Chapter 11: Fuchsia City- Birthday Party of 6
(Pokemon Red: Gym)
"When we last saw our 'heroes', Red saved Leaf! Huzzah! Now we can continue on with… Um, the Plot! In this chapter; Ninjas! Sneaking around! More ninjas! Sniping! Did I mention Ninjas? Oh, and the next badge is here too! Also, we celebrate my birthday, as well as Sun's journey beginning! Will Red be able to successfully find that old guy's teeth? Why is the house on Route 16 a 'secret base'? Will Ed be able to celebrate his birth by teaming up with his most insane creation yet?! And how will Redneck handle KOGA'S POISON –TYPES OF DOOMINGNESS?! FIND OUT NOW!"
Red stepped out of the previous Gym and stretched, "Well, I'm ready to take on the next one! Let me at 'im!" Leaf nodded, "Yup! Back on the road again! No getting kidnapped, and no need for you to-"
"IT'S THEM!"
(Rick Astley- Never gonna give you up!)
Suddenly, the duo were swarmed with dozens of adoring fans. It appeared after Red inadvertently 'saved' Saffron City from Team Rocket, a large fanbase had been created in the 5 minutes following his absence. Word sure travels fast.
One girl jumped out excitedly, "MARRY ME, SENPAI!"
Red yelped, "AAAH! FANGIRLS! I'm deadly allergic to them! It's worse than hayfever!" Leaf turned to him, "GET TO THE BIKES! WE CAN ESCAPE IF WE HURRY! AAAAAAAH!"
Red paused, "Wait. There's something I must do." His sister groaned, "What-"
Our hero pulled out a surfboard, jumping onto the masses of fans, "HANG 151, SKRUBS! W00T!"
(Hawaii Five O- Main Theme)
And so, Red began literally crowd-surfing through the masses towards Celadon City, leaving a wake of fans behind him, without a single pitch for a possible future series in sight! Nope, nothing here! Definitely not a sequel to RedNeck that takes place in Alola, 20 years after all this, with cheesy 80's cop shows as the theme for it! Nope, definitely not Alola 5-0! Nothing to see here! Move along, civilians!
Leaf grinned, "Ooh! Will I be in it?"
...Maybe?
"Yay!"
(Megaman X- Central Highway)
Red surfed down Cycling Road, the large wave of fans holding him up not seeming to let up. He kept surfing, before coming across a small, out of the way house by the side of Route 16. He surfed over the short fence, picked up his surfboard and entered.
(The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Shop)
Once he was inside, Red was amazed by what he saw.
"OH MY GOD! IT'S POT! ROWS AND ROWS OF IT!"
And pot was right! True enough, before our hero were hundreds of the green stuff, gro wing under their little grow lights! Red pulled out a gas mask and put it on. Then he took it off, retched at the smell of a Dragon Born who hadn't showered in three weeks, wiped it with a convenient wet wipe he found in his unlimited arsenal, and put it back on, "Whoever lives here is having one hell of a high time."
Red approached a random dude standing in the corner smoking two joints, "Excuse me, my good sir, would you please explain what the hell you are doing with all these drugs?"
The person turned to face Red, "Wha… Oh! You're the guy who came my gym while I was high!" Red gasped, "ERIKA?!"
Erika nodded, panicked, "Please don't tell anyone! I need the drugs to cure my crippling depression!" Red blinked, "You have depression?"
"Yes! The bug catchers keep pestering me, trying to make me their 'queen'! Just because I have the Grass Gym, it doesn't mean I support them! THEY ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE, RED!"
Our hero blinked, "Um… Okay then. I know a good counsellor in Kalos. Maybe he can help. For now, though…"
(Queen- Another one bites the dust)
The building exploded into hundreds of leaves, a grand mushroom cloud of narcotics rising into the air. It is said the cloud drifted over to Orre, thus explaining why everyone there seems to be high on W33D. However, this theory was never proven, so… Well, to tell the truth, when I used my magical author powers to fly after the cloud to follow where it went, I couldn't seem to stay focused. Shortly after, I got the idea to write this shit.
Weed is some powerful stuff.
Red strolled out of the house, as Leaf approached him, shocked, "What…" Red clamped an oxygen mask over her face, "I came, I saw, I BLEW IT UP! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
With that, he climbed on his ATV, patting Char on the back, "Great job with the C4 there."
(Pokemon X- Pokemon Centre)
Red walked into the Pokemon Centre, sending out Glitch, "Well, Glitch. Here we are, up to our 6th badge. Truly, we have come far." The Mewtwo nodded, "I noticed you have changed too. You aren't swearing as much, nor drink as much as you did before. You have grown."
