THE PLACES BETWEEN THE STARS
Chapter 11 'Endorian Escapades' or 'Mr Mason Makes A Suggestion'
DISCLAIMER: Hi, Edie again folks. OK Mr Drake, just read what's on the vidfile screen on your PDO. That's like a cellphone on Terra. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that those came along much later. Anyway, just read from the screen on this thing OK?
First, we want to thank all the kind folks whose works and creations we have and are and soon will be using. We disclaim all rights and ownership of anything they have copyrighted and/or created. We especially want to thank anime's own Mr T, Haruka-San Takachiho for allowing us to use his Lovely Angels and Dirty Pair tales and for being gracious enough to allow us to name the Academy in his honour. That's where us cadets and trainees have to graduate from before we become tro-cons, what you'd call intergalactic cops, ma'am. Keep going, Mr Drake.
Of course, it goes without saying that we are glad to reciprocate by allowing anyone to use our own creations and it'd be nice if whoever did so would give us a plug 'cause, after all, they are our brain children, right? Now we had just begun to decide what the devil we were gonna be doing for the next month on 'Endor' a small moon several thousand lightyears from our home world of 'Shimougou'.
Seems that the pesky super criminal John Berringer had reprogrammed not only our holodecks but also most of our ship's subsystems as well! A month was what it would take for Mr 'Dynamo' and his engineers to restore the ship back to its former settings. Until then the Boss and our other higher-ups had decided it would be best not to risk even such a short voyage so we were stuck here on the undeveloped side of a very small moon! The meeting is just getting underway in our ready room so here is Chapter 11 for ya to enjoy.
"Where are the apples?" shouted the huge lovable monstrosity Ryuuk the shinigami death god until someone repped up a fresh bushel to shut him up.
"Let's get the damned food and drinks orders taken care of before we get down to this think tank discussion." suggested Fleet Admiral First Class Zachary taylor Zero whose own ship the 'Liberator' was docked belowdecks.
"Capital suggestion, chaps! I'll have a very dry vodka martini, shaken not stirred, please." replied Mr James Bond who was a direct descendant of the real MI5 agent 007 way back in Mr Mason's time era on Terra. This guy, however, was a negotiator from Pharos V.
He'd been sent for when Berringer's antics were first reported to the UG/3WA. He had arrived with no fanfare the same time we'd acquired Gina Phillips from Mr Zero. Why he was still aboard was beyond me! We already had Johnny Boy under lock and key in our Level 5 brig. Then the vidphone trilled and we found out darn fast!
Just as the din in the ready room became almost unbearable, Mr Popo's stentorian roar "Shut the Hell up! The vidphone's trillin'!' quieted everyone down. I was sitting closest to the thing so I grabbed it automatically. Nobody else seemed the least bit interested in answering it anyway. In the next few minutes, I knew the reason why!
"Let that damned piece of crap trill its fool head off dammit!" growled the Boss.
"Good morning. 3WA Angel 2. Ensign Jordan speaking. Then I recognized the speaker's voice a second before his visage filled our vidscreens! It was Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner himelf! That almost always meant bad news!
"Yeah? Ensign Jordan here. How are you this morning, Mr Garner, sir? I apologize but everyone else here is very busy at the moment. Might I take a message instead, sir?" I said sweetly when both Miss Donovan and Miss O'Halloran and even the Brigadier gave me the 'We aren't home' high sign.
It was a very valiant try like Ro Laren told me later but it sure as Hell didn't work this time. Chief Garner sounded very agitated and quite upset as well.
"NO! Put me on the speaker vids immediately and that is an order, Ensign!" he almost shrieked into my ear. I did exactly as I was told when I heard his 'no nonsense' command.
"Go ahead, Chief. Everyone in the room can hear you now." I replied after I had hit 'SV' and replaced the vidphone into its nesting slot.
