fred's liking. As much as he was pissed off at Blaise for Millicent's sake, he'd only been half serious about her maiming and/or killing of the cheating bastard. She was taking things remarkably well for a woman scorned. He poked his head out of the backroom and saw a still breathing Blaise give him a look. He was currently a bit too mangled for Fred to be sure if it was an annoyed look or not. Fred was hoping it was an annoyed one.

"You're going to stay with Flint and Bell until things blow over with your mother?"

"No, I'll be staying here with Weasley where I'm appreciated."

Fred shook his head to be sure he heard her right. Blaise winced in pain as his jaw dropped. Then an idea that was very wicked and one that Blaise deserved one hundred percent crossed his twisted mind. Fred grinned at Blaise's pain as he strode cockily around the counter to gingerly wrap his arm Millicent.

"Are you completely nutters?" Blaise snapped, anger in his voice at Fred's slightly possessive actions.

"Like Mil said, she is appreciated here any time and every time," Fred leered at her. "I really appreciated her 'help' last night."

Millicent bit her cheek to keep from laughing at Fred's overly zealous acting. She did appreciate the sentiment, and really wanted to tell him the truth about her relationship with Blaise just for doing this for her. But she barely trusted Bell with the secret, and Flint often forgot that they weren't really dating as it was. Blaise's eyes narrowed dangerously and Millicent stepped forward, a warning look in her eyes.

"It's best if we don't see much of each other for some time, don't you agree?" Millicent said quietly. "I'll be fine."

"I'll make sure I take good care of her," Fred said a little too lecherously. If he didn't stop that, she really was going to hurt herself from laughing hysterically or even worse, from holding it in.

"You so much as -" Blaise started to threaten him before Fred stopped him.

"We've already had this conversation, Zabini. Your threats really don't scare me."

"I can handle myself, Blaise."

"And I'm not so bad at 'handling' her, myself."

Blaise looked visibly sick, and had it been any other day, Millicent was fairly certain she'd be sick after hearing those words about herself coming from Fred's mouth. But today, she was oddly comforted by his words. She turned her attention back to Blaise with a look that was practically pleading with him to just leave her alone for a bit. Blaise ground his teeth but did as she asked.

Fred's arm was still around her shoulders when Blaise apparated himself home, feeling like the world's biggest wanker for hurting his best friend because of his stupid hormones. And like everything else in her life that had gone almost tragically wrong, Millicent would hunker down and bear the full weight and responsibility of someone else's screw up. He accio'd a healing draught and sunk down into the cold leather of his couch, wishing he could fix this and knowing it was next to impossible for him to do while it was still so raw. He sighed and mentally disemboweled that dratted Skeeter clone and for a pinch of extra measure threw in the twin to boot.

Blaise lurched back up to a sitting position. Why was Millicent wearing the same clothes the night before, and why hadn't she punched the twin for draping an overly possessive arm over her. She'd even looked like she had wanted to smile up at that buffoon. Blaise gagged as that niggling little thought crossed his mind. There was no way Millicent would be stupid enough to let that mutant touch her…wasn't she?

Now that Bell, Flint, and Blaise had all left her in peace she could collect her thoughts. Such as why was Fred's arm still around her and why wasn't she pushing him off already? She glanced up at him. Fred's head was still pointed towards the door and when she opened her mouth to ask him why he was still holding her, he stopped her from speaking by holding up a finger. Millicent arched a brow at him, and clenched her fist in annoyance. Fred's gaze never wavered from the door.

"He's sneaky," Fred said without moving his lips.

"What?"

"Zabini didn't seem entirely convinced that we were and item," Fred answered, once again barely moving his lips.

"That could be because we're -"

"Shh!" Fred snapped his head around to face her. "Do you want him to hear that?"

"Again, what?"

"He could be waiting -"

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" A voice sneered from the doorway. Fred and Millicent jerked around to see an elegant looking couple in the doorway. The owner of the sneer curled a lip in disgust at the sight of Millicent. Not shockingly at all, Millicent gave him a similar look. "Bulstrode."

