Here goes another chapter. Also one reviewer asked me why I didn't use 50 shades for Blake's smut...well..BECAUSE 50 shades sucked.
AT THE HOUSE
"So what do you girls study?" Dale asked as he had sobered up.
As it turned out, he was very eloquent with his words when he was sober. It was like a switch had flipped in his brain. His mother, while still slightly buzzed, had also started to sober up, and was no longer getting on JC's back like an Italian Mom who wanted Grandchildren.
"Oh, well, I am a music major." Weiss said as they came up with cover stories.
"Physical education." Pyrrha said as it suited her athletic achievements.
"Culinary arts!" Ruby said as it was the only thing that allowed her to bake cookies for a living.
"French history." Jaune said as he had been reading more on Joan of Arc.
"Welding!" Nora said even that was more of a trade.
"Chinese." Ren said as it seemed to suit his name.
"Physical education, I'm also on the boxing team!" Yang said as a cover.
"...Creative Writing." Blake said as it suited her taste for writing erotica.
"Well that's a wide range of degrees." His father said as he sucked the meat out of a crawfish.
JC was relieved. He was hoping that his parents wouldn't try to embarrass him too much. Luckily the combination of food and sobering up had done very little for them to actually embarrass him too much. Lord knows what else they could do if his siblings were home, and they were all drinking. Still though it was weird, he had brought characters from his favorite show home to meet his parents, how many people could say they have done that in their lives? Except the people who paid Snow White to show up at their kids house for birthday parties.
So far, they all seemed to be eating in peace. Nothing bad seemed to have come up.
"So Sonny boy, which one of these ladies are you planning to marry?" His mom asked as he choked on a bit of a crawfish.
"MA!" He yelled out as she laughed.
"I'm kidding! They all seem to be a little too good for you." She said as JC put his head in his hands.
"Ouch, thanks mom." He said as even his mother seemed to remind him of his 'forever alone' status.
"Oh I wouldn't say that! I happen to find him to be a gentleman!" Pyrrha said with a slight smile.
"You're just saying that to be nice to him, come on, he spends most of his time drinking and screwing around." His dad said as Pyrrha tried to deny it.
Even though it was true.
"Not all of my time!" He said trying to defend himself.
"JC, you remember that time with your cousin when you got drunk and decided to joust each other on horses with lances you bought off of amazon?" His dad yelled.
"NOBODY WAS INJURED!" He said as he remembered that escapade. It was on youtube now.
"Except we had to explain to the cops why there were two drunks on the high school football field with horses." His mom said as JC really wished he hadn't come home now.
"Wait, you actually did that?" Nora asked as that sounded like fun.
JC wanted to deny it. But it was true. One night after drinking too much rum. They got their lances that they bought off of amazon. Climbed on top of horses. And attempted a jousting match. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if they weren't wearing plastic costume armor, and nearly ended up cracking ribs. Needless to say, they never did that shit again.
But they did however still try sword fighting every now and then. Although they both sucked at it.
"Do we seriously have to have this conversation now?" JC asked.
"You know the rules, you brought friends over, we get to make fun of you." His parents said.
"Damn I hate that rule..." He said to himself.
It was true, since the birth of him and his siblings. If they ever did something incredibly stupid, the stories were recounted at every single family gathering, friend outing, or public event that they could think of. And that was without the use of alcohol. When they added alcohol to the mix, things just got worse. The whole town must have known that JC once got the bright idea of replacing his morning coffee with straight whiskey. And as a result ending up showing up to his ACT drunk.
Yet ironically, he scored higher than everyone else. Talk about low standards.
"So uh, what do you do?" Pyrrha asked his parents.
"Retired, we just sit at home trying to think of ways to keep us occupied." He said as Nora got curious.
"Like what?" She asked.
"Well we have a lot of-" His dad started to say.
"NO! NO! NO! YOU ARE NOT TELLING PEOPLE THAT!" JC said as he knew what his dad was going to say.
The last thing people needed to know was what his parents did to stay busy.
"Uhm..." Ruby was weirded out.
They knew JC could be eccentric, but now they saw where it came from.
And they thought their dad was weird for sending Zwei in the mail.
"So how did you all meet? I can't see my son actually going out and talking to people. He's so shy." His mom said as JC was cracking open a bottle of Wild Turkey.
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG
"Oh look! He's just like his daddy!" His mom said as she saw that JC was actually imitating his dad right now.
Except one had a bottle of Rum, and one had a bottle of wild turkey. Either way, it was amazing that their livers could take the damage.
"Don't you worry about his drinking?" Weiss asked.
"Oh no! My boys are in perfect shape! Farmwork keeps them healthy and happy!" Momma said as JC took a breath.
"Besides, they're both happy drunks most of the time." Momma said as JC went outside.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"Going to shoot some empty whiskey bottles." He said as he pulled a henry repeating rifle out from a hidden cupboard.
"Woah! Where did you get that?" Weiss asked.
"Oh we have guns hidden around the house in case of home invaders." He said as he went outside.
"Your son is very...interesting." Pyrrha said.
Honestly, they got along with him just fine. Even if he was a bit eccentric. But it was hard to find a weird to describe him. He wasn't crazy enough to be insane, but he wasn't sane enough to be called normal. If anything he was like a drunken, less excited version of Nora, depending on how much alcohol he had consumed. And right now, he had five beers and was going out to shoot bottles.
