We didn't have much time to celebrate our victory. Not a moment was lost in evacuating the Yavin base. Just in the nick of time too, for a fleet of Star Destroyers appeared as the last few transports took off. We lost two of the transports. One of them was a passenger transport, the other carried supplies. We had to leave some of the heavy equipment on the ground, and that also was destroyed or taken by the Imperials.
The passenger transport that was destroyed was carrying one of my friends, a girl called Sarina. Her sister, Clare, stood beside me as we watched the transport explode, Sarina's life evaporating with the gases that spilled from the disintegrating pipes. Clare, a good friend of mine, didn't cry, didn't scream, barely reacted at all. She stared out of the viewscreen, eyes wide with shock, fists clenched in fury and helplessness. A single tear slid down her cheek but I don't think she noticed. Long after the fiery bits of debris faded into nothingness, Clare still watched. Then, abruptly, Clare startled me by whirling around. I nearly jumped in fright just looking at her eyes. They were burning, burning with a strange, fiery determination. Clare marched toward the cockpit, a fierce fortitude in her eyes. I sighed, wishing I was as strong as she was, remembering my weakness in the Imperial cell with the torture droid, my vulnerability after Alderaan's destruction.
I will find him.
I must find him.
I will find my son. I must do this. I do not know why. I like to think it is because of my Emperor commands me to destroy anyone with Jedi powers. But deep inside, I think it is because this boy is my link to the past. It is because of Padmé. But I will not allow anyone to know that. Such feelings might distract me from serving my Emperor. And there is no greater man than he in all the universe.
Except perhaps me.
I will find Luke Skywalker.
And then he will serve me.
Forever.
We spent the next several months hiding. I hate hiding. But I didn't have much of a choice. We evaded the Empire pretty well, losing only a few transports in an ambush in a gaseous nebula. Luke, who had become a general and then a commander since the Death Star's destruction, had left, taking a small force to establish one of our many minor bases on Hoth. I was surprised, having never even heard of Hoth before. Han hadn't heard of it either, but Chewie roared something and Solo nodded and said, "Ah."
"What?" I couldn't help asking him, having not understood the Wookie.
"It's an ice cube." he said over his shoulder as he turned his back to me.
"A what?"
But Solo had already walked away. I took a deep breath and tried not to let Han irritate me. The only other person who could irritate me as easily as he could was my cousin Hadrath. And he was dead now. I bit my lip at this thought and tried not to remember Hadrath and Alderaan.
Instead, I tried to think about the upcoming mission. I was being sent on a recon mission to Ord Mantell. The Alliance was looking into establishing a base there. Why we had to have a recon mission I had no clue, seeing as how barely a hundred people lived on the entire planet, and they all stayed toward the warm north pole. The south pole, where we were going, was like a desert, except on the mountains, so it was rock instead of sand. It had less than two hours of sunlight a day, and that was in the summer. In the winter it didn't ever get light. The dry, barren mountains stood thousands upon thousands of feet high, stretching far into the atmosphere. Since the sun so rarely shed it's light on that place, not only was there no vegetation, but very low temperatures. There were apparently a few scraggly bushes that could survive in the desertlike conditions coupled with very little light, and freezing temperatures. What kind of plant could survive like that, I had no idea, but the locals (on the other side of the planet) called it the farilon, which meant (in their language), "Strong one."
Anyway, I had been chosen to be on the recon team, along with Clare, who's sister had been killed in the Yavin evacuation, Han Solo, (I just can't get rid of him, can I?) Chewie (who insisted rather violently on coming), Kindol Marunin, (a new recruit) and Anirson. (Marunin's buddy and a four-armed Monteclarse. Anirson looked like a shrimp next to Chewie, though.) I decided to keep an eye on Anirson. Monteclarse tended to be up to no good, rather like a miniature Hutt in spirit. Why they sent Marunin and Anirson, who where new recruits, on a sensitive mission like this, I had no idea.
And of course, I, being the most wanted and most recognized among us, couldn't just waltz onto the planet in my traditional royal hairdo and Senatorial gown. I put blonde highlights in my hair, and enclosed most of it in a brown helmet. I put a dosage of eye drops made from a caranthor plant on Daramir, which within moments turned my irises a brilliant, icy blue. (I had another small bottle of eye drops in my pocket that would return my eyes to their normal color later). I didn't have to bother with a voice manipulator because I wasn't going to be doing any talking should we come across anybody. Clare had been assigned to that, since she wasn't as widely known as I, or even Han. I was garbed in a loose tunic that reached past my hips; brown slacks; and a sleeveless black overcoat with a wide, loose neckline, with a belt over all. A strap on my arm held a small blaster, along with the larger blaster on my hip. There was a two handed blaster strapped to my traveler's pack. I even had a few pieces of armor strapped to my arms. All in all, I looked like a bounty hunter or smuggler or some scum of the sort.
When I was finally ready, I left my quarters and started toward the landing bay. I took a corner too fast and ran into somebody.
It was Han. "Hey," He said indignantly, "Watch where you're goin'." He paused suddenly as he saw me. He cocked his head a bit and squinted. He frowned, and demanded "Who are you anyway?" I struggled to keep back a smile. He didn't recognize me! "You look like someone I know." Well, he sort of did.
I could see Han visibly recoil in shock at the sight of my now-bright-blue irises. "Oh, sorry." he mumbled as he tried to duck away," I thought you were somebody else." He hurried away down the hall and I had to turn away to hide my smile.
***
I'll never forget the look on Han's face when I boarded our shuttle to Ord Mantell. He looked around at who was already there, (Chewie, Marunin, Anirson, and Clare,) and at who wasn't there, (myself) and stared at my outlandish costume, did the math, and realized it was me. I could see his eyes widen in surprise then his jaw tighten in memory and then he looked away nonchalantly, as if he'd never seen me before. Trying hard not to burst into laughter again, I walked past calmly. I didn't look at him, though I had a curious sensation as my blood suddenly pulsed faster and my heart fluttered, and my hands got clammy. No one else seemed to notice though, and I dismissed it.