Hikari jumped on his sleeve, "Pika Pika!" Red patted her, then turned to Leaf, "Leaf, you want Ev back?" The girl smiled, taking up the Eevee's ball, "Sure. What about UtilitKarp?"
Red held up its ball, "I…I have a plan."
The Nurse Joy fumed, "Okay, is it just me, or does NO ONE in these stories actually use Pokemon Centres to heal Pokemon?! I mean, we see them used for arranging your teams, sharing stories of your quest for the mega-whatever and sleeping in them, but healing your Pokemon always seems like some friggin after-thought! USE THE DAMN HEALERS FOR WHAT THEY WERE MADE TO DAMN DO!"
Red turned to the nurse, annoyed, "Alright, alright. Take the damn things."
Dah dah da da DAH!
Nurse Joy handed them back to Red, "Good! Now, quitcher bitchin' and get MOVING!"
Red opened up a map of the town he got from the Pokemon Centre, "Well, now to go to the Safari Zone! And that is…."
He stared at the map. The map stared back. Leaf raised an eyebrow. Char coughed. Ash stared at Serena's chest.
"WHO'S BLOODY IDEA OF A JOKE WAS IT TO MAKE THE WHOLE BLOODY TOWN A FREAKING ZOO?! I CAN'T FIND MY WAY AROUND HERE FOR ALL THE BOOZE IN THE WORLD!" Red yelled, shaking his fist at the sky, "Dammit, map designers!"
He grumbled, folding up his map and storming into the city.
(Team Fortress 2- Playing with danger)
A small red target in the green. Easy target for me.
The girl with the ponytail next to me smiled, patting my back, "Piece of cake. Just shoot it with this rubber bullet." I nodded, adjusting my scope, "Okay… Lining up crosshairs…"
BLAM!
"OW! OH, JEEBUS! AGGH! GOD! FUCKTARDS! FUCKTARDS! FUCK-FREAKING-TARDS! MY ARM IS FUCKING BLEEDING! OH, GOD IT BURNS! FUCK! FUCK! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"
(Needle Scratches record)
Redneck clutched his shoulder, over-reacting slightly. Leaf gasped, "Red! Are you okay?"
I gasped, standing up, "KATE! We hit someone!"
Kate blinked, "We did? Shit!"
Redneck marched over, grabbing Kate by the front of her shirt, "What's the big idea?! Sniping someone while he's trying to pee in the woods!" My female companion kicked his chest, backflipping off, before running at him, fists raised.
A sudden tug on her bag sent her falling on her back.
I helped her up, "Calm down. We're only here for this chapter, and we can't piss off Red."
(SSBB- Pokemon Red theme)
(A.N. This is essentially the theme song for Ed.)
I shook Redneck's hand, "The name's Ed. You're Red, aren't you?" The protagonist smiled, "Yup! That's me!" Leaf nodded, "Yeah. My idiot brother. Wait, you're the author, aren't you? Well, what brings you to this AU?"
I smiled, "This story has been cancelled."
Just kidding!
"I'm here to celebrate my birthday! 18 November, if you're wondering. And I brought some other guys, too."
Red (Main Series) and Yellow (Main Series) walked out of the woods, looking rather dazed. Red had a blank look on his face.
Redneck pointed at Red, "Wait, you're Fire!"
(Pokemon FireRed- Teachy TV)
No response. Kate nudged Fire, "Um... Say something cool."
"..." was his response. I cocked my head slightly, "Is it trans-dimensional sickness, or something else?" Redneck sighed, "Hoo boy. I broke the biggest badass in the whole series! What is the PR team gonna say?"
I stopped him, "Firstly, I'm your PR team. Secondly, he's okay. Watch." I took a deep breath...
"RED! ARE YOU AND YELLOW TRAVELLING TOGETHER, OR WHAT?!"
Still nothing. Redneck and Leaf exchanged glances.
Kate facepalmed, "You idiot, Ed! That makes them freeze up! Let me try."
"RED-KUN! YELLOW-CHAN IS SOO KAWAII ~! (^3^)" Kate hollered, putting on her best 'creepy obsessed Japanese fangirl' imitation. The results, I must say, were instant and quite satisfying.
(Music Stops)
Fire snapped out of his daze, bellowing, "NO! DON'T HARM YELLOW! WE'RE NOT IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP! NO!"
(Skyrim- Song of the Dragonborn)
In an instant, he proved he was the one they all feared. The trees around him blasted away at the sound of his voice, flying into the air. A large crater was created where he stood, him glowing a holy white light. Dirt flew into the air, trainers fled from the power of the hero of Kanto. The boy himself remained in the centre of the vortex upon a single column of earth, dirt rising around where he stood.
And across the world, enemies trembled, as his voice echoed through the cosmos.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(Music cuts out)
He blinked, looking around, "Hey, what happened?"