"Attention! This is Garner speaking! (Duh! Like we didn't already know that?) I understand that your 'Angel 2' is going to be laid up for repairs that will take about a month. However, you people will have no time for fun and games. That means no football, Katie; no golf Mr Black (Jett); no 'Duel Monsters' on the holodecks Mr Gaara and no parties Miss Donovan. (Mr Garner had everybody's number it seemed.) You have much more important things to worry about, I fear." explained the 3WA's Big Cheese.
"That sucks, man!" yelled Rio DelCroix.
"That sucks, man, SIR." corrected Angela de Roncesvalles.
"Damn! I just knew we were gonna get screwed! What's the problem this time, Chuck?" seethed a very angry red-headed senior tro-con. Guess who folks?
Daggers of icy green flame stared balefully at our hapless chief. He made the mistake of grinning back at us.
"Now Katie, you know that I wouldn't call you in just to be annoying." he wheedled. Our own violet-maned minx vixen didn't bite on that one.
"Says who, sir?" sobbed a heart-broken Commodore who already saw her party ideas being flushed down the crapper.
Mr Garner looked unhappy and the Brigadier (Marlene Angel) came to the poor guy's rescue.
"You know that are always ready, willing and able to serve the galaxies, Chief. What's the trouble, sir?" she asked quietly.
"Just rounding up a few escaped convicts from Rygiel VII, Princess. Not really a big deal but all of our other 3WA teams are otherwise engaged on various assignments." he explained and all of a sudden the Boss's face became sombre and grim.
"Exactly when did Vicious escape (The Bebop gang perked up.) and who tagged along with the bastard?" she demanded very quietly indeed. Brace for imminent collision, guys! We all knew that all unholy Hell was about to break loose!
Mr Garner didn't bat an eyelash. He was quite used to being trumped by our own fearless leader.
"Two days ago and Khan is with them. (The Brigadier looked a question.) Some looney wizard named Aku 'tagged along' as you say with them." he replied.
"Two whole solar days and the 'ISSP' hasn't collared them yet?" asked a perplexed 1st Lt Ro Laren whose brother-in-law Ensign 1st Class R'aulle Gilgamesh was an 'enforcer' attached to the 'ISSP'. Mr Garner sighed.
"Yesterday Vicious got to Shimougou. He stole the 'LA5' and he is heading towards Endor. However, we believe that Corallia is his real destination. (Mr Garner broke down and was almost in tears, poor man.) I just have to have you, Katie! You are the only tro-con who can find him!" he whined pitifully.
"The 'LA5'? Are you back on dilythium, Charlie? We only have 4 'Angels' (patrol starships of which we were aboard #2.) and all of them are away on missions. The 'LA4' is on a special training mission with our senior cadet trainees." yelped Unit 9 Sector Chief Anton Wilhelm Gustav.
"Damned straight, Old Man." agreed Unit 237 Sector Chief Donald William Poporo whom everyone knew as Mr Popo.
Our territorial sector chief ignored the outbursts.
"The 'Lovely Angel 5' is a very special prototype (one of a kind) craft. It is the same as the first four but-" he stammered.
"but what, sir?" coaxed the Brigadier. The poor guy's face had taken on a pallor and it was now the colour of grey ashes. He really looked like he was ready to bust out sobbing and crying.
"The damned thing is a 'time ship', the same type that KR (Keitarou Riff was the Angels' godson. He was destined (In AD 2260) to be one of the first pilots in the 3WA to fly through time as well as space.) and Annie (Anne Hathaway was Chief Ella's daughter and destined to be KR's pilot partner.) will pilot later in this (23rd) Century." he replied woodenly and then he buried his face in his hands.
A trio of empty 'Galusol' bottles, an empty case of 'Hydroxylein' capsules and several assorted booze jugs littered the table in front of him. 'Galusol' is for queasy tummies and 'Hydroxylein' is a painkiller like aspirin used to be until the latter part of the 21st Century. We were shocked when we heard this bit of news!
Suddenly, 'Cowboy' Spike Steigel burst out laughing!
"Please! Control your emotions, Mr Steigel. This is a serious business!" admonished Chief of the Aquarian Galaxy Andre Francis Gooley. He was seated across the table from Mr Garner and he had his own collection of headache meds and tummy soothers in front of him.
