Chapter 11: Snape the Squawking Canary

Saturday October 23rd, 9:04 am

The girl's dormitory was a flurry of clothes as my roommates ripped apart their closets. The last twenty minutes had been a haze of lace tops and bell bottom jeans as they were thrown haphazardly around the room.

"I swear to Merlin I never have anything good to wear," Heather Spence declared dramatically as she kneeled in her pile of clothes, looking at them as if she were about to cry and use her top as a tissue.

"You have nothing to wear? Everything I try on makes me look like a washed up whale." Lily sighed dramatically.

I tried to wrap my head around their dramatics while picking out an outfit as I casually slipped on a black v-neck sweater. It my opinion getting dressed was the easiest bit of the day. As long as it didn't smell like a diaper filled with rotten indian food and shrimp I was content.

I put on a dab of the reapplying lip-gloss, I figured I may as well make some effort as this was a 'date'. I reached for the door handle about to leave the dormitory when Heather stopped me.

"Isn't this your first date with James Potter?" Heather asked.

"Yes," I responded hesitantly trying to ignore Lily's icy glare. Despite the fact that Lily and I were on amicable terms since she'd apologized anytime James was brought up in reference to our relationship she would glare.

"No offense, but you're going with that?"

"What's wrong with it?" I said looking down at my sweater and corduroys.

"Well I mean the sweater is fine and all but who wears gray corduroys anymore?"

"Me," I said as if I were stating the most obvious answer in the world.

"Here," Heather said throwing a light yellow skirt at me. "Put this on, at least make it look like you're making some sort of effort."

"Heather this isn't necessary."

"If you don't think I wont force you into that skirt then you obviously haven't been paying enough attention the past seven years." She said with a quirked eyebrow and defiant look on her face. "If I can't figure out what to wear I may as well help out someone else."

I sighed in defeat, accepting my loss against Heather Spence. She was small but could scare the piss out of anyone. I slipped off my pants and kicked them by my bed before slipping on the yellow skirt. I gave Heather an obligatory spin and headed out the door.

The skirt came about mid thigh and I was praying it wasn't windy outside, I didn't want anyone seeing my knickers.

As I walked down the stairs I swayed my hips side to side, liking the feeling of the thin material moving lightly against my legs. During my swishing moments I think I over swished and my right foot crossed in front of my left. Before I could steady myself I started falling over my feet and tumbled down the stairs where the Marauders were, of course, waiting for me at the bottom.

So much for not flashing my knickers.

James had taken me to the Three Broomsticks for our 'date'. Despite the fact that it was crowded and people were talking around us the stale air that hung between James and I seemed to cancel out the noise.

Oh god.

Silence.

I can't handle this.

"One time I was shaving my legs and I realized one leg was shorter than the other."

Sod it, I thought I was over the awkward comment faze.

"Fascinating," James said noncommittally.

"Yeah, my Aunt Prudence said that that was a bad sign and that I would never get married because as I grow older my leg will only continue to shrink and then I'll have to get a peg leg and no one wants to marry a girl with a peg leg. But on the upside for halloween every year I can now go as a pirate. I've already been practicing my pirate talk, 'argh matey, shiver me timbers and swash me buckle'. And my Aunt Prudence has a pet parrot who is allergic to the sun and if he can find love with a pineapple then so can I. Find love, that is, not necessarily a pineapple."

"Did you hit your head when you fell down the stairs today?"

"No, why?"

"No reason," James quickly added. He drummed his hands idly on his butterbeer bottle as he glanced around the room. "Shall we go see what everyone else is up to?"

"Sure," I said downing the rest of my butterbeer.

Poor choice.

In my rash decision to finish my butterbeer I wound up choking and spitting the liquid all over James. Once my coughing fit died down and I was able to breathe again I looked up at James. His eyes were closed as the remains of my butterbeer dripped down his face. His shirt was stained , the only dry part of him were his pants.

"Oh Merlin," I said retrieving my wand. I was racking my brains to figure out what the drying spell was and the first thing that came into my head was 'scorgify'. Before I could figure out what that spell was a stream of water came from the tip of my wand and began dousing the front of James' pants.

JAMES

This is great, just fan-bloody-tastic. I thought Avery had gotten over that whole 'I'm awkward and talk about sausages and choke on my food' faze but apparently it's back with full force. The full force now being directed to my pants as they are doused with water.