(Pokemon FireRed- Memory P)
He turned to face Yellow, who was blushing heavily, "Yellow?! Are you okay? Did they touch you anywhere you didn't want them to?" Yellow shook her head, "N...No! It was just a bad dream... Hey, wait!"
Fire chuckled, hugging his best friend and ally, "Good to see you're not hurt...Yellow."He turned around, "Hope no one saw that. Otherwise, Green would never let me live it dow-"
(Needle scratches record)
The boy in red froze up, spotting a clone of himself, what looked like Green, Kate and I watching him, wide-eyed. Ash stared at Serena's chest.
His cheeks became the same colour as his name.
(Pokemon Go- Main theme)
Some long explanations later... VERY long explanations...
Fire shook Red's hand, "Nice to meet you, Redneck." "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Fire." Red replied, randomly speaking in a British accent, complete with monocle.
Yellow hugged Leaf, "Hi, Leaf! I haven't seen you since Chapter 3!" Leaf returned the hug happily, "Hi~! (^-^)"
Kate flipped through her strategy guide, "Alright, now that we're introduced, our next plan can begin!" I turned to her, "Um... Where did you get that strategy guide from?"
Ignoring me, she pointed at the map, "In area 4, we can find the hidden hut, as well as the False Teeth. The hut holds the TM for Surf, which I believe will be important if Red wishes to... Progress the plot."
Red held up UtilitiKarp, "Got it!"I shrugged, "Alright. But we still need to head there to get the warden's teeth." Red whined, "AWW! But I don't wanna!"
Kate snapped her fingers, "Got it! If you go, I'll have a drinking contest with you, with South Orran Tequilla!"
Our hero wiped his tears away, "Really?! But only 1 person was able to finish more than 12 shots a day of that, and she was a South Orran Commando!" The South Orran Commando smiled, "Exactly!"
Red whooped, "Even though you are carrying weapons like a commando and look South Orran, I'm sure I can beat you in a drinking contest if we're using THAT! HAH! I'll go!" He grabbed Leaf's arm, prancing happily into the woods.
I turned to Kate, "... We shall never speak of this day again."
(Pokemon Red- Route 1)
"I'm starting to wonder if this is really worth seeing a South Orran Commando drunk!"
When I mentioned Redneck hated random encounters, I meant he HATED random encounters.
Sadly, the entire forest had a fetish with it. A really bad fetish.
"LASER CHAINSAW GO!" Red yelled, slicing with great prejudice through tree after tree of... trees. Not to mention random Pokemon. Aw man, Team Plasma is really going to be pissed...
Fire adjusted his hat as the four of us followed the boy on his bloody swath through the forest. Leaf turned to Kate, "How strong is that alcohol, anyway?" Kate chuckled, her eyes glazing over as she was lost in an amazing memory, "Ah... Alcohol... What can I say about it? Alcohol does weird things to us Dexholders..."
(The Ramones- Wonderful World Cover)
"ONWARDS TO ADVENTRUE!" Trainer Black drunkenly screamed, driving directly off a cliff in his bumper car. The fact he was driving a bumper car wasn't what made it memorable. The fact White was running behind it pushing it towards the cliff singing an out of tune rendition of 'The Staryu-Spangled Banner' made it funny.
Trainer Xteetered off the edge of Prism Tower, attached to the top only by several rubber bands and masking tape. Still, Y holding the other end on the top of the tower was probably a mistake on both trainer's parts.
"I wonna be! Da vory bast! LIKE NO WON EVAH WOZ!"Orran hero Rui slurred into the karaoke machine, Wes standing behind her chasing his own shadow with an RPG.
"Ash! We need to film a new season! Are you ready?" Todd asked Ash. Ash nodded, "Coming! I just need to finish this last one!" The boy poured the final of his compulsory 1349240378729377598810487298874 bottles of hard liquor down his throat, then smiled dumbly, "READY FOR KALOS!"
"But all this pales in comparison with a friend of mine's experience with Orran Tequilla..."
(Misha- I play Pokemon Go)
"I play Pokemon Go every day!"
"I play Pokemon Go!"
"I play Pokemon Go every day!"
"I play Pokemon Go!"
Go (female Pokemon Go character) drunkenly began singing, her voice being a horrible rape of the very song. Nature itself cringed, Darkrai screamed for sweet death, e.c.t., e.c.t.
"When I wake up!"
"I'm grabbing my phone!"
"I wanna catch 'em all!"
"I wanna play Pokemon!"
"All day long, all day long!"
Still in her drunken stupor, Go began doing the Numa Numa dance while singing. All the other patrons in the pub sobered up quite quickly.
"I play Pokemon Go every day!"
