Posted 18 Aug 2012
Girlfriend and the ex, that's a bad plan.
A superhero, a spy wannabe, a bearded troll, and a kidnapped nerd walk into a yogurt shop…
Mere seconds later
Morgan reached the Double-O just after Alex. He was surprised Sarah wasn't already inside. "Why didn't you just smash your way in?"
"This was a CIA base entrance, right? The glass would be bullet proof," Sarah explained as she finished picking the lock. That didn't take much longer than window shattering and was a lot cleaner. "Now where?"
"Freezer." Morgan slid by and led the way behind the counter and through the door to the back.
Sarah immediately went to the security panel, carrying a LargeMart-branded bag of tools. Morgan suspected that there wasn't a receipt in the bag. As expected, the security panel had no power. The room was dark, so Morgan found the circuit breaker panel behind a wheeled storage rack and turned on all of the switches except the second to last one, which controlled the security panel and Castle entrance lock. When Anna arrived, Alex brought her to the back with a disapproving scowl. Morgan left Anna and Sarah to work and went out to the screen behind the yogurt counter, where the computer was booting up. In the other room, he heard the high-pitched whirl of some kind of power saw.
What was he thinking, bringing Anna along on the mission? It's all Chuck's fault. Since Chuck wasn't here, they needed tech support. As Michael Carmichael, Morgan should be filling in for Chuck on this mission, but he lacked that vital part of the skill set. It's not like Anna could come up with the plan, though, so that was still his job. That made Morgan an Intersect-less half-a-Chuck. Sarah was still Sarah, and Alex was a Casey. They'd be ok. Wait. If he was Chuck and Sarah was Sarah… That didn't work so well last time. The real Chuck had to save them and jump out a window onto the roof of a van. Maybe Alex should be Sarah. That would make Sarah the person filling in as Casey. Then Alex and he would be paired up. Yeah, that sounded good. But what if—
"Morgan, you're spiraling." Morgan startled as Alex stepped behind him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her chin on his shoulder. "What are we looking at? Ant races?"
"Security cameras for the Buy More. They're all snow because it looks like this system was never connected with the new system after the Buy More was rebuilt."
"So that's why you're spiraling?"
"No. It's about what role I—we—have in this mish."
"Ah. Am I Casey or Sarah?"
"I love how much you get me."
Alex reached up and scratched his beard. "So…"
"That's what I'm worried about. I feel like I should be Chuck, but that would make you Sarah, and Sarah should really be Sarah."
"So why can't I be Casey? I do have Casey genes."
"The last time Sarah and I paired up, Chuck had to rescue all of us, even your dad. This was back when I was being a douche."
"You're not now, so don't worry about it. You could just be yourself on this mission. You know, Cobra."
"That's sweet, but there are lives at stake here!" Morgan felt himself beginning to spiral again.
"The Avengers is coming out in a few months. Maybe we could be Avengers. You'd be Bruce Banner, perfectly sweet unless you fell under the wrong influence. Sarah would be Black Widow. And I would be… Hmm…"
"Agent Maria Hill, the one who's going to be played by Cobie—"
"You're kidding me," Anna interrupted. "You actually engage him in his ridiculous debates? Your funeral. Just don't get him talking about sandwiches."
"Why would that be a problem? We are in complete agreement about the appropriateness of cold cuts in a tropical region," Alex countered. There was a hint of aggressiveness in her voice despite her big close-mouthed smile.
Morgan decided to step in before things got out of hand. "Anna, shouldn't you be helping Sarah?"
She shrugged. "She didn't seem to need my help."
Sarah joined the group. "I have years of experience breaking through high security doors and vaults. Disabling the antenna simply required cutting through the wall with a jigsaw and cutting a single wire."
Oops. Maybe he shouldn't have dragged Anna along. He forgot that Sarah could do anything, even five years ago.
"I've activated the panel," Sarah said, "but I need your help on the next part. My retina scan is still in the local database, but I don't remember my code."
"Oh great. Here I'm supposed to be Chuck on this mission, but I don't know how to hack your security code. Maybe Anna—"
"Morgan, it's ok. Chuck probably knows it. It's probably the day we met or my birthday or something. It doesn't matter. I doubt anyone else could hack it fast enough. However, didn't you have clearance to this part of the base?"
Sarah had a point. "Oh yeah… One retina scan and security code coming up."
Morgan hurried to the door to be scanned. Of course he remembered his code: 3263827. It was a good thing his movie memories were fully restored. A moment later, they were descending into Old Castle.
"For the record, Morgan, I'll just be Sarah on this mission. I'm not planning on being a widow any time soon."
"Sorry, Sarah. You're right. It's not a very good Avengers name anyway because you and Chuck captured the real Black Widow a few years back, before I was on the team. Although, I wonder if the real Black Widow got her name from the Marvel one."
"Why not from the spider?" Anna asked with a hint of sarcasm.
"Nerd education later, Morgan. Where to?" Sarah asked.