"Merlin, to what do we owe this pestilence?" Millicent spat. She turned back to face Fred, who only grinned at the venom in her words. "Please tell me you're well stocked in extremely strong disinfectants."

"I've got quite a few me and the twin whipped up for such infestations."

"Good, because I have a strong feeling we'll be needing to clean the shop from top to bottom with them after it's left."

"Fred!" Ginny Malfoy groaned at the overly-familiar banter most of her brothers exchanged when she and her husband went anywhere with her family.

"Will you get your slave in line?" Draco sneered at his brother-in-law. Millicent bristled at his words. It was something he'd often said to her as a student, and it was still a raw nerve. Before Millicent could respond to that or even better slug him like she really wanted to, Fred spoke up for her again.

"It's the other way around, Ferret," Fred snapped. "I'm completely at her mercy, and as you can tell from the gleaming quality of my humble shop, she runs a very tight ship. So don't get Ferret fur all over my clean floors."

Millicent, Draco and Ginny all turned in varying shades of shock at Fred's angry words. Hell, Fred was even a little shocked at the venom in his own words. He blinked twice before the lazy grin returned to his face. He pulled Millicent closer to him and gave her a casual wink. Millicent fought the urge to roll her eyes. He was going to do it again, and this time she wasn't so sure she found it as amusing as she did the first time. Draco gave a snort of laughter.

"It's one thing to delude yourself with a lasting commitment where Blaise was concerned, but this is just priceless," Draco laughed. "I'm surprised you managed to keep him squirming under your thumb for so long, but then again, he always did get off on that sort of thing no matter what the slag on top of him looked like."

Millicent's cheeks burned at both the insults he'd hurled at her. Sure, she was a little peeved at her current situation and at Blaise, but the cowardly likes of Malfoy had no room to talk. She was so tempted to hit him, for his words now and every insult he'd flung her way for those seven years at Hogwarts. Before she could get out of Fred's too bloody tight grip, the Weaslette slapped her husband upside the head.

"Draco, go pull your head out of your arse at the Cauldron."

"Gin," Draco growled at her.

"I've come to speak with my brother, not hear you belittle someone because Harry pissed you off at work again."

Millicent couldn't help snickering at Draco's pout. Good lord, the brat had learned early on that women were susceptible to his looks and even more so when he was put on. There was a reason Pansy was still hung up on him and had even been with his father several times after the shocking wedding announcement had gone out in the Quibbler and the Prophet. Draco had taken out two gaudy two-page ads in both papers with the sole purpose of striking out at exactly three people: Pansy who'd claimed she threw a maiming curse at Ginny on 'accident' in the confusion of the battle, Lucius who had betrayed both wife and son to flee for his life, and Harry who had still been a little hung up on the Weasley girl.

"We've got an appointment at noon, Gin," Draco whined. Millicent winced at his attempt to sound cute. For that matter, so did Fred.

"I know, dear," Ginny sighed. "We'll be there in time, just wait for me at the Cauldron, will you?"

"We can't be late."

"So the sooner you go the sooner I can talk to my brother and the sooner we can go visit her."

It hit Millicent then. She knew who he was so anxious to visit and why. It was the 23rd of the month, a day even she had circled on her calendar. She slipped from Fred's hold and stared at Malfoy dead on. The words were out of her mouth before she could even stop herself from saying it.

"You wouldn't want to be late to visit your poor pitiful mummy, now would you, Draco? You only get this opportunity once a month to visit her in her cell, and we all know how attached you are to her."

"Don't you talk about her, you filthy whore!" Draco spat, lunging for her. Ginny glared at her as she pulled Draco back from Millicent. Fred helped pull him to the front door as Millicent stepped back behind the counter and disappeared into the back room.

"I'll owl you later, Fred. Once everything has settled down." She tugged forcefully at Draco's arm.

"Yeah," Fred murmured, glancing over his shoulder. The sign stayed flipped and the shop quiet for several minutes.