"I play Pokemon Go!"
"I play Pokemon Go every day!"
"I play Pokemon Go!"
The patrons slowly edged away from the smashed girl.
"I play Pokemon Go every day!"
"I play Pokemon Go!"
Go belted out the final lines to the song, sliding on the ground head-first into a table. Then the girl slumped to the ground, unconscious.
"...Sweet memories..." Kate sighed, looking up at the sky.
Leaf gave a short sigh of relief, "Thank Arceus, Kate! You were walking along staring vacantly ahead while drooling! I was worried you passed out while standing up!"
I leaned over to Fire, "Hey, do you have any experience with alcohol?" The manga Red shivered, "Don't tell me."
(Jaws- Main theme)
The first thing he saw was empty bottles on the night-stand.
Fire Red clutched his head, feeling a throbbing pain, "...Was I drunk?"
"...Uh..."
Fire looked down, and a small head of blond hair emerged out from under the sheets. The girl slowly sat up, registering the sights around her slowly...
(Psycho Theme)
Yellow and Fire stared at each other. What didn't help was the stains on the bedsheets.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"Turns out we were so drunk, we poured tomato sauce all over our bed..." Fire muttered, "...And it was dry-clean only..."
Kate and I exchanged glances.
"You heard me!" Fire exclaimed.
(Deep Purple- Smoke on the water)
Rest house 3 was in a severe state of panic. The entire park was on fire all of a sudden, and the people, being the incompetent scrubs they are, were panicking like crazy.
"We're gonna die!" a bug catcher yelled, his oversized hat on fire!
"Ahh! FIRE!" an Ace Trainer screamed, running around in circles quickly!
"AAAAAAAHHHHH-lianz insurance!" the ad went!
Red entered the house, "Woah! Who redecorated?!"
A man trapped in the corner, wearing a brown business suit and desperately patting out flames! Red pulled out a Splattershot (Splatoon Weapon) loaded with water and put out the flames, "Are you okay?!"
The man nodded, "I mead ma peeth!"
Redneck cocked his head, "Your false teeth?"
"Beah! I mead them, sho I kun bekum… SQUIRTLEMAN!"
Red nodded, "Got it! They're in Area 4! I'll fetch them for you!"
The man gasped, "No! Da phire! Poo dangerous!" Our hero scoffed, plunging into the flames, "LEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JENKINS!"
(Megaman Maverick Hunter X- Opening Stage)
Yellow escorted some civilians out a nearby exit, "Get outta here! Hurry!" I turned to her, reaching into my bag and pulling out my helmet, "I'm going in to help Redneck! You and Fire help the others escape!" Kate nodded, pulling out her assault rifle, "I'm coming too! This fire can't be natural!"
We ran headlong into the fire, attempting to find the boy in the dancing orange tongues.
Red skidded to a halt in area 4, looking around desperately, "False teeth… False teeth- AH!"
Through the flames, he spotted a small green box on the ground. He picked it up and opened it. Bingo!
He tucked it into his pocket, "Now to get outta- You."
(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)
Through the flames was a figure in black, holding a flamethrower. He turned to face Red, fire reflected in his eyes. His black business suit contrasted with the furious orange, as he turned slowly and dramatically to face our hero.
Giovanni chortled evilly, "We meet again, fool! You have no chance to survive now!" Red's mouth fell open, "You started this fire?!"
"No, a passing Wobuffet in a top hat did. Of course I started it! What other genius is as amazing as I?"
(Needle scratches record)
Red stared. Char stared. Glitch stared. The flames stared. Ash stared at Serena's chest.
Red shook his head, "No, that's just dumb! Why would you set a perfectly good forest on fire? What does it add to your cause? That's just stupid." "Well, uh, clearly, um…" Gio blinked, scratching his head, "Actually, I didn't start the fire. I was just coming here to kill you with this random flamethrower I had on hand… And then this fire started."
Leaf ran up, shaking her head, "Red, stupid as he sounds, it looks like that must be the case." The scarlet wonder nodded, "Okay, well, good we got that sorted out. Now, what were we doing?"
(Final Fantasy VII- One Winged Angel)
"DIE!" Gio yelled, setting fire to the ground around them. Leaf yelped, "PTSD!"
Red loaded his shotgun, "I don't feel like a Pokemon Battle now. I'll take you on myself!"
Suddenly, copious amounts of water rained down from above!
"Hey, watch it!" Kate yelled, running up with Blasty, her Blastoise, by her side, "People could've been hurt!" "That was the idea!" Gio began…
I jumped out of the bushes, a Mega Arm firing at the flamethrower. The modified Snag Arm destroyed the comparatively simple weapon in 3 blasts of Synergy, the Mega Core smoking as I hoisted it to attack, "Giovanni! Well, what a surprise."
