Chapter 11

Drawn

Qui-Gon's hand hovered mid-air just a couple millimeters from her shoulder as he replied softly to Shmi's request, "As you wish, my lady."

He turned and walked swiftly to the cockpit, pausing just inside as he contemplated whether or not to close the door. He decided to leave it open, hoping to let Shmi know without words that she could come to him if she needed to talk. He settled heavily into the pilot's seat, shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you." He felt a hot tear roll down his cheek. Taking a deep, shaky breath and slowly releasing it, he rebuked himself, Damn it, get a hold of yourself!

The Jedi closed his eyes as he began the usual mental exercises to enter meditation, but Shmi's face kept appearing as though pictures of her were glued to the back of his eyelids. Sighing, he opened his eyes and gave up on meditating for now. He could not deny he was attracted to this woman, and she to him. He also could not deny he cared deeply for her. Who am I trying to fool? I love her. After Tahl, I never thought I could love another... I didn't want to love that way again.

He glanced back toward the main cabin where he could hear the whisper of Shmi's movements. The urge to go to her was strong, but he fought it. I can only give her a moment's pleasure. My Jedi duties won't allow more than that. She deserves so much more than I can give her. The thought occurred to him that he could leave the Order to be with her. But where would that leave Anakin? I can't abandon him. Sure, another Master could train him, and he'd probably benefit from other tutelage besides mine, but I can't break our bond. That would be unfair to the boy, and Shmi would not allow that.

Ani comes first.

Always.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The thought about the bond he had with Anakin made him realize that he also now had a bond with Shmi. He thought back through the past week and the time he spent with her, and saw how it grew. The two were drawn together by this bond, he could not disregard this. It feels as deep and strong as my connection to Anakin... only with him it's more a father/son relationship... with her... He smiled slightly at the turn his thoughts were going, then sobered quickly as he wondered just when their souls were linked, for he had not consciously formed a bond with this woman. Thinking back to how he had known the name of the moisture farmer who had tried to free Shmi even though she had not spoken it, he frowned. "But, that would mean it was forged the first time we met," he whispered to himself. He closed his eyes as he thought back...

The first time he saw Shmi was when Jar Jar, Padme and he followed Anakin into the small hovel that the slaves called home. He was struck by the unadorned beauty and grace of their host. Her weariness of strangers was not lost on him, even as she extended her hospitality and generously shared what he knew she could barely afford. He also noted how reluctant she was to let her son enter the Boonta Eve classic. Qui-Gon knew Padme wasn't too thrilled at the prospect, either. Truth to tell, neither was he, but there was no other way to raise the money needed, and he had a feeling the boy would be victorious. Anakin pointed out to his mother how she had always told him that they should help those in need, convincing her to let him enter the dangerous race.

'She didn't much like it back then when Anakin threw her words back at her, either,' Qui-gon thought with a smile. All through that day, after the sandstorm had passed, the Jedi had taken every opportunity to speak quietly with Shmi.

Though he knew the bond had not formed that day, he had been attracted to her. Did I subconsciously initiate this, he wondered.

That night, after he had said goodnight to Anakin, he spotted Shmi quietly watching him. She had blushed and turned away. When Qui-Gon came back inside, she apologized as she avoided eye contact with him, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"What did you overhear?"

"Not much, just that someone named Yoda didn't have that high a count, and that no Jedi did." The woman glanced up at him as she tentatively asked, "You were speaking about Ani, right?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "He has much potential."

Shmi bit her lip before saying, "I don't have the right to ask you this, but please, if there is any way..." With embarrassment coloring her cheeks once more, she looked away before adding, "I don't ask it for myself, but if you could free Ani and take him with you... help him reach that potential..." She stopped, swallowing nervously.

He took a step towards her and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "Shmi, I'd like to help you both, but..."

"Qui-Gon," she whispered as she turned and grasped the hand that was on her shoulder, holding it between her slender fingers. "I'll do anything you want if you could take my son away from this Force-forsaken life!" Though she spoke softly, her tone held a desperate intensity that surprised the Jedi. She drew his hand down to her bosom as she continued, "I will pay you with the only thing I have if you free Ani."

"Shmi," he began as he gently pulled his hand away.