Anna didn't back down, "Because this dump is a storage room, not some secret spy base."
Morgan looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. If Anna only knew what this place was like in its heyday. Sure, the new Castle was way cooler. It was further underground for security, and it was nice that they could take an elevator or a slide to get there instead of hoofing it down a long hallway or hurrying across a parking lot. Regardless, the country's security was saved many times in this very room. There should be a monument or something.
Morgan led the group through the main room, which no longer contained computer screens or even a table, past the empty armory and open holding cells, and around the corner to the main hallway.
"There's no way I'm going that far in these heels," Anna complained.
Sarah was already jogging down the hall in her boots. Alex wordless opened the nearby storage closet. Morgan heard the slight hum of a little electric engine and complained, "Head start! No fair!"
"Then you better get a move on," Alex called back as she backed out of the closet on a Segway. She started down the hall, as Morgan and Anna each took another one.
"Do you know how to—"
"Yes, Morgan!" Anna snapped. "Now get out of my way!"
Morgan and Anna backed out of the closet and took off to catch Sarah and Alex. Morgan closed the distance rather easily. He'd like to think it was because of his superior skills honed from countless races with Chuck and later Alex, but actually it was because Alex was looking over her shoulder, taunting him with an evil grin. Sarah still beat them to the new Castle. It was further underground than the old one, so her run was downhill. It's not like the Segways went that fast anyway.
Morgan went to work powering up the lights and computers, while Alex and Anna parked their transports out of the way. Sarah looked over at the electric vehicles and observed, "Our business wasn't very successful. Was it?"
"Chuck and I bought the Segways after we got into trouble for making too much noise with the pinball machine. These kept us out of the way of the 'Angry One.' We purchased three so you could race us too, but then we lost all of our money to the 'Exploded One', you and Chuck got more serious about the business. So they weren't used much until I showed them to Alex when I was trying to win her back."
Morgan had rapid fired the explanation and like was often the case, he couldn't tell if Sarah disapproved, didn't hear, or didn't care. She did at least wait until he finished before heading to the armory. Chuck had told Morgan she was mostly back. Morgan wasn't sure. He wanted his friend back. The one he had the secret handshake with. The one who quirked her smile and looked like she wanted to race Segways despite complaining about the cost. Sometimes the old Sarah shined through. Maybe she just missed Chuck.
Sarah called out to Morgan as the other two women joined him at the central terminal. "Do we have defenses?"
Morgan projected his voice so she could hear him, "We used to have them up top. Mounted machine guns and everything. The CIA removed then when they moved out. They weren't too effective anyway. The first chance you got to use them, they were hacked and disabled. We still have some down here but some were damaged when the bombs went off. Others stopped working after they were frozen."
"Sounds like Carmichael Industries should have designed the security instead of the CIA," Alex suggested.
Sarah called back, "Just give me eyes on the targets and a way in." Maybe she was just in mission mode.
Anna stopped holding her tongue, "No wonder the Buy More is doing inventory. You guys stole all of this and moved it down here."
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but even your little security equipment business doesn't sell white-noise cancelling parabolic mics, cameras that record visible and infrared at high resolution through walls, and video switching that lets me spread all of that across monitors with the wave of my hand." Despite Morgan's theatrics, he actually divided the camera feeds across the monitors with a few key strokes. "It can't be stealing when Chuck and Sarah owned the Buy More anyway." That seemed to shut Anna up as she tried to process what she had heard.
Morgan flipped through the surveillance cameras, identifying a sentry at the front, a sentry at the back, four menacing people working in the home theater room, and guard in front of a cramped cage full of green shirts and nerd herders. They were too spread out for Sarah to take them alone. This was his moment. He needed a plan.
Sarah joined them at the table, completely geared up in a tactical vest with smoke and flash-bang grenades. She had a several knifes and hand guns mounted on her leg straps and belt.
"Um, Sarah. I thought you were going to be Sarah. You look more like Casey," Morgan said.
Anna laughed, "John Casey, the angry burnout green shirt who played army guy on the weekend."
Alex's eyes narrowed. "No, the ex-marine national hero. One of the world's greatest snipers. My father!"
Anna released another abrupt laugh. "You're John Casey's daughter?" She pointed to Morgan, "You're dating John Casey's daughter? Yeah right. He'd kill you first."
Sarah took over. "Anna, you need to be quiet now. As I said earlier, Morgan is ex-CIA. From what I've been told, he was dating Alex before he moved out of Chuck's and my home and moved in with Casey, so obviously he approves. You have two choices. One: Sit quietly and wait to see if Morgan's plan needs your help—"
"We could use her as a diversion or a human shield," Alex suggested.
Sarah leveled a serious look at Alex which quieted her immediately. "Or Two: I let Alex lock you up in one of our holding cells." The second option had Alex smirking and Anna wide-eyed and mute. "Morgan, what's my entrance point?"