The man blinked, "Uh... What? Whatever! You broke my new toy! Do you have any idea how much it costs to get one?!" Kate shrugged, "I dunno. How much does it cost to replant a burnt forest? I figure that makes us even!"
(Maverick Rising- On the Highway [MMX - Opening Stage]- Dominic Ninmark)
(A.N. Just got this OCremix Album. It kicks ass!)
I switched on my combat systems, metal and machinery sounding. Kate pulled out her weapons with a resounding click. Safety switches flicked off. Circuitry flashed on. Both our Battle ARs activated in a blue flash. My Mega Arm turned on, flashed off, then turned on once again when I smacked it with a gloved hand. Meanwhile, the one beside me opened the barrels of her grenade launcher, spun it and flawlessly loaded 6 shells in while it was rotating quickly.
We raised our weapons, "Let's do this!"
[BATTLE!]
Target: Giovanni
Giovanni blinked, "What's with the different battle schematic?"
Kate nodded slowly, "Oh... I see. It's a combination of the battle style in the main series and this one." I laughed, patting her back, "Well, you worked that out quickly. Now let's see if we can take him down just as quickly!"
Giovanni sent out Rhyhorn, "Eat this!"
I threw a ball. The Rhyhorn ran at it, ramming into it repeatedly with it's head in order to break it and thus prevent a Pokemon coming out. An ingenious plan...If it were a Pokeball!
"EXPLOSION!"
It exploded, sending the Ground-type reeling. I switched my weapons flawlessly to Char (Charizard) and hopped on his back, "Kate! Make this burning battlefield... Not burning anymore, I guess... And I'll handle the wannabe Mafia boss!" The mercenary glared at me, "Will you stop with the one-liners?!"I swept into the Rhyhorn's path, "Haters."
Char dodged a Horn Drill, responding with a Fire Blast. The fiery shot sailed over Giovanni's head, "AH! My Toupee!"
Wait, what?! No, I mean... WHAT?!
We both went cross-eyed, "YOU WEAR A TOUPEE?!"
While we were both stunned, Char took several heavy hits from several Tackles, followed by a body Slam.
Kate slapped me out of it, retrieving Char for me, "Ed!" I nodded, Locking On to the enemy and firing a few bolts. My Mega Core Sparked. The Rhyhorn flinched visibly.
I turned to Red, "Say, why did it flinch when my core sparked, not when I fired Synergy bolts?" "Maybe it's because that Spark is a move, and Bolt isn't? So only legal moves are allowed in this battle!" Red smirked, "Except for when I fight, because I'm the protagonist, and it's funny!"
Makes sense.
I switched out my Synergy Shot for a different weapon; a Kalosian Beam Sabre from my own series. I ignited it, the blue blade coming from my right arm.
"SLASH!"
The Ground Type slammed into a tree which Took It Down! It fainted, but Giovanni soon replaced it with a Nidoqueen.
I turned to Kate, "Kate, your turn!" No reponse.
She was leaning against a tree, eating an Apple casually, "Coming!" The Brunette Bomber sized up her opponent, pulling out her assault rifle and loading it, "Alright. This looks like the last one you have, Gio! Now to- OH COME ON AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
The Nidoqueen grabbed Kate, Flying high into the air with a powerful jump! The girl only had seconds to react, so she thought swiftly. "If only Pokemon Attacks work... TAKE THIS!" she spat the apple seeds at it's face (Bullet Seed!) , making it drop her safely onto a nearby cliff. Our mouths fell open, "... It was Super Effective..."
"Huh. So that's why you should always eat healthy foods."
A fist slammed into the rocks behind her, but she Swiftly dodged, reaching into her bag and firing her guns at it! Amazingly enough, it caused the Nidoqueen to take damage, knocking it off the cliff.
She turned to face me, "Payback."
The pokemon ran at her having scaled the cliff, but she blocked her advance with a single hand, giving it a Mean Look. Her fist slammed into its chest, causing it to fall off again. She opened her palm to reveal a Mega Stone, "Mega Punch."
Finally, she jumped off, firing her pistol with deadly accuracy and finally pulling out a commando knife and stabbing the Pokemon in the back. Of course, this is Redneck, so it only took damage instead of, you know, bleeding and stuff.
Kate wiped non-existent blood off her knife. Leaf cocked her head, "But your pistol and knife aren't-"
"Pokemon Attacks, no. But they were designed for Close Combat." A small smile appeared under her messy brown hair, "I got this."
The enraged Nidoqueen ran straight at her. In a final movement, she motioned for me. I smiled, pulling out all 3 Pokeballs from my belt.
