Chapter 11

After about the twentieth switchback, Tony was wondering if anything would make this drive worth it. Not as bad as it could have been, but there had been a few sharp turns to get up the mountain.

"How many more switchbacks, Probie?" Tony asked.

"Just five or so. We're almost there," Tim said. "Remember that this was your idea."

"You could have talked me out of it," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "When have I ever been able to talk you out of anything?"

"There's got to be one time."

"I doubt it. It was your idea and I just made you do the driving."

Tony smiled and kept his focus on the road as they went around yet another switchback.

And suddenly, they were in a parking lot.

"We made it!" Tony said, almost surprised.

"Well, I would hope so," Tim said. "I'd hate to think you started on this drive planning on us dying on the way up."

Tony grimaced and then glared at Tim before finding a parking place. He parked and they paid the fee before walking to the overlook.

"Wow," Tony said. "That's quite the view."

And it was. The crest wasn't quite a mountain peak. It was a long line of mountains all about the same height without much separation, but the Sandia Mountains gave a wonderful view of the valley below, including the city of Albuquerque which they'd be driving through soon enough. Then, Tony realized that Tim wasn't right next to him. He was standing back, just a little. Tony smiled.

"No glass floors this time, Tony. Please don't try to make me get closer than I want to be," Tim said. He was only half joking.

"I promise. There's no way I'd risk letting you get hurt. Delilah would kill me and you're not worth that."

"Well, I'm glad something will stop you."

"There has to be something, doesn't there."

"I guess so."

That strange expression flitted across Tim's face again, but he didn't say anything and Tony didn't address it. Instead, they both started taking pictures of the view. Tim didn't stay way back, but when Tony was leaning as far forward as he could to take a picture, Tim was standing a few feet away from the wall or the railing to take his photos.

"We need one picture of the two of us, McGee," Tony said. "Just one, and I won't make you get too close. Just close enough that we can see that we're on top of the world."

"Lookin' down on creation?" Tim asked.

"Huh?"

"Carpenters?" Tim suggested.

"You like the Carpenters?"

"I didn't say that. You said it...and you knew the song. So you like the Carpenters?"

"I didn't say that, either."

Tim grinned. "You know the words. I can see it. You're just beating them back because you've decided it's not cool to like a group like that."

"If you think it's fine, then you start singing."

Tony knew that Tim never would. He wasn't like that. He didn't perform like Tony did. There weren't too many people up here, but there were enough that Tim wouldn't do it.

He wouldn't. Tony knew it.

And Tony was wrong.

Suddenly, Tim walked over to a part of the overlook...

...and he started to sing, holding his phone up like a microphone.

"Such a feelin's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream.

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen."

At first, Tony was so shocked that he wasn't even sure of what to do, but then, he realized that Tim wasn't using his phone like a microphone. He was actually singing into it. He had managed to call someone without Tony noticing.

"I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world."

There was a couple openly staring as Tim sang, facing the valley below. Tony looked at them and grinned. They chuckled and then went on their way as Tim stopped his impromptu concert and turned around.

"Who were you singing to, Tim?" Tony asked.

"No one," Tim said, his face more than a little red.

"Oh, come on."

"No, I wasn't. I was making a video and now I'm going to send it to Delilah."

"Well, it was very 70s."

"Ha. Very funny," Tim said.

"Could you sing the second verse, too?"

"Probably not. It's been a while. I wasn't sure I'd remember the first verse."

"Well, I'm sure she'll be heartily impressed."

"She'd better be," Tim said. "I'm heartily embarrassed."

"Then, why did you do it?" Tony asked.

Tim shrugged and they went on their way. They found someone to take a picture of them with the mountains and valley visible behind them. Then, Tony saw the gift shop.

"We have to go in here and buy something," he said.

"Okay. I'm fine with that."

They went into the Sandia Crest House, and realized it was more than a gift shop.

"Hey, they have food! You want to get something to eat up here? It's probably a bit pricy but..."

"...but how often are we going to be able to eat in a restaurant on top of a mountain?" Tim finished.

"Exactly."

"I'm fine with that, too, but let's buy souvenirs first. Then, eat."

"Sounds good."

The gift shop was mostly the usual t-shirts and knickknacks and such, but there were a few nicer things, including some locally-made jewelry. Thinking of Jo, Tony walked over to the jewelry displays. He looked through what was available and decided to buy a simple silver necklace. The charm was sterling silver with a single, small turquoise bead. It was pretty but not too expensive. Always a good combination. He looked over and saw Tim picking out a square-shaped glass pendant with shades of green running through it.

"Nice choice, Tim."

Tim looked up, startled, and then smiled a little awkwardly.

"I don't buy Delilah a lot of jewelry. I think the wedding ring was the last successful jewelry purchase I made."

"Oh, come on. I'll bet she loves it."

Tim shook his head. "Not usually. Usually, she's just polite about it."

Tony had a hard time believing that, but he let it pass.

"What did you get?" Tim asked.

"A necklace for Jo." Tony held it up.

"That's pretty. I like it."

"I do, too."