"Bloody hell Avery," I finally managed to yell.

She looked up at me with scared eyes as her mouth hung open and the water finally stopped coming from her wand. "I'm so sorry James, I tried to make it better but...oh sod, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I said looking at Avery's petrified face. It was hard to yell at her or be mad she could look so apologetic and sad that I couldn't' say no. It would be like kicking a puppy.

I grabbed her forearm and dragged her out of the Three Broomsticks in hopes of finding the rest of my mates. I was hoping they could detour Avery from her awkwardness at the moment, Sirius seemed to be able to calm her. I wonder if there was something going on between them. He never really hung around girls all that much unless he was dating them. Then again, Avery is not his type at all. He likes the outgoing type that doesn't' take much to pursue so he doesn't have to do a lot of work. And while Avery may not be many things, she is a lot of work.

The first place I was going to look was Zonko's. I hope that's where they are. The water is making me unbelievably cold and I need to get somewhere warm now. I could see Zonko's coming into view and once we'd reached it I looked into the window and smiled when I saw Sirius looking at products. I love how dependable and consistent my friends are.

I walked over to Sirius who was holding a teacup in his hand and looking at it with a devilish smile on his face. "What's that you've got there mate."

Sirius looked at me and did a double take before laughing loudly. "Aw Jamsie, do we need to get you back in diapers again?"

I looked over at Avery who was looking at the floor and blushing madly. "Just a bit of a spell mixup administered by our lovely Muze here."

"I was just trying to help," she muttered in embarrassment.

"It's alright Muze," Sirius said placing an arm around her shoulders. "James needs a bit of humiliation here and there to keep his ego in check."

Avery looked up at Sirius and relief flooded her face. I could instantly sense her awkwardness and embarrassment vanish.

That was an odd exchange. Usually Sirius jumps at the chance to further humiliate someone. He seems awfully protective of Avery. I've noticed that ever since Diggory started hitting on her and then Sirius tried murdering him at the Quidditch match.

What am I doing? I sound like an overanalyzing woman. They're just friends, if there was anything more Sirius would tell me, I'm his best mate after all.

"Anyway back to the important stuff." Sirius said as he removed his arm from Avery and held out the teacup. "Part two to the Halloween Feast Madness."

"It's just a teacup."

"It's not just any teacup dearest Prongs, oh no, this is a nose-bitting teacup. People will be innocently sipping from their teacup not expecting anything and then, what's that? Whose got your nose? A teacup has got your nose, that's what!"

"What's part one to the Halloween Feast Madness?" Avery asked as she held the teacup in her hands examining it.

"That, my dear you shall find out with the rest of Hogwarts." I said flicking Avery's nose. "What about people who are going to use goblets? And how are we going to synchronize it so everyone's reacts at the same time?"

"I figure after examining the teacup we can replicate the curse to goblets and somehow control the 'biting' of the cups until we want it to be released."

"And this is why you're my best mate," I said slinging my arm around Sirius. "Let's by out the stock, yeah? And then charm whatever else we can't afford." I pulled Sirius along to the checkout counter while Avery wondered around Zonko's.

"Should I even ask how your 'date' went?" Sirius asked me as our order was being rung up.

"She was in full Muze mode. Making no sense comments and then spazzing out."

Sirius smiled and looked like he was trying to hide it as he turned away from me. "Yes well that's Avery. I think those qualities are rather, you know, cute."

"Cute?" I spluttered. I'd never heard Sirius refer to a girl as cute before. Ever.

"You know what I mean." Sirius said quickly.

"No Padfoot, I don't believe I do."

"She's like a little kid, only you know, not."

"Right," I said. Sirius was acting very odd. He was becoming flustered and not really being able to form coherent sentences. Not at all like the Sirius Orion Black that I know and run in the forests with. Ah well, he's probably just hungry. He's always a bit off when he's hungry. "Well where should we head next?" I asked Sirius as I picked up our purchase and walked over by Avery.

"I'm hungry," Aha! I was correct! Nothing gets by James Potter. "I could go for some ice cream."

"Sounds good. Hey Muze," I shouted across the room. "We're grabbing some ice cream want to come with?"

