Jim groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. The bright glare of the lights above him hurt so he closed them again. He took small, shallow breaths, trying to ignore the pain throbbing in his head. Opening his eyes again, slowly, Jim was surprised to see strands of jet black hair and a slender, pale hand lying next to his thigh. Turning his head slowly, Jim looked around the room, sucking in a quick breath as it spun with his actions. Forcing back a whimper of pain. Jim closed his eyes again, trying to remember what happened.

"Captain?"

Jim turned his head towards the voice. "Spock." The word came out hoarse and breathy, Jim's throat was dry and sore from lack of use. He felt something being pressed against his lips and recoiled, fear of being drugged making him struggle. "No, Spock, I..."

"It is water, Captain. Doctor McCoy would not allow you to be put on anything without his express consent. You are dehydrated, however, and require liquid replenishment, the IV is helping, however oral consumption would be of more benefit."

Jim opened his eyes, squinting up at his first officer. "What happened?" Jim whispered, taking a sip from the cup in front of him. "W-why am I in sick bay?" He gasped, laying back against the pillows.

Spock looked at Jim curiously, trying to decide just how much Jim remembered and what he should tell him. "You were on the bridge, we were looking at a new planet that had revealed itself at 0600. You were in the middle of a question when you suddenly went silent and passed out." He held back the fact that he'd carried Jim from the bridge to sick bay, having remained since their arrival.

Jim's eyes jerked up to Spock's face, scanning for any semblance of him joking. "I've never passed out for no good reason, Spock. Where's Bones, why isn't he here?"

"Doctor McCoy is currently in the next room with our Janjirian guest, Nitelva." At Jim's look of confusion, Spock explained further. "You instructed that he be brought on board after he attempted to assassinate you. He has been kept in medical stasis until we reach Starbase 18 due to the seriousness of his injuries. Admiral Pike will meet us there to decide what should be done upon our arrival."

Jim blinked, that's not possible, he would have remembered Nitelva still being alive, wouldn't he? He could have sworn that he'd died on the ship, right before... "W-what happened to, uh, t-to Lorne, is he still in the brig?"

Spock looked at Jim, his head tilted in concern. "There is no one on board or in the brig, by that name, Captain."

Jim's gaze narrowed on Spock, his anger beginning to rise as he struggled to sit up. "That's not very funny, Commander." Jim looked the other man over, looking for a sign, anything that would convince him that he wasn't losing his mind. Laying back down, Jim tried to go back over everything he could about what happened. Something wasn't adding up, everything had felt so real! He knows he didn't just imagine everything. The kidnapping, rape, Spock and himself, it hadn't been a dream had it? Did their current find have something to do with what was wrong with him?

Spock watched as Jim struggled to remember. He was confused as to why Jim thought they would have someone in the brig. "Captain, if I may ask a question?" He watched as bright, confused blue eyes looked up at him. Spock felt his stomach clench at the open honesty, the unguarded need to understand, and the fear that something was seriously wrong.

"Jim, Spock, you, ummm, you can call me Jim and ask what ever you want." Jim said softly, almost absently. He knew something wasn't right, he could feel it deep within his core. He had woken up in sick bay before only to find out that he'd been kidnapped, infected with something, raped, and bonded to Spock. Now Spock was telling him that one of his tormentors was not on the ship and the man who tried to kill him was still alive. "I may not answer but you can ask what ever you want."

Spock nodded, aware that Jim couldn't see his actions. "You seemed, surprised to find that Nilteva remains alive and on the ship. May I ask why that is? It is standard Starfleet procedure that if a senior officer is attacked on a foreign planet..."

"I know procedure, Spock." Jim sighed as he turned his blue gaze to Spock. "Maybe you should just meld with me, would make things a lot easier than having to say everything out loud." He waved a hand in a vague motion towards his face. "Wouldn't be the first time I've melded with you." Jim muttered softly, struggling to sit up on the biobed. "Well, at least one version of you."

Spock tried to hide his surprise at Jim's statement, he wasn't aware that he knew about Vulcan mind melds. "Captain?" He wasn't sure how to phrase his next question, curiosity racing through him. "I was not aware that you had ever been involved in a meld."

Jim gave Spock a small smile. "Yeah, well your counterpart didn't give me much of a choice when he forced me to see what had pissed off Nero." He could remember the pain he'd felt, the loss and desperation of losing one's home planet. Could remember the echo of Spock Prime's rage and pain as he realized that his mother had not lived in this universe.

"He forced you?" Spock felt a spike of jealous anger at the thought of his counterpart forcing himself on Jim in anyway. "It is against Federation regulations for a telepath..."

"For god's sake, Spock, seriously?! I know regulations, protocols, and procedures! It wasn't forced, not really, he had to rush in order to help me understand what we needed to do!" Jim's voice had risen as a spike of anger shot through him. "What is it with you and rules right now? Is that what you wanted to ask me? If I remember my duty to the ship and crew?"

"No, Capt...Jim. My apologies." Spock took a deep breath, stepping back from the biobed. He hadn't realized he'd moved closer until he was looking directly down at Jim. He wondered why he had not known about the meld between Jim and his counterpart. Who else had Jim shared this information with? What was it Jim had been shown that would make him remain silent about something so important?

"It's really not that serious, Spock. I just, I thought it'd be a lot easier to explain things. Probably why I've been having headaches too, I don't know." Jim sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Anyway, status report, Mr. Spock, tell me what have I missed?" Jim knew it was a poor way to change the subject but couldn't bring himself to care right then. "How is my ship?"

Spock blinked at the sudden change of topic, watching as Jim seemed to shift persona's almost automatically. He was not ready to give up on the conversation about Jim and mind melding with his counterpart. For some unknown reason, the thought of such a thing having happened made Spock's stomach churn with possessive anger. Taking a deep breath, he decided to answer the Captain's question's...for now. "The Enterprise is running at peak capacity, Captain. All department heads report everything normal, except for Mr. Scott and his desire to test a new engine prototype."