They both kept their necklace choices and then bought a few t-shirts before grabbing something to eat in the restaurant part of the shop. They had beautiful views as they ate and then it was back to the car.

"You drive us back down and I'll drive the rest of the way today," Tim said.

"Deal," Tony said. He wasn't thrilled, but he'd get a break from driving as soon as they got down.

It was mostly quiet as they went down the mountain, and there was a feeling in the air that Tony couldn't identify. It was almost anticipatory, although he didn't know why. He just felt like it meant something was coming. He just wasn't sure what it was.

They got down and Tony drove them to a gas station to fill up the tank and switch drivers. He was relieved to have the break from driving, but it was a lot later than they'd planned.

"Tim, I don't think we're going to make Flagstaff," he said.

"I don't, either. Too much time doing other things. That's okay. We'll figure it out."

"Okay. I guess that means I'll figure it out."

"Yeah, I think so, too," Tim said and smiled a little.

"Okay."

Tony got out the atlas and started looking at it in more detail.

"What's going on, Tony?" Tim asked, after a few seconds.

Tony looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that yesterday you were all over me, being pushy and confrontational, and today, you're acting like nothing happened. What's going on?"

"I just had a change of heart," Tony said. "Nothing big."

"No," Tim said, sternly. "No, don't just pass this off as if it's nothing. What's going on?"

Tony decided to gloss over having called Ducky. Tim didn't need that added stress of knowing that people really were talking about him.

"It occurred to me that you might just start feeling better about things if you had some time to really relax and stop stressing, even if I'd rather try to force you to feel better. It occurred to me that my good intentions might not be helping."

"And?"

"And so, I decided that I'd back off and hopefully you'll figure out what a great guy you are some other way."

Tim's brow furrowed. "Meaning?"

"Meaning that you need to set your life aside more and relax while you can."

"I have too many things to worry about to set it aside," Tim said. "They don't go away just because I'm not there."

"What's the list?"

"I have to worry about my job. It's stressful even in the best of circumstances. I have to worry about my wife having twins. I have to worry about my son and making sure that he doesn't get lost in the shuffle while everyone's worrying about the twins. I have to worry about me. I have to worry about...about what's going to happen in a few months when the maternity leave is over and we have to figure out what's going to happen next."

Tony hesitated and then decided to ask.

"Have you thought about quitting?" he asked.

"Yeah."

That was it.

"And?"

"And sometimes, it seems like a good idea. Sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes, I think it would be better for everyone if I just gave up and threw in the towel, admitted that I'm just not suited for this. Sometimes, I just can't fathom giving up the job I've always wanted."

Tony was about to disagree, but Tim added one more thing.

"But Delilah says no," he said with a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Because I wouldn't be quitting because I really wanted to. I'd be quitting because I didn't think I should be there...or something. But she's said that I can't quit. But she doesn't know if she wants to quit, either. We have the time. She's getting maternity leave and, because of the circumstances, Vance is going to give me paternity leave, too. We have the time, but we still don't know how much time because...she could go into labor any day."

Silence fell, and Tony was going to move on when suddenly, Tim added something. His grip on the wheel tightened a little.

"And I'm really scared, Tony," he said, almost in a whisper.

"Of what?"

"Of something going wrong. I don't feel like I can talk about it at home. Delilah doesn't need to dwell on it. Tommy is too young to understand, but it's always there in the back of my mind. Twins are always a little more risky, a little more dangerous for both the mother and the babies. And for Delilah...it's been so hard for her this time around. I'm so scared that something is going to go really horribly wrong and...I'll lose her or them or both. I don't know if I could..."

"You could," Tony said, interrupting before Tim could talk himself into something worse. "You won't have to, but you could deal with whatever you had to deal with."

"I just wish things could be easy. I wish my life wasn't so hard."

"I hate to tell you, Tim, but that's not really what you want."

"Huh?" Tim asked, looking over at him for a moment.

"You don't want things easy. You never have."

"I certainly don't want them to be hard."

"Yes, you do."

Tim actually seemed a little irritated, but Tony smiled.

"You've got the life you want, pretty much, right?"

"I guess so."

"Then, you don't want it easy. You want a job? Your job is hard. It's always going to be hard, even at its best, and yet, you've always wanted it and even now, you're saying that you don't want to give it up. You wanted a wife? You've got that. Marriage is hard. Look at..." He stopped himself before mentioning Gibbs. "Look at what's going on all over in the country. People getting divorced right and left for every reason under the sun or for no reason other than boredom. Marriage isn't easy and lots of people aren't willing to work for the hard stuff. So that's hard. Kids? Kids are hard. Really hard. The rewards make them worth it, but they're hard. So you don't want easy. You want hard and you've got it."

Tim was quiet for a few minutes.

"But sometimes, I just want to run away from everything. Get away from the hard stuff and not have to think about it."

"I'll bet everyone does. That's why you take a vacation. Go on a road trip. So that you can remember the good stuff that compensates for the hard stuff."

"Couldn't the hard stuff be easy every now and then?" Tim asked, almost smiling but sounding a little plaintive.