"Take this! Squirtle! Ivysaur! Charizard! TRIPLE FINISH- I MEAN, TRI ATTACK!"
A beam of all 3 elements shone, before firing and decimating all in it's way.
When it all was over…
(Megaman X- Stage Clear!)
[BATTLE COMPLETE]
I holstered my weapon, as Red applauded, "Bravo! You completed a battle!" I shrugged, "We better get those false teeth to that old guy. I bet he's missing them as much as I'd miss my retainers."
Kate and Red stared, "You wear retainers?!"
Leaf handed the old guy back his false teeth amidst the flames, "Here you go, mister. Though, now we're going to die of fire, which I didn't really want to-" The guy smiled, popping them in, "No, this is perfect! I'll handle the fire!" "How?" Leaf asked, "It's massive!"
"Not like this, but…"
(Superman Theme)
He began running, throwing off his glasses. He then removed his brown shirt, revealing a blue suit! On his back was a red turtle shell, and he jumped into the air, a powerful jet of water keeping him aloft!
"This looks like a job for…Me."
Fire gasped, "Look! Up in the sky!"
Yellow gasped as well, "It's a Pidgey! It's a Plane!"
No, it's…
SQUIRTLEMAN!
Leaf blinked, "…Wat."
Faster than a spinning Pokeball!
More powerful than a Taurus!
Able to leap Prism Tower in a single bound!
It's SQUIRTLEMAN, Water-type of Tomorrow!
I looked overhead, as the Man of Squirtle fired water around us, putting out all the flames, "Woah…" Red smiled, "Ditto, but with more empathsis!" Kate shrugged, sucking up her dignity, before crying out in the most effeminate voice she could manage, "HELP ME, SQUIRTLEMAN!"
The wet superhero flew down, grabbed us and flew off, "Can do, citizen! UP, UP AND AWAAAAAYYY!"
We landed outside the burning forest, as Squirtleman lowered us back to the ground safely, "You're safe now!" I smiled, "Thanks, Squirtleman! But what about Giovanni?"
He smiled a cheesy smile, "Don't worry! My Squirtle Hearing shall find him! Now, stand aside, citizen!"
He flew off, using his Bubblebeam Breath to put out fires.
Kate fell to her knees, "…The whole world is going to hell…" Red proudly smiled, "And I'm driving the bus!"
I flinched.
"WHAT?! THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!" Red suddenly received the bitch-slapping of his life as a kevlar and iron woven glove repeatedly smacked his face. 5 minutes of continuous slapping later, I took pity on the redneck, and pulled Kate off him. Kate kept struggling forwards in my hands, but I managed to barely pull her back.
Fire stared at the scene, Yellow beside him trying and failing to stifle her laughter. Eventually, the couple gave in and collapsed on the grass laughing.
Kate glared at them, "What's so funny?"
Yellow smiled, "You're cute when you're angry."
"W…WHAT?!"
(Pokemon Red- Gym)
We entered the Gym, Fire talking to Red.
"Okay, let's go through the plan again." Fire explained, "The Gym has invisible walls leading to the centre, which has Koga. If you look carefully at the floor, you can see that there are little lines showing the invisible walls?"
Glitch blinked, "How?"
"Huh?"
"How are there invisible walls?"
(The X-Files- Main theme)
Redneck shrugged, "There are many things that don't make sense in this world. Why don't all the terrorist teams unify and start a global plot to break reality itself?"
Fire flinched.
"Why doesn't White just use the Light Stone herself to save Black?"
I flinched.
"Why doesn't everybody in Kalos use the Prism Tower as a massive conducting rod to fire a massive friggin' beam to shrekt stuff?"
Kate flinched.
Red shrugged, "Questions are dangerous things."
"...Back on topic!" Yellow yelled, "Red, I have psychic abilities. Therefore, I can..."
(Star Wars- Binary Sunset)
She shut her eyes, mentally reaching out with her mind. She edged towards the centre of the gym, carefully walking through the maze of invisible walls. She silently crept through invisible halls. She opened her eyes again, now at the centre of the gym.
"We're here!" she chirped happily, turning to face us-
(Needle scratches record)
Still standing outside the maze. Red was picking his nose, stopped when Yellow glared at him, and sighed, "Hoo boy..."
"YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW ME?!" The Viridian Girl yelled, "Now how are you going to get-"
Red pulled out his rocket launcher, "Sasha love big boom."
(Team Fortress 2- Main Theme)
5 minutes of continuous blasting later, and we were in. Kate turned to face Red, "I still wonder how you're able to do that without reloading once." Red shrugged, "Don't listen to them, Sasha II! They just don't appreciate fine blasting..."
Ignoring us was Koga, who began his intro.