I wasn't the only one disguised. Han had a fake scar from his nose to upper lip and a hat pulled low over his face. Clare's hair had been braided and twisted in a foreign way and had long, intricately intertwined, dangly earrings I had never seen the like of before.
Everyone boarded the shuttle and within moments we were on our way to Ord Mantell.
We made it through Ord Mantell's customs without trouble. Avoiding the northern and populated side of the planet, we veered to the southern hemisphere and prepared to land.
It was cold in this mountainous desert, below freezing, but there was neither snow nor ice. It never rained here. How could there be snow? We couldn't wear our thermal jumpsuits in case we ran into any native's who decided to ask questions. But I was pretty sure the only natives we would be running into were the farilon plants. But we couldn't take any chances, so we just wrapped up so thickly we could barely move. Even Chewie put on a heavy overcoat. That was a comical sight, with his furry hands and head sticking out of the coat.
When we finally emerged, I shivered despite my wrappings. I felt the wind bite at my cheeks and nose, which were untouched by my heavy scarf, and the wind seeped right past every layer of clothing giving me goosebumps.
I, being me, tripped over a loose stone the moment I touched solid ground, falling flat on my face. Graceful landing by yours truly. Ok, I admit, the rusty red rock that made up the ground was not the first thing I was planning on seeing on this planet. Oh well.
But, being me, with my luck, simply tripping over a stone to bite the dust wasn't good enough. No, Anirson the Monteclarse was right on my tail, and he promptly tripped over me, one of his four arms (accidentally?) hitting my face and bruising my jaw. Yelling (in his native tongue) and waving his arms, Anirson did not look happy. Actually, I thought he was going to attack me, but Chewie growled, Han glared, and Marunin grabbed one of his arms to restrain him. Clare was the only one who actually bothered to help me up. Only after I was back on my feet did I notice Han had his blaster half drawn and was trying to re-sheath it without anyone noticing.
Rubbing my bruised jaw, I tried to quell the rising urge to slug that four-armed creature they say is actually intelligent. Anirson glared at me. I glared back until he lowered his eyes. Ah ha. I guess blue eyes on a previously brown-eyed person can be disconcerting. Of course, I tend to produce the same effect on everyone, blue-eyed or not.
Thinking back on it, I wondered why Anirson had been the one yelling. Technically I should have been the one upset. After all, it was my face that was buried in the frozen ground and my jaw that hurt for two days afterward, complete with a big purple bruise. Monteclarse bones must be made of stronger stuff then human bones.
Anyway, after that incident, we made our way through the wilderness, Anirson and I keeping as far apart as possible. We each had a swoop so as to cover more distance. We split into two groups. Clare, Anirson, and I in one group, Han, Chewie, and Marunin in the other. Just great. Anirson had to be in my group, of course. But we couldn't let the two newbie's go off in their own little group, now could we. Still, Marunin looked like a decent sort….which was more than I could say for Anirson. Oh well. At least I could keep an eye on the beast this way.
But after we got on the swoops, I almost forgot about Anirson. I'd forgotten how much I loved flying like this, speeding along just a few meters from the ground; farilon bushes, boulders and other obstacles hurdling past almost to fast to see, the wind dragging tears from my eyes. I loved leaping and twisting inches away from crashing, avoiding obstacles at the last possible moment. Wherever and whoever my real parents were, flying was in my blood. I knew it without being told.
However, I never could bring myself to actually get in a fighter and fly into space and shoot people. At least here, if I crashed, I would land on the ground, no matter how many bones I broke or organs I ruptured. I couldn't bear the thought of simply falling forever through the never-ending vastness of the hungry mouth of space, just waiting to swallow me…
It wasn't death I feared. It was the long wait and the endless pain before death ensued that terrified me.
As the three of us, Clare, Anirson, and I, swept along, nothing unusual appeared. The barren mountains soon rose in front of us, grey-blue silhouettes in the forever twilight.
This had to have been the easiest, top-secret, top-priority mission ever.
When we at last entered the mountains, we slowed and looked up in awe from our valley at the vastness of these mountains. They stretched up, endlessly reaching into the velvet sky lit with starry diamonds. But from here we could barely see those diamond-stars. The mountains stretched so high that it would have been dark down here even in broad daylight. The shadow of the mountains would have seen to that. I shuddered, and not from the cold. I didn't like the thought of living in that Shadow. I wasn't afraid of the dark. I don't like shadows. Too much can be hidden in them. This Shadow was deep, heavy, penetrating my bones.
Unfortunately, Clare and Anirson used the same reasoning to conclude that this would be the perfect place to hide the Rebellion. The Shadow would hide us.
I wondered what else it hid.
We ventured further into the mountains, but it was all the same. Deep, gut-wrenching valleys and towering, breathless mountains. And the farilon shrubs. Many, many farilon shrubs.
All that takes very little time to tell, but we spent a whole "day" there, meaning our normal waking time. After that, we swooped back down to the plains before the mountains, where we met Han, Chewie, and Marunin. They had found the same things we did, more valleys and more mountains, along with one particularly wide and deep valley half sheltered by a crooked mountain. A perfect place for the Rebellion.
My stomach clenched in fear and revulsion.
We agreed that tomorrow we would all go and look at this valley. I subconsciously started calling it the Death Valley, and the Shadow Mountains. And I was afraid, unreasonably, it seemed.
Tomorrow, that fear would be proved reasonable. But it would also prove that I feared the wrong thing. The mountains were not the threat.
But we did not know that.
Yet.