He was jarringly interrupted by the entrance of a certain Gungan with a singular gift of such disruption.

Shmi took advantage of the distraction to quickly retreat, but not before Qui-Gon noticed the tears in her eyes. Sighing, he let her go as he sensed her embarrassment. He accompanied Jar Jar into the main room. A few minutes later, their host came out with blankets. As she handed one to the Gungan then to the young handmaiden, she apologized, "I'm afraid I don't have extra pillows."

Padme smiled kindly. "You have nothing to apologize for. Your generosity is beyond what we expected."

"Meesa agree!" Jar Jar Binks said expansively, "Yousa muy muy a blessing to us." In his expressiveness, he spread his arms wide and wound up backhanding a glowlamp, knocking it over. In his attempt to right it, he knocked over the small table it rested upon. When Qui-Gon came over and helped the Gungan to prevent further destruction of their host's living quarters, the long-eared being turned to Shmi. "Mesa sorry mesa so clumsy."

Shmi smiled reassuringly at him. "You're alright." As she gave the last blanket to Qui-Gon, she avoided eye contact with him.

The Jedi caught her hand before she could pull away, and bowed slightly so that their eyes met. "Thank you," he said softly even as she turned her head and pulled away her hand.

"Good night." She turned to include her other two guests as she added, "I hope you all sleep well."

The next morning, Qui-Gon rose early. Jar Jar Binks was already awake, and the two left for the arena just as Padme began to stir. When Anakin and his mother arrived soon after he had made the bet with Watto, he could hardly wait to tell Shmi the good news. He felt his grin spread from ear to ear as he greeted her. "Good morning!"

The fact that she did not quite make eye contact did not bother him in the least as he helped her down from the eopie young Kitster was handling. Gently but firmly, he took her hand and led her slightly away from the others. "I have good and bad news," he told her.

"What's that?" She finally looked him in the eye briefly before blushing and looking down.

"I made a wager with Watto that Anakin would win the race. When he wins, Watto will release your son to me."

Shmi's eyes widened with delight as she looked up at the Jedi, the smile on her face was the most beautiful thing he had seen on Tatooine. "Oh, Qui-Gon, really?" No sooner had he nodded in affirmation, she wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug that almost hurt. Just as quickly, she pulled away. Embarrassed, she wiped her eyes. "What's the bad news?"

This time, it was Qui-Gon who looked away. "I... I'm sorry I couldn't include you in the deal," he answered in a quiet voice.

"Qui-Gon," she said as she took both his hands and squeezed. When he met her eyes, she smiled up at him. "Thank you... I..." She stopped as her lips trembled slightly, and she took a deep breath before adding, "What counts is Ani. He doesn't deserve this life."

"Neither do you," he replied as the pads of his thumbs caressed the back of her knuckles.

She shook her head. "No regrets." She then tilted her head as she asked, "What did you barter with?" Looking at where she knew he wore his weapon, she gasped, "Not your lightsaber!"

His lips creeped up in a slow grin and she laughed as her cheeks reddened. "No," he said with amusement coloring his voice, "the podracer."

"Good." She suddenly looked sad as she glanced down at the ground. "About last night..." her voice trailed off.

Qui-Gon placed his fingers under her chin and lifted it until their eyes met. He said nothing, but with a small smile, he hoped she could understand he did not judge her. In his mind, she was the epitome of a perfect mother, willing to sacrifice her life and dignity for the well being of her child. He gently wiped a tear from her cheek. "Perhaps you should secure a viewing pad for the race before there are none left."

She nodded, and as she walked away, he allowed himself a moment to enjoy watching the sway of her hips. 'She's also a very beautiful woman,' he thought before going over to where Anakin and Kitster were talking with Padme.

Pulling his thoughts to the present, the Jedi shook his head. It had to have been after the race, he decided. Then he remembered how he had used the Force to bolster Shmi's inner strength after they had told Anakin he was free. The boy had gone to pack, and Qui-Gon had put a hand on her shoulder while asking if she would be okay. That was when it started, he realized. Then he frowned. "But, I didn't mean to form that bond," he whispered.

A beeping sound pulled his attention to the pilot's console. They were coming out of hyperdrive.