(Street Fighter 5- Guile's theme)
"So, you came!" Koga declared, looking us over, "Redneck Budwiener! I have been informed by my sources that you have defeated 5 Gyms so far! But here, I, Fenfir- I-I mean, Koga Sakurai (Phew...) shall defeat you with my powerful Poison-Types, which have been passed down generations in my family!"
We stared, before Fire piped up, "Did you say your name was Fenfir-" "NO! NOW WE FIGHT AND I KICK YOUR ASS!" Koga yelled.
[BATTLE!]
VS KOGA
Koga sent out Beedrill!
Red smiled, "Glitch! Use Psybeam!"
The Mewtwo launched a beam of psychic energy at her opponent, but the Beedrill swooped around and...
"OWCH!"
Glitch fell to the ground, her rear end now sporting a rather large bruise. She fell on the ground, whimpering.
I glared at Koga, "Oh no, you did NOT just do that!" The Poison-Type Gym Leader looked away, "Can, and I did!"
Red ran over to Glitch, "Are you okay?!" The Mewtwo looked up weakly, her face covered in lumps and sores, "...He stuck things in unhappy places..." Leaf winced, "Ow. I'll heal her quickly, but you're gonna need another fighter!"
Red turned to face Koga, who was randomly playing with a lighter. With a small shrug, he sent out Hikari.
(Pokemon X- Super Training!)
The Pikachu dodged the Beedrill's violating stingers on each hand, before slamming an electrified fist into it's crotch. The Beedrill gave a yell of pain, angrily trying to spear the yellow mouse on one of it's spikes. Unfortunately for the molester Bug-Type, the little mouse was way too fast.
Hikari crossed her arms, before unfolding them and yelling, "PIKA...CHUUUUUUU!"
A massive wall of lightning rained down from above, zapping the Beedrill into the ground. The Beedrill shakily stood up...
"Oh no you don't! PIKA THUNDER!"
BLAM!
Out of nowhere, another Pikachu, this one wearing a weird black headset, appeared! The Pikachu fired a few more bolts at the downed opponent, before turning and saluting at Hikari. Red blinked, "Who...?!"
Fire shrugged, "Pika. My Pikachu. He's wearing a Translator."
Pika smiled, seemingly not noticing the angry bee rising behind him, "Yup! I helped Red beat the League! Not to mention helping him meet a hot psychic-AAAAH! LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO LEGGO!"
The Beedrill had grabbed him, raising him into the air. It's left stinger came too close to his rear end...
"HEY! GET OFF HIM!"
DBZ ZAPPING SOUND!
Another Pikachu, this one with a small bow on her head, not to mention the translator clipped onto her left ear! She got up quickly, helping up Pika, "Are you okay, Pika-Poo?"
Pika glared at her, "Chuchu, you know I hate that name, right?"
Koga sighed, "You don't know how true that is for me..."
Red stopped, "What do you mean?"
(Pokemon Ruby- Littleroot Town)
Koga looked surprised, "Y...You actually want to listen?" He shrugged, "Beats fighting."
"Okay." the ninja said, sitting on a random crate, "First off... I hate being a Poison-Type Gym Leader."
"When I was a kid, my parents told me that I was to be a Poison-Type fighter, whether I liked it or not! And did I get a say in it?! No! I was forced into it!" Koga sighed, "I never wanted to be a Poison-Type... My true calling was always Fire!"
Red looked down at Char's ball, "...Fire..."
"Yeah. Silly, I know. But as I grew up... I never got that chance! My parents always hated the fact I wanted to break away from tradition!" tears streamed from his eyes, "So I hid my true colours under a guise of anger... But in fact, I secretly still fostered it... and... and..."
"Thus the nickname 'Fenfir.'" Yellow mused, "So, that's why you were so shy to mention it..."
"Yep. And the sad thing is, I'm still bound by my blood to never break from the line! It's infuriating! I hate it!" he broke down entirely, "I want to set stuff on fire... Just like Blaine! Damn, that guy's awesome..."
Fire sat next to him, "...Y'know, during my journey, I learnt several important lessons. One of which was... You are in control of your own life. And that will never change." Koga wiped away some tears, "...Where did you learn that...?"
For a few seconds, memories flashed through his head. Memories of him and his fellow trainers... The Rainbow Four, as Gold once jokingly nicknamed them... Fighting opponents far too big for anyone else to handle...
"Let's just say... I learnt it from a friend." Fire smiled, "But... Koga, you are in control of who you are. And if you wanna be Fenfir... You can be it! You just gotta believe in yourself."
Redneck paused, "Actually... I feel a song coming on... Want to join in, Fire?"
The Manga trainer smiled, "I'm thinking the exact same thing..."