Jim chuckled, "Tell Scotty not right now, maybe if we get some serious down time but for right now..."

"Now, I could have sworn I gave you a sedative strong enough to knock out a Klingon blan-glark."

Jim looked up at the dark haired man standing in the doorway. ""Bonesy old boy, how's it hanging?!" Jim gave his best friend a weak grin as he walked into the small room.

"I'd be better if you would just stop trying to give me a heart attack! I swear Jim, every time you meet someone new..." McCoy scowled at the blond in front of him, his dark gaze filled with angry concern.

"I don't mean to Bones and this time wasn't even my fault! You can ask Spock, we were there because Starfleet sent us not because I..." Jim looked between the two men, noticed how close they were standing and tried not to shrink back from them. You're a Starfleet captain, this is your best friend and first officer, they wouldn't hurt you. Jim repeated the thought, struggling to hold the dark gazes of both men in front of him. "Bones?" He felt his stomach twist at the scowl on McCoy's face.

Letting out a rough sigh, McCoy moved further into the room. "You know, I swear you're going to be the death of me kid." McCoy moved closer to the biobed, his dark gaze glancing over at Spock. "I'm going to do a quick check then go check on our idiot assassin." Looking up at the monitor next to Jim's bed, McCoy frowned as he entered somethings into his padd.

"Bones, did, uh, d-did something happen with my memory?" Jim tried to play his concern off with as flippant a tone as possible. He didn't want to worry his friend but from the look on his face, he hadn't been successful. Jim watched as dark amber eyes moved over him in a cursory inspection.

"Not as far as we could tell, why, do you feel like somethings off or you're missing some time or memories?" McCoy picked up a tricorder, opening it he proceeded to scan Jim from head to toe. "You'd been hit pretty hard in the head but it didn't look threatening. Maybe I should have done a more thorough check." McCoy muttered thoughtfully. "You could have a concussion, may be the reason you passed out."

"No, i-it's just, maybe it's nothing, ok?" Jim chuckled weakly as he watched his friends face. Glancing over at Spock, he sighed as the tall, pale man remained silent, watching both of them with a high degree of interest. "Just feeling a little off? I-I mean..."

"The Captain is concerned about the absence of a specific prisoner, as well as why Nitelva remains alive and on board the Enterprise." Spock stated matter of factly,

Jim and McCoy both turned to Spock, a frown on one face and worry on the other. "Just what the hell are you talking about Spock?" McCoy looked from Jim to Spock. "Of course he'd be brought on board, isn't he the one who attacked Jim and who is it we're missing?" McCoy turned to look at his friend, concern evident in his dark amber eyes.

"The Captain asked about someone by the name of Lorne, who is supposed to be in the brig." Spock's dark gaze moved over Jim in a slow sweep. "If the Captain is having trouble with his memory it could be the after affects of the meld he shared with my counterpart." Spock took a small step closer to Jim, aware of the angry look leveled on him. "In combination with the attack on him back on Janjira."

"Wait, another mind meld, just when the hell did that happen?" McCoy glanced from Jim to Spock, his expression thoughtful. He let out a soft humming sound as he thought about the possibilities of what Spock had said. "Well, that would make some sense, I guess, if it is an after effect of the meld but the only way to find that out for sure..."

"Would be to initiate a meld with the Captain." Spock interrupted softly. Jim had invited him to meld with him earlier and in his surprise he had hesitated in answering, almost losing the opportunity. An opportunity he did not want to waste. It was not lost on Spock that he held a high degree of affection for the blond man in front of him. So much so, that Nyota had almost called off their relationship. "If the Captain is agreeable to my performing the meld..."

"Now wait just a damn minute, if Jim's already having memory issues..." McCoy started angrily.

"It's ok, Bones, Spock knows what he's doing." Jim kept his blue gaze on the man to his left, watching as he had slowly moved closer to the biobed. He had been surprised to see jealousy in Spock's eyes when he'd learned of the meld he'd shared with his counterpart. Usually his first officer was unreadable, his face an expressionless mask, dark eyes blank. "If he didn't he wouldn't suggest it and if it will help me figure out I anything's wrong..."

McCoy glared at Spock then turned back to Jim, his expression filled with concern. "A-are you sure Jim, I mean he'll see everything going on in your head and knowing how you fe..."

Jim cut his friend off with a soft grunt. "It's ok and it's not like he can't hear us you know, the whole Vulcan super hearing thing. So yeah, whispering isn't going to work. Anyway, Selek didn't see everything and if he did he never mentioned it." Jim looked up at Bones then back over at Spock. He knew why his friend was nervous, knew that if he let Spock in his head he would see just what Jim was trying to hide from him. Taking a deep breath, he glanced back up at McCoy. "Give us a few, ok, I'll have Spock come get you once he's finished."

McCoy frowned at Jim's statement. "Wait, what, no?! Why the hell can't I stay? You might need my help or something." He looked between Jim and Spock, not missing the way Spock had moved closer to Jim, the dark head bent slightly in submission. "Spock, you ok over there?You're awful silent about something so damn important." He scowled at the man as he looked up in surprise.

Spock's head snapped up, his dark gaze meeting McCoy's. "Yes, doctor, I am well. Merely preparing myself mentally for what will need to be done." Spock was trying to control the erratic roll of his emotions. His desire for Jim was not immediately apparent and he knew that if he were not careful, it would bleed through to the other. He had listened as McCoy had warned Jim against the meld, stressing the word everything in his explanation. He couldn't help but wonder what that meant, what was it that McCoy was worried about him seeing?

"Yeah, well, just make sure this one here doesn't lose anymore than he already has." He sighed as he looked back at Jim. "I can't talk you out of this but I can damn well make sure you know I am not happy about having to leave. What if you need me for something, what if you don't respond well to the meld?"