"Meet up with you in a bit, I think I'm going to have a longer look if you don't mind." Avery responded as she held a mysterious wrapper in her hands.

Sirius and I walked out of Zonkos's with our purchases bouncing happily by our sides. "Where's Remus and Peter?"

"Ah, they went back to the castle." Sirius responded absentmindedly. "What do you think Avery is doing in there?"

"Considering she's in a joke shop she's surely trying to solve world hunger." I looked over at Sirius whose face was stern. "Is there something going on between you and Avery that I should know about?"

"No," Sirius rushed to answer. "She's just, you know, accident prone and I don't know if it's best if she's left alone in a joke shop."

I let out a chuckle as I clapped him on the back, "let's hope she makes it back in one piece."

All throughout dinner Avery had been acting weird. Her eyes were fixated on something behind me but every time I turned around to see what it was I couldn't place who or what she was looking at. Once dessert rolled around however she stood up and placed her napkin on her plate.

"I think I'm going to have a chat with Snape," she said flatly as she shoved her hand into one of her pockets and came out with her fist balled up. "Be right back."

I watched her as she walked over the Slytherin table, no one really noticing her sudden movements as they were immersed in their dessert. I watched as she neared Snape and taped him on the shoulder. Avery gave him a beaming smile and leaned over to talk to him. Snape's face was a mixture of confusion and disgust as Avery leaned down and placed one of her hands on the table and kept one of her hands behind her back. Everyone around Snape seemed focus on his and Avery's conversation. Snape was finally talking and Avery shrugged. I noticed her move her hand over to Snape's plate but I couldn't see what she was doing. She quickly adjusted her posture so she was standing upright and left the Slytherin table.

Avery came back to our table and sat down with a satisfied smile on her face.

"What was that about?" I asked as I looked at her and the Slytherin table.

"Oh nothing," Avery responded nonchalantly as she flattened her napkin out on her lap and helped herself to a cauldron cake. She chewed it slowly as her eyes kept fixated on the Slytherin table. Her face then suddenly shifted and she looked ecstatic. I looked behind me at Snape and saw he had a custard cream in his mouth. I don't see what's so exciting about this...

Suddenly where Snape had been was now replaced by a large yellow canary squawking madly and flapping it's wings. The Great Hall roared with laughter as everyone pointed and laughed at Snape the Squawking Canary. The effect was short lived as after a few seconds the feathers started falling off of Snape, but the mental image would remain permanently engraved in my head.

"Avery, that was bloody amazing," I said my mouth hanging open in admiration. "I'm proud to call you my girlfriend."

Avery shrugged and tried to play it off as if it were no big deal as she finished off the last bite of her cauldron cake. I was honestly proud to say Avery was my girlfriend, even though she technically wasn't my girlfriend. Aside from the fact that she was an excellent Quidditch playmaker I hadn't really found anything else I could relate to with Avery. The fact that she could now play a prank as well as the best of us just put her as second greatest girl to ever exist, following behind Lily, of course.

Speaking of which, I haven't spied on Lily lately, it's about time I do it.

I glanced over at Lily and saw her looking down at her plate, the corners of her mouths twitching as if she were trying to conceal her laughter. For some odd reason Lily never found the pranks we pulled on Snape amusing. Well, it's not like she found any of our pranks amusing but especially when it concerned Snape. She would always stick up for him, more so than with others. That is up until fifth year when we had him dangling by his ankles upside down and she'd tried to help him but he called her a mud-blood. Ever since then she's never stuck up for him publicly, but I could see that when we pranked Snape it hit her especially hard. I still have yet to find out why.

Oh well, I'm sure it's just out of pity. Now onto more important issues; the large bowl of chocolate pudding in front of me.

A/N: Alright so I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter, kind of a filler and kind of badly written but eh...what can you do...I don't know when the next update will be. My life is getting busy. I enlisted in the Air force yesterday (whoot) and so now life will become more hectic until I leave for basic so I'll try and not neglect you lovely people :) a special thanks to Twinz Lover who has reviewed every chapter of mine. And just everyone who reviews! You guys are amazing and I love you all! Continue to review please :) As one of my reviewers said -Maddie Black- this seems like one of those stories that will get hundreds and hundreds of reviews. So let's make this happen :)