"Sorry about that but why so glum, chums? Vicious is too damned baka (stupid) to know how to pilot that ship through time. We'll get his arse for ya, man. Any bounty on their heads yet?" chortled the tall and rangy bounty hunter from Mars. Faye Valentine and Jett Black looked eager and anxious. Mr Garner spoke without raising his head from his hands or the table.
"Don't you think that we have already thought of that, Steigel? We are not complete baka moron idiots you know. After he stole the ship, Vicious kidnapped the project's chief scientist Dr Sally as well as her time travel staff. He'll simply force them to operate the time traveling features for him." munbled the chief of the territories.
"And then, when he no longer has a need or use for them, must I draw you a picture, my friends? He is not named Vicious for nothing you know." moaned a crestfallen Chief Gooley and he too buried his face in his hands.
"He'll 'deep six' their arses?" suggested the naive Fllay Allster while Cagalli Yula Athna punched her in the arm- hard.
"OW! What'd I say, Caggie? That's what he'll do, right?" replied a not at all with it Fllay.
"Out o' the mouths o' wee bairns (babes) eh?" observed Professor Sir Hiram MacDougal who was our resident archaeologist.
"Then we just gotta catch him afore that happens, dammit!" stated 1st Lt Kome Sawaguchi who had only last week earned back those precious silver bars. How long she'd keep 'em this time was anybody's guess. The Boss Lady's face brightened.
"Dammit all, the kid's right! We're acting like we're licked before the fight's even begun! OK. We're on it, Chuckie Boy! See ya soon. O'Halloran out." she crowed. She blanked the vidscreens leaving two older gentlemen whose mouths were still agape!
"Dynamo!" she trilled or rather roared and received an immediate reply from our Chief Engineer.
"Christ Almighty, Reds! I'm gonna need hearing aids! What's the problem now? I already told you that we're gonna be stuck here on Endor for a whole month!" trilled the big guy who looked a lot like a Triceratops that had escaped from Jurassic Park.
"Ya got twelve hours and no more, Dy. I want to lift off from Endor at 2300 (11 PM) tonight. The rest of our repairs you'll have to do enroute." she trilled, toning down her rorar to a shout.
"Enroute to where exactly, Reds?" Dynamo wanted to know.
"Minerva. We're chasing Vicious. He's got a big headstart and a time ship so we can't spare the hyperdrives. He's bound for Corallia so we gotta grab him at Minerva. That's a teensy hyperjump of a mere 16K lightyears. C'mon pal, you can do that with yer eyes shut." trilled the Boss Lady.
"Only please keep your eyes open, sir." pleaded Captain Regina Phillips.
"OK. 2300tonight, Reds but keep yer speed down to 35 Warp at least until we clear Androcles VI. Dynamo out." trilled our big chief engineer. Kami knows where we picked him up!
"All hands get yer arses back to work dammit! Yuri! I need a flight crew and find Zoe (Morton)! She knows this sector better than that Trakken girl (Nyssa) does. Let's go, people! Move it! Move it! Move it! I just love it when my plans come together! You're all still here? Dismissed!" yelled Miss O'Halloran and the room cleared out faster than a Terran fire drill.
"Jordan! Phillips! Laren! I don't need no yeomen so as of now you're all gunners. (She turned to Gina and Ro.) You two get yer arses into flight togs and report to the bridge. Jordan, you're on the photons (torpedoes). Get a move on, dammit all!" she shouted and my two compadres scooted for the lift while I hot-footed it to the bridge.
A sleepy Captain Gene Starwind was seated in the pilot's chair running a pre-flight diagnostics test.
"Hullo there, Cap. I'm your new photons gal." I said with a salute while he merely grinned and pointed to the photon gunner's chair.
"Third bank of grey and green switches, kiddo. They're all yours, Edie me darlin'." he chuckled. I managed a wan smile and sat down to check out the torpedoes.