"The Captain is aware that he has the choice to show me what he wishes me to see, I do not have the right to look further beyond what is allowed." Spock said softly, his dark gaze held by the blue one in front of him. "Not without the Captain's express permission."

"Jim, Spock, you can still call me Jim." Jim held Spock's gaze, struggling to remain still beneath the dark, penetrating look.

Spock tilted his head to the right, a small smile playing around his lips. "Very well...Jim." He said the name softly, reverently, his tone filled with a wealth of emotions he couldn't immediately express. He watched as the blue eyes dilated, the pupil's blown wide. Jim's nostrils flared and Spock took another unconscious step forward. Glancing up at McCoy, Spock didn't miss the look of worried confusion on the doctor's face. Looking back down at Jim, Spock held back the desire to just move forward and press his fingers against Jim's psi points. To join them and fall into the mind he knew he would never want to leave.

Jim held back a groan as a hot flare of need shot through him at the sound of his name falling from Spock's lips. Taking a deep breath, Jim closed his eyes and relaxed against the bed. He needed to get himself under control or Spock would see way more than he needed. He opened his eyes at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Turning towards the door, he smiled at the nurse standing there. "Nurse Carter?"

"It is truly a pleasure to see you awake, Captain. I apologize for the interruption." The petite red head turned to McCoy, a padd in her hands. "Doctor, our guest is awake and demanding he be returned to his home planet, immediately."

McCoy frowned as he took the padd from her hands and nodded. "I'll be right there. Get a sedative ready in case we have to calm his ass down. Don't forget, this man almost killed the Captain so be careful." When Nurse Carter nodded and left the room, McCoy turned back to Jim and Spock. "Ok, I want it known I don't fully agree with this decision but will acquiesce because Jim is so determined to follow through with it." Giving Jim a worried look, McCoy moved closer to the blond. "You're my best friend, Jimbo and Scotty will kill me himself if anything happens to you, along with Sulu and Chekov, so don't, uh don't go any further than you can handle." He glanced over at Spock, the dark gaze still on Jim. Turning back to the man in front of him, McCoy sighed. "Just be careful and I'll let you know about our guest once you're done."

Jim nodded as he watched McCoy turn from the bed and head to the door. "Hey, Bones?" Jim knew he was worried about him, he was worried himself but the look in his friends eyes, the concern on his face. "You know if I knew what was going on, I'd tell you, right? I-I mean, you'd be the first to know, you're my best friend after all." Jim gave him a small grin, his stomach twisting at the look on Bones' face.

Holding in a sigh, McCoy glanced from Jim to Spock then back. "Yeah, I know, now you two do," He wiggled his fingers in the air, a frown curving his lips down. "What ever the hell it is you need to and come find me when you're done." He looked back at Spock before leaving the room. "I'm leaving him in your hands for now, don't let anything happen to him." He gave Spock a hard look then left the room.

Spock nodded, watching as McCoy left, the door sliding shut with a soft hiss. Taking a deep breath, Spock turned to find Jim watching him. The cerulean blue gaze intent in their study of him. "Is everything alright, Captain?"

Jim blinked, his face heating as he tried not to think about everything he remembered. He was pretty sure Spock wouldn't want to see anything that involved them having sex. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Spock and grinned. "Yeah, just, uh, just thinking about something's." Sitting up straighter on the bed, Jim waited as Spock moved closer. "Ok, so, I'm not really sure how this works. Spock Prime didn't ask to see anything, he kind of just, showed me things." Jim frowned, he should have asked about that before he agreed to anything.

"As I have told Dr. McCoy. I cannot see anything you do not wish me to see. If it is forbidden, I will not press." Spock held back his curiosity at the look of relief that appeared in Jim's eyes. Was he trying to hide something from him? Did he not want Spock to know what, if anything, happened between him and his counterpart? Spock pushed down the hot flare of possessive jealousy. Jim Kirk did not belong to him and yet...he found himself wanting that thought to be true. "We will begin when you are ready, Jim." Spock held back the small thrill of pleasure as Jim's eye's held his, widening with an expression he'd never seen before. Taking an unsteady breath, Spock moved next to the biobed, waiting for his Captain to tell him what he wished to do next.

Jim could have sworn his body was on fire, the hot wave of lust that shot through him just from Spock saying his name was unnerving. Shaking his head, he looked up at Spock and took a deep breath. This was going to be hard for either of them to deal with but they would need to in order to understand what Jim was talking about. "Ok, so, uh, something's don't really make sense. I mean, I don't really know that much about Vulcan culture. You know, bonds, mind melds, and uh, pon farr? I'm not sure, I could be wrong." Jim frowned down at the blanket covering him, missing the look of surprise on Spock's face. "So, uh yeah, there's that then the fact that you and Bones both say Nilteva is still on the ship, alive and that Lorne was never brought up. Especially after..." Jim drifted off as he looked up at Spock, he was much closer than before and Jim could see the gold flecks in his eyes. Watched as the pupils dilated, forcing the dark chocolate rings to thin out, lighting with fire. "Spock..."

"You should not know of such things. These are not subjects that Vulcans discuss with outsiders." How did Jim know of something so private, so personal? Who would have discussed them so freely with him? Spock didn't believe his counterpart would have been so careless, aware of how important it is to preserve their culture. "You speak of things that you say you have no knowledge of however..." Spock broke of, confusion at the thought that maybe his counterpart had let something slip. What if he'd left something behind in Jim's mind and it was now beginning to alter Jim's thoughts.

"There's nothing wrong with me Spock, I mean, no more than usual, right? I'm not losing my mind am I?" Jim asked softly. He knew that there was something wrong, had known from the time he woke up. Which reality was real, the one he was in now or the one he remembered? Was this some type of experiment and he was somewhere locked up and no one could find him? Shaking his head, Jim sighed in frustration. "Ok, well sit down, I'll get a crick in my neck if I've gotta look up at you the entire time." He tried not to be to gruff with his words, letting out a soft sigh as Spock sat down on the bed next to him. Jim watched as Spock lifted his right hand and paused mid motion.