"Sure. I'll bet that, when your twins are born, you'll have a split second where nothing matters but them and it will be the easiest thing in the world and I hope I'm there to see it because I'll bet you'll have the goofiest smile on your face ever."

Now, Tim did smile, but there was a bit of anxiety there, too. Tony didn't blame him. He was relieved that Tim would admit to that much. So he put out his hand and squeezed Tim's shoulder.

"It's okay to admit that it's too hard sometimes, Tim. Doesn't make you weak or wimpy or dumb. It just makes you human."

Tim's smile wavered a little, but he didn't reply to that statement. That was okay. Tony knew he'd heard it.

"Now. How far do you want to go?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. It's probably another five hours to Flagstaff, isn't it?"

Tony looked at the map.

"Yeah. Pretty close, I think. You have five hours of driving in you?"

"I don't know, Tony. It'll be close to eleven. Do you want to push it that much?"

"I'm not the one driving, Tim," Tony said. "It's totally up to you. If you want to stop sooner, I'll see what I can find. If not, I'll find a hotel in Flagstaff."

It was quiet for a few minutes. Tony let Tim think about it. It was definitely his decision.

"Tomorrow is when we'll be going to the Grand Canyon."

"Yeah, but we have all day for that," Tony said. "It's not a big deal."

"No," Tim said, firmly. "You really want to go there. I can tell. It's like Mount Rushmore. It means something for you to go there. I want you to have as much time there as possible, and if we have to spend three hours driving there tomorrow, that's three hours we won't have there. So we'll go all the way to Flagstaff."

"Tim..."

"No! Flagstaff," Tim said. "You can find us a hotel there."

"Okay, okay."

Tony wondered at Tim's determination, but then, as Ducky had said, Tim was still feeling guilty about what he'd put people through. It was entirely possible that he felt that Tony needed the chance to do something he wanted to do. Tony found a hotel and booked it. It was a nicer hotel because, by the time they got there, Tony was pretty sure that they'd both be wanting to have a nice bed to sleep in.

"Got one in Flagstaff," he said.

"Good."

Silence again.

"I want you to have fun, Tony," Tim said, after a while. "I don't want it to be about me this time."

"It's not. Well... it is, but that's because it's about both of us. We're both having fun. Both of us."

"We're still going to Flagstaff," Tim said.

Tony chuckled. "Okay. Just don't fall asleep. Neither of us would be having fun, then."

"I know."

They drove along I-40, managing to talk, Tony mostly trying to make sure that Tim stayed awake and alert as the sun went down and it got dark.

They were about an hour's drive away from Flagstaff.

"Oh, the Meteor Crater," Tim said, suddenly into a lull in the conversation.

"Huh?" Tony asked. He'd almost been drowsing.

"The Meteor Crater. I remember seeing pictures of that in my textbooks when I was a kid. Always wanted to go there, but I never did. I'm sure it's closed now...at ten p.m."

"What is it?" Tony asked. "Or is it as obvious as it sounds?"

"It's as obvious as it sounds," Tim said. "It's a relatively recent crater formed about 50,000 years ago. The crater is nearly a mile wide. It's privately owned, but people can still go there. I hadn't thought about it being so close. I knew it was in Arizona, but I never thought we'd be driving anywhere near it."

Tim was silent again. After a few more miles, the exit for Meteor Crater Road came up and Tim seemed a little wistful, even in the darkness of the car.

"Oh, well," he said. "I have no idea how far we'd have to drive to get to it anyway. It could be a terrible road, too."

"Yeah. Who knows when it's privately owned?" Tony agreed. "It could be really terrible."

"Yeah. And maybe it wouldn't be as cool in person anyway."

"Yeah."

And suddenly, Tony decided that they were going to make it to Meteor Crater. If they didn't have time on Wednesday, they'd go on Thursday before they started toward California again. Tim really seemed to want to see it and there was no reason that they couldn't backtrack just a little bit to see something he really wanted to see. That was the only reason Tony would let them backtrack.

But he didn't say anything. He was sure that Tim would resist out of some misguided feeling that he shouldn't let Tony do anything for him. That didn't matter. He was going to get them there.

Finally, the lights of Flagstaff began to appear. Tony directed Tim to the hotel, called Little America, just off I-40. When they got there, both of them were exhausted after the long day. They checked in and went to their room.

Tim dumped his bag on the floor, kicked off his shoes and then lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. Tony smiled a bit at that and got ready for bed. When he came out of the bathroom, Tim actually looked genuinely asleep.

"Tim?"

A muffled, incoherent noise was all the acknowledgment he got.

"You should really do a little more than take off your shoes to go to bed."

"Don...wanna," Tim mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Do it anyway."

Reluctantly, Tim opened his eyes and sat up. He grabbed some clothes, stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door. Tony was feeling tired himself, but he was really seeing just how tired Tim had been. Normally, he would be tired from driving for the last few hours, but not that tired. A couple of minutes later, Tim stumbled out of the bathroom, eyes only half open and went back to the bed. This time, he lay down under the covers. His eyes closed all the way and he seemed to be asleep in seconds.

"Tim?" Tony asked, very softly.

No reply. With a smile, Tony lay down.

And fell asleep.