I'm going to change gears in this chapter, and hopefully explain a bit better why Sawyer is taking it upon himself to look out for Annie, and why I think Jack would let him. If you have any ideas for upcoming chapters, let me know, because I'm trying to walk the fine tightrope between them developing a mutal respect and being too nice, and it's really hard! I hate to say it, but I think they need Kate to shake things up!
Chapter 11. Now What?
Jack had all but made up his mind to hire a professional, but Sawyer's words touched him, so much that he began to reconsider. It hadn't really occurred to him that by bringing in a surrogate mother for Annie, he was replacing Kate in her life, but now that the southerner had pointed it out, he wasn't sure that he liked the idea either.
Sawyer might not have the degrees or the experience most people would look for in a nanny, but Jack was beginning to realise that he was probably the only other person who would ever love Kate the way he did. As long as Annie was a part of her, he would protect her with his life, so if neither he nor Kate could be there with her every minute of the day, then Sawyer was probably the next best choice.
Now that the southerner had shown him his hand, his offer didn't seem as amusing as it had in the car, so Jack vowed to stop making fun of him after that, and focus his attention on guiding him instead. Good intentions aside, he still had a lot to learn before Jack could feel comfortable leaving him to his own devices with Annie, but he was surprisingly eager, making him confident that he could be taught. It wasn't perfect, but then nothing about this situation was.
"Uh, Doc? She just stopped," Sawyer said, looking up from the baby with a helpless expression, snapping Jack out of his thoughts.
Annie had let go of the bottle and was lying placidly against his elbow as she tried to focus on the sound of his voice. "That's okay, it just means she's full," Jack explained with a gentle laugh when he checked the level of the formula; it was hard to believe that the man he'd once helped torture in the jungle was afraid of a nine day old infant.
Sawyer relaxed a little on hearing that this behaviour was normal, setting the bottle down on the table in front of him. "So now what?"
"Now you have to burp her to get the air out of her stomach."
"Air?" he repeated, his brow furrowing in concern, as if he didn't like the sound of this. "I thought you said she was full?"
"She is," Jack agreed, "but some of that is air, so unless you want her to get gassy…"
"I really don't," Sawyer said quickly, moving Annie against his shoulder as he waited for further instructions. "So how do we do this?"
He wasn't holding her right, her head lolling loose against his arm, so Jack reached up and shifted his hand to the back of her neck. "She's a baby, not a sack of potatoes. She can't hold her own weight, so you have to make sure her head and back stay supported," he explained, waiting for Sawyer to readjust his grip before he returned to his seat.
"Good, but you might wanna get a towel or something," he suggested, picking one up off the counter and offering it to him, but the southerner just gave him an irritated look.
"What the hell do I want a towel for?"
When he didn't take it, Jack figured he would find out soon enough, so he decided to move on rather than draw out the process by arguing. "Now just pat her back gently – not too hard," he snapped when Sawyer, wincing, clapped his left hand a little too forcefully against her, "but not too soft either or you won't get it all out."
It took Sawyer a few minutes of alternating between light taps and firm pats to find the right rhythm, before she expelled the air she was holding, along with some of the milk from her bottle. "Ugh," he complained, scrunching up his face as he scrubbed at the mess on his shoulder with the hand from Annie's back. "I know I said she don't look like you, but she's definitely your kid."
When Sawyer glared at him, Jack couldn't help grinning, regarding his daughter with affection as he took her back. She definitely was. "I told you might want a towel," he reminded him, kissing Annie's soft curls as the southerner went to clean himself up for the second time that day.
"You sure this is hygienic?" Sawyer asked a while later as they prepared to bathe her in the kitchen sink.
"I never would've picked you as a germ freak," Jack told him, raising an eyebrow as he turned off the tap, dipping his elbow into the water to make sure that it wasn't too hot. "You have to remember to check the water temperature before you put her in. Don't use your hand, though – the skin isn't sensitive enough."
"I ain't one of those OCD types," the southerner replied, his tone defensive, nodding to show that he'd heard as he popped the buttons on Annie's sleepsuit. "Not even close, but shouldn't we do this upstairs?"
"The sink in the bathroom is too small, and it's too easy for her to slip out of your hands in the tub," Jack explained, gesturing for him to continue as he peeled off Annie's diaper.
His words must have unnerved Sawyer, because instead of coming up with another comment or witty one-liner, the southerner focused his attention on Annie, easing her into the water as if he thought she might dissolve. "Now what?" he asked once he'd submerged her up to her chest. He didn't loosen his hold as he looked up at Jack, gripping the back of her neck and shoulders tightly as she lay cradled in the crook of his right arm.
Jack set a washcloth and a bottle of baby wash on the sideboard in front of him. "Now you wash her. But be careful of her eyes," he added as an afterthought, even though it went without saying. "They're more sensitive that ours, so you can't get the soap anywhere near them. You shouldn't even use it on her face."
Sawyer furrowed his brow, narrowing his eyes as he looked down at her, as if he were contemplating a difficult climb. "How the hell'm I supposed to do that and hold onto her at the same time? I only got two hands, and that's gonna take at least three."
"You can let go of her with one hand, just make sure you've got her with the other," Jack told him, his own hands hovering close enough to catch her if need be, as he waited for Sawyer to pick up the cloth.
It was another moment or two before he was confident enough to let go with his left hand, showing the same delicate care that he once had towards Kate as he wiped over Annie's tiny body. When he was done, he lifted her into the towel Jack held out for him, redressing her in the same slipshod manner as before. Her diaper stayed on this time, though it was crooked, sitting more snugly over one hip than the other.
"Must be about nap time," he said, looking hopeful, once she was settled in his arms again, "'cause I gotta tell ya, I could do with one myself."
"She's been up for far too long already," Jack agreed, grinning as she let out a delicate yawn. The more time he spent with her, the more he was in awe of the fact that she was already a perfectly formed little human being. "Much longer and we'll both be sorry."
Sawyer was more timid and nervous than Jack had ever seen him as he climbed the stairs to the nursery with Annie still in his arms, laying her gently in her bassinet. Jack showed him how to settle her so that she wasn't in danger of suffocating, and then he collapsed into the rocking chair, letting it swing back and forth as he let out a long sigh, closing his eyes.
"I can't believe people actually try for those things," he said, but there was an unmistakable hint of affection in his tone. As much as he pretended not to be, Jack could tell that he was already smitten with Annie, not the least of all because of her resemblance to Kate. She was a little piece of her that would never leave him, never hurt him the way Jack knew the real Kate had; that would never have to choose. Even though Jack was her father, that didn't preclude the possibility of her loving Sawyer as well, because it was a different, purer, more instinctual kind of love to the one they'd both sought from her mother.
"Congratulations," Jack said as he straightened up from kissing his daughter goodnight, deciding that in spite of all the reasons to reject Sawyer's offer, he really wanted him her life. He was pretty sure Kate would too. "Do all that again tomorrow, and I might have to get you that apron."
I'm sorry, but I had to do that spitting up joke just because I can see the look on Sawyer's face!