"Captain...Jim...if you do not wish to continue I will not go any further." Spock waited for a response. When Jim simply nodded, his face lifting towards Spock's fingers, he held back a soft growl of satisfaction. Blinking in confusion, Spock again pushed back the animalistic urge to press his finger to Jim's psi points and demand his thoughts. The pleasure at Jim's actions forced a primal response from him that he had not thought himself capable of. Raising his right hand, Spock moved closer, leaning over the man in front of him. He whispered the ancient words, the ones that would allow him access to the mind of the man he was beginning to desire above all others.

Jim resisted the urge to arch up into the soft touch. Unaware of his movements, he raised his hands, resting them on Spock's biceps. He shivered as the muscles beneath his hands flexed then relaxed. When they fell into the meld, Jim held back a groan. This wasn't as rushed as it had been with Selek, this was a slow, gentle push. One that seemed to ask permission before doing anything else. Trembling, Jim sucked in a quick breath. "Spock?"

Spock held back the desire to move through Jim's mind. The need to know what made the other man who he was, thrummed through him with an intensity that both surprised and confused him. He heard the soft breath, the question that went unasked. Refocusing on the task at hand, Spock moved through the images and information Jim gave him. It wasn't until he'd come to a particular group, did Jim resist.

No, Spock, not, uh, n-not those. That's kind of personal, I mean, i-it's not my memories but Selek's, I think.

Spock bit back the harsh growl of possessive jealousy that rose in his throat. The fact that his counterpart had left memories behind, memories that Jim guarded possessively, made his stomach churn with anger. Why would he be so careless? Why would he not make sure that Jim did not suffer any residual effects from the meld?

Will they help explain what has been happening to you, Jim?

Jim tried not to pull away from Spock, the desire to show him everything was overwhelming but somethings...somethings he wasn't ready to share just yet.

They, uh, they might? I'm not sure but just, please, w-we can deal with those later, ok?

Jim tried to keep his thoughts as neutral as possible, relieved when Spock didn't push to see what he refused to show. It wasn't until he'd come to the group threaded with a golden ribbon did Jim stiffen beside Spock. He hadn't really seen these memories before. They looked like the dreams he'd been having, locked away and protected by the ribbon.

How is this possible, for you to have...

Spock broke off as he examined the bright golden thread. Not getting to close, he watched as it moved through a set of memories that seemed to surprise Jim as well.

You do not remember these memories, Jim?

I don't...I-I'm not sure, I've been having dreams about some of the things here.

Jim stepped closer to where Spock was standing, a frown curving his lips down.

The ribbon, it looks like it's been ripped. See, the ends are frayed but the memories are still bound to it.

Spock stepped forward, reaching out to touch the bright thread. He examined the end of the ribbon, watched in fascination as it reached for him, the ends spreading out like a golden web. Spock held still, the desire to wrap himself in the gossamer threads was overwhelming. He sucked in a quick breath as a single thread wrapped around his finger. Something about this was familiar, as if they both had been here before.

Fascinating...

Spock couldn't hide the awe in his voice, watching as the threads spread out and wrapped around his hand, moving slowly up his arm. He gave a soft huff as they tightened, squeezing in a way that held Spock in stunned wonder.

"Spock," Jim moaned. He tried to remain still, his body beginning to thrum with the desire to touch, to move, to explore. "W-what's going on?" He was breathless with the need to press against Spock, to know if it was just him or if...

"I-I do not know, Jim." Spock moved closer to Jim, leaning further over him, Spock could feel the small breaths of air leaving Jim's lips. The intensity, the essence, the potency of Jim Kirk was slowly wrapping itself around him, thickening his blood and fueling his desire for the one person he should not want.

Spock clenched his jaw against the need beginning to thrum through him. The desire to lean down and taste the mouth before him, to seal Jim's breath between their lips, was beginning to test his control. Taking a deep breath, Spock fought back a groan. Jim having exhaled as soon as Spock inhaled, the action surprising and pleasing at the same time. Looking back at the threads, Spock started in surprise when he noticed that they were beginning to play the memories around it. Moving closer, he ran his hand over the silky ribbon, shivering at the soft breaths leaving Jim.

Spock, w-what the fuck...

Jim broke off breathlessly, fighting back a groan of pleasure. What the hell was going on? This isn't something he should be thinking about right now. Watching Spock with narrowed eyes, Jim struggled to control his breathing. He followed him, slowly looking through the memories in front of them. When he finally caught up with Spock, he sucked in a quick breath at the memory that flashed in front of him.

W-was that, Spock, d-did you just kill someone?

Spock looked at the memory in front of him in surprise. It hadn't taken him long to realize that the ribbon was playing everything in reverse, showing him events flowing opposite than when they really happened.

It would appear I have done so more than once, Jim. All directly related to you.

As Spock looked around them, he suddenly realized the danger they were in. The golden thread around them was the same one he'd seen during his meditation, matching the one that held a number of unknown memories for him as well. Memories that showed them bonded, sharing things he craved yet did not believe possible.

We must leave, immediately.

Spock stepped back, refusing to look at the rest of the memories in front of him. Knowing that the hidden memories in his mind would match Jim's. But how, how is this possible when they have never had any other physical contact since the Destruction of Vulcan? How is it that the one man he silently craved above all others, would have the other half of a broken Vulcan bond...his bond?

What, wait, Spock, what's going on? What does all of this mean?!

Jim watched in frustration as Spock tried to back away but was stopped by the threads wrapped around him. Shaking his head, Jim moved forward to help his friend get free. He started in surprise when Spock jerked away from him, the look in his eyes showed fear and something else, something he'd never seen before.

Spock?

Jim reached for him again, his hands brushing the hem of his blue science officer's shirt. He stared at the pale man in front of him, confused about what was going on and what they had seen.