"Oh don't worry about him, he's a good shot." Dale said as they heard gunshots.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
"HELL YEAH MURICA!" They heard a voice yell out.
"I see he's unwinding from school." His mom said.
They heard multiple gunshots going off as they heard the sound of glass shattering. Needless to say, they found it odd that his parents seemed so calm about it. Finally he came back in after firing off all of the rounds the gun had in it.
"Ah, that was nice." He said as he placed it back in the hidden compartment.
"Did you get them all?" Dale asked.
"Yep, all nine of them." JC responded.
"Good, you may be an idiot when it comes to things, but at least you're a good shot." He said as everyone looked at the exchange.
"Thanks a lot, maybe if your eyes weren't so ancient, you might be able to make those shots too." He replied.
"Uh, do they usually talk to each other like this?" Weiss asked Momma.
"Oh they do this all the time, its how they bond, by insulting each other." Momma said as she sipped her tea.
"How the hell are you from my sperm? I swear to god I have met monkeys who tried to fuck a bucket who have more brains than you." Dale said.
"How can you be my father? Unless I got all my good looks from mom." He said as they continued taking shots at each other.
The rest of them continued to eat as the father and son hurled insults at each other. And as they drank more and more, the insults got worse and worse. The others just ignored it. Weiss however was observing them. When she was growing up, her father would insult her if her work was unsuitable for a Schnee. And she would admit, it took a toll on her self esteem, but here was JC, and he was insulting his father right back. It was something that was unheard of for her. Especially since if she insulted her father...it was a severe mistake.
Blake meanwhile was wondering if this was what a family was like? A bunch of crazy people living together, telling jokes, insulting each other, eating, and shooting guns? Well, maybe it was just this family...and possibly Ruby and Yangs. But she was certain most normal people were not like this.
"Okay I'm bored." JC said as he was done trading insults with his dad.
"Yeah, you can only insult somebody so many times before it gets boring." His dad said as he took a shot of wild turkey.
"So, JC here tells me you have been teaching him how to fight?" Momma turned to Pyrrha.
"Er, Yes, well, self defense mostly." She said as she didn't know what to say.
"Well good, he got his ass kicked a lot as a boy." She said as JC groaned again.
"At least I stood up for myself!" He said.
"Standing up for yourself doesn't matter if you always lose." His dad added on.
"I didn't always lose!" He snapped back.
"Do you remember how many times we had to come pick you up because your bullies had beaten the hell out of you?" His dad said as JC sighed.
He did get bullied a lot as a kid. He fought back sometimes, because he figured fighting back and losing was a hell of a lot better than crying out for help and being labeled a wuss for the rest of your life. But it was true, he was not a strong child. It was lucky that his cousin was able to bail him out of rough situations.
"Why did you get bullied so often?" Jaune asked as he could relate.
"I was short, pale, skinny, and played fantasy games like Legend of Zelda, I may as well have painted a 'Kick my ass' sign on my back." JC said as he remembered those times.
"Hey! I was like that too!" Ruby said.
"Yeah, but you had Yang to protect you, no one wanted to mess with her." Weiss said as she had heard the stories of people who tried to pick on Yang.
The dread pirate Yang, leaves no survivors!
"I keep telling you, you should have gotten to work on the farm earlier than you did." Dale said.
"Dad...I was working on that farm when I was five years old..." JC said.
"Bah! I started when I was two!" Dale shot back.
"Thats' not physically possible!" JC said.
"Or maybe you're just a pussy!" Dale yelled back.
Once again, the two teams tuned out the arguing. Once again, they weren't sure if they were just insulting each other for shits and giggles, or if they had serious issues. Either way, it would probably explain the alcoholism. Weiss was really considering signing those two up for therapy. Because they both looked like they needed it. Nora could not understand how two people could be so mean to each other for no reason. Ren was just trying to focus on his tea.
"Could you two please stop arguing?" Momma said as she pumped a 12 guage shotgun.
"..." Both men sat down and went back to their food.
"Thank you." She said as she put the shotgun away.
"Does every person in their house have their own gun?" Ruby asked.
"Uhhh..." JC said as the three looked at each other.
"Okay, show em." Momma said as JC reached under the table.
Only to pull out a 44 magnum that was duct taped to the table. His father rolled up his pants leg to reveal a tiny five shot smith and wesson attached to his leg. And then reached into his coat and pulled out a Colt 1911. This action was followed by Momma pulling a Walther ppk out of her purse. And JC to pull a Colt Peacemaker from his shoulder holster.
"Wait! Did you have those the entire time!" Ruby said as they all nodded.
"We're Americans, of course we do!" JC said as he put his gun back.
"JC over there prefers the cowboy old west guns, my wife here thinks she's James Bond, and here I am with the most practical." Dale said as JC looked at him.
"You have an old Gamblers gun upstairs, I would hardly call that practical these days." He said as his dad sighed.
"Still more of a use than those six shooters you're so fond of." He said.
"Hey! I'll have you know if your aim is good, you don't need more than six shots!" He fired back.
"I'm pretty sure thats what General Custer thought, and looked what happened to him!" Dale shouted.
Only for the sound of Momma's shotgun being pumped to silence them both.
"Good Oum, what kind of nuthouse did we land in?" Jaune said.
"The best kind." The family of three said.