When Millicent rounded the counter again, with different clothes on and an odd look in her eyes. He stared at her for a moment.

"I thought mothers were off limits?" Fred said quietly, breaking her trade of thought.

"Our own mothers are, I never said anything about anyone else's," Millicent murmured.

"It was a low blow."

"And he kept all his blows above the belt?" Millicent snapped.

"No, but Malfoy's an utter prat, so it's to be expected," Fred shuddered as he remembered what had happened in the last battle to both Malfoy and his mother. "Still, you aimed for a raw nerve."

"And I feel horrible for it," Millicent murmured, causing Fred to whip his head around to face her. "What?"

"I thought you hated Draco."

"With a fiery passion of a thousand suns, but I respect the hell out of Narcissa Malfoy. She could be an utter bitch and get away with it. And she fought to save her son and countless other children in the battle, despite Voldemort's order. She got a raw deal. No one deserves to be driven insane for doing what she did that night."

Silence hung in the air for several seconds. Millicent remembered Bellatrix Lestrange's torture of her youngest sister all too well. Almost as well as she remembered seeing the three dementors circle and envelope her own worthless father. She shook away the memories as best she could. Her day was bad enough without reliving that horrible night again and again.

"I'm taking my break now, Fred."

"You're going out?" Fred asked.

"Yeah, I've got to go get a room at the Cauldron."

"What for?"

"Because I can't go home. We've already discussed this."

"Yeah, but you're staying here."

"What?"

"You already told Blaise you were staying here."

"Yes, to piss him off. I wasn't being serious about staying here."

"Why not? It makes complete sense for you to stay here."

"Again, what?"

"The Skeeter clone is obviously on the prowl for discriminating photos and imaginary leads, yes?" Fred asked.

"I suppose you could be right, but I fail to see what that has to do with me staying at the Cauldron," Millicent said tiredly. This day could be over any time now, she silently prayed.

"Pretend I'm C. More," Fred sighed.

"Please don't tempt me." Fred ignored her and continued on.

"She sees you at the Cauldron, sees you walk to work, and knows she's gotten to you. She writes more idiotic stories about you and proceeds to play havoc with your life."

"Fred, you're seriously paranoid," Millicent sighed. "You should have been a Slytherin. That said, you have got a point. I would definitely like to keep the fact that I work here a secret."

"I know I'm supposed to be insulted, but honestly, I'm not sure which sentiment is supposed to insult me more."

"Thank you, Fred."

Fred gave her a lopsided grin. He marched over to the door and flipped the sign to 'closed'. Millicent stared at him.

"Why are you closing the shop?"

"Because I am the boss."

"But we don't make any money when you close up early."

"Correction, I don't make any money. You still get paid for a day's work without having to do any more work."

"Why?" Millicent asked, curious as to why he was willing to do this for her.

"It's the 23rd, Mil."

Millicent gave him a tired smile. It was a nice thought, for some people. Some people needed that kind of closure, or peace of mind or whatever the hell they were supposed to get out of it. To her it was just a reminder of someone else's stupid mistake.

"The last thing I need is to visit my half-dead father, Fred. I haven't visited him in the last three years, so why the hell would I start now?" Millicent still smiled though, and she considered what he offered her. "I think I will take you up on your offer. I'm exhausted."

With that, she turned back to the back room and marched back up the stairs. There was a comfy bed with her name on it and what she wanted more than anything was just a chance to escape from her crazy life for just one second. She paused at the door to the flat.

"Oi, Fred?" Millicent called.

"Yeah?"

"Come with me to dinner at Bell's house?" She held her breath for a moment while he debated his answer. She shook her head, wondering what she was thinking. "Never mind -"

"What?" Fred said from behind her. Millicent gaped at him. When had he snuck up behind her. Fred only grinned. "And pass on a chance to annoy Flint? Like I would ever."

"Good, because I'm fairly certain Bell intends to ambush me with a blind date," Millicent returned the smile, noticing as his fell away to confusion.

"What?"