Spock tried to keep out of Jim's reach. To be touched by him here, in Jim's mind, would undo what little control he had left. If he were to believe what he'd been shown, it would mean that he and Jim were destined to be T'hy'la. Something he did not believe he would find in another person, especially not someone as illogical and irrational as James Kirk. Yet the thought wasn't as distasteful as Spock had originally thought. The fact that he desired Jim should have been evidence enough as to how he felt.

We will discuss it once we have left the meld.

He tried to hide his breathless tone, tried to push back the desire to wrap himself in the threads pulling him forward. He knew he needed to find a way to extricate himself, to make sure he didn't do anything foolish or harmful to Jim.

Stepping back, Spock tugged on his arm, the original threads moved slowly down his arm, wrapping around his hand. The touch making him gasp out loud, his body shivering from desire.

"Jim..."

Spock hadn't meant to moan his name, the sound echoing around them in the empty medbay room. He tried to control his breathing but the threads were now slowly moving around his fingers, teasing his senses with a taste of the passions and desires that drove James Tiberius Kirk.

"Spock...Taluhk nash-veh k'dular..."

Spock jerked, the words were spoken softly in Vulcan but not within the meld. Slowly opening his eyes, Spock looked down at the man in front of him. Shaking, he pulled away as cerulean blue appeared, sharp, bright, and intense. "I was not aware..."

"That I could speak Vulcan? Yeah, well, Selek thought I should know how so he sent me some books and audio tapes." Jim watched the pale face in front of him. "I'm not, uh, I-I don't know what those particular words mean but I'm sure I can ask your counterp..."

"No," The word came out sharper than Spock had intended, the tone surprising both Jim and himself. "It is not necessary that you contact him in order to find the meaning to the words." Spock's tone was sharp, possessive, as he tried to control the desire to meld with Jim again. "I will help you find the answers you seek, Jim." Spock struggled with his control, the images Jim had shown him, memories that were not his but involved him in some way, were making him face things he'd never expected to. The most pressing one was his desire to claim Jim, to mate with him until he thought of no other but Spock. Moving back from the wide eyed man in front of him, Spock slowly stood up. He kept his gaze on Jim, trying to figure out what to do, how to handle the situation they now found themselves in. The questions as to how Jim Kirk was his mate weren't as pressing as to when he could possess him. Taking a deep breath, Spock studied Jim, noting the rapid breathing, dilated eyes, and the unconscious clenching of his hands in the sheets. "I will find Dr. McCoy and then we will discuss what it is you have shown me." He needed to escape, to leave the room before he physically attacked Jim. Nodding his head, Spock turned and fled, his steps sharp and quick as he left in search of Leonard McCoy.

Jim watched as Spock almost ran from the room, surprised to feel the ball of hurt curling in his chest. Looking down, Jim frowned as he thought about what they'd seen in the meld. What did it all mean? He knew it involved them but whose life was it, was it his or was it Selek and his Jim Kirk? Shaking his head, Jim sat up slowly, he needed to contact New Vulcan. He knew Spock meant well, that he wanted to help but they usually couldn't agree on anything except chess.

You agree enough to fuck each others brains out, obviously.

Jim groaned at the thought, laying back down on the bed. How, how was any of that possible?! He had felt the barely controlled desire Spock had held in check. All of it had been directed at Jim, for Jim.

Just because he wants you doesn't mean he cares for you.

"Shut up." Jim whispered. Spock wouldn't play with his emotions, no matter how he felt about Jim. "You don't know what you're talking about." He closed his eyes trying to block out the voice, it was familiar yet not. The taunts, he's heard them before but from who? Who would be cruel enough...

"Goddamnit Jim if you don't get out of your head and talk to me?!"

Jim jerked at the sharp voice. Looking up, he was met with a pair of angry sienna eyes. "Bones..." He looked behind his friend to find the room was empty, save for them.

"Christ, what did he do to you? You both look wrecked from the inside out." McCoy looked at Jim, eyes wide, voice full of concern. "Jim, talk to me will ya'? You're my best friend and I'm really beginning to worry about you."

"These, uh, th-these dreams, Bones, they may or may not really be dreams." Jim whispered.

"Just what the blue hell does that even mean?!" McCoy threw his hands up in frustration as he paced from the bed to the door and back. "First Spock damn near runs out of here as if the hounds of Hades are chasing him and now you're talking like a drunk riddler!" He looked at his friend's pale face. "Just what the hell is going on, Jim?"

"I've been having these dreams, about..." Jim broke of as he thought about how much to tell his friend. He loved Bones like a brother but there were somethings he was loath to tell him, especially if it involved Spock. "About Janjira, being attacked and kidnapped from the Enterprise. The things that happened feel so, real Bones, It's just, I-I don't know. Something's happening to me Bones and it's beginning to worry me too."

McCoy sighed as he looked at Jim. "But you weren't kidnapped, Jim, you're still here and we plan to keep it that way. As for what happened, I don't know what you're dreaming about but I've been here with you, as well as Spock and no one has been near you to hurt you." McCoy watched as Jim nodded, a frown working it's way across his usually smiling face. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"Let's talk about it when I get out of here, ok? You know how thin these walls can be." Jim said with a small upward tilt of his lips. He sighed as Bones' continued frown. "Seriously, once I'm out of here..." Jim was cut off by the sound of the door opening. Looking up, he tried to hide his pleasure at seeing Spock. "Hey, I. uh. I thought you'd ditched me." He hoped the hurt he'd felt hadn't bled through in his words. Watching Spock walk back into the room, Jim sucked in a quick breath as he let his gaze look him over. He wondered how it would be with Spock, would he be as closed off and distant like now? Or would it be something else, something more dangerous and hot? When McCoy scowled at Spock, Jim frowned. "Bones, what's the problem, now?"