(Pokemon: Battle Frontier Theme)
(A.N. For some reason, I find this song incredibly cheesy, yet inspiring at the same time. Actually, not the second part. That's just the coke I drank talking.)
"It's a battle win or lose!"
"It's the friends you make!"
"It's the road you choose!"
Red began to sing, as the area around him dimmed. A single spotlight shone down upon him. Everyone stopped and watched him.
"You got the right stuff!"
"So make your mind up!"
"Find the courage inside of you!"
Fire sang the next lines, Yellow joining in with him. A random Bug Catcher walked in, saw the amazing sight, and called a bunch of his friends into the Gym.
"If you're strong, you'll survive!"
"And you'll keep your dream alive!"
"It's the Battle Frontier!"
"Pokemon!"
The crowd began to sing the chorus, as Koga wiped away his tears slowly.
"Be the best you can be!"
"And find your destiny!"
"It's the master plan!"
"The power's in your hands!"
"Pokemon!"
Red pulled a microphone from hammerspace, belting out the next lines. Glitch pulled a random guitar from Red's inventory, playing the guitar segment of the song.
"You've got the strength to win it!"
"So stay in it!"
"If you're smart you can take it all!"
Fire and Red continued in unison, a random rainbow appearing behind them, which then caught on fire and exploded into fireworks!
"If you're strong you'll survive!"
"And you'll keep your dream alive!"
"It's the Battle Frontier!"
"Pokemon!"
Yellow's voice sounded throughout the room, backed up by Pika and Chuchu's voices, partially accented with static from their translators.
Koga smiled, joining into the song. The room exploded with fireworks!
"Be the best you can be!"
"And find your destiny!"
"It's the master plan!"
"The power's in your hand!"
"POKEMON!"
Kate and I facepalmed.
(Pokemon Omega Ruby- Battle! VS Wally)
Koga stood up, "I feel like a new man! I'm not bound by fate! I'm my own man! I'll become the greatest Fire Trainer ever!" I smiled, "Awesome! You can start by admitting you started that fire earlier." Le gasp!
Koga blinked, "Woah. How could you tell?"
Kate shrugged, "It was pretty obvious. But before I tell you... Abras, music please."
(Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney- Pursuit- Cornered (Variation))
"You see, Mr Koga, it was obvious the very second I saw you!" we declared, "From the evidence I gathered from Mr Giovanni, I carefully thought about the possible methods of igniting a fire, and we can see you're holding a can of gasoline behind your back! You kinda showed it to us when you turned around earlier."
"Well, I never left this Gym for the whole day, therefore-"
Kate pulled out a handcuffed Wobuffet wearing a top hat, "I saw this trying to escape from the scene of the crime. After an interrogation, I found out it had been specially trained to light that fire. Trained by YOU, Mr Koga!"
"...Not to mention you signed your name on his hat. That was dumb." I muttered.
"TAKE THAT!"both of us yelled at the same time, pointing forwards.
I began pacing, "But why? Why would you light a random forest fire in a wildlife reserve?"
Koga practically yelled at me, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHY DANGIT!"
(Music cuts out)
Kate and I sweatdropped, "Oh. Right."
(Megaman X- Cast Roll)
Koga rolled his eyes, handing Red a badge, "Here! Take this! I'm gonna start my career in burning stuff! WHOO!"
With that, a new pyromaniac was born! He went out unto the world to perfect the fine art of setting stuff on fire just for the sake of it! However, just as he set foot outside of his Gym, apparently a random white van slammed into him, knocking him out cold and making him completely forget what he was just doing. But that's just naysay, so let's focus back on our heroes!
(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)
Red held up the Badge, "I got Poison Badge! PARTY!" Leaf smiled, "Kickass! That makes [6/8]! Two badges left!"
[BATTLE COMPLETE!]
(Megaman Zero- For Endless Fight)
Fire paused, "Red. I'm going to have to leave the rest to you... Well, until the finale, at least." Tears came to Red's eyes, "B...But... I don't want you to go! I'm not powerful enough, me!"
The older boy smiled, placing a hand on Red's shoulder, "Red. Remember... You are never alone." "Yeah. You still have us watching out for you." Leaf smiled, "Besides, it's funny!"
Red hugged Leaf, "Thanks... Everyone."
I raised my shotgun and fired it. A shining ball of light flew out, creating a portal. I stepped towards it slowly...
I hesitated, "Red. You are a powerful trainer. But I must warn you; you will die one day." Red blinked, "...I'll make sure to die fighting all that is out to harm the world... Because..."
He faced the sunset silently, "I'll always be…"
"Red."
Meanwhile in Kalos…
"I can't help it, doc!" Erika sobbed, lying down on the couch, "It just keeps happening!"
X noted this in his notebook, "Tell me about it."