Meanwhile Gina and Ro had gone back to their rooms to change into flight gear. At least that was what Gina was doing. Ro had 'found' (swiped from Lost 'N Found') a 'morphing' bracelet. She clamped it onto her wrist, touched it and Poof! Without so much as a by your leave, she bolted up the gantryway stairs to the bridge. A moment or two later 'Sailor Moon' sat down at the controls for the disruptor cannons!
I burst out laughing and so did Gene.
"Contessa? What day do you think this is- Hall-o-we'en? You'd better get into flight gear and fast, Young Lady." he chortled.
"Serves ya right. See what happens when ya steal stuff, Lt Laren? Shame on ya!" said Rio DelCroix who was not supposed to be up here on the bridge.
"Aha! I wondered what had become of Mooney's bracelet. You grabbed it eh?" giggled Gina and she sat down at the quad guns.
"Can I play with the phasers, ma'am?" begged Rio. She's a real goofball as I think I have already mentioned.
Ichigo Kurosaki was one of our resident soul reapers gathered Rio up in his arms and carried her off the bridge for us.
"Sorry about that. Rukie (Rukia Kutchski was another soul reaper we had aboard) thought we'd find her up here. She's supposed to be cleaning stasis rifles." drawled the tall Terran teenager.
Ro had finally changed into proper flight crew attire and she resumed her seat the disruptor cannons' controls.
"Where the Hell's my damned co-pilot?" grumbled Gene Starwind.
"Right here, ol' buddy." drawled Colonel Han Solo from the doorway.
Ro was using her Mark XII disruptor cannon to bang on her console until-
Clunk! Captain Starwind spun around fast.
"What broke?" he demanded.
"Oopsy! Any of ya know where this here doohickey goes?" she asked innocently while holding up a strange looking piece of space machinery.
"Contessa! That thing's the aft starboard stabilizer!" yelped Mr Solo.
"Is it important, sir?" Ro wanted to know.
Han grabbed it out of her hands and dove under the console to reinstall it. Gene was livid.
"Important? If we ain't got it, the starboard arse end of the ship will jackknife all over the bloody cosmos, Missy! Just check your ammo and stop busin' up my bloody ship!" he groaned angrily.
"Whose ship, Cappy?" demanded guess who? The Amazon firebrand Hellcat redhead had just come onto the bridge from the navigation room next door.
"Gene meant your ship, Reds." drawled Han who was still underneath Ro's dashboard.
"Anything wrong with the controls, Pirate?" Miss O'Halloran asked anxiously. Ro Laren suddenly became very busy with her cannons checking.
"Nah. Just tightnin' up a few loose nuts and bolts and stuff is all, ma'am. There! That should do it, kids. We're good to go. Fire 'er up, ol' buddy." he said and the Boss Lady returned to the nav room.
"You are one lucky little lady, Contessa. Next time yer Uncle Han won't be coverin' yer perty arse fer ya." warned Captain Starwind sternly. The nav room door opened and Miss O'Halloran walked right over to Miss Laren's station and whispered into her ear just loud enough for all of us to hear.
"Don't bang on these consoles ever agin, Laren. Next time yer arse is gonna be grass and I'll be the bloody lawn mower. I heard that clunk clear over in my ready room. The only pieces of the ship that re set loose enough to fall out of the consoles when somebody bangs on 'em are the stabilizers. You do that again and I will personally bust yer arse all the way back down to Tro-Con 4th Class!" When she'd finished bawling her out but good, a chastised Ro Laren nodded her head quietly.
TC 4th Class? There are only three Tro-Con or Trouble Consultant classes. I asked Mr Solo about that.
"Reds means that she'll be on permanent latrine cleaning details for the duration of our voyage, Baroness. A 'PLC' gal!" he drawled into my shell-like ear.
Then all Hell broke loose and klaxons started braying like jacaronda arses all over the ship!
END of Chapter 11. Chapter 12 'Race To Minerva' or 'Vicious Gets Vile' up next and soon we hope!
Have a nice Groundhog Day folks! We loves ya all. Your friend in the 3WA Edna Jordan, Ensign 1st Class.