"Spock thinks it'd be best to release you to your quarters, I, however, do not." McCoy glanced over at Spock then turned back to Jim. "He feels that you would be more comfortable there than you would be here. My concern isn't your comfort it's in your well being and I don't think..."

"You think it will help me figure out what's going on?" Jim cut off McCoy's rant, his gaze on Spock. When warm, chocolate brown eyes looked back at him, Jim had to fight to hide his reaction. He'd never seen that look in Spock's eyes before, the warmth simmering in the dark depths made Jim's stomach clench. Taking a shaky breath, he waited for Spock to give him an answer.

"As you are known to eventually leave sick bay against Dr. McCoy's orders, it would stand to reason that you would recover better in your own quarters. The suggestion I made was sound and based on facts to support..."

"Ok, ok, for the love of god, just, would you shut the hell up! You unfeeling, cold blooded..." McCoy growled in anger.

Jim's gaze narrowed as his head turned to McCoy. "Do not finish that statement, Bones. I love you like a brother but I swear if you..."

"Captain?"

Jim's gaze jerked up to the door, surprised to find Uhura standing in the doorway. Looking from Nyota to Spock then back, Jim tried not to show how tense he was. His earlier emotions still echoed through him, setting his nerves on edge and making him overly defensive. "Lt. Uhura, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?" Jim gave her a tight smile, wondering if she were here to see him or to see Spock.

"I came to check on you for one and to make sure Spock didn't forget dinner this evening." Nyota looked from Jim to Spock then back. "It's good to finally see you awake, Captain. We were all beginning to worry about you." She gave Jim a small smile, her gave giving him a quick once over.

Jim smiled, holding the dark gaze, he knew this game, had played it before and wouldn't fail to give a show as well. "Awww, well that's just to sweet. You guys must have really missed me if the message is coming from you, Lieutenant." He held back the groan of frustration as her eyes narrowed. "I'm just playing, Uhura, remember? All I'm about is jokes and games." Jim said softly, turning his head away from her. He closed his eyes as he listened to the conversation around him. He wanted to be alone right now, not sitting here listening to others make plans as if they involved him. Taking a deep breath, Jim turned to the group standing by the door. "Hey, guys, would you, uh, how bout you guys go ahead and leave." At the surprised looks from Uhura and McCoy, Jim shook his head. When Spock remained silent, Jim continued. "I know you all have plans and now that I'm awake you guys don't really have to worry about me, I'll be fine. Besides, I'm tired and want to get some sleep."

"You sure, Jim? I mean I'm on duty for the night so I don't mind sitting with you." McCoy frowned at his friend, worry making him look haggard, older than when they had started their journey.

"Yeah, Bones, I'm not a completely selfish bastard. Go, eat, relax, have fun, or do what ever it is you do in your down time." Jim gave him a small grin, keeping his eyes on McCoy. He refused to look at Spock or Uhura, knowing that he'd give himself away if he did. "Bring me a dinner roll though? I'm starving."

McCoy chuckled, "I'll get you something to eat but I'll be back. Like I said I'm on duty this evening so I'll sit with you." McCoy nodded to him, said his goodbyes to Uhura and frowned at Spock. "Don't you dare upset him before I get back." When Spock remained silent, McCoy growled low in his throat. "Do you hear me, Spock? Jim better be as calm as possible when I bring him his food."

"Then it would seem you would need to carry out the task as quickly as possible, would it not, doctor?" Spock saw the surprise that flitted across McCoy's face, heard the sharp breath from Nyota, but it was the feel of cerulean blue eyes on him that held him on edge. Looking away from McCoy, Spock looked up at Nyota. Her surprised gaze held his before moving to the blond man behind him then back. Spock saw the understanding, knew she could read the answer to her questions from his body language. He knew she could tell something was different now, more, intimate between Jim and himself. "I will meet you for dinner, Nyota." He spoke softly, aware that Jim was strangely silent behind him. Turning to McCoy, Spock took a deep breath. "I apologize for my sharp tone, doctor." When McCoy simply nodded then left the room, Spock waited as Nyota watched him.

"I should have seen it sooner, or maybe I did and wanted to pretend that I was just making things up." She looked up at Spock, her eyes filled with sadness. "I'll see you at dinner, we can talk then." She ran a hand down Spock's arm, squeezing his bicep. "If he hurts you, I will hurt him." She whispered. She gave Jim one last look then turned to Spock, nodded then left the room.

Spock watched as the door closed behind her. Turning, he looked at Jim, wondering what was going through his mind. "Captain..."

"Jim, Spock, my name is Jim."

Spock nodded, the intimacy of using Jim's first name implied a number of things and elicited a riot of emotions that Spock couldn't fully focus on at the moment. "Jim, I will return shortly, if it is acceptable to you, I will bring the chess set and we can finish our current game." He watched as Jim's gaze moved up to his in surprise. He wondered if maybe he had over stepped his bounds, maybe Jim didn't want him to come back.

"You, uh, you'll be back?" Jim was surprised. He had seen how close Spock and Uhura had been standing to each other. Wondered about what was whispered between them but had turned away when she had reached out and touched Spock. Jealousy churned in his stomach as he tried to erase the image from his mind. "You don't have to Spock, I'm sure Uhura is pissed you've spent so much time here anyway. Go enjoy your evening and I'll see you when you get a chance." Jim pushed back the hurt his own words elicited. He wanted Spock to stay with him instead of leaving but knew it wasn't his place to demand such a thing. "You deserve some free time after watching over me."

Spock frowned, did Jim not wish to spend time with him? Had he done something that Jim found displeasure with? "I do not..." Spock started but was interrupted by the return of McCoy with a tray of food.

"You still here? You better hurry up and get ready to meet Nyota. She said tonight was a special night for you guys." McCoy chuckled as he set Jim's tray in front of him, missing the pained expression that flitted across Jim's face. "You know Spock, I don't know how you did it but I'm surprised that you two have lasted this long."