This is it. Pressure time. Time to save the day. Diversions… decoys… dead bodies everywhere… No, those would be plan D. Need a plan A, maybe a plan B, or multiple plan A's. Not a plan D.
Everyone waited patiently. Alex rubbed her hand down Morgan's arm for comfort.
The middle screen switched from the live security feed to Chuck. It was a close shot, so it was hard to determine where he was.
"Hey guys. I got an alert that someone had broken into Castle. The alarm on my phone startled the air marshal sitting across the aisle, so I thought it best I head into the bathroom before he overheard what I thought might be happening. What's going on?" Chuck was trying to sound casual, but still looked concerned.
The brilliance in Sarah's smile after seeing Chuck on the screen dropped. "We tripped a security alarm? I thought we got into Castle undetected."
"It's not really an alarm, but when the computers fire up, they send an alert status to my phone. I added it to the BIOS, so there's really no way to bypass. You did a great job breaking in, Honey. So why are you all in Castle?"
Chuck was grinning again, and Morgan noticed Sarah's big smile had returned. The second honeymoon period was clearly not over. It reminded him of how they were right before Sarah moved in. If love eyeballs were weapons, this mission would already be over.
Morgan cut in, "Sorry to interrupt, but we have bad guys in the Buy More trying to break into Castle."
"Again?" Chuck groaned.
"How often did this happen?" Sarah asked.
"I can think of at least eight, wait, no at least ten times we've had bad guys at the Buy More."
Morgan said, "This time they are after the weapons cache instead of you, your mom, or a list of doubles. I don't know why they came now."
Chuck sighed. "That might be my fault. I put a notice on the CI web site saying we a scouting for another location. It asked people to sign up for an email or text alert when we open our new office and are accepting clients again. I was trying to generate buzz about our new company direction and to build up a contact list. But considering how many rouge spies seem to know about our cover location, it might have inadvertently been a sign that we are vulnerable."
"We're spies that advertise on the Internet?" Sarah asked.
"We're the spies that care," Chuck answered. "Caring unfortunately doesn't mean we don't screw up occasionally."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Sweetie. This bad guyery stuff seems like my responsibility. I've been dropping the ball the last few weeks."
"Wow, you all really get into your role playing," Anna interrupted.
"Um, what is Anna doing in Castle?" Chuck just seemed to notice her.
"Good question," Alex mumbled.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Morgan justified, "but she still doesn't seem to realize that this is all real. I think she's in shock or denial or something."
"She's still annoying," Alex added.
"Anyway, it's just us, and we need a plan to breach the Buy More, take out the bad guys, and save everyone else."
Chuck tilted his head and thought for a few seconds. "What about a Marcus Maneuver?"
"They're too spread out."
"Fibonacci feint?"
"You know I never thought that would work."
"You're right. It shouldn't be tested for the first time in the field. Winchester's Last Stand?"
"Do you really think I should have a real gun?"
"Duh, what was I thinking? You should use a multiple layered approach."
"That's that I was thinking."
"What's your idea?"
"A Domino's Delivery, a Hanging Hunt, and a Wookie, all teed up with a Lollipop, of course."
"Oooh! Good call! What about the—"
"I'll be using the Deuce."
Chuck nodded in an approving manner. "All that strategizing we did paid off. Sarah, Alex, you are both in good hands. I'll see you when I get back. Sarah, we'll probably have to stage that airport reunion some other time. Love you. And everyone, stay safe."
"Love you too, Chuck," Sarah said before Chuck clicked off. Her smile immediately dissolved into a serious expression. She was back in mission mode.
Everyone returned their focus to Morgan, but this time, with Chuck's reassurance, he was ready.
"Sarah, you're going to need to change. We know you're not shy, but the locker room is down that hall, first door on the left. Your outfit should be in the…" Morgan looked up absently and counted with his finger in the air, "…third cabinet, second shelf down. You'll know it when you see it."
"Alex, you can go lock up Anna."
"Hey!" Anna protested.
Morgan ignored her. "You were right. She's not going to be any help. Best keep her out of the way."
"You are all going to be arrested! None of this game is legal! You can't just go around shooting people and locking them up! I didn't sign a waiver!"
Alex smiled and quickly twisted Anna's arm into a lock behind her back. "Your choices have changed. Be quiet and go with me to a holding cell, get tranq'ed and dragged to a holding cell, or let Sarah show you how the real guns with the real bullets work." Anna shut up, and Alex successfully steered her to the cells.
When Alex and Sarah returned, Morgan had already gathered the gear they would need. "Ok, here's the plan."
Song: "Go Speed Racer Go" by Ali Dee and The Deekompressors – for the Segway race
A/N: Quick! Think of ten times bad guys have been in the Buy More.
All of those plans are 'real' except for the Fibonacci Feint, because it is unproven. The Marcus Maneuver is from Babylon 5 "Exogensis." Winchester's Last Stand is from Shaun of the Dead. The others… You'll have to read the next chapter.