Spock ignored the taunt, his gaze focused on the flushed face of the man partially hidden behind McCoy. He waited until Jim had looked up at him, his eyes wide and unblinking. "I will return shortly, if that is acceptable, Jim."

Jim blinked, surprised that Spock would insist on coming back. "Yeah, uh, sure. I-if you can make it back without any issue." He looked away from the dark gaze, focusing on the tray Bones sat down in front of him. Lifting one of the lids, Jim frowned. "Bones, what the hell is this? I need real food not this...this gruel." Jim pushed the tray away, his appetite having left with Spock's plans with Uhura.

"Don't you start with me, Jim. You may not want to eat it but it will help you replenish what you've lost." At Jim's mutinous glare, McCoy sighed then turned to Spock. "See if you can get him to eat something, I don't have time to argue right now. There are other patients that will appreciate my company more." He looked from Spock to Jim then back, shaking his head he left the room, muttering about stubborn, ungrateful best friends.

"I won't eat it." Jim said with a huff. He folded his arms across his chest and waited to see what Spock would do. Jim watched him from beneath his eye lashes, trying to gauge just how far he could push Spock before he broke. "Dungi klee'fah.(I will refuse.)" Jim growled in anger. He watched as Spock's gaze narrowed, barely hiding his surprise and something else. Something dark and possessive passing through the dark, liquid orbs.

"Du dungi-fam, Jim.(You will not, Jim)" Spock's tone came out harsh, his blood heating at the challenge in Jim's eyes. He resisted the urge to grab Jim, to pull him up off the bed and force him to bend to his will. He watched as blue fire narrowed on him, the tan face flushed red in anger. "You will eat what the doctor has brought for you." Spock watched as Jim's expression turned belligerent. "I will accept no refusal."

Jim's gaze narrowed into dangerous slits. "Just who do you think you are, Spock? If I don't want to fucking eat, I won't! Neither you nor Bones can make me eat if I..." Jim sucked in a sharp breath, letting it out on a shivery moan. Spock was kissing him,,,Spock was kissing him! Reaching up, Jim slid his fingers through Spock's hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened.

Spock growled low in his throat, the need to silence Jim, to make him bend to his will was thrumming through him in a steady tattoo. He wanted to dominate him, to force him to give in then sooth the anger with his passion. Pulling back, Spock looked down at the upturned face, the kiss swollen lips, and the wide, passion glazed eyes. It wasn't until Jim reached for him again did Spock pull back. He still had to meet with Nyota, he couldn't start anything with Jim until he ended things with her completely. "Jim..." Spock whispered against his lips. "I must...y-you need your rest as well as your strength. Please, Ashayam, you must eat, if for no other reason than to be able to leave sick bay."

Jim stiffened, he wasn't hungry and if Spock was leaving he wouldn't have an appetite until he came back...if he were coming back. "No, I'm not...just, go, you don't have to come back, Spock, I understand."

"I will return for thee, Jim." Spock said softly. He looked down into the blue eyes watching him. Tried to hold back the shiver that ran through him at the thoughts running through Jim's mind. "I will not abandon thee."

Jim watched Spock, unaware that he was sending his thoughts through his touch on Spock's scalp. Looking up, he slowly slid his hand through the jet black strands, shivering as they seemed to caress his fingers. "You'll return." Jim said softly, watching as he lifted his hand, Spock's hair slowly fell away, falling around the other's face in disarray. "You should wear your hair like this, I mean, not in front of everyone b-but just, sometimes, in your down time." Jim watched as the dark head bowed, as Spock seemed to struggle with something before looking back up at him.

"I will return in approximately one hour, forty-five minutes. If you have not eaten in that time I will have you removed from sick bay and back to your quarters." Spock tried to control the riot of emotions running through him. He'd felt more from Jim than he'd thought possible. "If the memories you have are to be understood, you will need to be where you feel safest. You do not enjoy sick bay, it would not be conducive to your recovering what you have lost."

Jim grinned up at the flushed face above him. "You think you have a way to help me out then?" He couldn't help the smile that curved his lips. He could tell when someone wanted him and from looking at Spock, he wanted him. When Spock nodded, Jim took a deep breath, his stomach churning as a thought popped in his head. What if Spock was only reacting to what he'd seen in the meld? What if this was just some type of dream and he has yet to wake up from it? How did he know that what he say was real not what he wanted to see. "You're sure we don't need to contact Selek? You can help me figure this out, right?"

Spock pushed back the urge to snap at the mention of his counterpart. He knew that it was unreasonable to be jealous but he couldn't help it. Not only had Selek touched the mind and claimed the body of his own Jim Kirk, his touch now haunted the mind of Spock's Jim Kirk. "I will do what I can to assist you, Jim. If we need to contact New Vulcan, I will do so then." He held his temper in check, trying not to give the small tendril of worry any time to grow. "Now, you must eat and rest." At the stiffening of Jim's jaw, Spock gave him a small quirk of his lips. "It is not necessary to always fight me, Ashayam. I will return to thee." Spock slowly moved away from the bed, his eyes drifting closed as Jim's hand caressed his cheek then slowly moved down. Spock was helpless against these emotions, never having felt them for another, he didn't know what he was supposed to do but he knew Jim did. He knew Jim could help him understand the other half of himself, help him find a way to exist in a world where different wasn't always seen as beautiful.

Jim smiled as Spock pressed his cheek against his hand. "The sooner you leave the sooner you'll be back." Jim said softly. He could feel a tingling spreading throughout his body from their brief contact. His dreams had been filled with small touches and laughter, of love and pleasure as well as pain and heartache. He'd wondered, not for the first time, what if he had a chance with Spock? What would it be like to just let go and give someone else control? Jim held in the small whine that rose in his throat as Spock moved back. Clenching his jaw tightly, Jim watched as Spock slowly backed out of the room, the dark gaze remaining on him the entire time.

When the door finally hissed shut, Jim sank back against the pillows. He needed to figure out a way to leave sick bay without alerting Spock or Bones. He needed to contact New Vulcan and find out if Selek could do anything to help. Looking around the room, Jim sighed, thankful he wasn't still hooked up to the heart monitor. Throwing off the blankets, Jim sat up and stretched, sighing as he slowly stood up. He swayed once his feet touched the floor, forcing him to close his eyes and take a deep breath. A sense of deja vu struck him as he breathed in and out slowly. He could feel the need to hide, to find some place safe so he could figure out his next move. Leaning against the bed for support, Jim moved over to the small closet on the other side of the room. He needed some clothes if he were to leave and he knew Bones took his uniform but Spock would have brought a spare set.

Opening the small door, Jim grinned, Spock had let a pair of jeans and a shirt, the last outfit he'd worn on shore leave. Reaching for the clothes, Jim sighed as he put them on, grateful for the fele of something familiar, something his own. He looked around for his shoes, frowning when he didn't find them. Sighing in frustration, Jim gave up his search and headed to the door. Once he'd made it out of sick bay and to his quarters, he would be fine. He could comm Selek, talk to him about what had happened, then wait for Spock...if he showed up. Jim paused in front of the door, his head dropping slightly as he glanced behind him. Spock had said he'd be back, he'd told him he would return and Vulcan's don't lie. Jim chuckled darkly, he knew better than anyone that wasn't entirely true. Shaking his head, he turned to the door and waited as it hissed open softly. Jim leaned through the doorway, listening for any signs that Bones or any of the nurses were nearby. Stepping out of the room, he slowly made his way towards McCoy's office, listening for any signs of someone having seen him.

When he turned the corner, Jim was surprised to see Spock standing in McCoy's office. Both men seemed upset, which wouldn't be unusual if Spock had not just told Jim that he was meeting Uhura. Frowning, Jim moved closer, curious about what was being said between the two.

"You can't expect me to accept that as a valid explanation, Spock. If he asks me what's going on, I'm supposed to pretend..."

"You would not be pretending, doctor. I am merely asking for the time to help the Captain figure out what is going on."

"How in the hell are you going to help him figure this out and you can't very well figure out how you feel about him?!"

Jim held his breath, waiting for the answer to McCoy's question. When it came Jim was stunned stiff, surprise and pleasure both warring for dominance.

"I owe him not only my life but the life of my father and those who made it off of Vulcan. Despite my initial judgment, Jim Kirk has shown that he is more than worthy of the respect due him. He has also become someone I trust, someone I would willingly protect, even if it means at the expense of my own life."

"Christ, you really are in love with him, aren't you?"

Jim didn't want to hear the answer, he already knew it. He'd seen it in the meld, had been having dreams about it, but this isn't how he wanted to hear it. Not in sick bay and not with anyone else around. Backing away from McCoy's office, Jim headed towards the double doors. He was almost out without being seen until someone from behind called out to him.

"Captain, everything alright?"

Turning, Jim froze when his gaze met Spock's dark one. Jim watched as Spock turned to face him fully, confusion in his eyes. Glancing over at the nurse who called out to him, Jim sighed. "No, Ensign Davies, I'm not a fan of sick bay and decided I'd rather be anywhere else but here. Now if you'd be a doll and distract Dr. McCoy and Commander Spock, I'd greatly appreciate it." Jim looked away from the Ensign and back towards McCoy's office. "Fuck." Jim muttered. He could see both men watching him, one dark gaze narrowed in anger, the other shuddered and blank.

"What, ah, w-what should I do, Captain?"

Jim turned back to the doors, moving faster than he probably should, he shrugged. "Right now Ensign, I don't really much care. Just give me a chance to make it to the turbolift." He muttered as the doors hissed open, stepping through, Jim took a deep breath and stiffened when Spock called his name.

"Jim?"

He didn't look back, his heart racing as he took off down the corridor, jumping into the first lift he found open, he looked back once. Groaning as the doors closed, Jim breathed deep to calm down his heart. He couldn't be around Spock right now, not after what he'd just heard. "Deck sixteen." Jim ordered the lift to the officer's living quarters. He would contact Selek and find out what the hell was going on, then he would focus on what he was feeling for Spock, face the real nature of their relationship and go from there. He could do this, he could figure this out as long as he had some idea of what was going on. "Computer, open a link to New Vulcan, priority one on my private channel."

"Link open."

Jim closed his eyes as he waited for the call to be answered. Leaning against the wall, he sighed as he thought about what he would say to his friend.

"Hello, old friend, are you well?"

Jim grinned as he opened his eyes and looked into a pair of warm brown ones. Much like Spock's but different, warmer, filled with a knowledge that Spock's did not contain. "Hey, old man, how's it going?" Jim chuckled weakly as he slowly eased into a sitting position, his head angled back as he looked up at the screen. "And I don't know how I'm doing. Something's going on and it has Spock and Bones worried." He watched as the face above him creased in concern.

"What has been troubling you, Jim? If it is something I can assist you with then I am more than willing."

Jim pushed himself up off of the floor as the lift stopped. "Hang on, let me get back to my quarters. Give me a few?" Jim watched as Selek smiled at him, the weathered face losing some of the years.

"Take all the time you need, Jim, I will always wait for you."

Jim chuckled, "It won't be long, promise." Jim said softly. He smiled at the face in front of him. He wasn't sure why but Selek made him feel comfortable, safe where as Spock made him feel wild, free to be him. "I just, I need your help. Not that Spock probably can't do it but..." Jim could feel his face heating and his stomach clench as he thought back to their meld.

"You do not wish to share everything with him just yet?"

Sighing, Jim shook his head, "I'll explain in a few, ok? Don't, uh, don't go anywhere?" He could feel a warm fondness move through him at Selek's small chuckle.

"As I have said before, Jim, I will always wait for you."